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    Atruficially Incorrect

    | Mansfield, OH, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I’ve been working in my store’s bakery for less than a year, so I’m not familiar with all our seasonal items. With Easter coming up, we’ve started making hot cross buns. They smell amazing, but I don’t like raisins so I check the ingredients label. A few minutes later, the store manager wanders by.)

    Me: “Hey, [Manager].”

    Manager: “Hey, [My Name].”

    Me: “Hey, do you know if there’s like… someone who gets paid to make our ingredients labels? And if so can I have their job?”

    Manager: “Um. Why?”

    Me: “Because I don’t think ‘enzumes‘ and ‘atruficial flavors‘ are a thing.”

    When Daleks Move Out

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words

    (Though English is my native tongue, I’m also fluent in several other languages and sometimes get my words mixed up. I’m moving out of my flat and I need to find a new tenant to take over my room. This exchange happens when I try to tell the landlord about my progress.)

    Me: “So, I advertised the room online and I got loads of responses!”

    Landlord: “Oh wow! Good job.”

    Me: “Thanks! Some of them weren’t good matches though, so I had to exterminate them.”

    Landlord: “… What?”

    Me: “Wait, no! I mean eliminate! You know, cross them off the list!”

    (I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m a murderer now…)

    Different Strokes Of Humor

    | WA, Australia | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I am scanning documents and notice a horribly funny acronym. One of my colleagues are walking past me.)

    Me: “Are you immature?”

    Colleague: “Of course.”

    (I show them the document. Immediately they cover their mouth and laugh.)

    Colleague: “No way.”

    Me: “Yes way. IFAP.”

    Colleague: “Well, at least you’re honest.”

    Makes You Wanna Pop

    , | Southfield, MI, USA | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as a delivery driver for a major pizza chain. I have an exchange between me and one of the managers.)

    Me: “We’re getting seriously low on pop in the cooler.”

    Manager: “What about the pop cooler?”

    Me: “We’re getting seriously low on pop. The cooler needs to be filled.”

    Manager: “What’s wrong with the pop cooler? Is it broken?”

    Me: “No! The cooler is fine! We are getting extremely low on ALL pop!”

    Manager: “What do we need in the pop cooler?”

    Me: “… Duck…”

    Manager: “There should be plenty in the walk-in.”

    Me: “… Duck? Seriously…?”

    Manager: “Yeah, we’ll get it. Take your delivery.”

    (A half hour later, after my return from a delivery:)

    Manager: “Hey! The pop cooler is empty! Why didn’t you tell me?”

    When Coworking Is Not Working

    , | OH, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (Our manager is in a fit because a coworker who is known to try to get out of working just called in to say that he needed a ride from the hospital. Both coworkers who can get him there can’t; one just clocked on and the other can’t clock off until he is at the store. My coworker who can’t clock off is panicking and crying because she needs to go to an event right at the time she is supposed to clock off.)

    Coworker: “I am so angry! Why did [Other Coworker] not get a ride from his friend?”

    Me: “He’s just stupid.”

    Coworker: “I know, but he makes me so mad!” *starts pacing* “I want to rip out my hair!”

    Me: *walks over to drink station* “[Beverage]?”

    Coworker: “I just— What?”

    Me: “Do you drink [Beverage]?”

    Coworker: “Yes.”

    Me: *fills up a kids cup with [Beverage] and hands it to coworker* “There, there, now, [Coworker]. Drink. Don’t pull your hair out. Drink and imagine pulling [Other Coworker]’s hair out.”

    Coworker: *drinks slowly*

    Me: “Better?”

    Coworker: *throws cup away* “Much. Although, I’m scared now about how you knew that would work.”

    Me: “I’ve worked here six months longer than you. That’s six more months of [Other Coworker] than you…”


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