(I’m in the drive through of a popular fast food chain getting breakfast.)

Cashier #1: “Welcome to [restaurant]. Can I take your order?”

Me: “I’d like a bacon and egg muffin, a hash brown and a small lemonade.”

Cashier #1: “Sorry, could you repeat that?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s a bacon and egg muffin, a hash brown and a small lemonade.”

Cashier #1: “Okay. That comes to $15.**”

(Note: this is about three times what it should cost.)

Me: “How much?”

Cashier #1: “$15.**.”

Me: “No, it’s not. I want one bacon and egg muffin. One hash brown. And one small lemonade.”

Cashier #1: “Um…”

(After some muffled noises come from the speaker, a different voice comes on.)

Cashier #2: “It’s $5.**. Please drive through to the second window.”

(I pull up to the window and wait for my order. A cashier comes over, opens the window and holds out a hot drink.)

Cashier #3: “Here’s your cappuccino.”

Me: “I didn’t order that.”

Cashier #3: “Oh. What did you order?”

Me: “A bacon and egg muffin, a hash brown and a small lemonade.”

(She closes the window and disappears. A short while later, she returns holding a cold drink and a bag of food.)

Cashier #3: “Here is your order.”

(She hands me the bag, closes the window and heads back into the restaurant. I have a quick look in the bag and it looks right so I drive off. It’s not until I’ve driven a couple of blocks that I realise I hadn’t paid for it!)

(I’m legally blind, and it’s obvious that I am. I’m still an avid reader, and frequent this particular bookstore quite often. An obviously new clerk is working.)

Me: “Could you show me Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? I need a present for my niece.”

Clerk: “I don’t think we have the large print addition in stock, but we can order it for you.”

Me: “Well, I don’t need the large print edition. I’m buying this for my niece.”

Clerk: “But you’re bli—visually impaired, right? Don’t you need large print?”

Me: “Yes, but this isn’t for me; it’s for my niece. She isn’t blind. I am.”

Clerk: “Oh. But you do need large print, right?”

Me: “Yeah. But I need a book for my niece today.”

(The clerk grabs my hand—something that you never do with a blind person, they take yours.)

Clerk: “We have all sorts of other large print books! I’m sure we can find something you’ll like…”

(Note: I am female and drive a car that has seen better days. It currently has a very slow water leak and occasionally overheats as a result. I have stopped at a convenient restaurant parking lot to let it cool before opening the radiator cap. This occurs just after I’ve come back outside after buying a drink.)

Female Employee: “I saw you open your car hood! You must need help.”

Me: “No ma’am, I’m just letting it cool before I fix the problem.”

Female Employee: “No dear, it’s no problem really! You just need a man to help you fix it; let me go get [male employee]!”

Me: “No, really—”

(She turns and briskly walks to the door to the kitchen and shouts for her coworker. He comes out a few moments later.)


Male Employee: “What’s the problem?”

Female Employee: “This woman’s car broke down and she needs help.”

Me: “Ma’am, excuse my rudeness, but I do not need help. I only came inside to get a drink while I wait for my car to cool down enough to safely remove the radiator cap. I have a canister of water and have had to do this before; I am completely capable of taking care of such a minor inconvenience.”

(The male employee looks at me, then back to the female employee and just shakes his head.)

Male Employee: “I’m clearly not needed here.”

Female Employee: “But she’s a woman! You have to help her with—”

Male Employee: “No, I do not need to help someone who is capable of helping themselves. Don’t call me out here for something like this again. Try listening to the customer next time before assuming that she needs help just because she lacks a penis.”

Me: *quietly* “Thank you!”

Sales Rep: “Hi. I was just wondering why my expenses haven’t been paid in to my bank account today?”

Me: “It will be in tomorrow. Yesterday was a Bank Holiday, so the payments take on extra day to clear.”

Sales Rep: “Why’s that then?”

Me: “Yesterday was a bank holiday.”

Sales Rep: “Yes, I know that.”

Me: “…So, the banks were on holiday. They weren’t working yesterday, so it pushes the whole process back a day.”

Sales Rep: “Really? I didn’t think that would affect it!”

(Our email server for the entire company has gone down. I am aware of the outage and get my small team to work on it immediately. Not five minutes goes by when the phone rings…)

Me: “Yes?”

Boss: “I AM NOT GETTING EMAIL!”

Me: “Right, I know. I just texted you that the servers are down. I’m working on it right now.”

Boss: “You need to resolve this ASAP.”

Me: “Uh… I am.”

Boss: “When will you have it fixed?”

Me: “I don’t know. It just went down less than five minutes ago. I was in the middle of trying to figure out what was wrong when you called.”

Boss: “You need to fix it ASAP!”

Me: “Yeah, I know; I am working on it.”

Boss: “Also, you need to email the entire IT department to let everyone know there is an outage.”

Me: “…Uh, how praytell do you want me to do that?”

Boss: “Email the IT group!”

Me: “Think about what you just asked me to do.”

Boss: “Oh… uh, guess you can’t email, can you?”

Me: “Nope. So, can I go back to fixing this now?”

Boss: “Well, make sure you email when it’s back up!”

Related:
Infinitely Loopy, Part 7
Infinitely Loopy, Part 6
Infinitely Loopy, Part 5
Infinitely Loopy, Part 4
Infinitely Loopy, Part 3
Infinitely Loopy, Part 2
Infinitely Loopy