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    Truly Modem Workers

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a call center that deals with doctor offices that are often techno-phobic. Today, I have one with an Internet outage. It’s usually a simple fix if they will take five minutes.)

    Me: “Do you see the modem? It will have a lot of flashing lights on it, and may say [Brand Name].”

    Nurse: “I don’t have time for this. Get out here and fix it!”

    Me: “Okay, but I’m in another state that’s at least a 12 hour drive from you. I can put in a service call, but that will take 2-3 days to be dispatched, or if you can take five minutes, I think we can get you back up.

    Nurse: “Hmph…”

    Me: “Which would you like?”

    Nurse: “What am I looking for?”

    (Five minutes later, she was back up and happy as a clam that SHE fixed it.)

    Password Overheard

    | Boise, ID, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees

    (I work in a call center doing tech support for a popular cell phone company. We often get calls from stores that sell the carrier’s phones, asking for help with phones or customer accounts. Since these callers are employees of the stores they are working for and not our company, we must verify the customer’s account with the customer before making any changes.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling. This is [My Name]. May I have your name, please?”

    Employee: “This is [Employee]. I’m with an authorized retailer, and I need to get call forwarding set up on our customer’s phone.”

    Me: “All right, I can definitely get that going for you. Can I go ahead and speak with the customer?”

    Employee: “You’re on speaker.”

    (I introduce myself to the customer.)

    Employee: “The customer’s name is [Customer] and his password is [password].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I do need to hear that information directly from the customer.”

    Employee: “Well, that’s completely unnecessary, but all right.”

    (The customer gives me the information.)

    Me: “Thank you. I understand it’s a bit of a hassle, but it is part of our security policy to verify directly with the customer.”

    Employee: “What call center are you located in?”

    Me: “I don’t feel comfortable disclosing that information.”

    Employee: “Well, then can I get your ID number or the name of your supervisor?”

    Me: “Can I ask why?”

    Employee: “So I can report you. You embarrassed me in front of my customer.”

    (I repeat my spiel about the security policy and tell her that, no, I will not be giving her my information. She relents, and I get the call forwarding set up.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

    Employee: “No. Now you’ve made the customer upset.” *hangs up*

    Job Hunting Is A Joke

    | Wales, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Job Seekers

    (I had an interview and the manager was unable to attend, but wants to meet with me and calls me up the next day to arrange it.)

    Me: “Too Many Hamsters R Us.”

    Manager: “Er, can I speak to [My Name], please?”

    Me: “Speaking.”

    Manager: “Hi, this is [Manager[ from [Centre]…”

    Me: “Oh, God, sorry about that. I always answer the house phone in a jokey way.”

    Manager: “You wouldn’t answer the work phone like that.”

    Me: “No, never.”

    Manager: “Chuckles.”

    (I hope I get this job. It wasn’t even a good joke!)

    Find Anything To Wine About

    | Nottingham, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink

    (I work in a call centre that sets up appointments and work schedules for IT engineers. My supervisor is horrible and always tries to big herself up to the manager by getting the staff in trouble. She hates me in particular as I’m a pretty cheery person and get on well with the engineers and management. In addition to this I have always bought the nicest food I can afford and frequent some of the more expensive delis in town where I sometimes get treats for the office that are a bit posh, and she gets quite jealous.)

    Manager: *sternly* “Can I speak to you in my office, please?”

    Me: *confused* “Okay.”

    Manager: “I think you know why I have brought you in here today.”

    Me: “…No?”

    Manager: “[Supervisor] has advised me on many occasions she has seen you drinking wine at your desk. We take these matters very seriously and I’ve come to advise you of our intent to discipline you for gross misconduct which, if found to be true, could lead to you instant dismissal. Do you understand and have anything to say at this point?”

    (At this point I am understandably upset as I have never touched alcohol while working.)

    Me: “I don’t understand. I haven’t ever brought wine to work let alone drunk it at my desk in full view of the office. When did [Supervisor] say I did this?”

    Manager: “She observed you many times this week openly pouring wine from a bottle of wine into a glass on your desk and drinking it. Are you saying you deny this despite [Supervisor] saying she has multiple witnesses?”

    Me: *brain engaging* “Wait? Did you say a bottle at my desk… It’s not wine! It’s on my desk now if you want to go and see.”

    (My manager follows me to my desk – sitting in plain sight us a glass bottle of raspberry and vanilla cordial I bought from the posh deli. Note at this point we are now yards away from my Supervisor’s desk.)

    Me: “As you or anyone else can clearly see this is fruit juice, not wine. I’ve been adding it to water for the last week. If anyone had actually bothered to look rather than drag me into an office or accuse me of something so serious we wouldn’t be in this position!”

    Manager: “[Supervisor], a word in my office…”

    Cooking On Autopilot

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners

    (I work for a call center for a hospital. I have to answer with the same greeting every time I hear a ‘beep’ in my headset letting me know a call is about to be connected. I am sitting in the break room, reading and not paying attention to my surroundings. My manager walks in and puts something in the microwave. The microwave dings.)

    Me: “[Major Hospital], [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

    Manager: *looks at me like I just sprouted a second head before bursting out laughing*


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