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    Clerks

    | UT, USA | Employees, Movies & TV

    (I hear an exchange between two employees in a DVD rental store.)

    Clerk #1: *yells across the store* “Hey dude, any idea when the new Thor movie comes out?”

    Clerk #2: *yells so the entire store can hear* “How the f*** should I know? I hate movies!”

    Shurikens On Aisle Three

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners

    (My boss’ office is out by the back dock, at the end of a narrow corridor covered by security cameras that are viewed in the office. I’m walking down this corridor to ask her a question.)

    Me: *sticks head in door* “Hey, boss—”

    (My boss screams and whips her head around.)

    Boss: “Don’t do that!”

    Me: “What?”

    Boss: “Don’t scare me like that! I didn’t know you were coming!”

    Me: “What do you mean? There are cameras down the whole corridor!”

    Boss: “I didn’t hear you coming! Admit it; you’re a ninja!”

    Me: “…yes boss, I’m a ninja. Now, about aisle three…”

    Going Red About The Green

    | NJ, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My mom decides to get pies from the bakery around the corner. When she gets home, my mom decides to take a peek at the pumpkin pie, and discovers that the entire surface is a sickly shade of green. Needless to say, she goes to return it.)

    My Mom: “Hi, I’d like to return this pie.”

    Cashier: “Sure, what seems to be the issue?”

    (My mom opens the box and shows it to the cashier, and the cashier flies into a rage.)

    Cashier: “That’s not one of our pies!”

    My Mom: “I assure you it is. I ordered it here.”

    Cashier: “THAT’S NOT ONE OF OUR PIES! YOU BOUGHT THAT SOMEWHERE ELSE AND YOU’RE TRYING TO GET A REFUND HERE! I’LL SHOW YOU ONE OF OUR PIES!”

    (The cashier comes out of the back with a box, and without looking at it, opens it, and shoves it into my mom’s face.)

    Cashier: “SEE? THIS IS WHAT OUR PIES LOOK LIKE!”

    (The cashier notices my mom’s incredulous expression, because she flips over the box, only to find an identical, green pie staring back at her. Needless to say, we don’t get pies there any more.)

    October Themed Story Giveaway Reminder: Liars & Scammers!

    | Not Always Working | Announcements, Liars/Scammers, Theme Of The Month
    Want to win A Not Always Working t-shirt?
    Enter October’s Themed Story Giveaway: Liars & Scammers!

    Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:

    1. Submit a funny or interesting story about lying/scamming employees, coworkers, or bosses!
    2. Enter your email address in the form to qualify.
    3. All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt gift certificate, to use in the official Not Always Working shop!

    PS: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, November 6!

    Earning Your Dinner

    | OR, USA | Bosses & Owners, Job Seekers, Top

    (There is a store a couple of blocks from my house that I go to fairly often. I apply to try and get a job, but am turned down. Since then I have found a better job. After work I swing by to grab something for dinner, still in my uniform and name badge. Immediately, I am pounced on by three customers from different directions. This is despite my uniform being completely different from the store’s uniform.)

    Customer #1: “FINALLY! There are no workers anywhere! I need to know where walnuts are! The baking aisle isn’t where it used to be!”

    Customer #2: “No, help me first! There are no more paper towels on the rack! They are on sale and I need them!”

    Customer #3: “When you can, please, I need 20 bags of ice from the freezer.”

    Me: “Uh… I don’t work here.”

    Customer #1: “Oh of course you do! NOW, WALNUTS!”

    Me: “Aisle eight is the baking aisle now, after the reset a week ago. Walnuts will be with the other nuts right next to the frostings, third shelf down I believe, about halfway down the aisle on the right.” *I turn to Customer #2* “Paper towels? If the rack is empty you should check at the end of aisle 15, there was a display end cap for them I saw yesterday and there should be plenty left.”

    (I then turn to Customer #3, a little old lady who needs the ice. I lead her to the frozen aisle, load her cart for her, and give her a polite salute when she says goodbye. Then I finally grab my dinner and make my way to a check-stand. The cashier happens to be the owner, and as he rings me up he frowns.)

    Owner: “Why the h*** don’t you work for me?!”

    Me: “Uh… you never hired me.”

    Owner: “An inexcusable oversight on my part! I heard you helping those people. Still need a job?”

    Me: *I show him my badge from work* “Nope! Thanks though.”

    Owner: “D***!”


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