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    A Noddy To The Wise

    | UK | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Movies & TV

    (I have already taken a couple of calls about ‘a car accident you were involved in’ but they have not listened to my request for being taken off the list. So, I did a little research and am ready for the next caller.)

    Caller: “Can I speak to [My Name], please?”

    Me: “Speaking.”

    Caller: “My name’s [Caller] from [Company]. Your insurance company has passed on your details to us regarding a road traffic accident you had, and we’d like to talk to you about compensation.”

    Me: “Is this about the hit and run?”

    Caller: “Well, I didn’t see that in the det—”

    Me: “Yeah, it was a hit and run. Some youth in a blue, red, and yellow convertible hit me and drove off. I don’t remember much about him, but he did have a blue hat with some gold bling on top.”

    Caller: “Okay!”

    (I can hear him typing away furiously, taking down the details.)

    Me: “He did have a passenger with him. An elderly bloke with a large white beard, no moustache, and big ears.”

    Caller: “Right.”

    Me: “The car registration was November, Oscar, Delta, five, one, three.”

    Caller: “This is interesting. The insurance company hasn’t given us all these details.”

    Me: “Yeah. Anyway, there was a witness: a Miss Blyton, spelled B-L-Y-T-O-N, first name Enid.”

    Caller: “So you had a witness, right?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “Good. The car registration is coming up as a Fiat coupe. Was that it?”

    Me: “I don’t know. It could be. I’m not very good with cars. I know it was a convertible.”

    Caller: “Was it an old car, box shaped?”

    Me: “It might have been. It all happened so fast and I’m terrible at recognising car types.”

    Caller: “Did you contact your insurance company?”

    Me: “No, I had left it in the hands of the policeman who dealt with the case. His name was PC Plod.”

    Caller: “So it’s in the hands of the police?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “That’s good. Thanks for the information. I’m not sure why the insurance company didn’t give us any of these details, but what I’ll do is talk to my supervisor and see what he thinks we can do. I’ll look into it and get back to you as soon as possible.”

    Me: *thinking to myself that he won’t when he realizes* “Yes, you do that. I look forward to hearing back.”

    (All this had happened whilst I was at work, so I relate what had just happened to my work colleagues. I was part way through telling them, when my phone rings again.)

    Supervisor: “Is that [My Name]?”

    Me: “Yes, it is. Hello!”

    Supervisor: “This is [Supervisor] from [Company]. You spoke a short while ago to [Caller] about the hit and run.”

    Me: “That’s right.”

    Supervisor: “Did you contact your insurance company about this incident?”

    Me: “No. As I said to your colleague, I had left it in the hands of the policeman who attended the scene, PC Plod, and the witness Enid Blyton.”

    Supervisor: “Oh, right. This is a wind up, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Oh, well done for spotting. Now, would you mind removing me from the list?”

    Supervisor: “All right. But before you go, can I ask you something? Do you read much Enid Blyton?”

    Me: “Not for a long time, no.”

    Supervisor: “Tell me, was Enid Blyton involved much with the BFG?”

    Me: “No, that was Roald Dahl.”

    Supervisor: “You really do know your stuff. I’ll take you off our list. Bye!”

    Management Speak

    | WI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Language & Words

    (I’m in a meeting with several managers and assistant supervisors. The director, who has been running around all day like his hair was on fire, pokes his head in.)

    Director: ”Where—” *stammers something unintelligible*

    (He frowns as his mouth refuses to work right, but then grins and decides to run with it.)

    Director: *gibberish*?

    Manager: *gibberish while pointing to the right*

    Director: *gibberish while nodding*

    (The director leaves like his question has been answered. The rest of us watching are in stitches.)

    Assistant Supervisor: ”What the h*** was that?!”

    Name Isn’t Seth In Stone

    | TN, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Language & Words, New Hires

    (There are mostly women working in the store so a coworker and I are quite excited to have a new guy working on the truck with us to help with the heavy lifting. We are talking about him and how well he’s working out when the head manager comes into the back and overhears us.)

    Me: “The new guy is really working out so far. He’s been asking great questions and he’s really fast at his work.”

    Coworker: “What’s his name again?”

    Manager: “Siet. Weirdest name I’ve ever heard.”

    Me: “I thought his name was Seth.”

    Coworker: “That’s what I heard.”

    Manager: “How do you spell that?”

    Me: “Seth. S-E-T-H.”

    Manager: “How do you say it?”

    Me: “Seth.”

    Manager: “I’ve never heard of someone named Seth. Have you?”

    Me: “I think it comes from mythology, but it’s a pretty common name.”

    Manager: “Hmm. Well, I don’t like it. What’s his middle name? We’ll have to find something else to call him.”

    Very Bad Reception, Part 6

    | Lancashire, England, UK | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

    (My GP surgery and the people who work in it are usually brilliant, but recently they’d had a system update that not only did everyone seem to despise, but not everyone seemed to be able to use. I need a bunch of specific tests done that I am not really comfortable with. About two weeks before they said they’d booked me in for an appointment when they hadn’t, and I ended up waiting for an hour before going home and getting some much needed sleep before I chewed someone to pieces for what was likely a one-time accident. It is two weeks later.)

    Me: “Hi. I had an appointment at [time], but I never got called. The person who came for the appointment after mine just got called. I think you’ve forgotten to book me in.”

    Receptionist #1: “Ah, yeah. You’re not booked in. When did you arrive? You need to speak to us when you do. The appointment machine isn’t working.”

    Me: “I know. I pointed this out to the lady standing behind you when she asked me to use it fifteen minutes before [appointment time]. I don’t know how, but you’ve skipped booking me in, and I’d like you to fix that, thanks.”

    (She puts a note on the system to say what had happened and asks me to sit down again. Since she doesn’t actually tell the doctor, three more appointments are called whilst I sit there. Eventually someone actually tells the GP what has happened and I finally get called, over an hour later.)

    GP: “I’m really sorry. I don’t—”

    Me: “Well, I’m glad somebody apparently is.”

    GP: “What?!”

    Me: “I have been sitting out there for an hour and a half, despite booking in on time, because someone made a mistake and actually fixing said mistake was apparently too difficult to do. Not once did I get an apology until you apologised, either. I get it, mistakes happen, but that’s twice this fortnight and I’m a little tired of it.”

    (After explaining exactly what happened, the GP agreed to speak to the reception staff and pointed out they should have rung her from the start. Meanwhile, the tests I was going in for: everything came back normal except for my blood pressure, which had inexplicably skyrocketed the second time around.)

    Very Bad Reception, Part 5
    Very Bad Reception, Part 4
    Very Bad Reception, Part 3

    Ferreting Out The Correct Information

    | Oshawa, ON, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Pets & Animals

    (I have to make an emergency vet appointment for my ferret, and as I don’t drive I am waiting for my mother to pick me up to take me there. As I’m waiting, I get a call from work.)

    Manager #1: “Hi, [My Name]. I just had someone call in sick. Would you be able to cover for them today?”

    Me: “Sorry, no; I have to take my ferret to the vet.”

    Manager #1: “All right. Thanks anyway.”

    (She hangs up. The rest is related to me when I come in a couple days later.)

    Manager #1: “[My Name] can’t come in. She said she had to take her parents to the vet.”

    Manager #2: “… You mean her ferret?”

    Manager #1: “You know, that would make a lot more sense.”

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