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    Half Of A Useless Answer

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I’m working at the cash register and an item doesn’t scan. I call for grocery to do a price check.)

    Me: “This item doesn’t scan. Can you tell me the price?”

    Coworker: “It’s 50% off.”

    Me: “That doesn’t tell me what I want to know…”

    Losing A Sale In Translation

    | Owatonna, MN, USA | Employees, Language & Words

    (My best friend and I are at the county fair, and are deep in conversation as we walk among the stalls. Note: I can speak German, and she moved to the US from Pakistan when she was four.)

    Seller: “Don’t you ladies want to check out the cute purses I have? I can give you two a special discount because you’re so pretty! They’re totally unique, and on sale today!”

    (He continues, being very persistent.)

    Friend: *whispering* “What do we do?”

    Me: “Don’t worry, I have an idea.” *to seller* “Es tut mir leid. Ich kann kein Englisch sprechen.”

    (He sighs, but turns to my friend.)

    Seller: “What about you, then? Do you want a purse?”

    Friend: *shakes her head and speaks very rapidly in Urdu*

    Seller: “I give up! How do you even talk to each other?”

    (We smiled at each other, then gave a high-five as soon as we were out of sight.)

    Weak-Minded Customers

    , | Oakville, ON, Canada | Coworkers, Geeks Rule

    (We are at that point in the day where we’d prefer not to get customers, because we’re tired and don’t want to be interrupted while we do our pre-closing tasks. The manager on duty tells us something funny that had just happened.)

    Manager: “There was a customer coming up to the door, and I just focused really hard and thought, ‘GET OUT. GET OUT. GET OUT,’ and he turned around and left!”

    (We all start laughing.)

    Me: “You telepathically made him leave!”

    Manager: “Yeah! It was like a Jedi mind trick!”

    Me: “‘This is not the [Restaurant] you’re looking for!’”

    Got A Bad Gut Feeling About This

    | Cornwall, England, UK | Employees, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Theme Of The Month

    (I am seven years old and have been suffering from stomach pains for a week or so. I had stopped eating a couple of days before but my mum has giving me milkshakes and other liquid things to keep me sustained. After I stop drinking, we go to our local 24-hour doctor to see what is going on. They gave me a couple of scans and send us to the main hospital in the county.)

    Doctor: “So, what seems to be the issue?”

    Mum: “She’s been suffering from stomach pains, hasn’t been eating properly, and a couple of hours ago started refusing drinks. Her stomach is distended, too.”

    Doctor: *without even looking at me* “Okay, she clearly has tonsillitis. She doesn’t need to be here. I don’t know why [24-hour doctor] sent you here or why they wasted time giving you any scans.”

    Mum: “She’s seven-years old and regularly suffers from tonsillitis. I think she’d know if it was her throat hurting, and I’ve never seen her tonsils cause her stomach to swell up. Can I speak to somebody in charge of the ward, please?”

    Doctor: *grumbles* “Okay, fine.” *storms off*

    (When the head of the ward came over, he took one look at my stomach, gave it a couple of prods to find out where the pain was and, after a couple more scans, discovered I had acute appendicitis and severe peritonitis from where my appendix had burst and started poisoning me by turning septic. I was in surgery first thing the next morning, and the original doctor who saw me was under supervision for the entire week I was in hospital.)

    Just Don’t Fail Him…

    | OH, USA | Bosses & Owners, Geeks Rule, New Hires

    (I’m a new hire, and in orientation for my job. After finishing paperwork, the manager is showing me how to clock in and out. He mentions getting my uniform.)

    Manager: “You’ll have to talk to [Name] when you get here Sunday, but he’s kind of intimidating.”

    Me: “So… is he built heavily? Or is it his personality?”

    Manager: “No, it’s mostly his voice. He sounds like Darth Vader.”

    Me: “That’s not intimidating.”

    Manager:Star Wars fan?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Manager: “You two will get along fine. Now, for breaks…”

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