• My Internet Has Gone All Adava Kedavra
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    My Internet Has Gone All Adava Kedavra

    | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Awesome Workers, Coworkers, Employees, Geeks Rule, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I recently moved across the country from California to New York. I’ve filed a move request with my ISP but don’t have an Internet connection when I arrive in my new apartment, so I call them up to try to resolve this. After giving them all my information, they explain the problem.)

    Customer Service #1: “Okay, so I’m looking at your order here. I see that two weeks ago you opened a new account with us.”

    Me: “Well, I moved. Does that count as a new account?”

    Customer Service #1: “Well, you can process it like that, or just as a move. It’s up to you.”

    Me: “I don’t care how it’s done; I just want to get online in my new apartment.”

    Customer Service #1: “You should be online as of yesterday. Have you tried restarting your router?”

    Me: “Yes, and my computer. There’s no connection.”

    Customer Service #1: “Well, something MUST be wrong on your end, because I see here that we started Internet service at [California address] yesterday.”

    Me: “No, that’s my OLD address. I don’t live there any more.”

    Customer Service #1: “Uhh… hold on.”

    Customer Service #2: “Hello, my name is [Name]. Unfortunately, ma’am, we can’t turn your Internet service on at [California address] because you have yet to pass a credit check.”

    Me: “Huh? I already passed that when I first got my connection, and I don’t live there anymore!”

    Customer Service #2: “It doesn’t matter if you don’t live there. You still need to pass the check.”

    Me: “I’m trying to add service at [New York address], not [California address].”

    Customer Service #2: “Well, I’m afraid I can’t help you with that. Please hold.”

    Customer Service #3: “Hi, my name is [Name]. I’m sorry, but I’m a bit confused. Why are you opening a second account if you already have an account?”

    Me: “I’m not! I’m moving from [California address] to [New York address]. Something went wrong when I filed the move request.”

    Customer Service #3: “Something sure DID go wrong! Okay, I’ve put an order in to move your old account to your new address. We have to deal with this new order someone put in place.”

    Me: “Okay. Can we just cancel it?”

    Customer Service #3: “Hmm… no, I can’t cancel it because the credit check is still pending. You know what though? I can resolve this.” *I hear her typing for a few seconds* “There we go. I can’t cancel it, but I’m allowed to update it. Let’s see if they pass a credit check for Mr. Lord Voldemort, with no social security number, at address #1 Please Cancel This Order Road.”

    (My Internet turns on soon, and I don’t hear any more of the issue for a few days until I get a phone call asking me to rate my customer service interaction.)

    Phone Robot: “Thank you for taking the time to fill out this survey. Please press ‘1’ if I am speaking to: LORD VOLDEMORT.”

    About To Go Bananas Over The Chocolate

    | USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink

    (I work in a call center. We are allowed to eat at our desks so long as it is a snack, not a meal, and it cannot be during a call. We have some down time so I pull out a snack and shortly after my supervisor walks by. I’ve been trying to snack more healthy, but tend to have a serious sweet tooth.)

    Supervisor: “Are you really just hanging out eating a banana?”

    Me: “No. I am hanging out eating a banana and chocolate chips so that it’s like I am eating a chocolate covered banana.”

    Supervisor: “…That is such genius that I can’t even say anything about it.”

    Your Days At This Company Are Numbered

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Ignoring/Inattentive

    Me: “May I please have your employee ID?”

    Caller: *sounding really confused* “Uh, um, wait, you need my employee ID?”

    Me: “Yes, I need your employee ID in order to pull up your file.”

    Caller: *pause* “I’m not understanding what you’re asking for here.”

    Me: *pausing, trying to think of a clearer way of wording it and failing* “Can I get your employee ID?”

    Caller: “Uh, um, I have my employee ID badge here, but how would I be able to show you that over the phone?”

    Me: *literally smacking my forehead* “You can tell me what the actual numbers are for your employee ID?”

    Caller: “OH! You need my employee ID number!”

    Email Fail, Part 5

    , | Puyallup, WA, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I have just booked a hotel for my brother but accidentally put in the incorrect email address. I now need to cancel the booking and call the website’s customer service department to help me with it.)

    Me: “Hi,yes, I booked a hotel for my brother and it needs to be canceled, but the email I entered is incorrect. Can I please cancel the request with you?”

    Customer Service Rep: “Sure. What was the email that you entered the confirmation under?”

    Me: “That’s the thing. It was a typo error. I never got a confirmation email because I typed in the email incorrectly. It’s off by a letter. Is there any other way to look up the reservation?”

    Customer Service Rep: “Sure, what’s the phone number?”

    (I give them the phone number I reserved the room with.)

    Customer Service Rep: “I’m sorry but I can’t find it under that phone number. Do you have the email address?”

    Me: “Again, I don’t know what the email address is under as I typed it incorrectly. Can you look it up by name?”

    Customer Service Rep: “Sure. We can try that. What’s the name?”

    (I give my brother’s name.)

    Customer Service Rep: “I’m still unable to find the reservation. Do you know the email address? I can find it using that.”

    Me: *getting frustrated* “Again, I don’t know what the email address is under as I spelled it out wrong. The hotel is [Name] hotel in Portland. You don’t see anything under the hotel?”

    Customer Service Rep: “Oh, here it is. And you said you want to cancel this reservation?”

    Me: “Yes. The trip was canceled and we won’t be needing the hotel anymore. Can I please have a confirmation sent to a different email address?”

    Customer Service Rep: “We can email the canceled reservation to the address we have on file.”

    Me: “As I’ve said before… that email address is wrong. If you send the confirmation to that email address I will not receive it as that email does not exist!”

    Customer Service Rep: “Okay. We should probably update that email address. What’s the new email address?”

    (I give her the correct email address.)

    Customer Service Rep: “Okay, I’ve updated the email address. Is there anything further I can help you with?”

    Me: “So you have canceled the reservation and will email the new address?”

    Customer Service Rep: “Yes. The reservation has been canceled and an email will be sent to—” *rattles off old email address*

    Me: “Wait… No. I need the confirmation sent to the new email address I just gave you. ” *gives new email address*

    Customer Service Rep: “Oh, okay. It’ll be sent to [new email address].”

    Me: “Yes, to [new email address]. Can you send it now so I can confirm we get the cancellation confirmation?”

    Customer Service Rep: “Sure.”

    (We wait for confirmation. After about three minutes, we don’t get anything.)

    Me: “We haven’t gotten a confirmation.”

    Customer Service Rep: “Well, I show it was sent to [old email address]. Are you sure that’s correct?”

    Me: “NO! That’s the OLD address! I need the confirmation sent to the NEW email address of [new email address]!”

    Customer Service Rep: “Oh,okay. I’ve sent a new confirmation.”

    (Now my brother calls out from the other room saying he got the confirmation.)

    Me: “Thank you. We received the confirmation.”

    Customer Service Rep: “Was there anything else I can help you with?”

    Me: “Good god, no!” *hangs up*

    (Overall, the call took about 45 minutes. Lesson learned… DOUBLE CHECK YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS!)

    Email Fail, Part 4
    Email Fail, Part 3
    Email Fail, Part 2

    Ponying Up To Their Demands

    | CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (One of my coworkers and I get along well and often share when customers make crazy demands. However we have taken to doing this in a rather unusual way:)

    Coworker: “Dang it.” *getting up to speak to a manager*

    Me: “What? Do they want a pink pony?”

    Coworker: “A pink pony that flies!”

    Me: “Did you offer them a purple pony with a horn?”

    Coworker: “Yes, but they only want a pink pony that flies. No horns.”

    Me: “Ouch.”

    (A short time later it’s my turn to get up.)

    Coworker: “Pink pony?”

    Me: “No, just a beige pony, but they want three of them. I just really don’t think they’ll get ’em.”

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