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    Unable To Process The Price

    | England, UK | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (We are on our break and the subject of Christmas purchases come up.)

    Me: “I might pick myself up a new food mixer. My old one went up with a bang the other day.”

    Coworker: “Oh, I might have one. We just upgraded.”

    Me: “That’s great! I really didn’t want to spend a whole lot on a new one. Please bring it in with you when you can.”

    (The next day.)

    Coworker: “Here it is!”

    Me: “Err… thanks? How long have you had this?”

    Coworker: “It was a wedding present, so about 40-50 years.”

    Me: “… Okay. So, how much did you want for it?”

    Coworker: “I really wanted $200.”

    Me: “Really!? That’s as much as a new one! Are you sure you wouldn’t take less?”

    Coworker: “No, it’s a fair price. Take it or leave it.”

    (Not surprisingly, I bought the brand new mixer instead. I later heard that my coworker tried to sell it on to several of my other coworkers with the same lack of success.)

    Doesn’t Quite Cut(lery) It

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid

    (We are seated at our table promptly. The table is clean, yet missing place settings. I turn to the waiter, as he is filling our glasses, and request more ‘cutlery.’ A few minutes later he came out of the kitchen with a (very sharp) paring knife.)

    Waiter: *laying the knife in front of me* “Can you all share the knife? We only have this one.”

    Me: “No, I wanted place settings. You know, dinner knives and forks.”

    (After turning red, he grabs the knife and flees to the kitchen, apologizing.)

    Me: *to my dinner group* “I’m never using the word ‘cutlery’ again.”

    (Later, another of the kitchen staff come out and handed out butter knives to everyone. The rest of the meal was a laughable mess.)

    There Is No Spoon

    | Greenbelt, MD, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I had just bought chili, and was gathering my utensils to sit down and eat.)

    Me: “Can you refill the spoons, please?”

    Cashier: “We’re out of spoons.”

    Me: “So, how am I supposed to eat my chili?”

    Cashier: *blank stare, then points at manager*

    Manager: “What’s up?”

    Me: “How am I supposed to eat my chili if you don’t have any spoons?”

    Manager: *blank stare*

    Me: “Maybe you shouldn’t sell chili if people can’t eat it.”

    Manager: <blank stare>

    Me: “Never mind. Give me my money back. I don’t want to eat here anymore.”

    The Answer Is Black Or White House

    | NY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Politics

    (In the 1950s my grandmother took a boat from the UK to New York. Of course she had to answer questions to get through security.)

    Security: “Do you have plans to blow up the White House, madam?”

    Grandmother: “Oh, why? Is it an option?”

    Security: “Try again, madam.”

    Deaf-Defying Behavior

    | Port Aransas, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Family & Kids

    (I was born deaf. The hotel we are staying for our annual family reunion at the beach has a ‘no running’ rule, and the front desk woman comes out and yells at me, even though I wasn’t running. My dad is also at the pool, resting.)

    Me: *jumps into pool*

    Woman: *walks out to pool* “YOU! How DARE you do that! We have rules. We could kick you out! In fact, I see the manager coming over right now!”

    Dad: “Hey, knock it off! She wasn’t running, and she’s deaf. So quit being so rude and get the stick outta your a**.”

    Woman: *shocked and outraged face* “You liar! You should pay attention to your kid, and be an actual PARENT.” *walks off angrily*

    Me: *in sign* “What just happened?”

    Dad: “Not really sure. I’ll tell you later.”

    (Later that night.)

    Me: *walks past front desk with sister and cousins, talking with them*

    Woman: “I knew it! You’re not deaf. I can hear you talking. I know for a fact deaf people can’t talk!”

    Me: *rolls eyes* “Just because I can talk doesn’t mean I’m not deaf. And just because you can talk doesn’t mean you can say stupid things.” *takes off my cochlear implant, shows her*

    Woman: *gives me a glare full of hatred*

    Me: *smiles sweetly, put implant back on, calls her bitch in sign language, and turns to relatives*

    Woman: “WHAT DID YOU SAY?”

    Me: “Have a good night! Or is that what you’re supposed to say to your guests?” *walks away*

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