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    Can’t Get A Handle On The Toilet

    | London, England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body

    Manager: “Where’ve you been?”

    Coworker: “Toilet.”

    Manager: “Again? Are you ill or something?”

    Coworker: “No, but there’s no contractual maximum amount of s***s I can take in one day, is there?”

    Me: “He’s got you there.”

    Not So Pretty In Pink

    | Rahway, NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Family & Kids

    (My best friend loves hair dye and often has her hair in multiple colors. At the minute, half of her hair is three different shades of pink while the other half is un-dyed.)

    Employee: “Hi, welcome to—oh. You can’t be here.”

    Best Friend: “Um, why?”

    Employee: “Because we don’t serve punks in here. Now, get out!”

    (The employee then notices me.)

    Employee: “You shouldn’t hang out with girls like her. All they do is get into trouble, get knocked up, and party all night while they use up welfare! Ugh, look at her! She has a baby already!”

    (Unfortunately, my friend has dealt with this before. The baby the employee is referring to is her two-year-old sister, who she’s carrying.)

    Best Friend: “I should just go somewhere else, but I hate arrogant people. This child is my adopted sister and I often take her out with me because she likes spending time with my best friend and me. I am not a punk. My hair is pink because I like the color. I am not a troublemaker. In fact, I volunteer as often as I can at a preschool and a nursing home. Have you never heard the expression ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’?”

    Employee: “Well… you’ll never be able to have a real job. No employer would hire you!”

    Best Friend: “False. Before I moved here last year, I did have a job. I worked there for four years and my boss never had a problem with my hair colors.”

    (At this point, my friend’s sister begins squirming.)

    Friend’s Sister: “I need to go potty! I need to go now! Potty!”

    Best Friend: “Now, would you please direct us to the restroom for my little sister and have us seated afterwards?”

    (The employee does so. My friend decides not to complain to the manager since we had no problems after that, but we never return to that particular restaurant again.)

    Give Me A Break Or You’ll Break The Law, Part 2

    | OR, USA | Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m working at the grocery counter, and we are absolutely slammed and very short staffed. I am on an eight-hour shift, and our payroll department automatically takes out 30 minutes of pay for lunch when we work past six.)

    Me: “Hey, do you know if I’m going to be able to go to lunch soon? I’m already past the four hour mark.”

    Supervisor: “It might be late, but you’ll get it.”

    Me: “You sure? We’re really busy, so I was worried.”

    Supervisor: “Don’t worry; I’ll talk to the manager. It won’t be a problem.”

    (My supervisor leaves to go speak with the manager.)

    Supervisor: *to the manager* “Hey, can [My Name] get her lunch break? She’s already been here over four hours.”

    Manager: “Well, if we have time.”

    Supervisor: “If we have time?”

    Manager: “We’re really busy. She might have to go without.”

    Supervisor: “You know that that’s incredibly illegal, right? A violation of labor laws?”

    Manager: “…”

    Supervisor: “…”

    Manager: *to me, grumpily* “Go on break.”

    Give Me A Break Or You’ll Break The Law

    Time To Chip In

    , | USA | At The Checkout, Coworkers, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (Our restaurant is along a fairly popular tourist route. It’s not uncommon to get customers from out of the country during the summer and fall seasons. I hear my coworker having an argument with a customer.)

    Coworker: “I already told you we don’t serve that here!”

    Customer: “Of course you do; I can see them from here.”

    Coworker: “I don’t know what you’re looking at but we don’t sell chips. If you want some that badly you can go to the gas station across the street.”

    Me: “Is everything okay?”

    Coworker: “This guy wants chips but we don’t sell chips! He won’t listen to me.”

    Me: “Sir, you would like to order some chips today?”

    Customer: “Yes please.”

    (I ring the order in myself and bring the customer his ‘chips.’ He leaves happily.)

    Coworker: “What the… you just gave him fries!? How—”

    Me: “He’s from England; they call fries ‘chips.’ Didn’t you notice his accent?”

    Coworker: “Oh… I guess he did talk kind of funny…”

    Fifty Shades Of Grey

    | FL, USA | Coworkers, Rude & Risque

    (A coworker and I are working on stocking makeup. We are discussing the strange names shades of nail polish have like ‘back to the fuchsia’ and ‘sugar daddy.’)

    Me: “Let’s get naked!”

    (My coworker’s eyes go wide.)

    Me: “No no no, that’s the name of this color!”

    Coworker: “Oh, thank god!”

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