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    Mom Should Move To England

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My mom and I are ordering in a popular burger chain at a mall food court.)

    Mom: “…and a hot tea.”

    (The worker prepares our order. I get a cold drink as usual, but mom gets curious when she sees that the worker is holding two cold drink cups.)

    Mom: “Excuse me, that was supposed to be a hot tea.”

    Worker: “It is.”

    (She looks into the cup. It’s hot tea, but since he put it in a cold drink cup, the heat of the tea is causing the wax to melt off the cup and float in the drink. Later, my mom tries her luck again at another branch of the same burger chain, in another town.)

    Mom: “…and a hot tea.”

    (Once again, a meal for each of us. Mom’s drink is in the proper Styrofoam cup for hot drinks this time, but she notices there’s no tea bag in it.)

    Mom: “You don’t use teabags?”

    Worker: “Oh, this is just iced tea that we put in the microwave.”

    (She then has to explain to the worker how to make a proper hot tea. My mom’s third attempt is at a Mexican chain in our hometown.)

    Mom: “…and a hot tea.”

    Worker: “I don’t think we have hot tea, but we have these little bags that you can open up and make tea with. Will that do?”

    Mom: “…yes?”

    (Seriously, what is it about the concept of hot tea that’s so hard to understand?)

    It Worked To His Credit

    | Johnson City, TN, USA | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (One of my best friends has been having trouble with telemarketers calling his cell phone for almost a year now. No matter how many times he tells them that he’s not interested or that he’s on the national ‘Do Not Call’ registry, they keep calling back. One day the two of us are at a bar, and he gets a call from an unknown number.)

    Friend: “Oh no, not another one.”

    Me: “Hand me your phone. I’ll take care of it.”

    (He hands me his phone, which I then answer.)

    Telemarketer: “Hello, may I speak with a Mr. [Name]?”

    Me: “You’re talking to him.”

    Telemarketer: “Hi, I’m with [Resort Chain]. I’m calling to give you information about—”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m 16, single, and don’t have a credit card.”

    Telemarketer: “Have a nice day.” *hangs up*

    (My friend stares at me dumbfounded as I hand him his phone back.)

    Friend: “Why did you say all of that?”

    Me: “I used to work for a call center. Being unqualified takes you off the list faster than the national registry does.”

    (It’s been three years, and he hasn’t had a call since.)

    Totally Pill-aged

    | Greenville, SC, USA | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (Some coworkers and I are sitting in the break room eating lunch. I’m lactose intolerant, but love cheese, so I bring a couple of over-the-counter pills in a plastic bag to take with my meal and prevent horrible consequences. You’re supposed to take the pills with your first bite of food, so I already have my meal in front of me when I realize the bag with the pills has disappeared from the top of the table. I look around and spot the now empty bag sitting next to a coworker.)

    Me: “Is that the bag my pills were in? Where are the pills?”

    Coworker: “Were those yours? I thought they were supplements, so I took them.”

    Me: “They’re digestive supplements for people with lactose intolerance. Wait a minute: you took random pills from a plastic bag and you didn’t know what they were or who left them there?!”

    (As I say this, the whole table is looking at my coworker like she’s nuts.)

    Coworker: “Well how was I supposed to know what I was doing?”

    Me: “We’re nurses!”

    Working The Dead Shift

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests

    (I’m a waitress at a local diner that has new owners. I’ve worked there for nearly three years, for the previous owners, without any issue. It is a few weeks after the new owners take over, and my best friend passes away suddenly. I call work to tell them I won’t be in the next day, as I have to take care of things until her family can arrive from out of state.)

    Owner: “Wait, so you’re not coming in tonight?”

    Me: “No. I mean, not tonight. I don’t work tonight. I work tomorrow, at 11. I won’t be in, though; I’m sorry. [Coworker] said she’d cover for me, though.”

    Owner: “You can’t just miss your shift. You need a doctor’s note.”

    Me: “I’m not sick. My best friend just died.”

    (I’m clearly upset, and have been crying for hours.)

    Owner: “Oh. Well, I’m sorry, but if you’re going to miss work, I’m going to have to write you up.”

    Me: “What?”

    Owner: “Yeah. I mean, you’re not really giving me any notice, here. I need at least three days.”

    Me: “So… your policy is that I have to give you notice three days before someone dies?”

    Owner: “Yes!”

    (I found another job soon after. Some time later, I learned that the owners had to shut down because they’d run off all of their good help and loyal customers with their crazy ways!)

    Just Brought Death To Her Career

    | NV, USA | Bosses & Owners, New Hires

    (I’m showing a new secretary around the office. We go to get on the elevator, and when it arrives I see our chief operating officer (COO) in it. Our COO is very tall, thin, and has heavy scarring on his face.)

    Me: “Good morning, Mr.—”

    Secretary: “Ew, I don’t want to ride with him. Let’s take the next one.”

    Me: “What?!”

    Secretary: “He looks like the Grim Reaper. We’ll just take the next one.”

    (The COO looks at her for a moment, then very calmly presses the ‘doors close’ button. I gape at the new secretary.)

    Me: “What the h***, [Secretary's Name]?”

    Secretary: “What? He was weird-looking.”

    Me: “You realize that that was the chief operating officer of the company?!”

    Secretary: “Really? Ew.”

    (She was fired before the end of the day.)


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