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    Let Up Everybody And His Brother

    | New Haven. CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (My brother goes to pick up my 14-year-old daughter from having her operation. She’d gone in for minor surgery.)

    Brother: “Hi, I’m—”

    Nurse #1: “Room [number], Mr. [Brother].”

    (My brother goes upstairs and goes to the room. A doctor and another nurse are already there. My daughter is currently very weak.)

    Doctor: *seeing my brother enter* “Yes?”

    Brother: “Hi, I’m here to pick up [Daughter]. I’m her uncle.”

    Doctor: “Well… [Nurse #2], could you just call down to the lobby?” *to my brother* “We didn’t get a call to say you were coming up to visit her.”

    Brother: “I’m picking her up.”

    Doctor: “She’s leaving at 7:15 pm.”

    (It’s 1:45 pm. We were told 2.)

    Brother: “No. I was told by the nurse downstairs to come here.”

    Doctor: *getting out a radio* “I’ll just ask.”

    (He talks on the radio for a minute before glancing back at my brother. He then turns it off.)

    Brother: “Well? Can I take [Daughter] out?”

    Doctor: “No. Security has been called and will be here shortly. The nurse downstairs said she NEVER sent you up here and didn’t say to anyone beside this girl’s father that she needed visiting.”

    Brother: *worried* “Look, I AM her uncle. You can call her mother.”

    Doctor: “I don’t need to do anything else.” *gets radio again* “Err, [Nurse #1], who did you send up here?”

    Nurse #1: *barely audible* “Girl’s father. I recognized him.”

    (My husband and brother look nothing like each other.)

    Doctor: “Okay.” *turns radio off* “You are not going ANYWHERE with this girl!”

    (Security guards arrive and begin escorting my brother downstairs. The police had been called and at that moment I am arriving to drive them home when I see the car. I rush in and find my brother being taken out.)

    Me: “[Brother]? What’s going on?!”

    (The guards tell me everything after I am verified by several different people that I am related to my daughter.)

    Me: “God, this is stupid; he’s her uncle!”

    Doctor: “No, the nurse said she sent the father up and she didn’t recognise this guy. Are you sure your brother—”

    Me: “I KNOW that my brother was sent here. Where IS the nurse?”

    (Nurse #1 comes over.)

    Nurse #1: “Ma’am, I saw your husband in the lobby and he was asking me for directions, so I gave him the way to the room. I made sure the right guy went. But they asked because the wrong guy had come up. So I got security.”

    Me: “This is ridiculous. We were told to collect her now, and you let a guy go in without confirmation because you thought you knew who he was?”

    (We never went back to that hospital.)

    That’s What They Both Said

    | LA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I have just got off work on the overnight shift at a big box store. I am picking up a few grocery items before heading home. Among my items are a few cucumbers. The cashier ringing me up is a lady I was friendly with when I was a cashier a few years prior.)

    Cashier: “Oh, you making a salad when you get home?”

    Me: “Yeah. I like to eat something kinda light for my ‘dinner.’ I know its seven am but it’s dinner to me!”

    Cashier: “True. Wow, these cucumbers are huge!”

    Me: “Aren’t they? And those are two of the small ones. I don’t really like the big ones. The seeds are too big.”

    Cashier: “And see, me? I like the big ones! I like a lot of seeds in mine!”

    Me: “Well, go get you some when you get off. They are huge. I’m sure they’re full of seeds. And leave some little ones for me. These big ones are too much for me.”

    Cashier: “Oh, yeah, I was just thinking I’m gonna have to go get some of these big boys.”

    (I pay and gather my bags.)

    Me: “Thanks, you have a good day. Oh, and by the way… I can’t believe we just had that conversation with straight faces!”

    Cashier: *eyes get wide and bursts out laughing*

    This Call Will Make A Man Out Of You

    | UK | Coworkers, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem

    (I am listening to Disney music with the same headphones the company uses to talk to clients.)

    Me: *singing softly* “You are a spineless, pale, pathetic lot, and you haven’t got a clueee…”

    Colleague: *shocked* “Please tell me you are not on the phone right now”

    For A Few Dollars More

    | Australia | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I decide to shut down an account at the bank. The teller completes the transactions and gives me the balance of the account in cash. Later that day, there’s a knock at my door. My mother opens the door to see two police officers and an angry looking man in a suit demanding to see me.)

    Police #1: “Were you in [Bank] today?”

    Me: “Yes. What is this about?”

    Police #1: “The bank manager here says that you took money.”

    Me: “I closed an account; the teller gave me my balance.”

    Manager: *shouting* “YOU TOOK MONEY! YOU STOLE IT!”

    Me: “No. I only got what the teller gave me. I didn’t count it as it was so little.”

    Police #1: “So little? How much is so little?”

    Me: “I don’t know. I didn’t check the balance, but it was under $10.”

    Bank Manager: “It was supposed to be $8 but you took $9.”

    Me: “I had no idea the teller gave me $1 more.”

    (I pull a dollar note out of my pocket. The manager snatches it.)

    Bank Manager: *to police* “Aren’t you going to arrest him?”

    Police #2: “HIM? H***, NO! You, on the other hand, have wasted valuable police time over a measly dollar. You were acting as if it was thousands. H***, I would have given you a dollar myself if I had known. And, it was the bank’s fault.”

    (After apologising to me they took the red-faced manager out, promising to report him to his superiors.)

    Not Just The Sound Quality That’s Terrible

    | Lantana, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

    (A week before I bought a new phone because my old one had screen death. The new phone is a fairly expensive model that just came out last summer.)

    Me: “Hi. I wish to pay my bill and ask you about an issue.”

    (After paying the family phone bill of over $160:)

    Me: “I bought this phone about a week ago when my old one died, but the sound quality is horrible. Everyone I speak to sounds like they are in a tunnel with static. Do you know any tricks or tips about this brand and model phone to help with that?”

    Clerk: “Yeah, don’t buy a crappy phone next time! NEXT CUSTOMER!”


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