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    Musically Arrested

    | Whitehorse, YK, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Musical Mayhem

    (I am working the door at a karaoke bar, which is perfect for me because I love to break out into song at random times. Because we have a couple unruly patrons, the cops are called. When the officers arrive, I am outside on a smoke break and decide to have a little fun at them.)

    Me: *singing* “I shot the sheriff, but I didn’t shoot the deputy…”

    Police Officer: *without missing a beat, sings right back at me* “I fought the law, but the law won. I fought the law, but the law won!”

    They’re Too Rich For Blood

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m working in a seasonal bar with two other girls, cleaning the bathrooms. I’ve just come into one when I hear the other girls.)

    Coworker #1: “It’s disgusting!”

    Coworker #2: “There’s this huge pool of blood in the third stall. It’s so gross!”

    (I go over to the stall in question. There are maybe a couple of drops of blood.)

    Me: *with dry sarcasm* “Charming.”

    (I put on rubber gloves, get a paper towel, and wipe it up very casually.)

    Coworker #1: “Oh, my goodness! You should get an award or something!”

    Coworker #2: “How did you do that without puking?”

    Me: “I’ve cleaned up puke, too…”

    This Is Not One Of The Better Times

    | Galveston, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem

    (We’re at one of our favorite bars, chatting with the bartender. My husband has a very dry sense of humor.)

    Husband: “Okay, [Bartender], I think we’re ready to close out.”

    Bartender: “You’re sure? Would you like a whiskey drink?”

    Husband: “No.”

    Bartender: “A vodka drink?”

    Husband: “No.”

    Bartender: “A lager drink?”

    Husband: “No.”

    Bartender: “A cider drink?”

    Husband: *deadpan* “[Bartender], I will jump over this bar…”

    Bartender: “That’s from Chumbawamba.”

    Husband: “I know.”

    Bartender: *as we’re leaving* “I sing songs that remind me of the good times.”

    A Sickening Lack Of Concern

    , | Surrey, England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body

    (I’ve recently had to take some time off work due to a family emergency. I go back for one shift, then have a day off, but feel ill that day and spend most of the night throwing up. I have a shift later that day so call my manager.)

    Manager: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi. I’m scheduled to work this evening, but spent most of last night throwing up. Is there a rule—”

    Manager: “—you’re not missing another shift.”

    Me: “I actually feel better now. But seeing as we’re working with food, do I have to wait 24 hours or anything after being sick?”

    Manager: “Just come in. You can clear tables.”

    (I went in. I ended up serving food. Luckily that manager left a month later.)

    On The Other Side Of The Coin, No Tip For You

    , | LA, USA | Employees, Money

    (I used to tend bar and wait tables, so I usually overtip for decent service. While on vacation, I visit a hotel bar for a bottle of something. I receive the drink and hand the bartender the money. She gives me the appropriate bills back but not the coins.)

    Me: “This change isn’t correct.”

    Bartender: “Oh, did you want your coin change, too?”

    Me: “…Well, yes.”

    Bartender: *gives me the coins*

    (Instead of my usual generous tip, I left her nothing.)


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