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  • Good To Sell Until Hell Freezes Over
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  • There Is Life After Love(making)

    | Goa, India | Employees, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

    (It’s early afternoon, and loads of children are around with their families. A rap song starts, with REALLY clear lyrics about explicit and hardcore sex.)

    Me: “Are you serious? With children around?”

    DJ: *confusion*

    Me: “This song is about sex. F*****g! Serious f*****g! Naked people. Marriage stuff!”

    DJ: “Oh!”

    (He quickly puts on Cher!)

    Will Drink To That

    , | Adana, Turkey | Employees, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (Happy hour is ‘two for one,’ from 6-8 pm, on cocktails and beer. I settle in, and try to confirm that my usual rum and soda would be covered, presuming I use the well rum. Keep in mind English is not the bartender’s first language.)

    Me: “Is it happy hour, and what does that cover?”

    Bartender: “Yes. Two for one, cocktails and beer.”

    Me: “So, I’ll have a rum and soda.”

    Bartender: “Rum?”

    (I proceed to point to rum in the menu he handed me.)

    Bartender: “No, not rum, just these cocktails.”

    (He points to the previous two pages of a random selection of mixed drinks. So I skim that list again, and realize a way out of my predicament.)

    Me: “I’ll have a mojito, but please leave out the lime, sugar, and crushed mint.”

    Bartender: “Okay, no problem.”

    Me: “And that’s two for one?”

    Bartender: “Yes, it is cocktail.”

    (In other words, I just ordered… a rum and soda.)

    A-Sister-ing With The Prank

    | Germany | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Family & Kids, Liars/Scammers, Top

    (I am in the military and stationed in Germany. One of the soldiers I am drinking with is being very obnoxious about wanting to try to flirt with every woman he sees.)

    Me: “Hey, [Soldier #1]. You should go talk to [Soldier #2]. His sister is coming to visit soon. I heard she gets pretty wild after a few drinks and some dancing.”

    (Soldier #1 runs over to Soldier #2′s table.)

    Soldier #1: “Hey, I heard your sister is coming! You should let me take her out! I’ll take her dancing, show her a good time!”

    (Soldier #2, an incredibly large, muscular man, sets down his drink and stares straight ahead.)

    Soldier #2: “My sister was paralyzed when she was three years old. She’s never been dancing. Do you think that’s funny?”

    Soldier #1: “I… uh… I gotta go.”

    Soldier #3: *to me* “That was pretty cold blooded, man.”

    Me: “[Soldier #2] doesn’t have a sister.”

    Missing A Major Minor Point

    | NE, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Tourists & Travel

    (I’m a European exchange student celebrating my 18th birthday by shooting pool at a local bar in a small Nebraska town. Note that back home, you are considered an adult at age 18, not like 21 in the States.)

    Me: “It’s my 18th birthday and today I could legally drink if I was back home. Imagine that!”

    Bartender: “Happy birthday!”

    Me: “I don’t suppose you dare sell me a single bottle of beer to celebrate?”

    Bartender: “No can do.”

    Me: “Yeah, wouldn’t want to get you in trouble. Well, I’ll just have one of those non-alcoholic beers then just for the taste.”

    Bartender: “Sorry, but I can’t sell you that.”

    Me: “What do you mean? It’s non-alcoholic.”

    Bartender: “It’s still beer. We’re not allowed to sell beer to minors.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Good Tips Deserve A Good Tip

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Awesome Workers, Money, Top

    (I’m doing a pub crawl with my friends. We’ve stayed long enough at one particular bar, so we pay our bills and are on our way out. Before we make it to the door, the bartender stops us.)

    Bartender: “Excuse me, which one of you left the tip line blank?”

    My Friend: “That one’s me.”

    Bartender: “You shouldn’t leave it blank. It’s not a good idea.”

    My Friend: “I don’t think it’s any of your business whether I choose to tip or not!”

    Bartender: “No, sir, that’s not what I mean. What I really mean is that if you don’t wish to tip, you should write zero in the tip line. If you leave it blank, some a**hole can write whatever amount he wants as a tip and steal money from your credit card. And it would be difficult to get your bank to reverse the charge, because you would’ve been drinking, which lowers your credibility. Now, I’m telling you this because I am NOT one of those a**holes, but I overheard you’ve been to several other bars in the city already, and that you plan on going to more bars tonight, so I want you to have a fun but safe night.”

    My Friend: *sheepishly* “Uh, wow… I did not know that. Thanks!”

    Bartender: “Just doing what I can to not let the scummy bartenders get away with what they want. They really are a disgrace to the profession.”

    (My friend grabs his bill from the bartender, and decides to correct his mistake. He wrote down $20 for the honest bartender.)

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