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    Birthing New Stupid

    | RI, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid

    (I’ve recently gotten married and I took my husband’s name. I’m at the bank to update my name on my bank account. The teller goes through the standard questions, verifying my name and new address and then:)

    Teller: “And is your date of birth still the same?”

    (I just chuckle thinking she’s joking, until I notice she’s still staring expectantly at me.)

    Me: “Umm, yes, that hasn’t changed.”

    The Post Snail-Mail Generation

    , | CA, USA | Employees, Technology

    (I work in a call center at a help desk for a bank, assisting representatives with problems and doing research. Often we get asked how systems work or how to find something. I’m in Colorado; the person calling is in California.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] help desk. This is [My Name]. How can I help today?”

    Teller: “I’m trying to write a letter in Google but it’s not letting me.”

    Me: “What do you mean, you’re trying to write a letter in Google?”

    Teller: “I’m trying to write a letter to go with a check we’re returning to the client, but Google won’t let me do it.”

    Me: “You need to use a word processor, not Google.”

    Teller: “But I can type. Why won’t it let me write a letter?”

    Me: “Let me just write that letter for you.”

    Teller: “Then how will I get it? Will you drop it on my desk?”

    Me: “I can email it to you.”

    Teller: “Then how will the client get it?”

    Me: “You can print it off and mail it to them with the check.”

    Teller: “How do I mail a letter?”

    (It just kept going like this for 10 minutes. Sadly, this is not the first or last time I’ve had to explain how to mail a letter.)

    Losing Confidence Confidentially

    | UK | Employees, Family & Kids

    (My mother- and father-in-law, both retired, have a bad experience trying to open a joint account at a local branch of a particular bank. They spend two hours answering really personal questions about their finances which don’t seem to have any relevance: e.g. how much do you spend on food each month? The account isn’t even for a loan.)

    Caller: “Hello, could I please speak to Mrs. [In-Law] regarding her recent experience with [Bank]?”

    Father-In-Law: “She’s not at home right now. Would you like to speak to me about my experience as I was with my wife when we opened our joint account?”

    Caller: “No, I’m sorry. I have to speak directly with Mrs. [In-Law] regarding her account.”

    Father-In-Law: “Well, I’m afraid she’s not at home at the moment, so you can speak to me about the account as it is a joint account and I was there with her.”

    Caller: “I’m afraid I can’t discuss that information with you as it’s confidential. When will Mrs. [In-Law] be home?”

    Father-In-Law: “I’m afraid I can’t discuss that information with you as it’s confidential.” *click*

    But Her Credit Score Is Alive And Well

    | TX, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    (My aunt died this past January. Her bank bills her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then adds late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00… and now is somewhere around $60.00.)

    Me: “I am calling to tell you that she died in January.”

    Bank: “The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”

    Me: “Maybe you should turn it over to collections…”

    Bank: “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”

    Me: “So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”

    Bank: “Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau… Maybe both!”

    Me: “Do you think God will be mad at her?”

    Bank: “Excuse me…?”

    Me: “Did you get what I am telling you… the part about her being dead?”

    Bank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor!”

    (Supervisor gets on the phone.)

    Me: ”I’m calling to tell you she died in January.”

    Bank Supervisor: “The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”

    Me: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?”

    Bank Supervisor: *stammers* “Are you her lawyer?”

    Me: “No, I’m her great nephew.” *gives lawyer info*

    Bank Supervisor: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”

    Me: “Sure.” *fax number is given*

    (After they get the fax:)

    Bank Supervisor: “Our system just isn’t setup for death…”

    Me: “Oh…”

    Bank Supervisor: “I don’t know what more I can do to help…”

    Me: “Well… if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her, I suppose… I don’t really think she will care.”

    Bank Supervisor: “Well… the late fees and charges do still apply.”

    Me: “‘Would you like her new billing address?”

    Bank Supervisor: “That might help.”

    Me: “Odessa Memorial Cemetery.” *gives plot number*

    Bank Supervisor: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!”

    Me: “What do you do with dead people on your planet?!”

    Paying Attention Is Rare Currency

    | NY, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Money

    (I’ve just landed in New York City to visit my boyfriend. I’m going to be using my boyfriend’s credit card over here as mine has huge international charges. I have a £20 note I took out just before my flight, and no change whatsoever.)

    Me: “Hi, I’d like to change this into US dollars.”

    Worker: “Okay, I can give you $40 for £25.45.”

    Me: “No, I only have this £20.”

    Worker: “Okay, how about $35 for £22.27.”

    Me: “No. I literally only have this £20.”

    Worker: “I’d just need £22.27 for the $35.”

    Me: *turning my purse over and shaking it* “I don’t have any change. I literally only have £20.”

    Worker: “Oh. OH! You only have £20.”


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