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    Top Secret, Bottom Service

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Food & Drink

    (I’m a limousine driver. I pick up an assignment, who turns out to be the CEO of a major fast food chain. His destination is the airport, but he requests to stop at a couple local stores to do some secret shopping on the way out.)

    Passenger: “Do you know where the nearest [Store Name] is?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Would you like me to take you there?”

    Passenger: “Yes, please.”

    (I take him to the store, which has a reputation of extremely poor service. He gets out of the car and I wait. Ten minutes later, I know what’s up. Fifteen minutes later, he comes out with his order and gets back in the car.)

    Passenger: “That had to be the worst service I have gotten from any of the restaurants I’ve been in.”

    (I keep my schadenfreude in check; the head honcho got the same lousy service that the locals have been getting for years. As we depart for the airport, he proceeds to open his bag.)

    Passenger: “They forgot my chips!”

    Taking A Holiday From Reason, Part 2

    | Poughkeepsie, NY, USA | Employees, Holidays, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (It is approaching the holidays. My mom is buying a gift for someone. We are Jewish.)

    Cashier: “Would you like a gift receipt?”

    Mom: “Yes, please.”

    Cashier: “Is this a Christmas Present?”

    Mom: “No. It’s for Chanukah.”

    Cashier: “You’re Jewish?”

    Mom: “Yes.”

    Cashier: *shocked* “Really?”

    Mom: “Yes.”

    Cashier: “So you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving?”

    Related:
    From NotAlwaysRight
    Taking A Holiday From Reason

    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 15

    | SK, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (My husband’s boss isn’t the most tech savvy person. He’s asked my husband to figure out how he can change his current home sound system to a wireless sound system. It’s not part of my husband’s job but it’s a slow afternoon so he does the research.)

    Husband: “After checking everything out it should cost around $3000 for you to upgrade to a wireless system.”

    Boss: “No, that can’t be right. I read online you can change what you have.”

    Husband: “No. You’ll need to purchase a whole new system. If you want the same set up that you have now it’ll cost around three thousand.”

    Boss: “No. I read on the internet you buy that wireless box thing and you cut the wires on the speakers and leave about 3 inches bare and it’ll pick up the signals.”

    Husband: “…pick up the signals?” *deep breath* “So, lets say this worked. How would the speakers know whether it should be picking up the left or right signal for the speaker?”

    Boss: “If it’s a left speaker it’ll know what to do.”

    (After much explaining that went nowhere, his boss was still convinced that he could just buy a ‘wireless box’ and strip some wires to upgrade his five year old sound system. Not to mention he wanted it completely wireless! NO power cables or anything! Somehow this man runs a business.)

    Related:
    From NotAlwaysRight
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 14
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 12
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 11

    Hellish Working Conditions

    | MI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Religion

    (Our office has gone through substantial cutbacks in recent years, even though our business has expanded. This has meant a lot more work for the remaining staff. It has put us all under some strain. A recent memo from upper management announcing a new labor-intensive policy was met with groans from most, and a loud outburst from one coworker noted for being… twitchy.)

    Coworker #1: “And Pharaoh said, ‘Don’t give the Israelites any more straw, but force them to make as many bricks as before! They are lazy, demanding to sacrifice to their god! Make them work harder, so they keep working!’”

    Coworker #2: *quietly, to me* “What’s he going on about?”

    Me: “It’s from the Bible. Exodus. He’s comparing us to slaves in Egypt, and the VP to Pharaoh. With his beard, I guess he’s Moses.”

    Coworker #1: “…and Rehoboam said, ‘My father laid a heavy yoke on you, I will make it heavier! My father chastised you with whips, I will chastise you with scorpions!’”

    Me: “And now he’s moved on to 2nd Kings…”

    Coworker #2: “If he brings a scorpion to work, I’m quitting.”

    There Are Verse Places To Work

    | CA, USA | Awesome Workers, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Language & Words, Top

    (Our office is filled with IT people, which means we may be working odd hours or away from the office. As a result, we keep each other updated through email. One of my coworkers has worked late one night, and discovered her car had a flat tire. This is how she informed our office that she’d be late the next day:)

    Coworker #1:
    “A large metal rod has been found,
    In between my car’s wheel and the ground.
    Though the car’s not at fault,
    The dramatic result,
    Is the tire is no longer quite round.”

    (I am the first to read the email. I feel I have to respond appropriately… in haiku.)

    Me:
    “When road debris strikes,
    There is but one thing to do:
    Curse the parking lot.”

    (This opens the floodgates.)

    Coworker #2:
    “I feel for you and I believe you’re wronged,
    And blame your car for wheels are not its strength.
    I would go on in this same vein at length,
    But on my desk my daily tasks are thronged.”

    Coworker #3:
    “Blame not the victim of dread circumstance,
    Are you at fault should something prick your toe?
    The tire is deflated enough by chance,
    Puff it to round and watch [Name's] best car go!”

    (The CEO of our company then joins in, who is not to be outdone.)

    CEO:
    “The happy tire revolves the live-long day,
    Never to give [Name] cause for slightest care,
    But meeting rod, is punctured; losing air,
    Becomes a cause of grief and great delay.

    And now the tire that once was round and gay,
    Is flat and [Name] must seek for quick repair.
    She takes her car a new direction where,
    She finds relief but fears the price to pay.

    For tires purchased must installed be,
    And lo the seller will total cost:
    Not just for tire but all the special care,
    To balance, mount plus tax, recycling fee…
    Gives cause to ponder all that has been lost,
    Not seeing rod in road and driving there.”

    (Finally, after getting her tire fixed, the first coworker sends a short message.)

    Coworker #1: “I pity my friends who work at ‘normal’ companies with ‘normal’ people.”


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