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    Cooked Just Like Grandma Used To

    | NS, Canada | Coworkers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Language & Words

    (Coworker and I are chatting about what we did the previous weekend:)

    Coworker: “…and then we went over to my grandma’s house.”

    (The phone rings.)

    Coworker: “Oh, just a sec.” *answering phone* “Welcome to my grandma’s house…”

    (My coworker’s face immediately turns bright red. She quickly hands me the phone, runs out back into the kitchen, and bursts out laughing.)

    Me: *to the customer on the phone* “Sorry about that. Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Another Day…

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    Belongs In The Car Fool Lane

    | USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My work is only a 10-minute walk from home. On the walk to work I pass a gas station with a small convenience section. I call in one day on the way into work to pick up some milk and a breakfast snack. I go to the counter to pay.)

    Me: “Just this, please.”

    Cashier #1: “What pump?”

    Me: “I haven’t pumped gas; I just want to buy the milk and snack.”

    Cashier #1: “Lady, I’m not an idiot, and I WILL call the Police if you leave without paying for what you pumped!”

    Me: “I WALKED HERE! Look outside, there are NO cars parked in the forecourt!”

    Cashier #1: “Well, you probably pumped and drove off round the corner when I was on the phone!”

    Me: “Are you crazy?! Check the CCTV, or check your system; it will show I have not pulled up in a car, or pumped anything.”

    (By this time, the shouting has drawn the attention of another cashier, thankfully who I had seen plenty of times before and who I knew well enough to exchange pleasantries with.)

    Cashier #2: “[Cashier #1], what are you doing?”

    Cashier #1: “This THIEF is trying to scam us out of paying her fuel!”

    Cashier #2: “No, she works in the building next door. She comes in all the time; if you paid attention you’d know that.”

    (She then rang me up for my items and I walked out the door, through the forecourt and round the corner to my office. As I rounded the corner, I looked back to see Cashier #1 still watching me as I walked to make sure I don’t have a secret car hidden round ‘the corner.’ At least it woke me up for the day!)

    Air And Race Conditioning

    | Blairmore, AB, Canada | Bigotry, Coworkers, New Hires

    (In the middle of a heat wave I am in a well-known restaurant for dinner. Said restaurant has no air conditioning on. Their is one white girl with working among a bunch of Filipino workers.)

    Me: “Wow, it’s so hot in here. Is your AC broken?”

    Cashier-In-Training: “No, these Asians just like the heat. They are from the Philippines or something.”

    Me: “Uhmm…” *nervous laughter and exchanging funny glances from other customers*

    Go To Work And Throw A Fit

    | USA | Employees, Health & Body

    (I work as a materials handler and general bean counter in a facility that produces drill bits. As a result of a vehicle collision a month prior, I’m on a mix of medications that congress with a slight risk of seizures and, as a result, have been put on a leave of absence by my boss until I get a release to with from my doctor. The following is me venting my frustration at the situation to my husband the next morning:)

    Me: “I can’t believe they wouldn’t just assign me to a job that wouldn’t…”

    (I pause to consider the different positions that my boss could move me to temporarily.)

    Husband: “That wouldn’t what?”

    Me: “Wouldn’t kill me if I had a seizure. But now that I think about it, that’s just about every job there…”


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