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    Start In Jamestown And Work Outwards…

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I work for an inmate locator service. The caller has asked to look up his best friend.)

    Me: “Okay, can I have the first and last name?”

    Caller: “James.”

    Me: “Okay, and the last name?”

    Caller: “Oh, I don’t know his last name.”

    Me: “Sir, this is a statewide service. You’ll have to call back with the last name. I can’t run a search without a last name, unless you know the county he may be in.”

    Caller: “I don’t know what county! That’s why I’m calling you! And how many James’s can there be in the state of California, anyway?!”

    Getting A Strop About Strep

    | PA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Top

    (I get strep throat twice per year. Despite this, I have never been approved to get my tonsils removed. Every year, it gets so bad that I reach a fever of more than 105°F and my throat nearly swells shut. I’ve been told more than once that if I had waited longer than I did to see a doctor I may have died. This normally happens within 24 hours and I ALWAYS know when it’s coming. One night, when I’m stricken with strep throat, I go to the hospital and insist they give me antibiotics.)

    Nurse: “So, you wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

    Me: “It’s strep. I get it every six months, pretty severely.”

    Nurse: “How long have you been feeling your symptoms?”

    Me: “Since yesterday.”

    Nurse: “Only since yesterday and you came to the ER?”

    Me: “Yes. My doctor’s office is closed and I risk dying if I don’t get antibiotics right away.”

    Nurse: *in disbelief* “Oookayy. Well, I’m going to do a flu test, so—”

    Me: “No, do a strep test. I know its strep. I’m not going to pay for a flu test that’s going to be negative anyway.”

    Nurse: “I’ll do the flu test and if it comes back negative I’ll do a strep test.”

    Me: “That’s a waste of time. Just do a strep test.”

    (She does a flu test on me, and to the surprise of no one, it comes back negative.)

    Nurse: “Well, I think you’ll be fine. You’re free to go home.”

    Me: “WHAT?! No! May I please speak to another doctor?”

    (An actual doctor comes in a few minutes later.)

    Doctor: “Hi, honey. How are you doing?” *looks in my throat* “Oh goodness. Sweetie, I don’t mean to offend you but you look terrible. You definitely have strep. I’m not even going to do a test. Do you prefer amoxicillin or penicillin?”

    Adding Some Background To The Situation

    | IN, USA | Food & Drink, New Hires, Top

    (I drive by a Taco Bell.)

    Sign Outside: “Now hiring managers.”

    (Two weeks later…)

    Sign Outside: “Now hiring managers. Background checks required.”

    Driving On Snake Oil

    | Concord, NH, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Manager: “Hey, I just wanted to see if you could stay a little after your shift. [Coworker] called and said she might be late.”

    Me: “Yeah, no problem. Everything okay?”

    Manager: “I, uh, don’t really know. She said she was afraid her car might explode.”

    Me: “Her… car might explode?”

    Manager: “That’s what she said.”

    Me: “So, she’s going to be late because she’s waiting for a ride?”

    Manager: “No. She said she’s going to be driving in. She just wanted to let us know she’d be late if her car explodes.”

    Me: “If her car explodes she probably won’t have to worry about being late.”

    Manager: “I said the same thing, but she didn’t quite seem to understand.”

    Me: “I can’t believe you trust this girl to run a register.”

    Manager: “Be nice. I know she’s a little flaky, but she’s not that bad.”

    (Twenty minutes pass and my coworker walks through the door right on time. She quickly walks up to the counter where the manager and I are standing.)

    Coworker: “Hi! I made it on time!”

    Me: “Obviously. So I’m guessing your car didn’t blow up.”

    Coworker: “No, thank god. I was really worried because there was this weird light flashing by the speed thingy.”

    Manager: “Wait, you thought your car would blow up because a warning light came on?”

    Coworker: *nods* “It was really scary!”

    Me: “So, what did this light look like?”

    Coworker: “Oh, it’s some weird watering can thingy with the word ‘oil’ written on it. What do you think it means?”

    Manager: *stares for a moment* “I can’t believe I trust you to run a register…”

    Me: “Be nice.”

    Laughter Is The Best Medicine

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (My mother has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. I’m in grad school and I decide to skip a few classes to be with her for the week. Fortunately, she makes a full recovery. One of the highlights of the week is a phone conversation with a nurse at the hospital, who needs to get my mother’s medical history.)

    Nurse: “Have you ever had heart disease?”

    Mother: “No.”

    Nurse: “Lung disease?”

    Mother: “No.”

    Nurse: “Arthritis?”

    Mother: “No.”

    Nurse: “Psychiatric disorders?”

    Mother: “No.”

    Nurse: “Cancer?”

    Mother: “… Well, not until last Tuesday!”

    (The nurse was horrified and kept apologizing, but on our end, no one could stop laughing.)

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