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    Supply And Demanding

    | Nashville, TN, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Employees, Rude & Risque

    (I own and run a business of about 35 people. One day my secretary is on sick leave, so I answer incoming calls. I receive a call from a masked number who turns out to be my stationery supplier.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [Company]. How can I help you?”

    Supplier: “Put me through to your manager!”

    Me: “May I know who’s calling?”

    Supplier: “Put me through your manager NOW!”

    Me: “Sir, I cannot transfer you unless I know who’s calling and what this is regarding!”

    Supplier: “Listen here you little s***! I want you to transfer me to your manager immediately, or I will make sure you don’t have a job in the morning!”

    Me: “I seriously doubt it. Now tell me what this is about or this phone call is over!”

    Supplier: “Fine! I’m the new manager and owner of [Small Stationery Supplier], and if you don’t hand over the phone to your boss now, I will get you fired by the end of the day!”

    Me: “Not happening.”

    Supplier: “Hand over the phone, b****!”

    Me: “All right, enough! I am the manager and owner here. My secretary is not in today, so I answer all the calls. Since this is how you treat your customers, I will terminate our contract. I shall also inform my partners, whom you supply, how big of an a**hole you are, and see how that turns out for you.”

    Supplier: “Who the h*** you think you are? I could destroy you! Now stop playing and transfer me, godd*** it!”

    Me: “Wow, an a**hole and a moron… Good bye.” *hangs up*

    (I kept my word, and terminated the contract and informed my partners about the call. The stationery supplier went out of business shortly after that. It turned out I was their biggest client.)

    As Stupid As Possible

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I order lunch online from a well-known high-end fast food chain and then go in to pick it up. When asked by the website when I wanted to pick up my meal, I select ‘ASAP.’)

    Employee: “Your food isn’t ready. Did you select ‘ASAP’ on the website?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Employee: “Well, don’t do that next time. Don’t say ‘ASAP.’ Put in a time that you want it ready. I just now told the kitchen to make your meal.”

    Me: *blinks*

    Not Quite Up To Speed

    | PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Transportation

    (I’m driving the speed limit on a major road when a cop car, which had been parked on the median, swoops out behind me and turns its lights on. I pull over thinking that I must have a taillight out. I open the window and wait for the police officer to approach.)

    Me: “What’s the problem, officer?”

    Cop: “You looked like you were going pretty fast back there.”

    Me: “What? I was going the speed limit. What did you clock me at?”

    Cop: “Well, I didn’t have my radar on but you looked like you were going fast.”

    Me: “Wait, what? You didn’t even clock me? What cause do you have to pull me over, then?”

    Cop: *realizing he’s made an unlawful stop* “Uh…never mind. Just slow down! *starts jogging back to his patrol car*

    Me: *shouting after him* “Hey! HEY! I WANT YOUR BADGE NUMBER!”

    (The cop jumped in his car and tore off WAY over the speed limit with his lights on.)

    Vocab Confab

    | Germany | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (At my school, we have to do ten weeks of internship, the places for which are chosen by the school. I am placed in the city’s registry office. The boss is a rather unfriendly person. I’m quite literate, which of course shows in the weekly reports I have to write and give the boss to read and sign. One day, the following happens.)

    Boss: “Hey, [My Name], here are your reports back. Can we talk about them for a second?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I follow him into his office. There is a copy of my report laying on the desk. I can see he typed a sentence I wrote into Google.)

    Boss: “How do you do this?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Boss: “How are you able to copy reports from the Internet without it showing up if I Google them?”

    Me: “I… write them by myself?”

    Boss: “No! You don’t. Your vocabulary is far too big for a 17-year-old girl.”

    Me: “Wait. If I really copy my reports from the Internet, I would have to find reports written by people who do the same tasks as I do, every week. That’s not very likely, is it?”

    Boss: “Uhm… you can go back to work now.”

    (By the end of the tenth week, I receive my grade together with a list showing how many points I got for the individual tasks. I received full points for my written reports.)

    Stripping Away The Truth

    | Lockport, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Money, Rude & Risque

    Teller: ” So, what do you do? You have a lot of singles.”

    Me: “I’m an exotic dancer!” *not really; I work at a car wash*

    (The old lady next to me looks me up and down.)

    Old Lady: “I can see it.”

    Teller: “Yeah. Me, too”

    Me: “Um, thanks?”


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