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  • Go Native Or Go Home
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    Go Native Or Go Home

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, History, Language & Words

    (I’m in line at a popular discount retail store, with two people ahead of me. The women at the head of the line is clearly new to English, and while she has a thick accent and struggles, she does her best to speak to the cashier in English, even though he rolls his eyes and makes her repeat everything several times. Finally, she is able to leave. As soon as she’s out of earshot:)

    Cashier: “Ugh, they shouldn’t be allowed in our stores until they learn our language.”

    (The man ahead of me says several things in another language.)

    Cashier: “Oh, man, not another one. This is America. Learn the language.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry. I just assumed you’d learned Cherokee, since you’re so big on people learning the local language. My mistake.”

    (The cashier turned bright red and didn’t say another word through the transaction.)

    A Completely Different Kettle Of Fish

    | NY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I work in my university’s dining hall. Though most employees are students, not all are. I am the cashier and am using the slow period to do some reading for an upper-level literature course. Coworker, who is not a student, walks by.)

    Coworker: “Hey, whatcha reading?”

    Me:The Hermaphrodite.”

    Coworker: “Oh, never heard of it.” *begins to walk away, then stops* “Is that about a fish?”

    Defying Egg-spectations

    | Green Bay, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Holidays

    (I stop at the grocery store on Thanksgiving morning to get the last few things for dinner.)

    Clerk: “Is that it?”

    Me: “Yes, thank you.”

    Clerk: “Great. Happy Easter!”

    Me: “Had enough of saying ‘Happy Thanksgiving,’ huh?”

    Telemarketers Have Breached The Wall

    | England, UK | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My dad has just received a phone call from a telemarketer.)

    Caller: “Do you require cavity wall insulation?”

    Dad: “No, I don’t.”

    Caller: “But wall cavities can make your house very cold and—”

    Dad: “My walls don’t have cavities. I don’t need cavity wall insulation.”

    Caller: “But…”

    Dad: “I’ll tell you what. If I find any cavities in my walls, I promise I’ll fill them with gold and give you the leftovers.” *click*

    An Ongoing Scan-dal

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Extra Stupid

    (This happened a few years ago when I was shopping in a department store. I go to buy a sweater that has the price clearly marked on it. I take it to the till but it does not scan when the cashier scans it.)

    Cashier: “This item is not scanning; let me call someone to do a price check.”

    Me: “The price is right on the tag here. It says [price].”

    Cashier: “Sorry, but we need to scan it in order to make the price go through the till.”

    (Another employee comes over and I explain what’s going on.)

    Employee #2: “Unfortunately we can’t sell you the item if it doesn’t scan. Can you come back tomorrow after we get it into our system?”

    (I am a little puzzled as to why this is necessary, but decide to agree with them and come back the next day. Sure enough, I come back the very next day to buy it, and again it doesn’t scan.)

    Cashier: “I need a price check on this item!”

    Me: “Seriously? I came here to buy this exact same item last night, and I was told to come back today because the item wasn’t scanning and you needed a day to put in in your system!”

    Cashier: “Sorry, but we can’t sell the item if it’s not scanning.”

    Me: “Can you get a manager, please?”

    (A manager comes over and I explain the situation to her.)

    Manager: “Unfortunately we can’t sell you the item if it doesn’t scan. Can you come back another day so we can get it in our system?”

    Me: “Okay, let me get this straight… You have this item on your sales floor to sell, with the price RIGHT ON THE TAG, and you’re telling me you can’t sell it to me because it doesn’t scan? Not to mention I was told last night to come back again so you could get it in your system? May I ask why this item is even on your sales floor to be sold if people aren’t even able to buy it?”

    (At that moment, the till over from me called for a price check on an item… Guess what that person was buying?)


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