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    I’ll Just Take The Other 90% Thanks

    | Springfield, MO, USA | Liars/Scammers, Money

    (My dad has answered a call informing him that he won some money through PCH. However, once the caller tells my dad that he has to put down ten percent of the total winnings, my dad is quick to hang up. This is the next day when my dad answers the phone for a second time.)

    Caller: “Sir, may I ask why you hung up on us yesterday after being informed that you are our $500,000 winner?”

    Dad: “Well, as I understood taxes are taken out of the amount at the end of the year, not when we are given the money and I just don’t believe you-”

    Caller: “Well, f*** you, jack-a**!” *click*

    Freedom To Give Stupid Answers

    | Salem, OR, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Politics

    (My manager and a coworker are looking from another person to help process cash.)

    Manager: “Is [Coworker] free?”

    Me: “We’re ALL free. This is ‘Murica.”

    Missing Out A Slight Sprite Detail

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I’m in the drive-thru of a popular fast food chain and have just pulled up to give my order.)

    Me: “Can I get a medium #10 with a Sprite and a—”

    Employee: “A #10 with Sprite?”

    Me: “Yes, and a [Sandwich], too.”

    Employee: “A Sprite?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Employee: “A SPRITE?”

    Me: “…Yes?”

    Employee: “A SPRITE?!”

    Me: “YES!”

    (I got a Coke.)

    Lost In The Game Of Life

    | Newport, KY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees

    Me: *running through the restaurant on a busy Friday night* “I don’t want to play waitress anymore!”

    I’ve Gotta Get Out Of Displace

    | TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Food & Drink

    (I frequently go into a nearby ice cream parlor for a ‘hand-packed’ bucket of ice cream, which the attendant fills after you select the size and flavor.)

    Me: “Hi, I’d like a 1lb. 8oz. container of [flavor].”

    Attendant #1: “What size?”

    Me: “…1lb. 8oz.”

    Attendant #1: “We don’t have that.”

    Me: “…Medium?”

    Attendant #1: “We don’t have a medium. Do you want a pint?”

    Me: “Does your pint weight 1lb. 8oz.?”

    Attendant #1: “Why would I know that?”

    Me: “Because the sizes on your menu are listed by weight.”

    Attendant #1: “…So you want a quart then?”

    Me: “Please show me the sizes of container you have.”

    (Attendant #1 holds up three buckets.)

    Me: “Okay, I would like the medium one.”

    Attendant #1: “All right.”

    (Weeks later:)

    Me: “Hi, I would like a 1lb. 8oz. container of [flavor].”

    Attendant #2: “Is… is that the half-gallon?”

    Me: “It’s the medium.”

    Attendant #2: “Okay…”

    (Days later:)

    Me: “Hi, I would like the 1lb. 8… I would like a medium container of [flavor].”

    Attendant #1: “We don’t got medium.”

    Me: “You’re out of containers?”

    Attendant #1: “No, we don’t carry mediums.”

    Me: “The median of the three sizes on the menu?”

    Attendant #2: “Menu’s wrong. We only have two sizes now.”

    Me: “…Are either of those sizes the same size as the buckets that were medium earlier this week?”

    Attendant #2: “Same buckets even!”

    Me: “…and they are now?”

    Attendant #2: “Small.”

    Me: “May I have a small, please?”

    Attendant #1: “Sure.”

    (Epilogue: they’re considering ceasing sale of the large size, because nobody buys them, because it’s inexplicably significantly more expensive per ounce than the smaller containers… and they still haven’t fixed their menu.)

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