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    Will Autocall Back In Three Days

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Religion, Technology

    (My wife and I get our nine-year-old daughter a cell phone. Unfortunately, her number was formerly used by a Jesús [pronounced hey-soos] Gonzales. We keep getting calls from creditors for months, finally convincing them that the number is no longer his. Then one evening, her phone gets a ‘blocked number’ call. I take it, preparing to explain the situation. However, the caller is an autocaller, which uses a text reader and menu to communicate. It is also pronouncing Jesús’s name ‘gee-zus,’ like from church.)

    Autocaller: “Hello. I am trying to contact … Jesus Gonzales.If you are… Jesus… press one; otherwise, press two.”

    Me: *presses two, while starting to giggle a little*

    Autocaller: “I see that you are not… Jesus. Do you know… Jesus? Is so, press one; if not, press two.”

    Me: *presses 2, laughing now*

    Autocaller: “Do you know how we can find… Jesus? If yes, press one; if no, press two.”

    Me: *presses 2; laughing loudly*

    Autocaller: “Thank you.” *hangs up*

    Wife: “Who were they looking for?”

    Me: “They were looking for Jesus!”

    Start In Jamestown And Work Outwards…

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I work for an inmate locator service. The caller has asked to look up his best friend.)

    Me: “Okay, can I have the first and last name?”

    Caller: “James.”

    Me: “Okay, and the last name?”

    Caller: “Oh, I don’t know his last name.”

    Me: “Sir, this is a statewide service. You’ll have to call back with the last name. I can’t run a search without a last name, unless you know the county he may be in.”

    Caller: “I don’t know what county! That’s why I’m calling you! And how many James’s can there be in the state of California, anyway?!”

    Not Speaking The Same Language About The Same Language

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I only overhear a consultant’s advice to a customer, and not the customer’s responses.)

    Consultant: “No, I am sorry we don’t have any Chinese translators.”

    Entire Center: *stands up and stares at the consultant, bug eyed*

    Consultant: “No, really. We don’t have any Chinese translators. We’ve got Cantonese and Mandarin translators, but that is probably not going to help…”

    Not So Smart Phone, Part 8

    | London, England, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Hi there. I lost my phone earlier today. I’d like to place a block on it in case someone tries to use it. Is that possible?”

    Helpline Rep: “Certainly, and I’m sorry to hear that you no longer have your phone. Was it stolen?”

    Me: “I don’t think so. I think it fell out of my bag. I’d like to block it just in case whoever finds it tries to use it, since I genuinely don’t know where it might be.”

    Helpline Rep: “Okay. Is it the number you are calling from now?”

    Me: “… No?”

    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 7
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 6
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 5
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 4
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 3

    Putting The ‘Super’ Into Supervisor

    | OK, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Top

    (I work in a call center for a major satellite TV provider. I am handling a billing issue for a customer who gets pissed off and demands a supervisor. My supervisor really, REALLY hates taking calls so I make d*** sure to do anything I can to take care of the customers issue, but the customer refuses my assistance. Unfortunately I only get to hear one end of the call.)

    Supervisor: “Hello. I have your account information pulled up. What charges are you disputing?”

    Supervisor: “No, those charges were already reversed.”

    Supervisor: “Well, my employee already offered you that, but you declined, and I’m not extending the same offer.”

    Supervisor: “Sure, I can save you some money.” *clickety-tap* “Your account is now disconnected. Thank you.” *hangs up*

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