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    It’s The Music That We Choose

    | Iceland | Employees, Musical Mayhem

    (For days, I have been getting calls from telemarketers. No matter how many times I say that I’m not interested, they keep calling. Even my mother can’t stop them. So, I get an idea. Whenever they call, I will mess with them by playing YouTube videos. Call one:)

    Telemarketer: “Hello. Would you like to purch—”

    (I then begin playing the Peanut Butter Jelly Time song.)

    Telemarketer: “Um… hello?”

    (The video keeps going, so the telemarketer hangs up. Call two:)

    Telemarketer: “Hello. Wou—”

    (I then start the music video ‘Bird is The Word,’ sung by Peter Griffin. Once again, they hang up. Call three:)

    Telemarketer: “Hello. Would you—”

    (I then play the music video ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ by Rick Astley. I could hear them swear as they hang up. Call four:)

    Telemarketer: “Hello. Wo—”

    (Getting tired of this, I released the big one and used the screamer sound effect in the Scary Maze Game. After the scream finished, I held the phone to my ear and began talking to them.)

    Me: “Can you still hear me?”

    Telemarketer: “Y… yes…”

    Me: “I’m tired of your crap. From now on, whenever you call me, this will be the sound you first hear. I will say this for the last time! I am NOT interested in anything you have to offer! Good bye.”

    (They stopped calling after that.)

    Shoulda Woulda Coulda

    | WI, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I work in a factory that makes paper products such as plates and napkins. This takes place between a coworker and another employee who is being trained to operate a machine. The wrapper on the machine is currently being worked on by maintenance. The operator is watching the repairs while the trainee is wandering around sweeping when he should be learning.)

    Operator: *to trainee* “You should be over here watching them fix this.”

    Trainee: *looks over and continues what he is doing*

    (About ten minutes later:)

    Operator: *to trainee* “You should really be over here watching this.”

    Trainee: *continues sweeping*

    (The operator, who I know is one of the most patient operators in the entire plant, continues working with maintenance on the wrapper until the department supervisor shows up and he has a chance to relay what happened to her.)

    Supervisor: “[Trainee], why didn’t you go over and watch what they were working on?”

    Trainee: “Well, he said I SHOULD, not that I HAVE to.”

    Don’t Pull Any Punches With God

    | MI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Religion

    (I have just finished briefly talking to one of my coworkers, who is a bit obnoxious at times. I’m headed back to my station when another coworker leans over to say something to me as I pass by.)

    Coworker: “I’m going to punch him.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Coworker: “I don’t know. I mean, God told me to do it. I have to punch him.”

    Me: “Well… I guess I can’t stand in the way of God.”

    I’ll Have An Explanation On The Side

    , | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (After a long day at work I decide I’m too tired to make dinner and opt for getting food from a well-known fast-food drive-thru on my way home.)

    Server: *over drive-thru speaker* “Hi, what can I get you?”

    Me: “Hi, could I get [Burger] as a small meal?”

    (The screen comes up with my order, saying ‘large meal.’)

    Me: “Oh, sorry, but I wanted a small meal, not a large.”

    (Screen changes to ‘medium meal’ and I decide that’s good enough.)

    Server: “What sides do you want?”

    Me: “Um… fries?”

    Server: “Which two sides do you want?”

    Me: “Um… well… fries and I take [Soda-pop] as the drink.”

    Server: “Yes, but which two sides do you want?”

    (I have no idea what he’s talking about and frantically start scanning the menus around me for a clue.)

    Server: “… Hello? What two sides do you want?”

    Me: “Ah, sorry, but what can I choose from?”

    (Silence…)

    Me: “Um, sorry? What options do I have?”

    Server: “What do you want for your two sides?”

    Me: “What can I choose from?”

    (Silence…)

    Server: “Please pull forward to pay.”

    (I am really confused at this point, pull forward, pay, and get my food soon after. When I open it up at home I look inside and see that I did get a mini cheeseburger and a box of popcorn chicken as sides. Only then do I vaguely remember an ad I had seen weeks ago about how you can create your own meal with your own sides. But why couldn’t that server just explain it to me?!)

    Joke Is Older Than He Is

    | Birmingham, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

    (I’m a woman in her mid-forties, proud to look my age.)

    Me: “Just this bottle of wine, thanks.”

    Cashier: *looking at me quizzically* “Can I see some ID, please?”

    Me: *flattered and smiling* “Here you go!”

    Cashier: “Just kidding! You’re old!”


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