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    Need To Keep Your Mouth Shut Too

    | UK | At The Checkout, Employees, Health & Body

    (I’m 15. My mum has just had another baby and I’m buying some more nappies (diapers) because we’ve run out.)

    Cashier: “You know these are for babies, love?”

    Me: “Yes, I know.”

    Cashier: “How old are you?”

    Me: “15.”

    Cashier: “Have you told your mum, love? When are you due?”

    Me: “These are for my mum… for my sister.”

    Cashier: “Teenagers these days need to keep their legs shut!”

    Me: “I’m not a bloody mum!”

    Cashier: “No need for that abuse now, dear. How is your schoolwork doing? How are you coping with the baby?”

    Me: “If you need to know, I’m a straight-A student, planning to applying to both Oxford and Yale.”

    Cashier: “And leaving your baby at home? Keep your legs shut, child!”

    Me: “You know what? I think I’ll just pop to [Competitor] for these instead, so that my Mum can change my sister.”

    Cashier: *as I walk away* “You need to keep your legs shut, girl!”

    Stuck In A Silly Land(line)

    | UK | Bizarre/Silly, Employees

    (My friend works in his family’s computing business, and sometimes they allow him and his friends to hang out in the office outside of business hours. However, he still has to answer the phone in case there’s a problem. It’s a Saturday, and we’re all chatting when the office phone rings.)

    Employee: “Hello? Yes? What would this be regarding, please?”

    (He listens for a while, as the rest of us sit there confused. He starts smirking.)

    Employee: “Oh. My landline service provider? Yeah, he’s really nice. Tastes like oranges.”

    (Catching on, we’re starting to giggle. He keeps going, sounding as professional and well-spoken as he possibly can.)

    Employee: “Yeah, yeah. We pay him in strawberries. It’s really the best way to do it.”

    (We have no idea what’s happening on the other end, but we’re all quietly cracking up as he comes out with the most ridiculous things he can. I have to go and sit at the other end of the room to calm down, but I can still hear him.)

    Employee: “… and anyway, we don’t have a landline. Yes, I’ll stop wasting your time now. Bye!”

    (I’m still not sure what they were trying to sell, but apparently the telemarketer was laughing as hard as we were!)

    A Cent-less Argument

    , | Oran, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Employees, Money

    (I am the next customer in line while this happens. The customer in front of me is a mother, with three kids in tow.)

    Cashier: Your total is $17.08

    (The customer rummages through her purse, pulls out bills as well as change, and begins to count the change out on the counter for the cashier, who sighs loudly and just generally looks annoyed.)

    Customer: “I’m eight cents short.”

    Cashier: “And what do you want me to do about it? You got any change in the car?”

    Customer: *hangs head down* “Yes. Let me go look.”

    (The customer goes out the car for at least two or three minutes.)

    Customer: “I only have four cents.”

    Cashier: “Well, I’m not having my drawer be short. You need to find the four cents or else you need to put something back.”

    Me: *takes a dollar bill out of my pocket, hands it to the cashier* “Just take it out of this.”

    (The cashier rolls her eyes and finishes the transaction, puts the change near her, and proceeds to ring up my transaction.)

    Me: “Just keep the change. You obviously need it more than me. You wouldn’t let your drawer be four cents short and you didn’t even attempt to give the change back.”

    Internal Affairs

    | Paris, France | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I don’t get along with my boss and so I leave an (unpaid) internship. About two months later, I get a call.)

    Ex-Boss: “YOU! You better give me my money back or I’ll go to the police!”

    Me: “Wait, what? What are you talking about?”

    Ex-Boss: “Don’t play innocent! You know what you did!”

    Me: “On my mother’s life, on both my parents’ life, I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about!”

    Ex-Boss: “You used my home phone to call Southeast Asia for hours! It’s going to cost me hundreds in phone bills!”

    Me: “WHAT?! WHY on Earth would I call Southeast Asia? I know no one there!”

    Ex-Boss: “Just to spite me, of course! You didn’t like it here!”

    Me: “Doesn’t mea— Wait, wasn’t your cleaning lady on vacation at that time?”

    Ex-Boss: “Yeah, so?”

    Me: “And wasn’t she replaced by a woman from Southeast Asia, with a phone that could receive calls, but not make them?”

    Ex-Boss: “Well, I know it’s you!”

    (Eventually, it all died down. However, about two years later, she emailed me about a new (unpaid) position she had, saying that she remembered ‘how cordial our relationships were and how well we work together!’)

    I’ll Go With Option Number Two

    , | Kitchener, ON, Canada | Employees, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (We have recently gotten a new dessert: a pop tart ice cream sandwich. We are supposed to suggest it at the end of the order.)

    Coworker: “Will that be everything today?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Coworker: “Would you like an apple pie or our new poop tart— pop tart ice cream sandwich?”


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