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    Getting The Short End Of The Stick(y)

    , | USA | Coworkers, Family & Kids

    (I work in the snack-bar of a grocery store. There is a coffee shop connected to us, and both are run by the store. I am washing dishes when my coworkers walk in. Both are carrying the splash-guards from the blender.)

    Coworker#1: “It’s all sticky!”

    Coworker #2: “You have three kids. How do sticky things bother you?”

    Me: *without looking up* “She has three kids…”

    Coworker #1: *laughs* “And you learn to fear what sticky things they bring you!”

    The Drugs Don’t Work And Neither Do You

    , | Nashville, TN, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Job Seekers, Theme Of The Month

    (A woman sits down across from me at Starbucks, at an interview for a teaching position. Before I can even get a word in, she bursts out with this…)

    Woman: “Do y’all drug test? Because I can’t pass one and I don’t plan on being able to anytime soon.”

    Me: “I think we’re done here…”

    (Shortest. Interview. Ever.)

    Insanely Caffeinated

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Bizarre/Silly

    (On the way into work I go to the local coffee shop for some coffee. The clerk behind the counter is friendly and efficient.)

    Clerk: “Can I get you anything else?”

    Me: “A large dose of sanity would be helpful.”

    Clerk: *without skipping a beat* “I’m sorry we do not keep that stocked behind the counter. All orders for sanity must be places at least 48 hours in advance.”

    Me: “Ugh, thanks. I will keep that in mind for future reference.”

    (Off I go. A few days later, I return to the same shop and the same woman is behind the counter.)

    Clerk: “Good morning. What can I get you today?”

    Me: “Did you get that order for sanity that I placed a few days ago?”

    Clerk: *again without missing a beat* “I am really sorry. I completely dropped the ball on that one.”

    Me: “Sigh. In that case I will have a large coffee.”

    Clerk: “Excellent substitute. I hope that you find some sanity.”

    Wrong Answer, Princess

    | UK | Coworkers, Geeks Rule

    (My colleague is looking for iced tea but can’t appear to find any.)

    Colleague: “Do we have any peach?”

    Me: *unable to find any* “Looks like it’s in another castle.”

    Colleague: “What?”

    Me: “…never mind.”

    Stamp Of Disapproval

    | England, UK | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My favourite coffee shop doesn’t have a points card. Instead they have a cardboard card that they stamp. Unfortunately me being me, I would forget to get it stamped or leave it at home, so it has taken several months to fill it up. I’m two coffees away and I have just ordered two coffees.)

    Me: “Oh, my card.”

    (The barista looks at my card, looks at me, and looks at the coffees I’ve just ordered, stamps it twice, then instead of passing my card back to me, she takes a free coffee off my bill.)

    Me: “Thank you for not understanding your own policy of buy six get one free!”


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