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    Caught With Their Pants Down

    | TX, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (Company policy requires us to lock our computers when we walk away from them. Thanks to our office prankster, if someone leaves a computer unlocked, we have a running joke of sending an email from their computer to the rest of the IT staff along the lines of, ‘I seem to have lost my pants.’ One morning, we receive such a message from the prankster’s computer.)

    Prankster’s Computer: “Has anybody seen my pants? I had them on this morning, but now I can’t find them anywhere. If you find them, please let me know where they are!”

    Coworker #1: “Have you checked in the fridge?”

    Coworker #2: “You should really be more careful with your pants. I think they were in the training room.”

    Me: “I saw some guys walking by wearing pants earlier. Maybe they took them?”

    (Everyone gets a chuckle, and we get on with our work. Half an hour later, the employee in question walks out of his cube wearing only his shirt, socks, and boxers.)

    Prankster: “Seriously, has anyone seen them? Anyone?”

    (It’s a good thing we have such a laid-back boss, and no female coworkers…)

    Cover Uncovered

    | TX, USA | Bosses & Owners, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m the only guy in my entire department, and I’m also the newest business analyst in my group. I tend to stop working around noon and then just waste the rest of my day. About a year and a half into the job, we find out we’re all being laid off in about six months. I don’t want to let my vacation time go to waste, so I schedule it and get other analysts to cover my workload for those two weeks. My supervisor comes to my desk.)

    Supervisor: “Who did you get to cover you, so I know where to send any updates on your accounts?”

    Me: “[Coworker #1] is covering these accounts. [Coworker #2] has taken all of these. [Coworker #3] offered to take these—”

    Supervisor: “Usually we have just one person covering for people. How many do you have?”

    Me: “Five. I didn’t think any one person would want to cover me.”

    Supervisor: “Five! Why do you need five people to cover you? You spend half of your day doing nothing. How could need five people to cover your accounts?”

    (My supervisor brought up the work assignments. It turned out that I was assigned a third of my entire 15-employee department’s workload, and still finished quickly enough to be done for the day by lunch time. When I came back from vacation they offered to retain me after the layoff, but I’d spent that two weeks finding a new job, and ended up with one paying double.)

    Flights Of Fancy

    | South Africa | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists & Travel, Transportation

    (I am a pilot. On this particular overseas flight, a very common route, about 90% of the flight is over the ocean. An air hostess comes in with my breakfast.)

    Hostess: “Good morning. Ooh, it’s quite bright in here, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yeah. Good weather today.”

    Hostess: *leaning over to look out of the cockpit window* “Oh, wow, we’re over the ocean!”

    (She puts down my breakfast and leaves the cockpit. My co-pilot and I look at each other.)

    Co-Pilot: “Did she just say what I think she said?”

    Me: “Yeah. For a moment I wasn’t sure I heard that right, either. If we weren’t over the ocean, I would be seriously concerned about where we were going to end up!”

    It’s Sickening The Lengths Some Will Go To

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Liars/Scammers, Top

    (My coworker and I are on a break.)

    Me: “I am missing my cousin’s engagement party tonight.”

    Coworker: “Why didn’t you put in for the night off?”

    Me: “Mum forgot to give me the invite until it was too late.”

    Coworker:  ”You should have just called in sick. I do it all the time when I have a party to go to.”

    (Two days later, I am working with a different coworker.)

    Me:  ”I thought I was working with [Coworker] tonight?”

    Coworker #2: “Didn’t you hear?”

    Me:  ”About what?”

    Coworker #2: “She called in sick last night so she could go to [Boyfriend]’s work party.”

    Me: “Um, doesn’t [Boyfriend] work for our security department?”

    Coworker #2: “Yes, the party was here as well and with all the bosses in attendance, the idiot was fired on the spot and escorted off the premises.”

    A New Direction Upon Reflection

    | Cambridge, England, UK | Tourists & Travel

    (Our university’s road trip society has gone on a day trip to our rival city of Cambridge. We stop a tour guide to ask for directions.)

    Me: “Excuse me, do you know the way to the tourist centre?”

    Guide: “It’s down there and then right. Where are you from anyway?”

    Friend: “Oh, we’re from Oxford.”

    Guide: “Ah… as I was saying, down there and then left.”

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