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    Causing A Stink With Your Customers

    | OH, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Rude & Risque

    (I drive a propane delivery route. This customer’s cylinder rack is located behind their business.)

    Customer: *over intercom* “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello. I have a delivery of gas for your rear.”

    Customer: *prolonged silence*

    Me: “I’m so sorry.”

    Someone Is About To Be Fired

    | UK | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

    (My boss and I are travelling in the boss’s car when the boss gets a phone call that comes through the car speakers.)

    Boss: “Hello?”

    Coworker: “Hey. It’s me, [Coworker].”

    Boss: “Hello, [Coworker]. What do you want?”

    Coworker: “Uh, do you want the good news or the bad news?”

    Boss: “The good news first, please.”

    Coworker: “Well, the good news is, the fire’s out.”

    No Bad Pennies In This Bunch

    | Tampa, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Math & Science, Money

    (I usually go through the drive thru to get my morning breakfast and coffee. After I place my order…)

    Cashier: “Your total is only 963 pennies! We’ll have that ready for you at the window.”

    (I pull up to the window.)

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry. I seem to have misplaced all 963 of my pennies. Will you accept my $10 bill instead?”

    Cashier: “Well… I guess I’ll make an exception. But only because you’re such a great customer!”

    Police Work Is Child’s Play, Part 3

    | Miami, FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees

    (I am with my boyfriend at a hotel, checking ourselves in. I am 21 and he is 23. I also have to list my date of birth to check with security details. I am average size.)

    Receptionist: “Okay. Is this your date of birth?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    (The receptionist looks bewildered, but still lists it down and gives us a key. We’re unpacking in the room when the door is banged on rather loudly.)

    Boyfriend: “I’ll answer.”

    (He opens and two burly security guards answer. One of them stands right in front of my boyfriend while the other comes to me.)

    Security Guard #1: “[Boyfriend's Name]?”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah?”

    Security Guard #1: “I need to see you. Now.”

    (My boyfriend gets taken out of the room as the second security guard sits down on my boyfriend’s bed and talks to me. I am extremely nervous and concerned.)

    Me: “Where’s my boyfriend going?”

    Security Guard #2: “Manager’s office. The receptionist needs to identify him and then the police are coming. Now, we need your parents’ number. Do you know it?”

    Me: “Listen, what exactly are you asking for? What’s he done wrong?”

    Security Guard #2: “We just need some confirmation. The receptionist said you gave your date of birth.”

    Me: “Yeah. I’m 21.”

    Security Guard #2: *surprised* “Really?”

    (He gets a walkie-talkie radio out. I can hear what’s on the other end.)

    Security Guard #2: “Er, [Manager], how old EXACTLY did [Receptionist] say she was?”

    Manager: “She said 11.”

    Security Guard #2: “Well, I’ve got a young woman here who looks 18 at the least.”

    Manager: “[Receptionist], how old is she?”

    Receptionist: “She put her year of birth as 1992! That’s 11 years ago!”

    Manager: “That’s 21 years ago! How ON EARTH could you think a 21-YEAR-OLD WOMAN was 11? To make this even more stupid, the boyfriend had to write his year of birth down, too!”

    Me: “Seriously?”

    (When we get downstairs, I see the receptionist looking VERY embarrassed and the manager frowning. My boyfriend is blushing.)

    Security Guard #2: “[Receptionist]? You know every guest booking in writes their date of birth. That guy is not much older, so why would you think they BOTH put children’s ages?”

    Receptionist: “I thought he was trying to trick me.”

    (I almost laugh, since my boyfriend is over six feet, has a few days’ growth of beard and an incredibly deep voice. The manager is just so glad he wasn’t involved in a molestation ring or anything so he didn’t charge us for that night!)

    Police Work Is Child’s Play, Part 2
    Police Work Is Child’s Play

    Driving Home The Punch Lines

    | Bloomington, IN, USA | Awesome Workers, Transportation

    (Having lived in a large city most of my life, I am pleasantly surprised at how friendly the bus drivers are in the university town I have moved to.)

    Bus Driver: *calling out stops through a microphone* “Hunter Ridge! Hunter Ridge Apartments!” *in a distinctive southern Indiana accent* “Can anyone tell me why they call them apartments when everyone lives all stuck together?”

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