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  • Saying It Over And Ovarian
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  • Those Aren’t Moneybags Under His Eyes

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Money

    (I work front desk at an offshoot brand of a well known hotel chain. I wear glasses, which are broken and taped at the corner. I’m relatively new to this job, and as such, my vision coverage hasn’t kicked in yet, meaning I haven’t been able to get them replaced. The owner has apparently complained behind my back to our GM that my glasses look ‘unprofessional.’)

    Owner: *sarcastically* “Do we have to take up a collection to get you some new glasses?”

    Me: *uncomfortably chuckling* “No, sir. I’m just waiting for my insurance to kick in so I can get some new ones.”

    Owner: “Why haven’t you just replaced them?”

    Me: “Well, because I can’t afford them on my own.”

    Owner: “Well, why not?”

    Me: “… I think that’s up to your payroll.”

    Cancelling Themselves Out

    | UK | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Theme Of The Month

    (I ring up to cancel my ISP. The bills have grown year on year and the quality has decreased at the same rate.)

    Me: “Yes, I would like to cancel my service.”

    Cancellation Department: “What if I offered you half-price sports channels for six months?”

    Me: “Not interested. I want to cancel my service.”

    Cancellation Department: “I see you have the high definition service. I could give that to you for free for a year.”

    Me: “No, sorry. I want to cancel my service.”

    Cancellation Department: “Won’t your family miss all the great channels and entertainment?”

    Me: “No. Please cancel my service.”

    Cancellation Department: “Can I ask why you are cancelling? Maybe there is something I can do?”

    Me: “Okay, seeing as you asked: no value for money, poor choice of programs, slow service, slow installation, inferior router, constant junk mail despite being asked not to get any, and poor customer service.”

    Cancellation Department: “Oh, okay. Well, I’m sorry to hear that. But I’m afraid that I’m having some problems opening your account. Can I call you back tomorrow?”

    Me: *sighs* “Yes, of course. Please call me on [number] between 12 and 2 or after 5 pm.”

    (Of course I never received the phone call, and when I called back, no comments were made on my account. I had to go through the whole script two more times before being transferred and my call being dropped.)

    Having A Ball With It

    | Doylestown, PA, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    Coworker #1: “Hey, did anyone see my blue stress ball? It’s missing. Someone must have gone through my drawers and taken it.”

    Coworker #2: “Nobody should be going in your drawers except your wife.”

    Coworker #1: “That hasn’t happened for 16 years. Man, I can’t believe someone took that!”

    Me: “So what you’re saying is, when you find out who reached in your drawers and grabbed your blue ball you’re gonna be pretty upset?”

    Putting Your Selfie In Danger

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    (My company is having a fire drill, but it was unannounced as to get everyone away from their desk. I am coming down the stairs to evacuate when a pair of sales associates in their 20s walk in front of me into the stairwell from their floor. They are completely serious with what they say.)

    Coworker: “I need to get on snapchat!”

    (The coworker pulls out her phone.)

    Coworker: “Oh, my god! The building is on fire! Hashtag, selfie!”

    (Coworker #1 and #2 proceeded to STOP in the middle of the stairwell to take their ‘selfie,’ making everyone who was behind them stop for a moment. I wish I could have photo-bombed them.)

    Supply And Demanding

    | Nashville, TN, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Employees, Rude & Risque

    (I own and run a business of about 35 people. One day my secretary is on sick leave, so I answer incoming calls. I receive a call from a masked number who turns out to be my stationery supplier.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [Company]. How can I help you?”

    Supplier: “Put me through to your manager!”

    Me: “May I know who’s calling?”

    Supplier: “Put me through your manager NOW!”

    Me: “Sir, I cannot transfer you unless I know who’s calling and what this is regarding!”

    Supplier: “Listen here you little s***! I want you to transfer me to your manager immediately, or I will make sure you don’t have a job in the morning!”

    Me: “I seriously doubt it. Now tell me what this is about or this phone call is over!”

    Supplier: “Fine! I’m the new manager and owner of [Small Stationery Supplier], and if you don’t hand over the phone to your boss now, I will get you fired by the end of the day!”

    Me: “Not happening.”

    Supplier: “Hand over the phone, b****!”

    Me: “All right, enough! I am the manager and owner here. My secretary is not in today, so I answer all the calls. Since this is how you treat your customers, I will terminate our contract. I shall also inform my partners, whom you supply, how big of an a**hole you are, and see how that turns out for you.”

    Supplier: “Who the h*** you think you are? I could destroy you! Now stop playing and transfer me, godd*** it!”

    Me: “Wow, an a**hole and a moron… Good bye.” *hangs up*

    (I kept my word, and terminated the contract and informed my partners about the call. The stationery supplier went out of business shortly after that. It turned out I was their biggest client.)

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