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    Telemarketers Versus Religion

    | NC, USA | Religion, Technology

    (I stay at a rental beach house with my boyfriend and his family, as well as a friend of his younger sister’s. My boyfriend, his two siblings, his sister’s friend, and I are all in the living room when the phone rings. We all just kind of look at each other, and assuming it’s a telemarketer, I eagerly get up to answer.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    (The telemarketer goes into his speech about long-distance service, not even asking if I’m the head of house or old enough to make that kind of decision.)

    Me: “This is a beach house.”

    Telemarketer: “Are you happy with your current long-distance service?”

    Me: “We don’t have a phone.”

    Telemarketer: “Uh… excuse me?”

    Me: “We don’t have a phone. We don’t believe in phones. You see, we’re Mormon.”

    Telemarketer: “What?”

    Me: *click*

    (Everyone had contained their laughter until I hung up. For the rest of the week, we made excuses about not doing things ‘because I’m Mormon.’)

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    Bidding Adieu, Adieu To All Of You

    | SC, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Movies & TV, New Hires, Theme Of The Month

    (One of our three physicians has just announced his impending retirement.)

    Whole Office: “Noooo!”

    Doctor: “It’s not until summer! I can’t leave until I find a replacement anyway. There’s a nice young man who’s looking at coming here. He’ll be visiting on Monday.”

    Coworker #1: “No! We’ll be on our worst behavior! ”

    Me: “Like the Von Trapp kids!”

    Coworker #2: “And we’ll scare him away so you can’t leave!”

    Doctor: “Now, now, it’ll be all right! He’s young, but train up a doctor in the way he should go…”

    (It’s kind of a joke in the office that the nurses used to ‘train’ the doctor by using chocolate as a reward for getting appointments done on time.)

    Coworker #3: “So we leave chocolate on his desk until he figures out our schedules?”

    Me: “But what if he doesn’t like chocolate?”

    Coworker #3: *horrified expression* “Then he doesn’t belong.”

    Literally Life & Death

    | Dublin, Ireland | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    Boss: “I need everyone to stay late tonight to get these programs written by Friday.”

    Me: “We’ve pretty much finished them already. I can stay late tomorrow but tonight I have to go to my other job.”

    Boss: “This work needs to be done by the end of the week. What’s the worst that’ll happen if you don’t get to your other job?”

    Me: “My other job is in suicide prevention…”

    A World Plush With Lies

    | Lafayette, LA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Family & Kids

    (The store I work in is located in a mall, and despite being a candy store we also sell plush toys, with a display set up at the front of the store. Because of this, small children will often fuss at their parents to buy them said toys as they pass by on their way to or from other stores. A little boy wants a stuffed penguin, which his mother pries from his hands despite his protests.)

    Mother: “We’ll get it on the way back!”

    (Sulking, the boy follows his mother away from our store.)

    Manager: *laughing* “So many LIES! When will it END?!”


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