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    Crying Wolf Will Make You Cry

    | Kansas City, KS, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (At my site, security guards work in pairs. On this day both of us have our personal computers out, which is against the rules, but a pretty common thing for all of us when the building is empty.)

    Coworker: “Oh, ****, [Supervisor] is coming!”

    (He pretends to scramble to put his computer away. I actually believe him and end up losing my work from unplugging my computer while hiding it.)

    Coworker: “Just kidding! You should have seen your face. It was priceless!”

    (I get my computer back out and about 20 minutes later actually do see our supervisor approaching the office on the CCTV.)

    Me: “[Supervisor]‘s here!”

    (I actually scramble to get my computer hidden. My coworker thinks I’m paying him back for his prank and just laughs.)

    Coworker: “Yeah, right. You’re gonna have to try harder than—”

    Supervisor: *opening door* “What’s so funny? And don’t you know you’re not supposed to use your personal devices at work?”

    Doesn’t Have A Head Between Those Headphones

    | Japan | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal

    (This exchange occurs in the Facebook group page for my company which provides native speaker English teachers to Japanese public schools.)

    Coworker: “Just to warn everyone: driving with headphones on is apparently illegal here in Japan. I just got a ticket.”

    Me: “Uh… that’s illegal in the States, too.”

    Coworker: “Really? It is?”

    Me: “The cops tend to frown on things that would prevent you from hearing horns, sirens… oncoming trains…”

    Laying On The Laying Off Thick

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Ignoring/Inattentive, Job Seekers

    (My studio works on multiple shows, and one of them was recently canceled. Half of the team of the canceled show were absorbed into other shows, laying off people from other teams. A week after this occurs, I’m having lunch with one of the directors for a show that had to let people go because of this.)

    Director: “The last week has just been so rough.”

    Me: “Yeah, but at least you still have your job.”

    Director: “True, but I don’t think anybody could feel as bad as I do since I had to let people go.”

    Me: “You do realize that you’re talking to one of the people you had to lay off, right?”

    Can’t Get With The Program(ming)

    , | Australia | At The Checkout, Employees, Language & Words

    Customer #1: “And that’s all today!”

    Me: “Alrighty!” *hands over food* “Is there anything else with that today?— Oh, sorry, programming. Have a nice day!”

    Customer #1: *laughs and walks away*

    Me: *to Customer #2* “Have a nice day— Argh! I mean, having a nice day? I mean— Hi, what can I get you?”

    Customer #2: “You’re glitching a little, dear.”

    Coworker: “I think she just needs a reboot.”

    Pranking As Sour As Vinegar

    | MI, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (We just hired a new bagger at our store. After a few shifts one of the cashiers decides to prank him.)

    Coworker: “Hey [New Hire], will you go shake the vinaigrette dressings in the condiment aisle? Customers are more likely to buy them if they’re mixed up.”

    (The new hire is gone for 45 minutes and freaks because he can’t keep the vinaigrette dressings to stay mixed on the shelves. The manager overhears what happened.)

    Manager: “Coworker, normally I would write you up for doing something like that to a new hire, but that was too funny. I won’t write you up if you don’t do it again.”

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