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  • Good To Sell Until Hell Freezes Over
    (922 thumbs up)
  • Must Be A Dothraki Gathering

    | IA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Theme Of The Month

    (I overhear someone at the meat counter, completely out of context, say:)

    Employee: “It’s not a real party unless someone dies!”

    Security Going All ‘Full Metal Jacket’

    | Orange County, CA, USA | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (A mother and father are helping their young daughter put on her hoodie jacket before leaving the store.)

    Security Guard: “Folks, can I just see your receipt real quick?”

    Father: *handing over the receipt* “Sure, here you go.” *turns back to helping his daughter*

    Security Guard: “No, I need to see the receipt for the jacket.”

    Father: “But we came in with this jacket.”

    Security Guard: “So, if I go into the family restroom I won’t find the tags to that jacket in the garbage?”

    Mother: “NO! We came in with this jacket. It’s not even a jacket from this store.”

    (At this point the guard insists the little girl take her jacket off so he can examine the brand label.)

    Security Guard: “Well, now I know you’re lying. If this isn’t from our store then why does the label show our brand?”

    Father: “It came from [Competitor]. You don’t even sell this brand!”

    Security Guard: “[Store] has something called ‘owned brands’ which means we’re the only ones that sell certain brands. This is our brand. There’s no way this came from [Competitor]. You want to try this again, or should we check the surveillance video and call the police?”

    Father: *getting visibly angry* “WE ARE NOT SHOPLIFTERS. CHECK YOUR D*** VIDEO!”

    Security Guard: “You know what? Just go to the service counter and pay for it and I’ll just let this slide.”

    (The mother must have a light-bulb moment, because before the father can flip out she quickly agrees.)

    Mother: “Okay, okay. We’ll pay for the jacket.”

    (The family comes to my counter, followed by the very smug security guard. They hand the jacket over to me and ask if I’m able to ring it up.)

    Me: “I’d like to help you, but this is obviously old and worn. Not to mention it’s not even from [Store]. This is [Competitor]‘s brand.”

    Security Guard: “This is ours. I buy this brand here all the time for my girls.”

    Me: “Even if this were ours, I doubt we would have sold a jacket with stains. Plus we don’t sell this brand.”

    (This unfortunately goes on for several minutes, the guard insisting that the family had stolen it. Finally, fed up, the family leaves the hoodie at my counter and storms out. Later that day a lead finds the jacket under my counter.)

    Lead: “Does this need to go to lost and found?”

    Me: “No. [Security Guard] ‘busted’ a family shoplifting it.”

    Lead: “… but we don’t sell [Brand]. How were they stealing it if it’s not ours?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Ask [Security Guard].”

    (She calls the guard over to ask him what happened. He recounts the story, pretty much exactly as it happened, only completely oblivious to his mistake.)

    Lead: “You know this isn’t our brand, right? Plus it’s totally trashed. Who the h*** would buy a nasty, worn sweat shirt like this? Let alone steal it?”

    Security Guard: “…”

    Lead: “So, let me see if I understand. You stopped a family for shoplifting a shirt that didn’t come from our store, is obviously old, and made a little girl leave without her jacket?”

    Security Guard: “Well, how was I supposed to know?!” *turns to me* “Why didn’t you tell me?”

    Me: “Seriously?”

    World Wide Watery Web

    , | New York, NY, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m on the phone, trying to resolve an issue where the cable company has mistakenly logged my account as disconnected.)

    Me: “I’m a little confused. The e-mail I received from you says that my account was disconnected, but I still have cable service.”

    Employee: “Well, that can’t be possible. You are disconnected. A technician went out to your residence and physically disconnected the lines yesterday.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think you’re understanding me. That didn’t happen. My cable and internet are still working. The lines have NOT been disconnected. If you have my account categorized as disconnected, why am I still receiving cable service?”

    Employee: “Well, there may just be some leftover service in the lines. That will get less and less strong as it finishes out and gets used up. That happens sometimes.”

    Me: “Leftover service in the lines? Like water in a pipe?”

    Employee: “Exactly like that. There is just leftover cable and internet in the lines. It’ll run out soon.”

    Me: “You do realize that cable and internet are not physical things that flow through a line, right?”

    Employee: “No, I don’t think that’s correct. The service goes through the wires and into your home, just like water through a pipe. You just have some leftover service in your wires.”

    Me: “… Can I speak to your supervisor?”

    The Poster Child For Creepiness, Part 2

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Coworkers, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a restaurant that is beside a coffee shop, which has a small theater on its other side. I stop into the coffee shop to get something before work, and right in front of me are two young chefs on break. The theater is hosting a dance competition, so the coffee shop is full of YOUNG dancers, roughly 10 years old.)

    Chef #1: “I’d love to hit that.”

    Chef #2: “I know! Look at her, with that makeup and skimpy costume! She’s begging for it!”

    (I glance over to where they’re pointing. She’s wearing a short skirt and leotard, similar to what a figure skater wears, and has stage makeup on, but does not have anything risqué about her look.)

    Me: “Guys, you don’t want to touch her.”

    Chef #1: “Why not? Those red lips could do the work.”

    Me: “Look around you. All these are little kids. I used to go to dance competitions all the time with my sister. They’re all 10, and that one, she’s MAYBE 13. Maybe. You guys are 19. Do the math.”

    (Both get a look of horror as they realize what they’re implying about a child.)

    Related:

    The Poster Child For Creepiness

    Unlucky In Cards

    | USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a card store that always has a card of the week on display at the register, as a way to single out pricier cards that we like. On this occasion, it is a card with a scrawny kid on it who flexes his non-existent muscles when you tilted the card. A couple walks up to the register.)

    Girl: “Oh, hey, this looks like you!” *laughs*

    Guy: “Shut up. No, it doesn’t.”

    Girl: “Yeah, it does! *still laughing*

    Guy: “No way!”

    Girl: “Yes way!” *turns to me* “Tell him!”

    Guy: “You don’t really think this looks like me, do you?!”

    (Since they were fun and clearly being good-natured, I wanted to play along, but wasn’t sure whose side to play along with. I figured I’d take the middle road and let them play it out from there. What I ended up actually saying…)

    Me: “Well, I mean, you’re both really masculine…”

    (The girl and guy both stop laughing and stare awkwardly at me.)

    Me: “I mean… umm… your total is $5.32?”


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