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  • Their Mind Is Blank (Cheque)

    | UK | At The Checkout, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work at an internal call centre. One of our Ireland stores calls about a customer and a cheque.)

    Store: “Hi. A customer has paid by cheque and the transaction on the till has gone through twice.”

    Me: “Okay. Your till is now over, so you’ll need to refund one of those transactions to balance the till once the customer has left.”

    Store: “So, I do a cash refund and give it to the customer?”

    Me: “No, don’t give it to the customer. He’s only written one cheque. You’re making the refund on your duplicate transaction on the till.”

    Store: “Yes, but he’ll be charged twice.”

    Me: “No. He’s only written you one cheque.”

    Store: “Yes, but the cheque authorisation has gone through twice.”

    Me: “Yes, but the authorisation doesn’t mean he’ll be charged twice. It’s only authorisation by the bank. The customer has only written you one cheque. That cheque won’t be processed until it’s banked.”

    Store: “But the transaction has gone through twice.”

    Me: “Yes, but only on your till. Your till is now over by the duplicate amount, so you need to balance it by making a refund.”

    Store: “So I give the cash back to the customer?”

    Me: “No! Don’t give anything to the customer other than the receipt and the product he’s just purchased.”

    Store: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: *explains again* “…and when you hit the refund button, the till drawer will open. Just close it!”

    Store: “Oh, I understand. I thought cheques were like cards and he’d be charged twice.”

    Me: “No.” *slowly bangs head on desk*

    They Must Have Slipped Through The Net

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

    (Our broadband, TV, and home phone have all been out since Friday. We were told on the Friday that they would be back on by 6 pm the same day. They weren’t. We called the company and were told our services would be back on in 24-48 hours. They weren’t. We called again, and were told they would be back on by 4 pm on Monday. They weren’t. Needless to say, by this point we we’re already annoyed. We called again. Having been cut off and redialing, being transferred from one person to another, the following occurs:)

    Call Centre Worker: “Hello. My name is [Name]. How can I help you?”

    Me: “Hi. We’ve been without any of our services for four days now. We’ve now been given three different times that they’ll be back on and none of them have been correct.”

    Call Centre Worker: “Well, I’m looking at my screen now and I cannot see any faults with your connection.”

    Me: “With all due respect, we’ve been calling for four days about this problem. I can’t see your screen. What I can see is that, regardless of what your screen says, none of my services are working.”

    Call Centre Worker: “I’m sorry, sir. I understand you are having a problem with your broadband, is that correct?”

    Me: “Yes, and my TV, and my home phone. None of them are working!”

    Call Centre Worker: “Well, if it is a problem with your TV and not your broadband I will need to put you through to a TV technician. I work in Broadband.”

    Me: “No. None of our services are working! Our broadband isn’t working either! There’s no number on your automated menu for no services working!”

    Call Centre Worker: “I see. So the problem is with your broadband. I see no works in your area at this time.”

    Me: “We had a card through the door on Friday telling us there were works in our area that day and that services would be back on by 6. They weren’t. We called and were told 24-48 hours. Still nothing. We called and were told 4 pm today. Still nothing. We just want our services back!”

    (This goes on, just going back and forth for at least ten minutes before…)

    Call Centre Worker: “Right. What we will need to do is send out a technician.”

    Me: “Okay. So how long will that take?”

    Call Centre Worker: “Oh, it will be 24-48 hours.”

    Me: “We were told 24-48 hours to resolve the problem on Friday. Try tonight or first thing tomorrow!”

    Call Centre Worker: “We cannot do that; we have no slots available. I assure you, a technician will be out to resolve the problem in 24-48 hours. The next slot for a technician is on Thursday, but we’ll move you higher up if there are any cancellations.”

    Me: “Frankly, we should be higher up now given that not only have we already been waiting four days and been told three times, but it was yourselves who caused the problem in the first place when you carried out work in our area on Friday and left us without any services. But anyway, do you mean Thursday in three days time?”

    Call Centre Worker: “Yes, that’s correct.”

    Me: “Which is more than 48 hours? You know what? Fine! I just want it sorting, but we do have work. Will you at least call us to tell us when the technician will arrive?”

    Call Centre Worker: “Yes, of course. We will call you on [home phone number].”

    Me: “You mean you’re going to call us on the phone number we have been telling you for four days hasn’t been working for the last four days!”

    Call Centre Worker: “Oh, you mean your phone also is not working? Erm… may I have a mobile phone number?”

    Me: “Our home phone isn’t working. As we’ve been telling you for four days now, none of our services are working. We have no TV. We have no home phone. We have no broadband. None. Nothing. Nada. My mobile number is [number].”

    Call Centre Worker: “Thank you. A technician will be with you Thursday.”

    (As it happens, the technician arrived on Tuesday afternoon but we didn’t receive a call to tell us. The technician also had no idea that all three of our services were out and thought that it was just an issue with our broadband!)

    Social Insecurity

    | Austin, TX, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid

    (I’m calling my insurance company for info about my policy. I’m asked for my policy number. I don’t have it on me so I asked for him to look it up by social security number.)

    Me: *gives social security number*

    Representative: “Please verify your name.”

    Me: *gives name*

    Representative: “And your date of birth.”

    Me: *gives date of birth*

    Representative: “Now, please verify the last four digits of your social.”

    Me: *pause* “You mean the last four digits of my social, that I gave you in whole to look up my policy?”

    Representative: “…Yes.”

    In Need Of Appointing A New Coworker

    | CA, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Top

    (I work at a healthcare call center that does appointments for doctors. One of my coworkers is notorious, as the patients she deals with tend to have a lot of scheduling errors. She always insists that the patient or doctor screwed up. I have been recently promoted to a supervisor. One of my jobs is listening to a recording of one of her calls that got flagged.)

    Coworker: “Hello, ma’am. What can I do for you?”

    Patient: “I remember you. I called you yesterday to cancel a hip surgery that I never scheduled with Dr [Name].”

    Coworker: “Well, that can’t be. I see your appointment right here. Are you sure you didn’t leave a message at the doctor’s office by mistake?”

    Patient: *annoyed* “NO. I spoke to YOU directly. You swore that you would fix the doctor’s mistake. In fact, it was the third time I called to cancel the appointment and you were the one I talked to all three times. Now, can you please transfer me to someone who can fix this?”

    Coworker: *very nasty* “Listen up, you old bat. Just admit you had a bout of dementia and called the wrong place. I’m not going to sit here and listen to a bunch of stupid accusations.”

    (My coworker hangs up, which we’re specifically instructed not to do unless the patient is belligerent and incredibly rude. Curious, I call the patient and she is able to provide me the dates and hours she called previously. I am able to find recordings of the previous calls. They all have my coworker promising the patient that everything would be taken care of and she had nothing to worry about since it was the doctor’s mistake. Luckily, part of my promotion meant I could report her directly to management. She was fired within a week when it was discovered this was hardly the first case!)

    I’ve Got A Bad Feline About This

    | WI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Language & Words, Themed Giveaway

    (The entire floor is on a training conference call, so all our phones are muted. One manager is multi-tasking: he’s listening to the call, researching a customer’s issue, instant-messaging someone in tech support, and sending out a mass email on the status of today’s sales contest. The following all happens through email.)

    Manager: “If we get four more [Product] sales, we’ll draw another name. Winner gets to pop a balloon to find out their prize. Come on guys! I have a feline we can get those sales before noon!”

    Me: “I have a feline too, but she doesn’t care about balloons unless she’s chasing them.”

    Coworker #1: “Felines… nothing more than feeee-lines!”

    Coworker #2: “And IIIIII’m hooked on a feline…”

    Coworker #3: “Can you feline the love tonight!”

    Coworker #4: “Is this what they call ‘fuzzy logic?’”

    Manager: “This is what I get for multi-tasking.”

    Coworker #5: *emails us a “Grumpy Cat” pic w/caption* “I had a feline once. It was terrible.”

    (By this point we were all giggling at our desks so much, I don’t think anyone even heard the training call.)


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