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    Rise And Asinine

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body, Top

    (I’ve just had serious surgery and am recuperating in the hospital. A kind relative brings me sushi, but this turns out to be a big mistake as I get violently ill. They call my doctor in the middle of the night, who notes it on my chart. As a result, I am completely exhausted in the morning when an RN comes in to wake me up.)

    RN: ”Get up now! You’ll need to wash yourself and brush your teeth!”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry.”

    RN: “You must get up NOW and do these things.”

    Me: “Please go away and leave me alone.”

    RN: ”I SAID, GET UP NOW!”

    (After several minutes of arguing, I’m fed up and yell back at the RN.)

    Me: “GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME TO DIE, WILL YOU ALREADY?!”

    (The RN storms out of the room. However, the head nurse comes in a few minutes later.)

    Head Nurse: “I need to speak with you immediately. I had a very troubling report from the RN. He said you refused to get up.”

    Me: “Yes, I did.”

    Head Nurse: “He said you wanted to commit suicide.”

    Me:  ”I—wait, WHAT?! What on earth are you talking about?!”

    Head Nurse: “I’m sorry, but we have to talk about this.”

    Me: *lightbulb goes off* “No, I told him I was not getting up right now because I spent the entire night so violently ill that they had to call my doctor in the middle of the night!”

    (The head nurse realizes that there’s been a misunderstanding and turns fire engine red with embarrassment.)

    Head Nurse: “Oh. My. GOD! I am so very, very sorry! You see, he was just transferred here from working in the psych ward, where they are trained to report threats of suicide.  He misunderstood.”

    Me: “If he’d even bothered to open my chart before he came in, he’d have seen how ill I was last night and that I am in no condition to even sit up at this point.”

    Head Nurse: “You are absolutely right. I’ll speak with him about this!”

    (Thankfully, they switched out my RN and gave me someone who was much kinder–and who read my chart!)

    From Awful To Lawful

    | Hong Kong, China | Coworkers, Employees, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Top

    (My friend is on a business trip in Hong Kong, and is having lunch with a few important clients. He’s making conversation with a beautiful young woman who is part of the group.)

    Friend: “So, what do you do for a living?”

    Woman: “Me? I’m just a prostitute.”

    (My friend’s mouth drops, both at the woman’s supposed profession and her calm attitude about it.)

    Friend: “Uh, wow, that’s, umm, really interesting. I bet you make lots of money.”

    Woman: “Nah, not really. But that’s not even the worst part about my job. The hours are very long, so I’m pulling overtime nearly every single day.”

    Friend: “…Is that so? Well, okay then.”

    Woman: “And there’s a load of paperwork, too. Don’t even get me started on the paperwork.”

    Friend: “Wait, what?!”

    (At this moment, another woman sitting next to her starts whispering to her in Cantonese. The woman who has been talking to my friend starts blushing upon hearing what the other woman has to say.)

    Woman: “I’m very sorry for the confusion! I’m a PROSECUTOR. Not… what I said earlier.”

    Friend: “Now that makes sense! Here I am, thinking that you had a really bad pimp or something!”

    Needs A Prompt For Being Prompt

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Time, Top

    Me: “Hey, [supervisor], I noticed that it is time for [coworker] to be here to send me home. Have we heard from her?”

    Supervisor: “Yes.”

    Me: “Oh okay, cool! I can stay if she’s running a bit late, but not too long as I have an appointment across town.”

    Supervisor: “That’s fine. You’ll be able to leave soon.”

    (About an hour passes, and there’s no sign of my coworker.)

    Me: “[Supervisor], I really need to head out soon. Do you know if [coworker] is coming?”

    Supervisor: “Oh my God, [my name], you are being so annoying! I told her not to come in for a couple more hours because labor is too high right now!”

    Me: “But I need to leave.”

    Supervisor: “Well, you should have given me a week’s notice that you’d have to go home on time today! Don’t be stupid!”

    It’s How Coworkers Say Yello

    , | USA | At The Checkout, Coworkers, Ignoring/Inattentive, New Hires, Top

    (We have a very high turn-over rate with young new employees. I come in one morning right at opening to pick up food to-go, but the new employee can’t seem to ring in my order right.)

    New Employee: “So, it’s a number 6.”

    Me: “Number 10.”

    New Employee: “Right, number 2.”

    Me: “Number 10.”

    New Employee: “Oh! Number 10… with a side of sausage.”

    Me: “Side of gravy.”

    New Employee: “A side of sausage and a side of gravy.”

    Me: “That’s not right. Let’s start over.”

    (After another few painstaking minutes it’s still not rung in right and I am out of patience.)

    Me: “SCOTT! UP FRONT NOW!”

    (In seconds, the manager comes running up front, gasping for breath.)

    Manager: “What is it? What happened?”

    Me: “Please… please help the new kid ring in my order so I can eat and go to school!”

    (The manager rings in the order, gives me a discount and brings out my food while the new employee stands their gawking.)

    New Employee: “You… how did you know who the manager was this morning?”

    Manager: “Oh, she works here too. She has opened with me every Monday morning for the past year!”

    Me: “I also know he likes to listen to his iPod while he counts drawers, so the only way to get his attention is to shriek like a banshee.”

    Well-Versed In The ‘Verse

    | USA | Employees, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am in the security line at a regional airport. I’m wearing a Firefly shirt that reads, “Space Pirates on the Run!” This happens as I am walking out of the metal detector.)

    TSA Agent #1: “Ma’am, step out of the line!”

    (I walk over, startled, figuring something incorrectly flagged in my bag.)

    TSA Agent #2: “Should we have a notice about you?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir?”

    TSA Agent #1: “Space pirates, eh?”

    TSA Agent #2: “…on the run!”

    Me: “Sir, you don’t have any spaceships..”

    TSA Agent #1: “True! Have a nice day!”

    (Those geeky agents made for my best TSA experience, ever!)


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