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    Dying To Get The Job

    | Kirkland, WA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, New Hires

    (I’ve recently interviewed at a local wholesaler for a position on their order and delivery team. Despite being told they would be in touch with me the following day to let me know when I could begin training, I haven’t heard anything from them for over a week so I give them a call.)

    Me: “Yes, hello. I wanted to check in again about the position I applied for. You were supposed to call me back, like, six days ago.”

    Employee: “Really? Let me check with the hiring manager.”

    (I get put on hold for several minutes. When the employee gets back he sounds noticeably uneasy.)

    Employee: “Okay. So, I don’t quite know how to say this, but apparently the hiring manager threw out your application.”

    Me: “What!? Why? You made it pretty clear I had the job when I last spoke with you!”

    Employee: “Well, here’s the thing: after that, he read in the obituary column of the local paper that someone with the same name as you passed away recently. He thought it was you and therefore decided to toss out your papers.”

    Me: *stunned* “Umm… Well, is there a way I could correct that? I mean, seeing as we’re conversing, I’m obviously not dead!”

    Employee: “I’d advise you to come in again and meet him face to face. He’s still not entirely convinced this isn’t some sort of prank.”

    (I did go back in and managed to give the hiring manager quite a shock when he stepped out of his office to see me looking alive and well. Even better? I checked the obituaries afterwards and found the guy who’d passed away was clearly stated to be in his 90s – I just barely turned 30. The manager had no explanation for why he thought a geriatric was applying for such a physically demanding position.)

    Attractive In Many Ways

    , | Australia | At The Checkout, Coworkers

    (At our deli we serve customers on a “whoever is closest and available” basis. An attractive man has just walked up to exactly where I’m filling. I’ve just finished taking off my chicken-soaked gloves and have opened my mouth to greet him when my female coworker appears next to me with a wide smile, seemingly out of nowhere.)

    Coworker: *to me* “Shoo.”

    (The customer just chuckles and rolls his eyes at me.)

    Doesn’t Suffer Fools

    | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Bosses & Owners, Theme Of The Month

    (My first job out of college was great until a new CEO is hired. Suddenly our department of engineers and programmers gets a new manager who knows nothing technical but is a crony of the new CEO. He quickly manages to either insult or infuriate all of us but me… except perhaps that accounting tells me I am at the top of my pay grade and not to expect a raise for 5 years. At the end of March that year, I get a call from old friends which leads to a cross-country flight over the weekend to interview with a new company that offers me $10,000/year more. Naturally I accept. The following Monday, I go to my boss’ office and, since he isn’t there, I leave my two-week notice on his desk. Not long after, he’s visiting me.)

    Boss: *with a dark grin* “Funny.”

    Me: “What?”

    Boss: “This. Your two week’s notice letter. It’s a joke, right?”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Boss: “It’s an April Fool’s joke, right?”

    Me: “No. Wow! I didn’t realize what today was. I’d have probably given it to you tomorrow if I was aware.”

    Boss: “So… you’re really leaving?”

    Me: “Yes. I’ve been given a much better offer.”

    Boss: *pauses to think* “Could we make a counter-offer?”

    Me: “Not really.”

    (It was a shame to leave that job, though. The owner of the company quickly saw through the bad CEO and fired him and his cronies.)

    A Dangerous Mis-Steak

    | IN, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My family and I are ordering at a steakhouse. I have a potato allergy and I was inquiring about non-potato sides.)

    Me: “What sides do you offer that are not potatoes? I don’t see them listed on the menu.”

    Server: “Well we have steamed veggies, applesauce, steak fries, cheese sticks—”

    Me: “Steak fries are potatoes.”

    Server: “Um, no they are not. I work here. I know.”

    Me: “Uh huh… What are regular fries made of?”

    Server: “Potatoes.”

    Me: “And curly?”

    Server: “Potatoes.”

    Me: “And steak fries are not?”

    Server: *there is a long pause as you can hear the gears turning in her head* “No.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, I will have the applesauce.”

    (She left and we all cracked up. When she came back out she apologized and said she asked the cook. She had assumed they were strips of steak.)


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