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  • Establishing Order Over Tall Orders
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  • Go Back To School Of Rock

    | PA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, History

    (My coworkers and I are discussing music that stays good across generations. Somebody mentions Elvis Presley.)

    Coworker #1: “Wait… Wasn’t Elvis Presley the guy who killed all the Jews?”

    Coworker #2: “What?! No! Elvis Presley was the King of Rock!”

    Coworker #1: “Who am I thinking of?”

    Me: “You’re thinking of Adolf Hitler.”

    Coworker #1: “Yeah! That’s him!”

    Me: “How do you even mix up those two people?!”

    Coworker #1: “Hey, they’ve both been dead a long time!”

    Me: “So have Mozart and Mussolini, but you don’t see people confusing those two, either!”

    Coworker #1: “Who was Mussolini?”

    Me: “Just… go back to high school.”

    Only Half Listening

    | Timmins, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I stop at a popular sandwich shop for lunch and order a 12-inch steak and cheese sandwich. All goes well and the young man does a great job, but at the final stage…)

    Sandwich Artist: “Will that be all, sir?”

    Me: “Looks good. Could you cut it in half before you wrap it up, please?”

    (This is normally done without asking.)

    Sandwich Artist: “Sure thing. How many pieces do you want?”

    (I’m a little by surprise by the question, so I think I misheard him.)

    Me: “In half, please.”

    Sandwich Artist: “Yes, but how many pieces?”

    Me: *with a touch of obviousness in my voice* “I don’t know. How about two?”

    Sandwich Artist: *rolls eyes* “You could have said that in the first place!”

    Going Off-Menu Is Taking A Shot In The Dark

    | East Lansing, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Employees, Food & Drink

    (My friends and I stop in at an Italian restaurant for lunch. The restaurant apparently has decided to make themselves seem more ‘fancy’ because they are now keeping the lights dimmed in the dining room. As we are peering at the menus in the dark, the waitress comes over, pen posed.)

    Waitress: “What can I get for you?”

    My Friend: *looking up at her with annoyance* “A flashlight.”

    Patient Zero Intelligence

    | ON, Canada | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I work at a retirement home. Many of the people that work there are less concerned about cleanliness than me. I’m in the maintenance/cleaning department. An outbreak is occurring and we are required to kit up in masks, gowns, and gloves on entering any rooms with sick patients. As my coworker and I are leaving a room, dressed up in all our gear, we hold the door open. A personal support worker (PSW) comes in, without wearing any gloves. Half the building is sick and it is very severe.)

    Me: “You need a mask, gloves, and gown on, [PSW].”

    PSW: “No, I only need it when I’m cleaning up puke.”

    Coworker: “You’re going into an outbreak room. Everyone needs to wear them.”

    PSW: *closing the door* “No. It’s not worth bothering with.”

    Me: *to coworker* “Bet you five bucks she’s the first employee to come down with it.”

    Coworker: “No way. Easy bet.”

    (The PSW was the first to get it, as were several of her friends who agreed with her.)

    Keeping Sense At Arm’s Length

    | Geneva, Switzerland | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Transportation

    (My mother has broken an arm during her vacation, and will need help to get her suitcase off the luggage carrousel and out the airport at arrival. I’m calling the airline to ask for it since she can’t do it from where she is.)

    Me: “Hello. My mum is coming back Tuesday on [flight] from Zurich to Geneva and she’s broken her arm. Is there any way I can get into the luggage zone to help her with her suitcase?”

    Airline Rep: “No, Madam. It’s completely impossible. We can offer wheelchair assistance though.”

    Me: Okay, but it’s her arm that’s broken, not her leg.”

    Airline Rep: “Madam, it’s a wheelchair or nothing.”

    Me: “Okay, then. We’d like assistance at Geneva, please.”

    Airline Rep: “I’ve booked it in Zurich and Geneva.”

    Me: “But she doesn’t need it in Zurich. She won’t even have her suitcase there. She’s coming back from Sydney via Singapore & Zurich.”

    Airline Rep: “It’s all booked, madam. Thank you and goodbye.”

    (Guess who had to tell Mum she’d be wheeled around in two airports for just a broken arm!)

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