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    No One Should Take A Bite Of His Bark

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Rude & Risque

    (I’m in my supervisor’s office discussing a computer issue when he interrupts me to show me a photograph he took of a vintage wood paneled station wagon.)

    Me: “That looks nice.”

    Supervisor: “Think the other guys want to see it?”

    Me: “Sure, why not.”

    (The supervisor yells out into the work area.)

    Supervisor: “Hey, any of you guys want to see my woody?”

    From the work area: “Not in a million years!”

    Sealed With A Kiss

    | Mobile, AL, USA | Employees, Family & Kids

    (I am working, when my husband and kids drop by to bring me some food and a drink. As they walk in, a young man and his girlfriend walk in behind them. Being that they are customers, and my hubby and kids will just browse, I address the customers first.)

    Me: “Hi guys! Anything I can help you with?”

    (They shake their heads no, and start looking at the racks. I turn my attention to my kids and speak quite loudly.)

    Me: “Where’s my kiss?”

    (The young man’s head swiftly turns to look at me and goes red; the girlfriend is glaring at me.)

    Me: “My kids! I meant my kids!”

    Peppered With Confusion, Part 2

    | New York, NY, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My friend and I are at a popular sandwich shop. My friend is at the final part of her order.)

    Friend: “May I have pepper and salt?”

    (The worker looks at my friend with a confused look on his face. He doesn’t move.)

    Friend: “Sir? Pepper and salt?”

    (The worker slowly reaches his hand towards the green bell peppers, with the same confused look on his face.)

    Friend: “No! Not that pepper. The pepper and salt, like—I can’t even…”

    (The worker reaches his hand once more towards the green peppers. My friend at this point just starts whimpering. I try to chime in.)

    Me: “No, not peppers, like you know, you shake it on?”

    (A coworker looks over.)

    Coworker: “Dude! She means the salt and pepper!”

    Worker: “Oh! Why didn’t you just say that?”

    Related:
    Peppered With Confusion

    Forget The Haters ‘Cause Somebody Loves Ya

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Coworkers, Musical Mayhem, Technology

    (While walking back to my office, one of my users stops me and asks for help with his computer.)

    Me: “What can I help you with, [Name]?”

    User: “Well, I’m trying to watch this video online, and it’s not loading past the first couple of minutes.”

    (I take a look at the screen, and notice that he’s trying to watch a Miley Cyrus video.)

    Me: “Dude, really? Miley Cyrus?”

    User: “But it’s a catchy tune!”

    Me: “The plague was also catchy and look at how that ended.”

    Glad We Straightened That Out, Part 2

    | NJ, USA | Bigotry, Coworkers

    (The lunch rush has just passed, so my coworkers and I are chatting a bit. I am new to this job, and have only been working there for a week. I’m a woman.)

    Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], are you into black guys?”

    (He is not black, and neither are any of our other coworkers, so I have no idea why he’s even asking me this.)

    Me: “Sorry, what?”

    Coworker: “Would you ever date a black guy?”

    Me: “Uh yeah, sure. One of my ex-girlfriends was black, but what does race have to do—”

    Coworker: “Whoa hold up! You dated a girl?”

    Me: “Yeah, I’m bisexual.”

    (My coworker starts shaking his head.)

    Coworker: “No.”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Coworker: “I don’t believe in bisexuality. Either you’re gay or you’re straight. Bisexuals are just secretly gay, having a bit of fun, or confused.”

    Me: “Um, dude, no. I can tell you that I like both men and women.”

    Coworker: “No! You’re just confused! If you’re f***** by the right guy, you’d realize that you’re straight!”

    Me: “Are you serious right now? So let me get this straight: you’ve known me for four days, and you know nothing about my personal life, and you think you know my own sexuality better than I do? If that’s not the most conceited thing I’ve ever heard, then I don’t know what the f*** is.”

    Coworker: *shuts up and leaves me alone*

    Related:
    Glad We Straightened That Out


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