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  • The Icing On The Cake Is The Icing On The Cake

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Employees, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (My mom is at the bakery buying a cake for a special occasion.)

    Employee: “Here’s your cake. Would you like anything written on it?”

    Mom: “Well, yes, but I was wondering if I can do it myself?”

    Employee: “Oh, no, that’s quite all right. I can do it myself.”

    Mom: “No, this is something only I can write. I don’t think you can do it.”

    Employee: “Rest assured, ma’am, I am very confident in my ability to write with icing. I’ve worked here for over 15 years, and I’ve gotten quite good at it.”

    Mom: “Look, I’m pretty sure you’re really good at it, but please humour me just this once. If you can just give me a piping bag and some icing, I’ll do it myself and be on my way.”

    Employee: “Okay, ma’am, but only on the condition that you pay for the cake even if the writing doesn’t turn out to your liking.”

    Mom: “Fine by me.”

    (The employee hands a piping bag full of chocolate icing to my mom. She takes the piping bag, and starts masterfully writing on a 10-inch cake, in KOREAN. She writes small enough to put at least three sentences on such a small space. The employee just looks at this spectacle, dumbfounded.)

    Employee: “Okay. You’re right, and I’m wrong. That’ll teach me for doubting a customer.”

    Just Got Rid Of His Breadwinner

    | CA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Ignoring/Inattentive, Money, Top

    (The owners of the bakery I work at recently retired. Our new owner is a kid fresh out of USC whose father bought the business for him to run. It is our first meeting with him.)

    Owner: “I’ve been looking at the books and I think I’ve figured out the best way to improve productivity. First of all, due to the recent recession were going to have to implement some cutbacks, starting with salaries.”

    (He then announces that most of the employees are getting at least a 10 per cent pay cut and the head baker, a man with over 30 years of experience, is seeing his salary cut in half.)

    Head Baker: “Why the h*** should we get a pay cut? Business has been improving year after year for a solid decade here and the economic downturn actually lowered our operating costs.”

    Owner: “You just don’t understand economics. Now, you can either take the pay cut or find another job.”

    (The head baker walked out without a word. It took exactly two days for the new owner to realize that he had fired the only man who knew all of the recipes and who dealt with over half our regular clientele. After a particularly vicious scolding by his father over the phone he was forced to hire the head baker back at nearly double his original pay.)

    Should Be Baking Humbugs Instead

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (A bakery/deli sends out an email with coupons every December. One of these is a coupon for a free platter of their specialty Christmas cookies when you use their catering services during the holidays. I overhear a customer ordering a few platters and catering for a party. I decide to give her my coupon.)

    Me: “Hi there. I don’t mean to listen in, but I heard you asking about party platters. I have this coupon that gets you free cookies when you cater a party. If you’d like it; I’m certainly not going to use it.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank you! Thanks so very much. This is so nice!”

    Deli Worker: “WOAH! That’s not allowed!”

    Customer: “Wait… What’s not allowed?”

    Deli Worker: “THAT! Don’t give me that dumb look!”

    (The customer and I exchange a ‘dumb look.’)

    Deli Worker: “Only members get to use those coupons! She’s not a member.”

    Me: “I didn’t even know you guys had a membership. I don’t belong to any group. Why is it a problem if she uses my coupon?”

    Deli Worker: “Then how did you get that? COME ON! You guys don’t realize how hard it is to make these cookies! And you just want to GIVE AWAY FREE ONES?! You have no idea! Why do I even deal with this every year?”

    (The deli worker swipes the sandwiches he was making for the customer off of the counter and storms into the back. After a few moments, we realize that he’s not coming back.)

    Me: “Uh… Listen. I didn’t mean to mess this up. I feel awful.”

    Customer: “No. It’s alright. I have a feeling I shouldn’t trust these guys with my order anyway…”

    Not Quite A Baker’s Dozen

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Employees, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    Me: “Can I have three boxes of your half dozen assorted doughnuts please?”

    Server: “Sorry, but they’re pre-packed and they only come in boxes of six or twelve.”

    Me: “So… I can’t have a half dozen in a box, but I can have six?”

    Server: “Yes, that’s right.”

    Not The Message You Want For Getting Older

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Employees, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My mom, sister, and I go to a bakery to pick up a birthday cake for my dad. We had asked them to write ‘Happy Birthday Dad’ on the cake. When it comes out, the cake has ‘Happy Birthday Dead’ written on it.)

    Mom: “No, we asked you to write ‘Happy Birthday DAD.’”

    Employee: “Oh… I thought you said ‘dead.’”

    (To this day, I’ll never understand under what circumstance anyone would want ‘Happy Birthday Dead’ written on their cake.)

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