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    Stupid In Any Language

    | Kittery, ME, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (Two very attractive young ladies come into the shoe store where I work. My male coworker and male assistant manager practically climb over each other in order to be the one to help them.)

    Assistant Manager: “Hello, ladies! How are you this fine evening?”

    Lady #1: “No hablo Inglés.”

    Assistant Manager: “Oh, really… I see. Is there anything I can help you two find?”

    (The two ladies glance at each other, shrug their shoulders, and walk away.)

    Assistant Manager: *to coworker* “Don’t even bother! They’re stuck up b****es!”

    Me: “They’re speaking Spanish. They just told you that they don’t speak English!”

    Assistant Manager: “Foreign chicks! Translate for me: I want to see if they’ll meet me for a drink after work.”

    Me: “Sorry, I know very little Spanish. Only a couple of phrases.”

    Assistant Manager: “You just don’t want me to score!”

    (The assistant manager follows the ladies around the store, smiling at them, and speaking to them loudly and slowly in English. When they still don’t seem to understand him, he starts to talk inappropriately.)

    Assistant Manager: “You girls are lucky to be in my country! I should make you get down on your knees and suck my **** for the privilege!”

    Coworker: *laughs hysterically*

    Me: “You shouldn’t be speaking to any customer that way, even if they don’t speak English! You never know… they may understand some of what you’re saying!”

    (The assistant manager blows me off and he and my coworker continue to harass the ladies. The whole time, the ladies just smile and nod. Eventually, they come up to my register with two pairs of shoes.)

    Me: “Lo sentimos; hablo muy poco español.” (“Sorry, I speak very little Spanish.”)

    Lady #1: *in perfect English* “That’s okay. Thanks for trying!”

    Me: *surprised* “Oh… I’m sorry. I thought I heard you say earlier that you don’t speak English.”

    Lady #2: “Yeah, we did say that. We just wanted to be left alone…” *turns to my shocked assistant manager and coworker* “…and we understood EVERYTHING that was said.”

    Lady #1: “That’s right!” *laughs* “Are you the manager?”

    Me: “No, I’m not.”

    Lady #1: “Well, you should be! When is the manager due in? Please don’t tell me the manager is one of those guys over there!”

    Me: “The manager’s name is [name]. He typically only works weekdays.”

    Lady #2: “Thanks! We’ll be back!”

    (The ladies did come back and threatened to sue the company for sexual harassment. The assistant manager and my coworker were both fired, sexual harassment training became mandatory for all employees, and I got a raise.)