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    A Doodle In A Doddle

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I’m working at a popular retail store over the summer. I open one morning, and an hour before we open the doors, my manager tells me to wait in the fitting room for him to bring me shirts to fold. It takes him about two minutes, and while I wait, I doodle on a post-it note on the desk. He brings me the shirts and the day goes on as usual. The next week, I get called into the office by the second manager.)

    Manager: “Ah, there you are. Can I ask what this is?” *he holds up my doodle*

    Me: “It was just something I sketched while I waited for [Other Manager] to bring me shirts to fold.”

    Manager: “You know, we really can’t tolerate this laziness.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, what?”

    Manager: “This must have taken you over ten minutes. Surely there was something more productive you could have been doing.”

    Me: “It took me about two minutes, and no, I had already gone through fitting room open procedure. I was folding shirts BECAUSE I had nothing else to do. I’m sorry it bothered you, though; I won’t do it again.”

    Manager: “This is really just unacceptable. Your work ethic is lacking and the idea that you would spend so much time drawing on the job is concerning to me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it really was just two minutes, and the store wasn’t open yet. I promise I checked to make sure there was nothing else in the fitting room to take care of.”

    Manager: “You’re lucky I found this and hid this before the district manager saw it. He’d be furious.”

    Me: “Right, well—”

    Manager: “Seriously, you broke so many policies by doing this.”

    Me: “Sir, my shift started ten minutes ago; can I get to work now?”

    Manager: “Fine. But this absolutely cannot happen again. If you’re going to waste hours of our time doodling, you should just quit.”

    (I did quit not long after, and got a new job at a coffee shop; the best part is that when my manager at the coffee shop found one of my doodles that I did on my break, he promoted me to head of their advertising department and I got a raise!)

    Not Acting Tip-Top

    | MA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Top

    (My friends and I have decided to try this new restaurant in town after work. Our waitress has been quite rude, and has been blatantly ignoring us for the most part. After bringing us the wrong food, and actually taking out her phone to text someone while we complain, we ask for the manager.)

    Waitress: “Fine, but he won’t do nothing. My dad’s the owner.”

    (The waitress smirks and walks away. The manager comes over, and listens to our complaints, looking completely exasperated.)

    Manager: “I’m so sorry about your experience today; there will be no charge for your meals. If you would like to order something else, I’ll oversee it myself. Again, no charge.”

    Me: “Is her dad really the owner?”

    Manager: *rubbing his temples* “Yes. I wish there was more I could do; my apologies.”

    (We elect to leave and go somewhere else. As we get up, the waitress rushes over.)

    Waitress: “You didn’t tip.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Waitress: “You aren’t leaving without leaving a tip! This isn’t a fast food place where you come and go like trailer trash; you need to tip here!”

    Me: “Your service sucks. Why would we tip you for that?”

    (The waitress throws a screaming fit at us over the issue, causing other patrons to stare. The manager tries to calm her down, but she won’t back down.)

    Me: “You want a tip? Fine.”

    (I pull a $10 bill out of my pocket, shove it into my water glass, and place a menu on top. I quickly turn it upside down on the table and slide the menu out, leaving the full glass upside down with money floating inside.)

    Me: “ENJOY! Have fun cleaning that up when you get it out.”

    (We walk out while she fumes, and the manager falls into peaks of laughter.)

    Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Employees, Liars/Scammers, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    Telemarketer: “Hello there, I am calling to see if you would like a free consultation on home alarms.”

    Me: “No thanks.”

    Telemarketer: “Are you sure? What happens if a robber breaks into your house?”

    Me: “I will deal with that situation if and when it happens.”

    Telemarketer: “Are you sure? I would get an alarm if I were you. A robber broke into my house last month and stole my dog!”

    Me: “What kind of dog was it?”

    Telemarketer: “…what?”

    Me: “The robber stole your dog, right? What kind of dog was it?”

    Telemarketer: “Oh, it was a pug!”

    Me: “What was its name?”

    Telemarketer: “…what?”

    Me: “What. Was. Its. Name?”

    Telemarketer: “Uh…”

    Me: “I know you are reading off a script, so let me give you advice: if you are going to lie, come up with something believable and be ready to back your story up!”

    Telemarketer: “Hey, wow thanks! So… can I sign you up for a consultation to defend your house from a robber who might steal your dog?”

    Me: *click*

    Unreal Estate

    | England, UK | Employees, Liars/Scammers

    (I am moving over 100 miles away, to a new area I don’t know at all.)

    Me: “So, are there any areas of the town I should avoid?”

    Agent: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “You know, bad areas, dangerous places I wouldn’t really want to live.”

    Agent: *proudly* “No! Not at all. This is a lovely town; there’s nowhere I wouldn’t live myself.”

    (I’m doubtful, as every town has its dodgy streets. But she recommends some houses on the market, and we go through the particulars.)

    Me: “I like the look of this place. Can you get me a viewing tonight? Around 6:00 or 6:30?”

    Agent: “Oh. Would someone be going with you?”

    Me: “No, I’m looking on my own at the moment. My husband’s still back in [our home town].”

    Agent: “But you’ll be driving there?”

    Me: “No, it’s only a 20-minute walk from where I’m staying.”

    Agent: *shocked* “Oh, no! No. I wouldn’t let you walk around that neighborhood on your own, and especially not after dark!”

    Me: “Well then, I’m hardly going to buy a house and live there, am I?!”

    Losing The Game

    | FL, USA | New Hires

    (I’ve recently quit my job at a game store. I still go there to buy games periodically. I see a new guy calling people, letting them know about the current special offers.)

    New Guy: “Hello? Is Mr. Smith there?”

    (I hear audible yelling from the other line.)

    New Guy: “I’m sorry, sir; this is [Name] from [Game Store]. I just want to let you know about some specials we have right now…”

    (The new guy goes on to tell the customer the deals.)

    New Guy: *after finishing the call* “Dang! I hate it when they yell at me!”

    Me: “Hey, I used to work here. I highly recommend telling them who you are first before asking for them. People don’t like getting calls from people they don’t know, so if you say you’re from [Game Store] first, and then ask for the person, it should go a lot smoother.”

    New Guy: “Uh, yeah, okay, I’ll try that.”

    (He makes another call.)

    New Guy: “Hi, is Ms. Smith there?”

    (Once again, I heard audible yelling from the other line.)

    Me: *facepalm*


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