• A Very Therapeutic Solution - 804 votes
  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    What Is This Channel Madness?!

    | AL, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Movies & TV

    (I am on the online help support chat. I don’t currently have any television service, and I have contacted them to see about ordering certain channels.)

    Me: “Do you offer channels ala carte? I don’t want to pay for 300 channels just to get the three I might actually want.”

    Chat agent: “Which channel did you want?”

    Me: “It’s [premium channel].”

    Chat agent: “That channel is available in our U300 package!”

    Me: *head-desk*

    A Persistent Stream

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I get a call from my Internet provider with yet another promotional offer.)

    Caller: “We’d like to offer you six months free cable if you sign up now!”

    Me: “Thanks, but I don’t own a TV. I stream everything I need online.”

    Caller: “Yes, but this is for a free six months!”

    Me: “No, I don’t think you understand. I don’t own a TV at all. Does your promo include a free TV? Because if not your offer really doesn’t do me any good. ”

    Caller: “Well… no.”

    Me: *chuckle* “Ok, then.”

    Caller: “But! So… um, do you plan on getting a TV?”

    Me: *face-palm*

    (At least no one could say he wasn’t persistent!)

    We’re In Flori-duh!

    , | MI, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    Telemarketer: “We’re calling to make sure that you’re receiving the best value for your money.”

    Me: “Thanks, but someone already called last week. We put our Internet service on hold until we return from Florida in the spring, and we don’t have cable TV. So, I don’t want you to waste your time.”

    Telemarketer: “Uh, okay, well, who is your cable provider?”

    Me: “[Your Company] is our provider, but like I said, we don’t have cable TV. We only have your Internet service, and that is on hold until spring.”

    Telemarketer: “Well, we just want to make sure that you’re receiving the best value for your money—”

    Me: “Yes, I know, but like I said, we’re in a whole ‘nother state; we’re not in our house so obviously we don’t want cable right now. Maybe in the future.”

    Telemarketer: “How many TVs do you have in your home?”

    Me: *sighing inwardly* “One.”

    Telemarketer: “Is it high definition?”

    Me: “Yes, but as I mentioned, we don’t want cable TV so you’re wasting your time.”

    Telemarketer: “Uh, okay, well, we just want to make sure—”

    Me: “Thanks, but no thanks. Goodbye!”

    Voice Unrecognition

    | OK, USA | Employees, Technology

    (I have had a cold and my voice, which is already very low pitched, has now become a gravelly basso profundo.)

    Computer Voice: “Would you like to pay your bill now?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Computer Voice: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

    Me: *rumbling louder* “Yes!”

    Computer Voice: “I’m sorry, but I can’t understand you. I will transfer you to an associate now.”

    Human: “Can I help you?”

    Me: “Yes, I’d like to pay my bill.”

    Human: “Yes, I can take care of that for you, but there is a $5 fee if you don’t use our automated services.”

    Me: “Yes, I know, but I tried that and it wouldn’t understand me.”

    Human: “Um…” *short pause to think about that* “Okay, I think I can waive the fee for that.”

    Me: “That would be nice.”

    (They dropped the voice recognition not long after.)

    World Wide Watery Web

    , | New York, NY, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m on the phone, trying to resolve an issue where the cable company has mistakenly logged my account as disconnected.)

    Me: “I’m a little confused. The e-mail I received from you says that my account was disconnected, but I still have cable service.”

    Employee: “Well, that can’t be possible. You are disconnected. A technician went out to your residence and physically disconnected the lines yesterday.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think you’re understanding me. That didn’t happen. My cable and internet are still working. The lines have NOT been disconnected. If you have my account categorized as disconnected, why am I still receiving cable service?”

    Employee: “Well, there may just be some leftover service in the lines. That will get less and less strong as it finishes out and gets used up. That happens sometimes.”

    Me: “Leftover service in the lines? Like water in a pipe?”

    Employee: “Exactly like that. There is just leftover cable and internet in the lines. It’ll run out soon.”

    Me: “You do realize that cable and internet are not physical things that flow through a line, right?”

    Employee: “No, I don’t think that’s correct. The service goes through the wires and into your home, just like water through a pipe. You just have some leftover service in your wires.”

    Me: “…Can I speak to your supervisor?”

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