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  • Incompetent By Any Estimate
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    Don’t Breathe A Word About This

    | MA, USA | Employees, Health & Body

    (I am visiting my mother in a nursing home. She has a roommate, but keeps the curtain between the two beds closed.)

    Roommate: *unintelligible*

    Mom: “Go see what she wants.”

    (I get up and go around the curtain.)

    Roommate: “Ask your mother to ring the nurse. My call button isn’t working.”

    Me: “The light over your bed is on.”

    Roommate: “I rang for the nurse 40 minutes ago and nobody has come.”

    Me: “The light over the door is on, as well.”

    Roommate: “My oxygen tube has fallen out and I’m getting dizzy.”

    Me: *sprints down hall to nurse’s station*

    That’s A Resignation For The Books

    | MA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners

    (For eight years I have worked part-time at a bookstore, despite being injured on the job, because I love books so much. I’m not exactly a people person, though. Our latest store manager has had it in for me ever since she showed up, and I’ve been stressed out of my mind for over two years. I take advantage of the departure of the only remaining good manager to put in my two weeks’ notice.)

    Store Manager: “Hey, [My Name], is this letter for real?”

    Me: “Yes. My last shift will be [date].”

    Store Manager: “And the bit here about ‘taking care of my physical and mental health’ – is that for real, or are you just being dramatic?”

    Me: “You’ve just made my point for me.”

    (I’m a little more broke but a lot more sane now!)

    Oh Mulch, Did We Pay For The Crap?

    | MN, USA | Coworkers

    (I work for a company that does native plantings, mostly on private properties. This particular day, my coworker and I are bringing a load of mulch to a private property which we picked up from another retailer on our way there. This conversation happened as we are unloading it.)

    CoWorker: “Oh, crap!”

    Me: “What?”

    CoWorker: “Did we pay for the mulch?”

    Me: “Well… they know who we are. They’ll send us a bill.”

    Not Dressed To Impress

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Job Seekers, Lazy/Unhelpful, Theme Of The Month

    (As part of receiving my state-run unemployment insurance I have to attend seminars on finding work. On one occasion, I’m in one where the topic of interview dress is mentioned.)

    Lecturer: “So, it really doesn’t matter about your experience, or whatever, just so long as you dress up for an interview. Now, we at [Government Department] support a charity group that can supply a nice dress or business suit for you ladies applying for a job – up to $1000 dollars worth of clothes for free! So, if you need to have something for an interview, then just apply!”

    Me:” What about men?”

    Lecturer: *pauses* “What about men?”

    Me:“Is there a similar scheme for men?”

    Lecturer: *confused* “I don’t get what you mean?”

    Me: “Well, is there a group supplying suits and ties and such for men to attend interviews in?”

    Lecturer: “Umm… why?”

    Me: “Well, guys might not have suits to go to interviews in either.”

    Lecturer: “Oh, no, mate, that’s your mistake there! A man doesn’t need a suit for an interview! Look, just turn up in your overalls and boots and stuff to an interview. That shows you’re all ready to start the job! Trust me, mate, you’ll ace the next interview if you do that!”

    (Given that I work in the scientific field, namely laboratory bench-work in the food industry, I doubted this but kept my mouth shut.)

    Orlan-Dos And Don’ts

    | Armada, MI, USA | Employees, Rude & Risque

    (The small town I grew up in has a week-long fair every year. Even after moving away in high school, I sometimes go with friends for a day. This exchange happens with a rather old man who is running one of the attractions. I’m wearing a shirt I bought on a recent trip to Florida.)

    Carny: *noticing my shirt* “So you went to Orlando, eh? How was it?”

    Me: “It was a lot of fun. I got to go to Disney World, which was pretty awesome.”

    Carny: “Say, you know there’s this place called [some street in Orlando] where you can find women EVERYWHERE! I mean, you drive down there and they’re just waiting around for guys like us, if you know what I mean!”

    (This goes on for a minute or two, with the man telling me just how promiscuous the women are in that part of town, ending with:)

    Carny: “So, you’re… what? A sophomore in college, I’m guessing?”

    Me: “Actually, I’m a junior in high school…”

    (Strangely enough, he didn’t make eye contact with me at all after that.)


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