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  • Selling The Same Old Story

    | USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Theme Of The Month

    (I am 19 years old and keep getting junk mail from a certain organization that caters to people over 60. I call them to have them take me off their mailing list.)

    Me: “Hello. I’d like to be taken off of your mailing list.”

    Employee: “Oh, but have you heard about the benefits of being a member of [Organization]?”

    Me: “That’s nice but—”

    Employee: “You can get discounts on health care, on food, even on certain specialty cell phone plans!”

    Me: “Yes, I understand but—”

    Employee: “It’s all very important for a senior citizen living in this economy!”

    Me: “Okay—”

    Employee: “So, when would you like to start?”

    Me: “In about 40 years. I’m 19.”

    Employee: “…”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Employee: “I’ll take you off the mailing list right away.”

    The Call With No Name

    | Örebro, Sweden | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (I work in customer service and take calls to schedule house inspections.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Business]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *in very thick accent* “Yes, hello? I got a letter from you to book an appointment.”

    Me: “Of course. Can you give me the six-digit number on that letter, please?”

    Caller: “No, no number.”

    Me: “It should be right on the letter you received, right above our phone number.”

    Caller: “No, no number.”

    Me: “No problem. May I have your address instead, please?”

    Caller: “Uhm, address… It’s in [City].”

    Me: “All right, and on which street?”

    Caller: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Which address do you live on?”

    Caller: “No address.”

    Me: “Perhaps I can try your name instead?”

    Caller: “I don’t know name.”

    Me: *very clearly* “What is your name?”

    Caller: “I don’t know what my name is.”

    Me: *very confused now* “Excuse me, but I have to have some information from you to be able to find you in the system or make the appointment. Your name, your address, or your phone number?”

    Caller: “Yes, yes, I understand, but I don’t know my name.”

    Me: “I… I’m sorry… how can you not know your name?”

    (The caller suddenly starts laughing hysterically.)

    Caller: “Sorry, I can’t do this anymore! It’s [Colleague]. Wow, you have the most amazing patience! I’m stuck on the freeway and will be about 10 minutes late. Can you please tell [Boss] for me?”

    (The reason I never realized this was a fake call was because, sadly, it was not even close to the weirdest calls I’ve had.)

    Getting Out-sourced

    | FL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I work for a call center that hosts conference calls for other organizations. I recently came out to my supervisor after we ran into each other at a gay pride event. I told him that I really didn’t want anyone else at work to know, as I’m a fairly private person. He told me he completely understood. A few weeks later I am in a meeting with my supervisor, his boss, and my entire team.)

    Supervisor’s Boss: “We have a new client coming aboard who is an LGBT rights organization. They said they’d prefer a facilitator who is LGBT. It’s not my business to get into anyone’s personal lives, but if anyone would like to take these calls you can sign up for them discretely.”

    Supervisor: *excitedly* “Ooh, [My Name]! That sounds perfect for you! You should sign up for those calls!”

    Me: *sheepishly* “Yeah, thanks.”

    Spidey Sense Going Crazy

    | Greenville, SC, USA | Coworkers, Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (At my job, I am known for my costumes and my charitable work. There is a big event coming at the end of the month where I have roped in several friends that are also costumers. We’ll be there to cheer on the children during the event and mingle with the kids beforehand.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker], are you bringing out your kids for the event at the end of the month?”

    Coworker: “Oh, yeah. Thanks for letting me know about it. I didn’t have a chance to come out last time!”

    Me: “They’ll get a kick out of it for sure. Your son’s a big Spider-Man fan, so I’ll make sure to high-five him when he comes into the finish line.”

    (Her eyes narrow, and she gives me a once-over.)

    Coworker: “Wait, you’re Spider-Man?”

    Me: “Yeah, I thought everyone knew that. That’s my go-to costume for children’s events. Why?”

    Coworker: “But… your butt.”

    Me: “My… what?”

    Coworker: “Were you the guy in the costume at [Last Company Event], too?”

    Me: “Yeah, why?”

    Coworker: “But your butt looks different.”

    Me: “Were you checking me out in costume at the event?”

    Coworker: “Maybe?” *gives me the once over again before walking away*

    Me: “… I need a shower and an adult.”

    World Wide Watery Web

    , | New York, NY, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m on the phone, trying to resolve an issue where the cable company has mistakenly logged my account as disconnected.)

    Me: “I’m a little confused. The e-mail I received from you says that my account was disconnected, but I still have cable service.”

    Employee: “Well, that can’t be possible. You are disconnected. A technician went out to your residence and physically disconnected the lines yesterday.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think you’re understanding me. That didn’t happen. My cable and internet are still working. The lines have NOT been disconnected. If you have my account categorized as disconnected, why am I still receiving cable service?”

    Employee: “Well, there may just be some leftover service in the lines. That will get less and less strong as it finishes out and gets used up. That happens sometimes.”

    Me: “Leftover service in the lines? Like water in a pipe?”

    Employee: “Exactly like that. There is just leftover cable and internet in the lines. It’ll run out soon.”

    Me: “You do realize that cable and internet are not physical things that flow through a line, right?”

    Employee: “No, I don’t think that’s correct. The service goes through the wires and into your home, just like water through a pipe. You just have some leftover service in your wires.”

    Me: “… Can I speak to your supervisor?”

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