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    Striking A Happy Medium

    | UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (One of my more senior coworkers has a well-known reputation for being particularly grumpy and offensive; however, we get on quite well. I’m being let in by the owner just as my coworker arrives.)

    Me: “Morning, [Owner].

    (My coworker brushes past me. In a very artificially bright voice I speak up.)

    Me: “Morning, Mr. Happy!”

    Coworker: *grunts*

    Me: “Nice to see you’re in such a good mood, Mr. Happy!”

    Coworker: *grunts again* “Coffee.”

    Me: “You’re going to be even more happy after coffee? How will we cope, Mr. Happy?”

    (My coworker and I hear a thump, and turn to see the owner has hit the floor due to her hysterical laughter.)

    Didn’t Drink This One Through

    | Auckland, New Zealand | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Money

    (This particular sandwich restaurant has a $6 meal combo which includes a sandwich, small drink, and cookie. Separately, a sandwich and cookie come to $6.50. As a poor University student I’m trying to save money any way possible, so I usually get the combo. However, this day I already had a drink with me and didn’t need another one.)

    Me: “I’ll have the sandwich and a chocolate chip cookie please.”

    Cashier: “That comes to $6.50. Would you like to upgrade to the $6 combo and get a small drink for 50 cents less?”

    Me: “I only want the sandwich and cookie, but can I get the deal and just not have the drink?”

    Cashier: “No, you have to pay $6.50 if you’re not getting the drink.”

    Me: “Well, I’ll take the deal then and just ‘forget’ the cup.”

    Cashier: *getting frustrated* “No, you must take the cup and have a drink if you get the deal.”

    Me: “Fine. I’ll take the drink.”

    (The cashier hands me a small cup and straw.)

    Cashier: “That’s $6 please.”

    (Immediately after I paid I turned around and put the empty cup and straw in the bin next to me and walked off with the rest of my meal. He looked furious!)

    Ordered And Disordered

    | Stamford, CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I ordered a pizza online from a rather well known pizza chain at about 10:15 pm. I am monitoring the progress of my order with their online ‘pizza tracker’ when it says my pizza has been delivered but I never received it. We have just had a big snowstorm here and the conditions are still pretty of slippery so I wait another 15-20 minutes before deciding to call and just get an update.)

    Me: “Yes, hi. I placed an online order about an hour ago and it is showing as delivered. I haven’t received it, so I just wanted to make sure it was just an error and see what time I should expect the delivery person?”

    Pizza Employee: “Conditions are slippery. Our drivers are running late.” *click*

    (I am a little put off but figure that I’m not the only one calling and they are probably tired. I wait until 11:15 and still no sign of the pizza. I call again, hoping to get another person who will be a little more helpful.)

    Me: “Hi, I called before about a pizza I ordered…”

    Pizza Employee: *yelling* “Roads are bad! Wait is 1 hour 40 minutes!”

    Me: “Yes, I know the roads about bad but I’m confused. My tracker says it was delivered and I am trying to figure out if it was accidentally delivered somewhere else or if it’s just because of the weather…”

    Pizza Employee: *with a palpable attitude* “Fine! Then we cancel your order!!”

    Me: “No, I didn’t say that. I don’t want to cancel it. I just want to know what is going on and when I should expect the delivery person. It’s almost 11:30 pm. Should I wait until midnight?”

    Pizza Employee: *click*

    (I am floored at how rude he is and decide to call back and actually cancel my order.)

    Me: “Hi. I just called and was HUNG UP ON while asking about the wait for my pizza. Please cancel my order. I will be writing to your corporate offices.”

    Different Pizza Employee: “Oh, okay.”

    (No apology for the other workers unacceptable behavior, nothing. The kicker? The poor delivery guy showed up with the pizza not five minutes later and it turned out they never were going to cancel my order, even though I asked them to!)

    Let Up Everybody And His Brother

    | New Haven. CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (My brother goes to pick up my 14-year-old daughter from having her operation. She’d gone in for minor surgery.)

    Brother: “Hi, I’m—”

    Nurse #1: “Room [number], Mr. [Brother].”

    (My brother goes upstairs and goes to the room. A doctor and another nurse are already there. My daughter is currently very weak.)

    Doctor: *seeing my brother enter* “Yes?”

    Brother: “Hi, I’m here to pick up [Daughter]. I’m her uncle.”

    Doctor: “Well… [Nurse #2], could you just call down to the lobby?” *to my brother* “We didn’t get a call to say you were coming up to visit her.”

    Brother: “I’m picking her up.”

    Doctor: “She’s leaving at 7:15 pm.”

    (It’s 1:45 pm. We were told 2.)

    Brother: “No. I was told by the nurse downstairs to come here.”

    Doctor: *getting out a radio* “I’ll just ask.”

    (He talks on the radio for a minute before glancing back at my brother. He then turns it off.)

    Brother: “Well? Can I take [Daughter] out?”

    Doctor: “No. Security has been called and will be here shortly. The nurse downstairs said she NEVER sent you up here and didn’t say to anyone beside this girl’s father that she needed visiting.”

    Brother: *worried* “Look, I AM her uncle. You can call her mother.”

    Doctor: “I don’t need to do anything else.” *gets radio again* “Err, [Nurse #1], who did you send up here?”

    Nurse #1: *barely audible* “Girl’s father. I recognized him.”

    (My husband and brother look nothing like each other.)

    Doctor: “Okay.” *turns radio off* “You are not going ANYWHERE with this girl!”

    (Security guards arrive and begin escorting my brother downstairs. The police had been called and at that moment I am arriving to drive them home when I see the car. I rush in and find my brother being taken out.)

    Me: “[Brother]? What’s going on?!”

    (The guards tell me everything after I am verified by several different people that I am related to my daughter.)

    Me: “God, this is stupid; he’s her uncle!”

    Doctor: “No, the nurse said she sent the father up and she didn’t recognise this guy. Are you sure your brother—”

    Me: “I KNOW that my brother was sent here. Where IS the nurse?”

    (Nurse #1 comes over.)

    Nurse #1: “Ma’am, I saw your husband in the lobby and he was asking me for directions, so I gave him the way to the room. I made sure the right guy went. But they asked because the wrong guy had come up. So I got security.”

    Me: “This is ridiculous. We were told to collect her now, and you let a guy go in without confirmation because you thought you knew who he was?”

    (We never went back to that hospital.)

    That’s What They Both Said

    | LA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I have just got off work on the overnight shift at a big box store. I am picking up a few grocery items before heading home. Among my items are a few cucumbers. The cashier ringing me up is a lady I was friendly with when I was a cashier a few years prior.)

    Cashier: “Oh, you making a salad when you get home?”

    Me: “Yeah. I like to eat something kinda light for my ‘dinner.’ I know its seven am but it’s dinner to me!”

    Cashier: “True. Wow, these cucumbers are huge!”

    Me: “Aren’t they? And those are two of the small ones. I don’t really like the big ones. The seeds are too big.”

    Cashier: “And see, me? I like the big ones! I like a lot of seeds in mine!”

    Me: “Well, go get you some when you get off. They are huge. I’m sure they’re full of seeds. And leave some little ones for me. These big ones are too much for me.”

    Cashier: “Oh, yeah, I was just thinking I’m gonna have to go get some of these big boys.”

    (I pay and gather my bags.)

    Me: “Thanks, you have a good day. Oh, and by the way… I can’t believe we just had that conversation with straight faces!”

    Cashier: *eyes get wide and bursts out laughing*

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