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    A Recipe For Disaster, Part 2

    , | Toronto, ON, Canada | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (Since I was two, I’ve been diagnosed with celiac disease, which means that I can’t eat gluten. So I’m gluten-free, but most definitely not by choice. The most difficult part is eating out, because often employees won’t know what to do.)

    Me: “Is this item gluten-free?”

    Employee: “No, nothing is free.”

    Me: “No, does this item have any gluten in it?”

    Employee: “Gluten? What is gluten?”

    Me: “Wheat, barley, rye, oats, or spelt – are any of those ingredients in this product?”

    Employee: “One second.”

    (He then gets out his iPhone, and I presume it’s to call someone who created the product to make sure. Instead, he goes onto Google to search up ‘gltin.’)

    Employee: “How do you spell it?”

    Me: “Uh, never mind. I’ll just have [product that in no way could have gluten].”

    A Recipe For Disaster

    Sick Of These People



    | MN, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Liars/Scammers

    (I often visit a local coffee shop that serves not only coffee items, but also pastries and real fruit smoothies. The menu, however, does not list the fruits included in the smoothies. I have a kiwi allergy.)

    Me: “Hi, can I get a tropic blast smoothie and a scone?”

    Barista: “Sure thing! That’ll be [price].”

    Me: “And does the tropic blast smoothie have any kiwi or kiwi flavoring in it? I’m allergic.”

    Barista: “No, none at all! It’ll be right up.”

    (My friend and I pay and collect our food and go to sit down. I take a sip and immediately feel my lips tingling and itching, and my tongue feels like it’s getting pinpricks and is swelling. I realize there is kiwi, and I’m having an allergic reaction. Since my reactions aren’t life threatening, just uncomfortable for an hour or so, I bring it back up to get a replacement.)

    Me: “Uh, sorry but there is kiwi in this. I’m having a reaction but it’s in control. Can I get a refund or replacement, maybe?”

    Barista: “F*** off.”

    Me: *shocked* “Excuse me?”

    Barista: “You heard me. F*** off. That had got to be the fakest lisp I’ve ever heard, and Jesus is watching you lie to get things for free. You even drank half of it!”

    (The ‘fake lisp’ is from my swollen tongue, and I had only taken a small sip so the cup is nearly filled to the brim. Another barista gets the manager/owner for me without being asked, and I tell her what happened.)

    Owner: “Did you really tell this poor girl to ‘eff off’?!”

    Barista: “Listen to her! She’s obviously faking. She just wants free smoothies.”

    Owner: “Can you show her your tongue, please, miss?”

    Me: *sticks out my red and obviously swollen tongue*

    Owner: “Why did you tell her the tropic blast didn’t have any kiwi?! And why did you accuse her of lying?!”

    (The barista tried to defend herself and failed. The owner fired her and told me this isn’t the first time she’d been rude to customers. The owner gave me a 15 free drinks coupon, and even though I’ve used them up, I’m still a regular! But I’ve never had another smoothie from them.)

    Updates Berates

    | Johannesburg, South Africa | Ignoring/Inattentive, Liars/Scammers, Technology

    (My husband and I own and live at a guesthouse, which he runs as I have my own job. However, I work from home so I answer the guesthouse phone if he’s not there. We get a lot of telemarketers calling, but their products or services are aimed at big businesses, which we’re not.)

    Me: “Good morning, [Guesthouse]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, can I please speak to [Husband]?”

    Me: “Sorry, he’s not in at the moment. Can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, please. I’m looking for the person who’s in charge of buying hardware.”

    Me: “That would be me, but we’re a small company so we’re not interested in what you’re selling.”

    Caller: “I’m not selling anything. But even as a small company, you must have a fax machine, laptops, etc…”

    Me: “We have some equipment obviously, but I’m still not sure what it is you want.”

    Caller: “Well, we help you replace anything that’s broken with regards to your hardware.”

    Me: “No, thanks. We’re a two-man business, so if something breaks, we just go to [Major Electronics Store] and replace it ourselves.”

    Caller: “Well, can I get your name and email address so I can send you updates?”

    Me: “Updates on what? I’ve just said we’re not interested in what you’re selling.”

    Caller: “I’m not selling anything! We just need your email address to send you updates.”

    Me: *getting frustrated now* “No, thanks. I don’t want to be spammed.”

    Caller: “We do not spam! We’ve been around for two decades so we don’t need to spam!”

    Me: “I’m still not sure what you need our email address for. What are these ‘updates’ you keep mentioning? I’m not giving you our email address and we’re not interested in whatever it is you’re offering.”

    Caller: “Never mind, I’ll just speak to [Husband].”

    Me: “It’s not going to help you. I’m his wife, and he’s going to tell you exactly the same thing.”

    Caller: “Well, I’ve done my job!” *click*

    Brace Yourself For My Age

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (My dentist has recently suggested that braces would help with my crippling migraines. I make an appointment with an orthodontist and arrive to check in at reception.)

    Receptionist: “Oh, I’m sorry, it looks like someone put you in the system as an adult. Is your mom coming in, too?”

    Me: “I’m 28.”

    Receptionist: “…so, there’s coffee over there if you’d like to help yourself.”

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