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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • Walking The Talk While The Employee Gawks

    | Ontario, Canada | Employees, Family & Kids, Top

    (This happened about 26 years ago when I was one year old. According to my mother, I looked like a newborn at that age. In this story, my mom has taken my older brother and me shoe shopping. She’s carrying me because, although I can walk, I have no appropriate shoes. At the shoe store, my mom picks out a pair of walking shoes for me and turns to the sales clerk.)

    My Mom: “I’d like these in this size, please.”

    Employee: *looks at me* “She doesn’t need them. She’s too young to walk.”

    My Mom: “She is walking, and needs a pair of shoes.”

    Employee: “That can’t be! She’s too little to be walking!”

    (My mom sees my older brother on the other side of the store and sets me down.)

    My Mom: “[My name], go to [my brother].”

    Me: *walks to my brother*

    My Mom: “[My name], come back.”

    Me: *walks back**

    My Mom: “So, I’d like those shoes in this size, please.”

    Employee: *quietly goes to get my shoes*

    Hopefully, They Have Home Improvement In Heaven

    | Silverdale, WA, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My husband and I are in the process of inheriting a house from his late stepfather. I’m calling a home improvement company to get a free estimate on the costs of upgrading the house.)

    Associate: “…and are you the legal owner of the house?”

    Me: “We’re in the process of becoming the owners.”

    Associate: “You’re buying it?”

    Me: “No, we’re inheriting it.”

    Associate: “What is the name of the legal owner?”

    Me: *says stepfather’s name*

    Associate: “Is there any way I can speak with him?”

    Me: “No… we’re INHERITING the house.”

    Associate: “I understand; it’s just that we have to speak with the legal owner before we can come out there.”

    Me: “There isn’t a way to speak with the legal owner. We are inheriting the house. He is deceased.”

    Associate: “OH!”

    Hopefully, They Get Dental Care In Heaven
    Hopefully, They Get Reception In Heaven

    Those Poor Monks

    | The Netherlands | Employees

    (We have a new employee at our department. My veteran coworker is instructing him.)

    Coworker: “Okay, now this is a bit you need to do very calmly.”

    New Employee: “You don’t need to tell me anything about calm! I’ve spent three months with monks in Tibet!”

    (Later, I’m having a chat with the new guy.)

    New Employee: “So, why are you working part time?”

    Me: “I have a mental condition. I’d rather not go into detail about it.”

    New Employee: “Well, if you need to talk about it, you can come to me.”

    Me: “Why, are you a psychiatrist?”

    New Employee: “No, but I spent three months with monks in Tibet!”

    (After two weeks, he was fired for not following instructions.)

    Take A Chill Pill

    | West Orange, NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body

    (My 14-year-old sister’s doctor has prescribed her birth control pills for the terrible cramps she gets during menstruation. She’s a little embarrassed about it and asks me to go with her instead of our parents.)

    Pharmacist: “Here you are, ma’am.”

    Me: “Thanks.” *to my sister* “Here, sweetie.”

    Pharmacist: “Wait, she’s [sister's name]?”

    Me: “Yes. These pills are for her.”

    Pharmacist: “She’s too young for those! She shouldn’t be having sex! Why would you let her? Are you her sister? You probably set a bad example for her! Shame on both of you!”

    Me: “My sister is not sexually active. She was prescribed these pills because she gets terrible cramps that sometimes make it hard for her to even sit up. Even if that was the case, what business is it of yours? At least, she would’ve been taking precautions.”

    (My sister mumbles something and we leave. Outside, I hug her and ask her what she said.)

    My Sister: “I was going to say I have a girlfriend anyway, but I changed my mind since you said it wasn’t his business.”

    (A month later, we returned to the pharmacy to buy tampons. Fortunately, we learned we weren’t the first customers to be treated that way and the pharmacist had been fired.)

    Take Comfort In Customers (And Cocoa)

    | Bath, UK | Awesome Customers, Bosses & Owners, Top

    (I am working the tills when the rubbish men come to take the waste from the shop. I can’t leave the storefront, so I call my assistant manager but she doesn’t answer. I finally find her, walking out of the toilets after twenty minutes.)

    Assistant Manager: “You can’t leave the shop floor.”

    Me: “You weren’t answering the phone. The waste guy is getting angry.”

    Assistant Manager: “You can’t leave the shop floor.”

    Me: “But I had to tell you.”

    Assistant Manager: “Don’t leave the shop floor. Call the phone next time.”

    (Thankfully this all gets resolved. Later that day, however, one of the tills stops working in the middle of a customer’s transaction. There’s a very long queue of other customers behind her.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry. The till has frozen. Is it okay if I call my manager and take the rest of the customers on the other till?”

    Customer #1: “How long will it be?”

    Me: “I’m sure it won’t be long…”

    (Unfortunately, it ends up taking quite long. I call the assistant manager five times while juggling a line of 10 customers, and have to move all of them to a second till while the first customer continues to wait impatiently. When I check on the office camera, I see my assistant manager in her office on her mobile phone eating cake. I am nearly in tears by the time she finally comes out to fix the till. She does so, but leaves immediately without helping me with the remaining customers. At this point, another customer, Customer #2, approaches.)

    Me: *to Customer #2* “Is that all for today?”

    Customer #2: “Are you okay, poppet?”

    Me: “Yeah. It’s just stressful, you know?”

    (At this point, I see the assistant manager cross the shop floor and walk outside for a smoke with her boyfriend.)

    Customer #2: “Did she just leave you here alone?”

    Me: “I’ll be fine. Sorry, did you want anything else?”

    Customer #2: “Yes.”

    (Customer #2 pushes a chocolate bar across the table. I scan it and he pays. Before he leaves, he puts the chocolate bar in my hands.)

    Customer #2: “Have a great day, darling.”

    (I can honestly say that that was one of the most stressful days of my life, but it was made slightly easier by good customers.)

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