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    Letting Off Steam Over Ice

    , | USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful, Top

    (Though I usually get along well with my coworkers, there is one who rubs me the wrong way.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker]. Could you dump this in the machine please?”

    Coworker: “Why?”

    Me: “Because I hurt my shoulder and can’t pick up the bucket with one hand. If you don’t want to do it I’ll ask someone else—”

    Coworker: “Well, when did you hurt it? I saw you pick up a bucket of ice yesterday.”

    Me: “Three days ago, and that bucket was empty. This one is full to the top with ice. Just forget it. I’ll ask someone else.”

    Coworker: “No. I’ll do it after you admit you’re just being lazy.”

    (I decide to ignore her and turn to ask someone else for help when another coworker stomps up and throws the ice in the machine.)

    Other Coworker: “THERE! Was that so d*** hard? Next time someone asks you for help either do what they ask or tell them no. Don’t waste everyone’s time by trying to pick a fight. Nobody cares!”

    Customer Service Is Not At Your Service

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My boyfriend and I have just walked into a coffee shop that is quite busy.)

    Manager: “I’ll be with you guys in just a minute.”

    Me: “Okay!”

    (The manager turns away from my boyfriend and me, to his employees.)

    Manager: “So corporate is making a big deal about stepping up our customer service this year. We are offering a survey. If customers fill it out then they get specials and such sent to them. We really want to stress this year how important our customers are…”

    (The manager goes on like this for several minutes, the entire time stressing how important their customer service is. Finally, another employee finishes making several drinks for other people and comes over to take our drink orders.)

    Employee #1: “Sorry about the wait guys. What can I get for you?”

    Me: “It’s no problem. I will have [drink] and my boyfriend will have a [other drink].”

    Employee #1: “No problem. That’ll be [total]. It’ll be just a minute before its ready.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Employee #1: “Hey, [Manager]. Can you please make these two their drinks while I get the line down?”

    Manager: “Sure! It’ll be just a minute, guys.”

    Me: “No problem!”

    (To my surprise, the manager turns away from us again and starts talking to his employees, still stressing the importance of extra good customer service. Once again a different employee steps in to make our drinks. At this point we have been in the store for nearly 15 minutes.)

    Employee #2: “I am so sorry about the wait, you guys. Here are your drinks.”

    Me: “It’s no problem at all!”

    (My boyfriend and I had a good laugh about being ignored repeatedly by a man explaining how important good customer service is.)

    They Hit Pay Hurt

    | USA | Employees, Money

    (I receive a lot of telemarketer calls during the day.)

    Telemarketer: “Hi! I’m collecting donations for [Local Police Charity].”

    Me: “I’d like to help, but I really don’t have anything to spare.”

    (The telemarketer starts more aggressively trying to solicit a donation.)

    Me: “Look. I’m a private in the Army and—”

    Telemarketer: “Oh! Then you should be happy to help out your brothers in uniform!”

    Me: “Okay, look. Have you ever been kicked in the crotch?”

    Telemarketer: “W…what?”

    Me: “It’s a serious question. Have you?”

    Telemarketer: “Yes…”

    Me: “Okay. Do you remember the pain? The nausea? The humiliation?”

    Telemarketer: “Yes?”

    Me: “Good. Now convert those feelings into dollars and cents. That’s what I get paid every month.”

    (They stopped calling.)

    Please Let The Coffee ‘Be Good’

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Employees, Movies & TV, Top

    (It is the middle of mid-terms week and I am exhausted. I go to an extremely well-known coffee shop for a caffeine boost.)

    Me: “Hi. May I please have…”

    (I lose my train of thought mid-sentence. I put my index finger up as though to say ‘wait a minute.’)

    Employee: “Are you trying to phone home?”

    Me: *dazed* “What?”

    Employee: “Well, I thought you were like ET… You know, communicating through your finger.”

    (The employee mimics me by putting his index finger up too.)

    Me: “Oh… no. I’m just really tired and can’t focus long enough to order. Anyways, I’ll have [a popular coffee drink].”

    (The employee makes the drink and hands it to me, then waves at me with his index finger.)

    Employee: “BYE, ET!”

    (After I left, I realized that he had put an extra shot of espresso in, free of charge. The employee put a smile on my face, a pep in my step, and earned that store a regular customer!)

    How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 2

    | England, UK | Employees, Liars/Scammers, Technology

    (Occasionally, when we have a slack day, I play with telemarketers and scam artists. I pick up the phone.)

    Scammer: “This is [Name] from Microsoft. We have noticed that your PC has a virus.”

    Me: “I don’t have a police constable.”

    Scammer: “No! No, your WINDOWS PC. It has a virus.”

    Me: “I still don’t have a police constable. Certainly not one with a cold, in my window.”

    Scammer: “NO! Your PC! Your Windows computer!”

    Me: “But I don’t have a computer in my window.”

    Scammer: “NO! The computer you are using! It runs a program called Windows! It has a virus!”

    Me: “My window has a virus?”

    Scammer: “NO! THE COMPUTER! It has downloaded a virus from the internet!”

    Me: “Oh! I wonder how it did that.”

    Scammer: “Right! We can fix that for you.”

    Me: “But my computer doesn’t have any windows in it. How did it catch the virus?”

    Scammer: “No, it’s the program that runs the computer. It’s called Windows!”

    Me: “No, it isn’t.”

    Scammer: “Yes! It’s what makes the computer work!”

    Me: “No, it doesn’t!”

    Scammer: “Well, what do you think makes your computer work, then?”

    Me: “OS X!”

    (The scammer hangs up!)

    How To Win The War Against Telemarketers

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