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    The Great Gummi Massacre

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Movies & TV

    Me: “Looks like another movie let out. Want me to go in and clean it?”

    Manager: “Dunno. There weren’t a lot of customers in there.”

    Me: “Yeah, but sometimes just a handful of people will leave a big mess.”

    Manager: “True. Go in there and check, and if there is a mess, go and clean it.”

    (I go in and come back out about a minute later.)

    Manager: “How was it?”

    Me: *as I grab a broom and dustpan* “Gummi bears… lying here and there and everywhere…”

    A Look That Could Shatter Glass

    | Germany | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Employees

    (I’m ordering a burger combo. The restaurant currently has a promotion for free coke glasses with each combo running, but I’m not interested in the glasses.)

    Cashier: “And here are your glasses.”

    Me: “No, thanks, I don’t want them.”

    Cashier: “All right.” *starts putting the glasses back*

    Lady Behind Me In Line: “Can I have them instead?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    Cashier: *takes the glasses back before I can take them* “No, you can’t have them. They’re for the combo only. I need to put those into the computer.”

    Me: “…All right, give me the glasses, then.”

    Cashier: “No.”

    Random Person In The Next Line: “Here you go!” *hands his combo glasses to the lady behind me*

    (The cashier looked furious.)

    Needs A Moral Screening

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Health & Body

    (I have started seeing a gynecologist in order to be prescribed birth control. I still see him annually for renewals and pap smears. My gynecologist is male, which I wouldn’t mind otherwise, but he is very old, old-timey and set in his ways.)

    Gynecologist: “Sex is between a man and a woman, a penis and a vagina. No mouths, no fingers, none of that!”

    (This was on my first visit, after telling him that at the time I had been having frequent UTI’s. I was in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship at the time.)

    Fostering New Feelings Towards Cats

    | USA | Employees, Pets & Animals

    (I’m not sure if I want a cat, so I decide to foster one first. The lady who runs the cat rescue sends me a cat who is very sweet but half feral.)

    Lady: “How’s [Cat] doing?”

    Me: “Oh, she’s great! Very energetic.”

    Lady: “That’s great. Listen, I’ll need you to bring her to [Pet Store], so that we can show her around to potential adopters.”

    Me: “All right!”

    (I hang up and get the cat carrier out. The cat takes one look at it, seems to realize what I’m doing, and hides under the bed. Nothing I do makes her come out. After hours of trying, my phone rings.)

    Lady: “Where are you?!”

    Me: “I, uh, don’t know how to say this, but the cat has hidden herself under my bed and won’t come out! I don’t know what to do!”

    Lady: *sighs* “Hang on, I’ll be right there.”

    (The lady arrives after a few minutes and I show her where the cat is hiding. The cat hisses loudly when the lady tries to drag her out, and then lets out this horrible scream that makes my ears ring.)

    Lady: “Yowch!”

    Me: “Are you okay?! You’re bleeding!”

    Lady: “She… got me good. All right, you don’t need to bring her.”

    (The lady left before I could offer her a bandage. The cat calmed down, and was back to her sweet self again. Still, I was happy when she was adopted by someone else and decided that cats are not for me!)

    Velociraptor-Free Workplace


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