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    Enough To Nurse A Grudge

    | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Health & Body

    (I work at a kitchen of a nursing home. I am walking to another side of the building to pass out snacks when I see a resident trying to stand up from her wheelchair. Three nurses are standing next to her gossiping and not paying attention. The resident almost falls forward when I run fast as I can and catch her and put her back to her chair.)

    Me: “Where do you want to go, [Resident]?”

    Resident: “I want to go and watch the movie, but they parked my wheelchair and I don’t know how to move it now.”

    Me: “I’ll go take you to the movie room.”

    (I go and take her to the movie room, and I go back to the nurses.)

    Nurse #1: “—did you see that fat girl run?!”

    Nurse #2: *laughing* “Yeah, I know!”

    Me: *now angry* “You guys should have paid attention to her! She almost fell!”

    Nurse #1: “Oh, she falls all the time!”

    (Two of the three nurses got fired because the head nurse overheard. The head nurse also told me to come to her when I am done with nursing school and I can have a nursing job.)

    Should Have A Brain Scan

    | CA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (This takes place in the early ‘90s. Our office has changed computer systems and has new terminals. On the front of the terminal is a green power light.)

    Coworker #1: “What’s the light for?”

    Coworker #2: “It is a retinal security system. You have to put your eye to it each time you login: morning, lunch, or break.”

    (A week later.)

    Supervisor: “[Coworker #1], what the f*** are you doing with your eye to the terminal?!”

    Something Fishy About Those Stories

    | CA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working as a technician, part of a technical staff. I have one coworker who is known far and wide as a teller of tall tales. I’d simply had enough of his lies, so one day as several of us sit for lunch I decide to dish it back to him.)

    Coworker: “… and back home I did a lot of fishing. I once caught a 10 pound crappie!”

    (The world record for crappie size is 5 lbs, 3 oz. I decided to step in at this point.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker], want to hear a real bit of trivia?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, what?”

    Me: “Do you know where sushi was first developed?”

    (My boss was furiously motioning me not to do this, but I just grinned and continued.)

    Coworker: “No, where?”

    Me: “In Milwaukee!”

    (Everyone jumps as the coworker slaps the tabletop.)

    Coworker: “I KNEW that!”

    In Your Darkest Extra Hour

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal

    (I’ve already worked the daily maximum hours allowed at my job when this occurs.)

    Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], I’m gonna need you to come in for a couple of hours to cover [Another Coworker].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, man, I can’t. I’m already maxed out. I’ll be in tomorrow, though.”

    Coworker: *typing in the background* “It’s cool. I just fixed it so you can come in. I erased the last few hours you worked so you should be cool to do what I need.”

    Me: *in disbelief* “You just erased a few hours off my timecard? Do you know how illegal that is?”

    Coworker: “Oh, relax. Who’s gonna find out anyway?”

    Me: “How about [Boss] when she shows up tomorrow morning?”

    Coworker: “You worry too much; she’ll never know. And besides, it’s my word against yours, anyway.”

    Me: “No, it’s actually your word against mine; the surveillance system, and the recording of this call that will prove to [Boss] who’s telling the truth.”

    Coworker: “…”

    Me: “Also, just so you know, those are both backed up off-site and can only be accessed by [Boss] or her boss.”

    Coworker: “…”

    (Oddly enough, for some reason, that coworker mysteriously quit before the start of next shift.)

    You Can’t Fix Stupid


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