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    Editing Out The First Amendment

    | Lexington, KY, USA | Coworkers, Religion

    (I am a graphic artist at a newspaper. A few weeks before my friend’s picture was on the front page because her Wicca group had protested a Christian protest of a local chain video store. It’s a picture of her and two others, one of who is wearing a robe and holding G-rated signs about freedom of speech. Everyone in the office decorates their cubicles with posters, art, and items the paper had published. I print out the picture we ran and put it up on my wall. The next day it is gone. Thinking it must have fallen down and gotten mixed with all the other scrap paper in the art department I print another and the next day it is again missing. I admittedly don’t have the most tolerant coworkers, so I approach the editor.)

    Me: “[Editor], someone keeps taking my picture down.”

    Editor: “I did that. The picture was offensive.”

    Me: “We… ran it on the front page.”

    Editor: “It was offending people in the office.”

    Me: “Because they are Wiccan?”

    Editor: “It… was offending people.”

    Me: “I see. So if religious pictures are a no-no I won’t see [Coworker]’s giant portrait of Jesus at her desk?”

    Editor: “YOU WERE OFFENDING PEOPLE!”

    15 Funny Thoughts:

    15 thoughts of an office drone

    You Saved Their Bacon

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Awesome Customers, Employees, Food & Drink

    (I had placed an online order for a pizza with, among other toppings, bacon. Maybe ten minutes later, the pizza place calls.)

    Worker: “I’m so sorry about this, but there’s a problem with your order.”

    Me: “There is? What?”

    Worker: “We’re out of bacon.”

    Me: *gives a gasp as though I’m shocked to my core, then speaking normally* “Hmm. Well, do you have Canadian bacon?”

    Worker: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay, let’s get that instead.”

    Worker: “Thank you!”

    (About another fifteen minutes pass, and I go to pick up my pizza.)

    Worker: “Hey, I’m the one you spoke to on the phone. I’m really glad the Canadian bacon worked out.”

    Me: “Oh, if you didn’t have that, I would have switched to extra cheese or something. It’s no big deal.”

    Worker: “Well, we really appreciate how nice you were about it.”

    Me: “Rough day?”

    Worker: “You have no idea.”

    Me: “Oh, I probably do. I work in retail, too.”

    Worker: “Oh, you UNDERSTAND!”

    Virtua (Fire) Fighter

    | MN, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Technology

    (I’m a newly hired volunteer firefighter. Our fire station is not usually staffed, but contains several amenities such as a workout room and lounge to encourage our members to spend their free time there, thus providing faster response times for calls. I’m in the lounge playing Xbox with a friend. I’m currently terrorizing people in Grand Theft Auto when another firefighter walks in.)

    Firefighter: “What are you guys doing?”

    Me: “Practicing extrication.” *equips chainsaw and starts attacking a car with a screaming person inside.*

    Me: “HANG WITH US, SIR! WE’RE GETTING YOU OUT AS FAST AS WE CAN!”

    A Sale Is Half-Empty Kind Of Person

    | Wilmington, DE, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Math & Science

    (My mom likes to joke a lot.)

    Saleswoman: “And right now, all of our sweaters are 50% off.”

    Mom: *joking* “So if I buy one, the bottom half will just unravel?”

    Saleswoman: *completely serious* “No, actually, it means we take 50% off the price.”

    (I don’t know whether she had failed to understand my mom’s joke, or if she’d just dealt with too many customers who would have legitimately misunderstood “50% off.”)


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