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    The Drugs Don’t Work And Neither Do You

    , | Nashville, TN, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Job Seekers, Theme Of The Month

    (A woman sits down across from me at Starbucks, at an interview for a teaching position. Before I can even get a word in, she bursts out with this…)

    Woman: “Do y’all drug test? Because I can’t pass one and I don’t plan on being able to anytime soon.”

    Me: “I think we’re done here…”

    (Shortest. Interview. Ever.)

    Insanely Caffeinated

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Bizarre/Silly

    (On the way into work I go to the local coffee shop for some coffee. The clerk behind the counter is friendly and efficient.)

    Clerk: “Can I get you anything else?”

    Me: “A large dose of sanity would be helpful.”

    Clerk: *without skipping a beat* “I’m sorry we do not keep that stocked behind the counter. All orders for sanity must be places at least 48 hours in advance.”

    Me: “Ugh, thanks. I will keep that in mind for future reference.”

    (Off I go. A few days later, I return to the same shop and the same woman is behind the counter.)

    Clerk: “Good morning. What can I get you today?”

    Me: “Did you get that order for sanity that I placed a few days ago?”

    Clerk: *again without missing a beat* “I am really sorry. I completely dropped the ball on that one.”

    Me: “Sigh. In that case I will have a large coffee.”

    Clerk: “Excellent substitute. I hope that you find some sanity.”

    Wrong Answer, Princess

    | UK | Coworkers, Geeks Rule

    (My colleague is looking for iced tea but can’t appear to find any.)

    Colleague: “Do we have any peach?”

    Me: *unable to find any* “Looks like it’s in another castle.”

    Colleague: “What?”

    Me: “…never mind.”

    Stamp Of Disapproval

    | England, UK | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My favourite coffee shop doesn’t have a points card. Instead they have a cardboard card that they stamp. Unfortunately me being me, I would forget to get it stamped or leave it at home, so it has taken several months to fill it up. I’m two coffees away and I have just ordered two coffees.)

    Me: “Oh, my card.”

    (The barista looks at my card, looks at me, and looks at the coffees I’ve just ordered, stamps it twice, then instead of passing my card back to me, she takes a free coffee off my bill.)

    Me: “Thank you for not understanding your own policy of buy six get one free!”

    Don’t Want To Cause A Latte Trouble

    | MA, USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Food & Drink

    (I am the customer in this situation. My husband orders us each a caramel iced latte. He comes back to the car from the store. He has got his order right and mine is wrong. It was a small, hot coffee that wasn’t marked ‘caramel.’ I thought maybe they had given him someone else’s order by mistake and he was too nice to fix it, so I go back in with the drink and the receipt, that says two iced caramel lattes.)

    Me: “Hi, I’m sorry, but I think my husband got the wrong order? I just wanted to make sure I didn’t get someone else’s coffee.”

    Employee #1: “Uh… [Employee #2], what do I do?”

    Employee #2: “Make her the right drink this time! Jesus, [Employee #1], that’s the third time today. At least this one is nicer than the last guy.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to cause trouble. Really.”

    (My new drink is made in record time, and I’m not charged extra for it.)

    Employee #1: “It’s okay. I’ve been here a month and I should know what I’m doing, but I’m still new and I still mess up. I just don’t want to get fired. Thank you for the tip. Seriously. Have a nice day, and I’m sorry I messed up your drink.”

    (All the change I brought into the store with me in case I had to purchase my drink again was put in the tip jar that the employees share, and both the employees thanked me profusely. Seriously, coffee shop workers need to be cut some slack!)


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