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    Getting Out-sourced

    | FL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I work for a call center that hosts conference calls for other organizations. I recently came out to my supervisor after we ran into each other at a gay pride event. I told him that I really didn’t want anyone else at work to know, as I’m a fairly private person. He told me he completely understood. A few weeks later I am in a meeting with my supervisor, his boss, and my entire team.)

    Supervisor’s Boss: “We have a new client coming aboard who is an LGBT rights organization. They said they’d prefer a facilitator who is LGBT. It’s not my business to get into anyone’s personal lives, but if anyone would like to take these calls you can sign up for them discretely.”

    Supervisor: *excitedly* “Ooh, [My Name]! That sounds perfect for you! You should sign up for those calls!”

    Me: *sheepishly* “Yeah, thanks.”

    Spidey Sense Going Crazy

    | Greenville, SC, USA | Coworkers, Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (At my job, I am known for my costumes and my charitable work. There is a big event coming at the end of the month where I have roped in several friends that are also costumers. We’ll be there to cheer on the children during the event and mingle with the kids beforehand.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker], are you bringing out your kids for the event at the end of the month?”

    Coworker: “Oh, yeah. Thanks for letting me know about it. I didn’t have a chance to come out last time!”

    Me: “They’ll get a kick out of it for sure. Your son’s a big Spider-Man fan, so I’ll make sure to high-five him when he comes into the finish line.”

    (Her eyes narrow, and she gives me a once-over.)

    Coworker: “Wait, you’re Spider-Man?”

    Me: “Yeah, I thought everyone knew that. That’s my go-to costume for children’s events. Why?”

    Coworker: “But… your butt.”

    Me: “My… what?”

    Coworker: “Were you the guy in the costume at [Last Company Event], too?”

    Me: “Yeah, why?”

    Coworker: “But your butt looks different.”

    Me: “Were you checking me out in costume at the event?”

    Coworker: “Maybe?” *gives me the once over again before walking away*

    Me: “… I need a shower and an adult.”

    World Wide Watery Web

    , | New York, NY, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m on the phone, trying to resolve an issue where the cable company has mistakenly logged my account as disconnected.)

    Me: “I’m a little confused. The e-mail I received from you says that my account was disconnected, but I still have cable service.”

    Employee: “Well, that can’t be possible. You are disconnected. A technician went out to your residence and physically disconnected the lines yesterday.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think you’re understanding me. That didn’t happen. My cable and internet are still working. The lines have NOT been disconnected. If you have my account categorized as disconnected, why am I still receiving cable service?”

    Employee: “Well, there may just be some leftover service in the lines. That will get less and less strong as it finishes out and gets used up. That happens sometimes.”

    Me: “Leftover service in the lines? Like water in a pipe?”

    Employee: “Exactly like that. There is just leftover cable and internet in the lines. It’ll run out soon.”

    Me: “You do realize that cable and internet are not physical things that flow through a line, right?”

    Employee: “No, I don’t think that’s correct. The service goes through the wires and into your home, just like water through a pipe. You just have some leftover service in your wires.”

    Me: “… Can I speak to your supervisor?”

    Unable To Geolocate The Best Solution

    | Dayton, OH, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I am calling my cellular provider’s call center, because I was charged on my account after I cancelled it due to being in Ireland for an extended period of time.)

    Call Center: “We sent you some mobile notifications on these dates, telling you that your vacation hold was ending.”

    Me: “You sent mobile notifications to my CDMA phone when Europe only has GSM, and you’re wondering why I didn’t get them? CDMA doesn’t work in Europe which is why I put my account on hold.”

    Call Center: “Well, I’m sorry about that, sir, but it’s our policy to send a mobile notification.”

    Me: “You could have just as easily sent me an email to let me know that my phone that didn’t have service would soon be getting service.”

    Call Center: “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s how our system is set up.”

    Me: “Well your system sure as s*** seems to be able to send me email when I have a new bill that is due. Okay, well, seeing as my account has been cancelled and I can’t log in to the website to pay my bill by phone number since it says it doesn’t exist, how would you recommend I pay my bill?”

    Call Center: “Well, you can walk in and pay your bill in the nearest [Cellular Company] store.”

    Me: “Sure, I’ll go ahead and do that! Can you please tell me where the closest one is to Dublin, Ireland? I’ll happily walk in and pay my bill.”

    Call Center: “We don’t have information on that since we don’t have service over there.”

    Me: “So why would you even recommend that option to me?”

    Call Center: “Well, the next time you are in the States, you can do that.”

    Me: “Okay. Next time I make it over to the States, I will pay my bill. Thank you for giving me that permission to not pay until that time.” *hangs up*

    Not Very Good At Monitoring The Situation

    | OH, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in an office with older equipment that fails on a regular basis. One morning my computer monitor dies. I inform the morning supervisor and wait for IT to come replace it. Later, the afternoon supervisor arrives.)

    Afternoon Supervisor: “Why weren’t you taking calls earlier?”

    Me: “My monitor was broken. IT just replaced it a few minutes ago.”

    Afternoon Supervisor: “But you didn’t send me an email! Why didn’t you send me an email that your monitor wasn’t working?”

    Me: “Because… I had no monitor?”

    Coworker: *calls over in high voice* “BECAUSE… SHE… COULD… NOT… SEE… TO… TYPE!”


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