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    Redirection Deflection

    | England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Transportation

    (Part of my job is ordering equipment.)

    Boss: “Where is that package from [Supplier]?”

    Me: “I’ve spoken to them; apparently they shipped it last week.”

    Boss: “That’s not good enough! Ring them again!”

    Me: “If they have shipped it, I’m not sure what anyone can do.”

    Boss: “Just sort it!”

    (I ring them back and low and behold, they have shipped it already and can do nothing. Speaking with our stores team I find that there is a problem…)

    Me: “Hey boss, Just found out that the company has been redirecting our mail, so that package is probably at the other site. I will—”

    Boss: *interrupting* “No! No, you don’t understand. They don’t do that. You’re making excuses again.”

    Me: “Yes, yes they do. Look.” *I hand him an old envelope* “When a letter or parcel is sent to us it automatically gets redirected.”

    (There is a large ‘redirection’ sticker on the front with the other address on it.)

    Boss: “No, you don’t get it. This is something else.”

    Coworker: *overhearing* “Yes, that’s the case. There was an email sent out all about it.”

    Boss: *irate* “Look, they do not redirect our mail! That is only when you put the address on wrong.”

    (I lean over plucking the letter from the old envelope still in his hand.)

    Me: “Seems okay.” *read out address; it is perfect*

    Boss: “Whatever. Just get me that package!”

    (If he had let me finish I would have told him that I had asked the store-man to pick it up. The package was dropped off less than an hour later.)

    Birthing New Stupid

    | RI, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid

    (I’ve recently gotten married and I took my husband’s name. I’m at the bank to update my name on my bank account. The teller goes through the standard questions, verifying my name and new address and then:)

    Teller: “And is your date of birth still the same?”

    (I just chuckle thinking she’s joking, until I notice she’s still staring expectantly at me.)

    Me: “Umm, yes, that hasn’t changed.”

    Price Checked Out

    | England, UK | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m shopping with my young daughter in a high street shop; they are famous for having branded items for cheap, often last season or end of line goods.)

    Me: “Excuse me; do you know how much this is?”

    Floor Staff: “Does it not have a price on it?”

    Me: *I pause, thinking about all the sarcastic comments I could make* “No, it doesn’t.”

    Floor Staff: “Okay, well, if you take it downstairs you can get the customer services to price it.”

    (I look from the large box, to the push chair back to the large box.)

    Me: “I’m going to struggle on my own. Is there anyone that can help me?”

    Floor Staff: “Sorry.”

    (Undeterred, I thank her and manage to get in the lift, wait in line, and see customer services.)

    Me: “Can I get a price on this, please?”

    Customer Services: “Sure!”

    (She looks it over, scans the barcode, scans it again, then calls a manager.)

    Customer Services: “Sorry, it is not on the system. My manager said you can have it for £100.”

    Me: “What? That must be at least twice as expensive as the main dealer. No, thanks.”

    Customer Services: “Oh, okay then.” *suddenly sour* “Can you put it back where you got it from, then?”

    (Speechless, I turned and left.)

    Not The Boss Of Knowledge

    | TX, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (I share an office with three others, including my boss. A coworker comes in and looks disappointed at seeing my boss’s empty chair.)

    Me: “Looking for [Boss]?”

    (My coworker nods and looks at me expectantly.)

    Me: *after a pause* “…I don’t know why I asked that. I have no further information about his location.”

    (My coworker and officemates burst out laughing.)

    Me: “I didn’t think that through, did I?”

    Her Brain Is Flat

    | Humboldt, IA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Being early for my lunch shift at a ’50s diner, I have a seat with our retired cook who still does some grocery shopping for us. She’s a bit of a grouch, but I enjoy her company.)

    Coworker: *to cook*  “Would you like some more to drink?”

    Cook: “No, thanks, didn’t taste quite right today.”

    Me: *thinking she had her diet soda* “Is our machine losing carbonation again?”

    Cook: “No, I had a [cold tea drink] and it tasted like it wasn’t shook up or something.”

    (During this time my coworker, who likes to sound smart but is really a ditz, has taken a glass and tried some of the cold tea drink.)

    Coworker: “I don’t think it’s hooked up right. There’s no carbonation.”

    Me: “That’s fine. There shouldn’t be.”

    Coworker: “But it’s from a fountain. It should be carbonated.”

    Cook: “It’s tea. It shouldn’t be carbonated.”

    Coworker: “But it’s flat…”

    (At this point the phone rings and she leaves to take an order.)

    Me: “Can I kill her? She’s already brain dead.”

    Cook: “I’ll hide the body.”

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