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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • A-Sister-ing With The Prank

    | Germany | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Family & Kids, Liars/Scammers, Top

    (I am in the military and stationed in Germany. One of the soldiers I am drinking with is being very obnoxious about wanting to try to flirt with every woman he sees.)

    Me: “Hey, [Soldier #1]. You should go talk to [Soldier #2]. His sister is coming to visit soon. I heard she gets pretty wild after a few drinks and some dancing.”

    (Soldier #1 runs over to Soldier #2′s table.)

    Soldier #1: “Hey, I heard your sister is coming! You should let me take her out! I’ll take her dancing, show her a good time!”

    (Soldier #2, an incredibly large, muscular man, sets down his drink and stares straight ahead.)

    Soldier #2: “My sister was paralyzed when she was three years old. She’s never been dancing. Do you think that’s funny?”

    Soldier #1: “I… uh… I gotta go.”

    Soldier #3: *to me* “That was pretty cold blooded, man.”

    Me: “[Soldier #2] doesn’t have a sister.”

    Missing A Major Minor Point

    | NE, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Food & Drink, Themed Giveaway, Tourists & Travel

    (I’m a European exchange student celebrating my 18th birthday by shooting pool at a local bar in a small Nebraska town. Note that back home, you are considered an adult at age 18, not like 21 in the States.)

    Me: “It’s my 18th birthday and today I could legally drink if I was back home. Imagine that!”

    Bartender: “Happy birthday!”

    Me: “I don’t suppose you dare sell me a single bottle of beer to celebrate?”

    Bartender: “No can do.”

    Me: “Yeah, wouldn’t want to get you in trouble. Well, I’ll just have one of those non-alcoholic beers then just for the taste.”

    Bartender: “Sorry, but I can’t sell you that.”

    Me: “What do you mean? It’s non-alcoholic.”

    Bartender: “It’s still beer. We’re not allowed to sell beer to minors.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Good Tips Deserve A Good Tip

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Awesome Workers, Money, Top

    (I’m doing a pub crawl with my friends. We’ve stayed long enough at one particular bar, so we pay our bills and are on our way out. Before we make it to the door, the bartender stops us.)

    Bartender: “Excuse me, which one of you left the tip line blank?”

    My Friend: “That one’s me.”

    Bartender: “You shouldn’t leave it blank. It’s not a good idea.”

    My Friend: “I don’t think it’s any of your business whether I choose to tip or not!”

    Bartender: “No, sir, that’s not what I mean. What I really mean is that if you don’t wish to tip, you should write zero in the tip line. If you leave it blank, some a**hole can write whatever amount he wants as a tip and steal money from your credit card. And it would be difficult to get your bank to reverse the charge, because you would’ve been drinking, which lowers your credibility. Now, I’m telling you this because I am NOT one of those a**holes, but I overheard you’ve been to several other bars in the city already, and that you plan on going to more bars tonight, so I want you to have a fun but safe night.”

    My Friend: *sheepishly* “Uh, wow… I did not know that. Thanks!”

    Bartender: “Just doing what I can to not let the scummy bartenders get away with what they want. They really are a disgrace to the profession.”

    (My friend grabs his bill from the bartender, and decides to correct his mistake. He wrote down $20 for the honest bartender.)

    Not Legal (Bar)Tender

    | Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Food & Drink, Money, Themed Giveaway, Top

    (Despite the fact that I’m small, I can hold my liquor quite well. I’ve had about three pints this evening, and am just ordering my fourth.)

    Me: “Another pint of [popular beer], please.”

    Bartender: “Sure, that’ll be six dollars.”

    (I hand him a 10 dollar bill, and he pours my beer and hands it to me. A minute later, I notice he hasn’t given me my change.)

    Me: “Excuse me; I gave you a 10, didn’t I?”

    Bartender: “No, you gave me a five. You still owe a dollar.”

    Me: “No, I remember giving you a 10. I have only tens and twenties in my wallet. You owe me four dollars in change.”

    Bartender: “No, you gave me a five. The beer is six dollars. That’ll be one dollar more.”

    Me: “I would like to see your manager, please.”

    Bartender: “No! He’s out! One dollar, now!”

    (I begin to leave the bar. On the way out, I see the manager, who’s just coming out of the back. I explain the situation to him, and he agrees to talk to his bartender. Turns out, the bartender had been pulling that trick for a year on people he thought would be too drunk to notice, and stealing the extra money. The next time I was at that bar, they had a new bartender.)

    Some Employees Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3

    | Cologne, Germany | Employees, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Themed Giveaway

    (I’m at a bar with a French friend of mine. She’s 20 years old but looks rather young for her age. This happens just after we’ve ordered our drinks.)

    Bartender: “I’m sorry, but I have to check your ID.”

    My Friend: “No problem!”

    (She hands him her French driver’s license.)

    Bartender: “I don’t think I can accept that. I don’t speak French.”

    Me: “I don’t see the problem; just check her date of birth.”

    Bartender: “But it has two dates on it. How am I supposed to know which one is her date of birth?”

    (One of the dates is her date of birth, while the other one indicates when the license was issued.)

    Me: “Look, here it says 1992, and here it says 2010. Do you think she’s only two years old?”

    Bartender: “I’m no good at maths.”

    Some Employees Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
    Some Employees Just Don’t Add Up

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