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  • August's Theme Of The Month: Best. Boss. Ever!

    A Silent Cry For Attention

    | USA | Coworkers, Food & Drink

    Coworker #1: “Yawning at your desk again?”

    Me: “I call it a silent scream that indicates I need more coffee to function.”

    Coworker #2: “I am going to call yawns “silent screams for coffee” from now on.”

    Don’t Elevate Your Expectations

    | USA | Extra Stupid, New Hires

    (I’m working as a front desk clerk and I go into the sorting room to get a book. We have a few new pages who started recently (pages are the ones who shelve the books) and the trainer is talking to one. I overhear the conversation as I’m looking for the book:)

    Trainer: “Okay, I think you’re ready to shelve on your own now. Why don’t you take this cart of picture books upstairs to the children’s room? Can you handle that on your own?”

    Page: “Yes, I think so.”

    Trainer: “Do you have any questions?”

    Page: “Just one. Should I take the elevator?”

    Trainer: *completely straight faced* “Yes, you should take the elevator.”

    (After the page left with the cart, Trainer and I made eye contact and both burst out laughing.)

    The Key To Listening

    | Peoria, IL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I’ve just arrived for my shift and need a second person to go to the back with me so I can get my money, as I don’t have a key.)

    Me: “I need someone with a door key, please!”

    Coworker #1: “I don’t have a door key. Ask [Coworker #2].”

    Coworker #2: “What?”

    Me: “Do you have a door key? I need my money.”

    Coworker #2: “I do have a door key!”

    Teller Supervisor: *from another room* “STOP CALLING PEOPLE ‘DORKY’! THAT’S NOT NICE!”

    Working For An Automaton

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Bosses & Owners, New Hires

    (A director who I’d worked with previously heard I might lose my job due to downsizing. He asked me to interview with one of his managers for an open position. During this interview…)

    Director: “I think you’d be great for this position. Your knowledge of Excel and Access would be perfect.”

    Me: “Thanks. Whenever I’m given a new repetitive task, I try to automate the heck out of it. The more tasks that we can make automated, the more time we have to focus on other projects.”

    Director: “Sounds good. I think it’ll be a good fit.”

    Manager: *says nothing*

    Me: “Okay, well, I’ll let you two discuss it.”

    (Flash forward a few months after I’ve been hired:)

    Manager: “I need you to work on [report] first thing. I need it ASAP.”

    (I do the report. Later that day…)

    Me: “Here you go. I moved the totals to the top so it’s easier to read at a glance.”

    Manager: “Fine, whatever.”

    (A day passes…)

    Manager: “I can’t read this report. Where are the totals?”

    Me: “At the top. I told you I moved them.”

    Manager: “Yes, I can see that. I hate it. Fix it.”

    Me: “Okay, but you reviewed the report. Is it otherwise okay?”

    Manager: “Fix the totals.”


    Me: “Here’s the revised report.”

    Manager: “You’re taking too long to complete these tasks.”

    (A day passes:)

    Manager: “This data is all wrong!”

    Me: “Oh, okay. Well, I’m still a bit new. Do you know what I did wrong?”

    Manager: “No.”

    Me: “Oh, do you want me to just start over from scratch?”

    Manager: “No, I don’t have time to wait. I’ll do it myself. You take too long to complete tasks.”

    (This is the fourth time this has happened since I was hired. He would not read my reports for days after submission, and then complain about something trivial, which I’d promptly fix, then wait for days before eventually declaring my work to be a “total waste” and just redo it himself. I decide to talk to the director.)

    Me: “I’m concerned that [Manager] and I have different working styles. I don’t think it’s a good fit.”

    Director: “I was concerned this would happen. He prefers the old way of doing things. There was an employee like you that liked automation before [Manager] was hired. They clashed, too, and eventually he quit.”

    Me: “Then why did you think I’d be a good fit?”

    Couldn’t Miss The Opportunity

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Coworkers

    (A coworker I was never very fond of is leaving the company. When she comes around to say goodbyes, my snark gets the best of me…)

    Coworker: “You’ll miss me when I’m gone.”

    Me: “Only one way to find out.”

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