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  • Putting The Brakes On This Scam
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  • It’s An Ill Bird That Fouls Its Own Nest

    | England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m working alone with my manager one night about 10 minutes before we close. I hear the fryers react as though something’s been dropped in. It’s summer, so we have all the doors and windows open, but the kitchen has none so I am confused. I go to check, and find a bird seems to have fallen in.)

    Me: “[Manager], are you free? Can you come here a second?”

    Manager: *walking in* “What is it?”

    Me: *I point out the bird* “We need to change the oil.”

    Manager: “Seriously? It’s 10 minutes before close. We’ll be here an extra half hour if we do it now!”

    Me: “It has to be done.”

    (The manager huffs, then fishes the deep-fried bird out with a pair of tongs and throws it in the bin.)

    Manager: “Sorted. You can clean it out tomorrow.”

    Me: “I’m off until Thursday.” *it’s currently Monday*

    Manager: *getting annoyed* “Do it Thursday, then!”

    Me: “You want to leave the fryers for three days with oil that bird has been in?”

    Manager: “The heat will kill off the germs. Don’t worry about it.”

    (And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of how I quit my first job.)

    Telling You Until You’re Bleu In The Face

    | USA | Employees, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (When I was 10 I really liked bleu cheese. I was excited when they were giving samples at a store.)

    Me: “Mommy, can I go get some bleu cheese?”

    Mom: “Sure, honey. Go right ahead.”

    Employee: *guarding the sample tray as I am trying to reach* “You won’t like this. It is bleu cheese.”

    Me: “But I like bleu cheese.”

    Employee: “No. It is a grown-up food.”

    Mom: “Honey, what’s the matter?”

    Employee: “Your daughter is being rude to me.”

    Me: “All I said was that I like bleu cheese.”

    Employee: “No, she doesn’t. No kid likes bleu cheese.”

    Mom: “My daughter has a wide palate. She likes bleu cheese.”

    Employee: “No, she doesn’t. She probably just says that to you.”

    Mom: “No. She eats it a lot.”

    (Mom takes two and gives one to me.)

    Employee: “Oh. I guess she actually likes bleu cheese.”

    Makes You Smile Like The Cheshire Cat

    | Decatur, GA, USA | Awesome Workers, Pets & Animals

    (I am a 20-year-old college student, and have noticed a small black kitten around our campus. After watching him for a while, my friend and I confirm that he is a stray. We decide to trap him and take him to a shelter to get him looked at. We have just been told that they can’t take him, but they will give us some medication to give him.)

    Me: “So, these two today and the other in a week?”

    Employee: “Yeah. Just be careful giving it to him.”

    Me: “I will! So, how much do I owe ya?”

    Employee: “Nothing.”

    Me: *stunned* “R-really?”

    Employee: “Yeah. It’s a good thing you’re doing. Most people wouldn’t, especially if they’re a college student.”

    Me: “W-well… I couldn’t just leave him! He’s a kitten. But… thank you so much!”

    Employee: “It’s no problem. Good luck!”

    (We got the little kitten to a shelter the next day. He was named Midnight and got looked after and rehabilitated. As a broke college student trying to save a kitten’s life, I couldn’t thank this guy enough. He restored my faith in humanity!)

    In Real Hot Sauce Now

    | Washington, DC, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I stop by a popular sub shop before a meeting one night. All goes well until we get to the condiments. The girl helping me has been working here a while, so I know she’s familiar with how it all works.)

    Worker: “And what else would you like on that?”

    Me: “Ranch, please.”

    Worker: *slowly reaches for the sriracha sauce, which is a hot sauce: very much the opposite of ranch*

    Me: “No. The ranch, please.”

    Worker: *looks at me and then keeps going for the sriracha*

    Me: “I said ranch, please!”

    Worker: *picks up the sriracha and looks at me again before covering the sub in sriracha sauce*

    Me: “Uh, I said ranch several times.”

    Worker: *looks down at the sub* “Oh… I don’t know why I did that.”

    Me: “Me, neither.”

    Saying It Over And Ovarian

    | Long Beach, CA, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Religion

    (I have to have a hysterectomy due to severe endometriosis and ovarian cysts. I am literally slowly bleeding to death. I am 42, and I never had or wanted children. The disease has rendered me completely sterile, so the point is moot. As I’m checking into the hospital for pre-lab work, the nurse examining me chirps in.)

    Nurse: “You know this surgery will make you sterile?”

    Me: “Yes, I know, but I’m already sterile from the disease anyway.”

    Nurse: “That means you can’t have a baby.”

    Me: “Fine, I know. I don’t want any.”

    (This goes on back and forth until the nurse is practically shouting at me about how a hysterectomy means that I ‘can’t make widdle adowable babieeees.’ Once all the lab work is done, I high-tail it out of there, thinking that the nurse is a few bricks shy of a load. Fast forward to four days later, the morning of my surgery. Sure enough, it’s that same nurse.)

    Nurse: “You realize you won’t be able to have children after the surgery?”

    Me: “Yes, I know. I never wanted any. Never will.”

    Nurse: “Are you sure you don’t want to have one before the surgery? We can tell the doctor you want to postpone the operation!”

    Me: “I am having the surgery to save my life as I keep hemorrhaging! I know I won’t have a child after they remove my uterus, Fallopian tubes, and ovaries. I’m sterile now. I’ve always been sterile, and I do NOT want a baby!”

    Nurse: *huffs at me* “Well! You know your godly duty as a woman is to have children! You’re going to Hell!”

    (Yup, I reported her to my surgeon before I went under the knife and I didn’t see that nurse for the rest of my hospital stay.)


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