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  • Don’t Just Be Married To Work
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  • A Misunderstanding Of Under-aging

    | SK, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Rude & Risque, Themed Giveaway

    (I am training a new guy in the kitchen who is in his mid-30s, almost twice my age. The boss’ daughter is employed as a waitress up front, and occasionally comes into the kitchen to bring in dirty dishes. Every time she does, the new guy stops paying attention to what I’m telling him and stares at her.)

    New Guy: “Wow, I would love to get me some of that.”

    (This goes on for a while. He looks, stares, and often has some kind of comment about her physical attributes.)

    Me: “You know that’s the boss’ daughter, right?”

    New Guy: “That doesn’t bother me.”

    Me: “How old do you think she is?”

    New Guy: *pauses and thinks for a moment* “The way I see it, as long as a girl is old enough to get into the bar it doesn’t matter.”

    Me: “Come on, guess.”

    New Guy: “22?”

    Me: “She just turned 14 last week.”

    (He never said anything about her ever again.)

    Sure Beats Going Spinning

    | Bremerton, WA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Themed Giveaway

    (One of my male coworkers has recently found out that his wife is pregnant. A female coworker and I [also female] are discussing it with him.)

    Me: “Oh, yeah, and make sure she does her kegels.”

    Coworker #1: “What’s a kegel?”

    Coworker #2: “It’s exercises for her hoo-hah.”

    Coworker #1: “What?! That exists?”

    Me: “If she wants any kind of real bladder control after the baby, she’ll wanna do them.”

    Coworker #2: “The hospital will show her how.”

    Coworker #1: *looking more and more distressed* “They’ll SHOW her?!”

    Coworker #2: “Uh, they’ll explain it to her.”

    Me: *snorts* “Yeah, they’ll demonstrate for her. ‘Just do it like this, ma’am!’” *I paste on a creepy grin, stare Coworker #1 dead in the eye, and don’t move* “See? I just did, like, 18 in a row.”

    Coworker #2: “Basically.”

    Me: “Basically.”

    Coworker #1: “Oh, my god. I need brain bleach.”

    Boss: *from outside* “WHO BROKE [COWORKER #1]?!”

    How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 5

    | Madison, WI, USA | Coworkers, Employees, Liars/Scammers, New Hires

    (I’m the general manager at a gas station. We’ve always had problems with scammers trying to activate gift cards over the phone, but lately they’ve gotten a lot more annoying. I’m working with a new hire when I answer the phone. We’re both fluent in sign language.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Store]. How can I help you today?”

    Caller: “Hi, I’m from [Company] customer support. We’ve received an automatic error report from your location, and I’m calling to confirm. Did you recently have trouble activating a gift card?”

    Me: *signs* “It’s a scammer.” *out loud* “No, not that I’ve been aware of.”

    Caller: “Hmm, that’s odd. Can you please ring up a gift card and check the activation code?”

    New Hire: *signs* “Can I mess with him? Pretty please?”

    Me: *signs* “Sure.” *out loud* “Here, let me get my manager.” *passes the phone*

    New Hire: “‘Dirty Dan’s House of Hookers,’ you got the dough and we got the blow! How can I help you today?

    Caller: *hangs up*

    (He’s a keeper!)

    Related:
    How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 4
    How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 3
    How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 2
    From Not Always Related:
    How To Win The War Against Telemarketers

    Unwarranted Unhelpfulness

    | PA, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (My mom is calling a store’s service desk.)

    Customer Service Rep: “Hello, service desk.”

    Mom: “Hello. We purchased a microwave last July and it died. We’ve contacted the manufacturers and they are sending us a reimbursement check under the manufacturers warranty. What we wanted to know is if the extended warranty that we purchased can be transferred to the new microwave that we are buying.”

    Customer Service Rep: “Well the in-store warranty on the microwave is only 90 days and so if it’s within the 90 day period… You will have to call the warranty company.”

    Mom: “Okay. What’s the name of the extended warranty company, or, can I have their phone number, please?”

    Customer Service Rep: “It is on your service contract.”

    Mom: “We did not get a service contract. When we checked out she asked if we wanted the two year extended warranty. We said yes, and she rang it up, and we left the store. She said nothing about a service contract brochure. She did not hand us anything or tell us to go to the service desk.”

    Customer Service Rep: “Oh. Well, she should have sent you to the service desk to pick up a service contract.”

    Mom: “Well, she didn’t tell us and we didn’t get one. Could you give me the telephone number of the extended warranty company so I can just call them?”

    Customer Service Rep: “I don’t know which company that would be. Did you look on the back of your user manual? It has a phone number there.”

    Mom: “Yes, I did. We called the phone number and that is the manufacturer’s phone number and not the phone number for the extended warranty. I would like the number for the folks who handle the extended service contract.”

    Customer Service Rep: “You were supposed to get an extended warranty when you checked out. They were supposed to send you to the service desk to pick up an extended warranty and then you can call and register with them.”

    Mom: “I understand that, but it never happened. She did not send us to the service desk. We did not pick up an extended warranty.” *pause* “A question?”

    Customer Service Rep: “Yes?”

    Mom: “This is the service desk, correct?”

    Customer Service Rep: “Yes, this is the service desk.”

    Mom: “Okay. Do you have the extended warranty brochure at the service desk?”

    Customer Service Rep: “Yes, I do.”

    Mom: “Could you pick one up?”

    Customer Service Rep: “Sure.”

    Mom: “Could you please read me the telephone number that is on the warranty

    brochure?”

    Customer Service Rep: “Oh, sure. The number is [number].”

    Mom: “Thank you.”

    Pajama Drama

    | Des Moines, IA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Themed Giveaway

    (I work at a nice golf course restaurant as a waiter. I’m at my table, wrapping things up. I’m a 21-year-old man.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you this evening?”

    Woman: “You can watch my kids!”

    Me: “Ooh, I’m working right now, but after work, sure. We’ll have a pajama party!”

    (Very awkward silence follows. The word ‘pizza’ was going through my head, but I changed it on the fly because, how stupid, they just ate and wouldn’t want a pizza-party while full. So I replaced ‘pizza’ with the word ‘pajama’ due to the ‘P’ sound having already escaped my mouth. I’ve never seen her or her eight- and five-year old sons since.)


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