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    Warehouse Staff Brains All Stuffed With Fluff

    | Overland Park, KS, USA | Employees, Family & Kids, Religion

    (I work the guest services line at the call center for the [Cartoon Brand] catalog. We have begun selling ‘[Bear]Grams,’ which are ‘[Bear]‘ teddy bears dressed up in costumes for holidays and special occasions. The holiday ‘[Bear]Grams’ always sold out and we frequently worry that they won’t be delivered on time. The situation is the worst for Easter, but finally, a few days before Easter, the warehouse receives a large shipment of Easter ‘[Bear]Grams’ and is able to ship all of the orders out in time. A week or two after Easter, I receive a call from a woman who is obviously in emotional turmoil.)

    Customer: “I need help.”

    Me: “How may I help you? Is everything all right?”

    Customer: *continuing to cry* “Well, a few weeks ago, my family and I were scheduled to leave for vacation and my best friend got sick and went into the hospital. She assured me she would be fine and that we should not miss our vacation due to her minor illness. I called and ordered her a ‘Get Well [Bear]Gram’ and we headed out for our vacation. By the way, we’re Jewish.”

    (I think: ‘what does THAT have to do with anything?’)

    Customer: “While we were gone, my friend took a turn for the worse and died. My husband and I flew back for the funeral. Afterwards, I was talking to her sister and she said, ‘she really loved the ‘Easter [Bear]Gram’ you sent her.’”

    Me: *noticing that my manager was walking by* “Ma’am, I am so sorry. Can you hold on for one moment?” *I hit the hold button and turn frantically* “[Manager]! WE SENT A DYING JEWISH WOMAN AN ‘EASTER [Bear]GRAM’!”

    Manager: *shock and confusion writ large across her face* “What? Give her back all of her money. Do whatever she needs you to do!”

    (Obviously, in the Easter frenzy, the warehouse employees ‘decided’ that all of the ‘[Bear]Gram’ orders must be for Easter, and instead of sending the requested ‘Get Well [Bear]Gram,’ they did indeed send a dying Jewish woman an ‘Easter [Bear]Gram.’ Sometimes the customer is very, very right.)

    Networking Notworking

    | Manchester, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Money

    (I work at a call center giving out coffee and tea to all the staff. I have one main friend who I hang out with every now and then. One day it came up about my job and why I can’t help but be so cheerful and happy all the time.)

    Coworker: “Just wondering, how much do you earn working here?”

    Me: “I’m on salary; I get just over £28K.”

    Coworker: *long pause* “Twenty eight grand?”

    Me: “Yes, mate. With this new pay rise it will be £30K at the end of the month.”

    Coworker: “I just about pull in two thirds that amount including commission. How on earth does a coffee boy make that much money?”

    Me: “I’m a qualified networks engineer and was hired to maintain the networks for the building. On my first day I was greeted by the company owner who immediately got me making the coffees. I have been here three years and he gives such high performance marks that HR gives me pay rises.”

    Coworker: “And you did not even think to tell the owner there was a mistake?”

    Me: “If you were me, would you?”

    Coworker: *long pause, then a wink* “You’re running low on biscuits.”

    This Is Not Your True Calling

    , | Snellville, GA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Lazy/Unhelpful, Theme Of The Month

    (I have recently been assigned to a new job through a temp agency. I am given the address, the name of the company, and the supervisor. It is listed as ‘telephone operator’ and involvs taking orders.)

    Supervisor: “Welcome to [Company]! We specialize in selling school supplies to various schools throughout the U.S. Today we’re selling class sets of dictionaries. When they order a set of 30 dictionaries, they’ll get a set of thesauruses for free.”

    (The supervisor then shows me to my desk. I notice there is no computer; just a telephone and a stapled packet consisting of hundreds of schools and some basic information, including principals’ names, phone numbers, mailing addresses, and other info.)

    Supervisor: “Here is your phone. You’ll call each of these numbers, and try to sell the class sets. Here, I’ll put your name on the board. You’ll call these numbers, make a sale, and when you do, we put a star by your name. You get 50 stars, you get a $100 bonus. Also, for us to confirm the sale, you must stand up and hold the receiver like this.”

    (He shows me, with the mouthpiece end towards the mouth, and the earpiece pointed towards the floor. I snicker.)

    Supervisor: “Oh, you think it’s funny, do you? Well, get on to it.”

    (I look through the list. The first number is a high school in Texas. I begin dialing and keep getting an automatic messaging service. I remember I have a sandwich with me.)

    Me: “Um, [Supervisor], where can I put my sandwich? It’s got meatballs and cheese and I don’t want it to spoil.”

    Supervisor: “Oh, just keep it at your desk. You can eat it in between calls.”

    Me: “So you’re saying you don’t have a break room?”

    Supervisor: “Nope.”

    Me: “Not even a fridge to keep food that may spoil from spoiling?”

    Supervisor: “Nope. Just sit and make sales, and eat between sales.”

    (I sit back down, and try again. Each number I call, I keep getting automated services. Finally, I decide I’ve had enough. I get up, grab my sandwich, and begin walking out the door.)

    Supervisor: “Where are you going?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but sales is just not for me. [Temp Agency] never told me this was a sales/telemarketing job. They just had it listed as ‘phone operator.’ I thought I’d be taking calls, not making them.”

    Supervisor: “Please come back. You can eat your sandwich first then make calls. I lied; we do have a fridge in the back.”

    Me: “Sorry.”

    (I walked right out of there after staying for only 30 minutes. I later called the temp agency and quit them, too!)

    Quiet Faith

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Coworkers, Movies & TV, Religion

    (I am a Christian and my faith is a strong part of my life. Although I never talk about religion at work, many of my colleagues know me on Facebook where I am not shy about expressing my faith. As such, many of my colleagues associate me as being ‘religious.’ I am just chatting to one of these colleagues, who was also previously my boss before I transferred to another department.)

    Coworker: “Hey, I thought about you on the weekend!”

    Me: “Yeah?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, I saw this show – I don’t know if you’ve seen it – called Justified?”

    Me: “I haven’t seen it.”

    Coworker: “It’s this crime show. Like, really really vicious, extremely violent crime—”

    Me: “And this made you think of me?”

    Coworker: “—and religion.”

    Me: “So that’s what you think of me?”

    Coworker: “It was the religion bit!”

    Me: “Horrific, vicious, violent crime.”

    Coworker: “And religion! It was the religion bit!”

    Me: “Religion associated with violent, vicious—”

    Coworker: “Well, they do say to look out for the quiet ones!”

    Me: “They haven’t convicted me yet!”

    Coworker: “That’s because you’re too smart to get caught!”

    Call Center Dementor

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Coworkers, Geeks Rule

    (I’m am employed in a inbound retail call center, but am on loan to a buying office to cover medical leave. I have just received word that the person I am covering for is coming back almost a week early.)

    Me: “I don’t want to go back to the call center.”

    Coworker: “I always picture the call center like Azkabhan.”

    Me: “From ‘Harry Potter?’”

    Coworker: “Yeah.”

    Me: “A dark, soulless place where people suck all the joy and happiness from your life. Sounds about right.”


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