• Missing Identity
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  • August's Theme Of The Month: Best. Boss. Ever!

    Swear The Store Is Empty

    | Powell River, BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (My husband and I have a small bookstore.)

    Me: “I discovered an addition to Murphy’s Law today.”

    Husband: “What’s that?”

    Me: “If you’re in the back room and drop something and swear loudly, you will immediately discover that there is a customer in the store.”

    Husband: “Sounds about right.”

    Me: “There’s a corollary.”

    Husband: “Oh?”

    Me:  “They will then proceed to ask where you keep the Christian books.”

    Just Can’t Table This Discussion

    | OH, USA | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I’m working at a family style restaurant as a server one night when the manager comes up to me looking angry.)

    Manager: “Why hasn’t table 32 gotten their drinks?”

    Me: “I’m not sure. I think that’s [Coworker]’s table; does she need help?”

    Manager: “Oh, I thought it was your table. Sorry.”

    (A few minutes later, he comes up to me again, looking frantic.)

    Manager: “Table 15 says they haven’t been seen by a server yet! Why haven’t you been taking care of them?”

    Me: “Because, that’s not my table. I have the 20s and 35. Not table 15.”

    Manager: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Positive.”

    (About an hour goes by and we are swamped. Again the same manager comes back into the kitchen screaming for me.)

    Manager: “Why haven’t you taken table 54’s food out to them?”

    Me: “Because… it’s not my table.”

    (Apparently I’m supposed to run the whole restaurant.)

    Our Resident Idiot

    | Jensen Beach, FL, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (We are dining room servers preparing for the dinner rush. Because the residents can be demanding and we are pressed for time I try to have their specific requests on the table by the time they sit down to eat. This has led to the residents feeling accustomed to this type of service, and my newer coworkers somehow being under the impression that I am the only one qualified to serve things such as salad and wine. It is ten minutes into the dinner when my coworker approaches me for this conversation.)

    Coworker: “Hey, [Resident] says you forgot his wine. How do I give it to him?”

    Me: “Oops. There are glasses in the back of the kitchen, and wine is in that cooler.” *points*

    Coworker: *blank stare* “Okay?”

    (He doesn’t move, and appears to be waiting for further instructions.)

    Me: “Go get a glass and pour in the wine. Serve the resident.”

    We’re In Flori-duh!

    , | MI, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    Telemarketer: “We’re calling to make sure that you’re receiving the best value for your money.”

    Me: “Thanks, but someone already called last week. We put our Internet service on hold until we return from Florida in the spring, and we don’t have cable TV. So, I don’t want you to waste your time.”

    Telemarketer: “Uh, okay, well, who is your cable provider?”

    Me: “[Your Company] is our provider, but like I said, we don’t have cable TV. We only have your Internet service, and that is on hold until spring.”

    Telemarketer: “Well, we just want to make sure that you’re receiving the best value for your money—”

    Me: “Yes, I know, but like I said, we’re in a whole ‘nother state; we’re not in our house so obviously we don’t want cable right now. Maybe in the future.”

    Telemarketer: “How many TVs do you have in your home?”

    Me: *sighing inwardly* “One.”

    Telemarketer: “Is it high definition?”

    Me: “Yes, but as I mentioned, we don’t want cable TV so you’re wasting your time.”

    Telemarketer: “Uh, okay, well, we just want to make sure—”

    Me: “Thanks, but no thanks. Goodbye!”

    Not THAT Kind Of Role Play

    | Germany | Bosses & Owners, Geeks Rule, Rude & Risque

    (I’m 17 and I work as an au pair in Germany, looking after two children. I’ve asked my employers if I can take a weekend and a Friday off during June to go to Amsterdam with my girlfriend and her father for a tabletop RPG convention, and am now trying to explain what RPGs are. The dialogue takes place in German, which is not my first language.)

    Me: *haltingly* “You pretend to be a character and play a story with other people.”

    Mother: “Like theatre? On a stage? I didn’t know you were an actress!”

    Me: “No, no, just in a room with a few people. No audience. You just make up the story as you go along.” *I mean to say costumes, but instead say clothing* “You don’t wear any clothing but sometimes you have props.”

    Mother: *obviously thinking it’s something sexual and being horrified because of my age* “Is that legal?!”

    Me: *not understanding her horror* “Yes, of course! People come from all over the world; meeting new people is part of the fun.”

    Mother: “I don’t think you should go… Your girlfriend’s father plays as well?”

    Me: *suddenly realises my mistake* “Oh… OH! I meant costumes, not clothing! Everyone wears clothing! No one takes their clothing off! Especially not [Girlfriend’s 56-year-old father]!”

    (We laughed over the mistake later and I managed to explain better, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget the time I told the mother of the children I look after that I play games with strangers with my clothes off!)

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