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    World Wide Watery Web

    , | New York, NY, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m on the phone, trying to resolve an issue where the cable company has mistakenly logged my account as disconnected.)

    Me: “I’m a little confused. The e-mail I received from you says that my account was disconnected, but I still have cable service.”

    Employee: “Well, that can’t be possible. You are disconnected. A technician went out to your residence and physically disconnected the lines yesterday.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think you’re understanding me. That didn’t happen. My cable and internet are still working. The lines have NOT been disconnected. If you have my account categorized as disconnected, why am I still receiving cable service?”

    Employee: “Well, there may just be some leftover service in the lines. That will get less and less strong as it finishes out and gets used up. That happens sometimes.”

    Me: “Leftover service in the lines? Like water in a pipe?”

    Employee: “Exactly like that. There is just leftover cable and internet in the lines. It’ll run out soon.”

    Me: “You do realize that cable and internet are not physical things that flow through a line, right?”

    Employee: “No, I don’t think that’s correct. The service goes through the wires and into your home, just like water through a pipe. You just have some leftover service in your wires.”

    Me: “… Can I speak to your supervisor?”

    Return This Rep To Sender

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Money, Top

    Me: “I would like to dispute this $15 charge on my bill.”

    Cable Rep: “Okay, I see we shipped you a box for $9.99.”

    Me: “Yes, but there is another $15.”

    Cable Rep: “Yes, that is for the shipping.”

    Me: “Isn’t that the $9.99?”

    Cable Rep: “Yes, that is for shipping.”

    Me: “Then what is the $15 for?”

    Cable Rep: “That’s for shipping.”

    Me: “Why would you charge me $9.99 for shipping and then another $15 for shipping?”

    Cable Rep: “That was for returning the old box.”

    Me: “There were no labels in the box or anything to indicate it was for return, only the new box. I took the old one back to one of your offices.”

    Cable Rep: “Look, I’m just trying to explain your charge. That was for shipping.”

    Me: “Shipping what?”

    Cable Rep: “The box.”

    Me: “My old box or my new box?”

    Cable Rep: “Look ma’am, I’m just trying to explain your bill since that was what you asked for.”

    Me: “I physically returned the old box because there was no shipping label or anything else in the box you sent me.”

    Cable Rep: “It was for shipping.”

    Me: “Could I please speak with someone else?”

    Cable Rep: “I assure you ma’am, I can help you.”

    Me: “No, I assure you, you cannot…”

    Putting The Why In DIY

    | Canada | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

    (I’m an electrician by trade, and have to submit my timesheet via email every two weeks or I don’t get paid. I come home and discover my internet isn’t working, so I can’t submit my timesheet. I call the cable company; three router resets later…)

    Me: “Look, this doesn’t seem right to me. Did I forget to pay a bill and you guys have disconnected me?”

    Customer Service: “No, it appears you only owe us $30 from last month and you wouldn’t be disconnected for that. But you do want to pay that bill right away.”

    (I’m running out of time to submit my timesheet, so I’m getting a bit impatient with my responses.)

    Me: “Maybe if I had internet I could.”

    Customer Service: “Sir, it is possible that there is a unreported outage in your area. Perhaps a car hit one of our poles.”

    Me: “So, did a car hit one of the your poles?”

    Customer Service: “Not that we are aware of.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, I’m an electrician, so I’m going to go ahead and open up the data box on the side of my house and have a look because I suspect you guys have disconnected me.”

    Customer Service: “Sir, you are not allowed to do that. We can have someone out there in three days.”

    Me: “That’s not good enough. I’m going to open it up and take a look.”

    Customer Service: “Sir, that is illegal. That property belongs to [company name].

    Me: “It’s on my house and I paid for all the cable that exists in that box. Come arrest me.” *click*

    (I open up the box and sure enough they’ve disconnected everything. Five minutes after I get it open, an installer for the cable company shows up and appears behind me.)

    Installer: “Is this why your internet isn’t working?”

    Me: “No, this is me troubleshooting for your cable company. They said they couldn’t get anyone out here for a couple days. I should be charging haha!”

    Installer: “Yeah they can be d***s. Mind if I take a look at what’s going on here?”

    (The installer comes to the same conclusion that I’ve been disconnected. He pulls out a tablet and sees that a three-month-old work order for the previous tenants’ disconnection had been executed that afternoon. He hooks me back up and tells me that this happens all the time. One family had even been disconnected every week for six months because of a fault in the computer system. We shake hands, I learn a little more about data installation and I get my timesheet submitted with only a couple minutes to spare.)

    Persistence of (Tele)Vision

    | West Point, NY, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I have been living at my current residence for about six months. One day, a cable service worker knocks on my door.)

    Worker: “I am here to inform you that your cable will be turned off, and I must take your cable box unless you bring your account up to date.”

    Me: “Umm, I don’t have cable.”

    Worker: “Miss [Name]? You owe [Company] [Amount]. How would you like to pay?”

    Me: “That is not my name. That person hasn’t lived here for six months.”

    Worker: “I need the cable box miss, and unless you can pay the account I will turn your cable off now.”

    Me: “I’m not paying you anything. I don’t have cable; I never have and I don’t have a cable box. Here’s my driver’s license, here are three pieces of mail with my name, and two with my husbands name. I do not owe your company any money.”

    Worker: “Uh huh… okay. I need the cable box.”

    Me: “I do not have a cable box. I never had an account with your company.”

    Worker: “Ma’am, I am going to shut the cable off now.”

    Me: “Okay, fine.”

    (Five minutes later, he knocks on the door again.)

    Worker: “I need the cable box, now.”

    Me: “I don’t really know how many more times I am going to need to tell you this. I do not have a cable box. I am not [Name].”

    Worker: “Can you prove that?”

    Me: “I already showed you my photo ID and my mail. What else do you need?”

    Worker: “State or government issued ID.”

    Me: “Okay, once again, here is my driver’s license, and here is my military ID, here is my power bill and there…”

    (I point to my husband’s car, which is pulling into the driveway as we speak.)

    Me: “…is my husband. Why don’t you talk to him now?”

    (I let my husband speak with the worker and leave. Twenty minutes, later he finally comes into the house.)

    My Husband: “I had to call the cable company and the landlord to prove to that guy that we don’t owe them any money.”

    Me: “Ugh, that’s crazy.”

    My Husband: “He says he still wants the cable box back, though.”

    (Just then, there’s another knock on the door.)

    Me: “I am not getting that.”