Me: “Hi! Extra large steeped tea, please.”

Employee: “Three milk, one sugar, right?”

Me: “Nearly! The exact opposite.”

Employee: “Oh, okay. One sugar, three milk.”

Me: “May I have a medium sized mocha with soya milk, no cream, to take away please? And my name is [name].”

Perky Barista: “Of course. What size would— oh. Wh— right, you told me that. Would you like c— oh. And is that to drink h— oh, sorry. I’m on autopilot. Could I have your name fo—”

(He thinks for a moment before continuing.)

Perky Barista: “Okay [name]. That’s one most-coherent-order-ever coming right up!”

(At least he drew a smiley face on my cup and gave me a free biscuit!)

Me: “I’ll have a 16 oz. quad mocha, please.”

Server: “Quad?”

Me: “Yes, four shots, please.”

Server: “But it comes with two.”

Me: “And I’d like four.”

Server: “But it comes with two!”

Me: “I’d like two extra.”

Server: “So, that’s four?”

Me: “Yep.”

Server: “I’ll have to charge more.”

Me: “No worries.”

Server: “So, that’s a 16 oz. mocha with two shots and two shots of espresso.”

(Her phrasing is a bit weird, but I assume she gets it.)

Me: “Yes, thanks.”

Server: “That will be [price].”

(Shortly after…)

Barista: “16 oz. mocha and two shots, [my name]!”

(What do I find? 16 oz. mocha and two, separate shots sitting on the counter…)

Fiancé: “Hi, can we get a large and a small coffee?”

Drive-thru Worker: “So that’s two medium coffees. Anything else?”

Fiancé: “No, it’s a large and a small.”

Drive-thru Worker: “Two mediums. Anything else?”

Fiancé: “A large and a small!”

Drive-thru Worker: “Two mediums?”

Fiancé: *facepalms* “Yes. Two medium coffees.”

Me: “Hey [coworker], I heard you interviewed [my friend].”

Coworker: “Yeah. Sorry, I couldn’t hire him, considering he’s your friend and all.”

Me: “That’s okay. I don’t expect you to hire someone just because he’s my friend. But he said that you told him that the reason he wasn’t hired was that you were looking for female baristas.”

Coworker: *smiles* “Yeah. You know, girls just are harder workers, more detail oriented. And we need that around here. Us guys… we’re not so good at that. We’re pretty crappy, actually.”

Me: “Um, and you told [my friend] that?”

Coworker: “Yeah.”

Me: “Um, you do realize that that is sexual discrimination, right?”

Coworker: “…What? How?!”

Me: “It’s illegal to not hire someone based on their gender. Because [my friend] knows you didn’t give him a shot at the job because he’s a guy, he technically could sue you. [My friend] isn’t going to do that for a job in a coffee shop, but he wanted me to warn you to not say that to people so you or [the owner] don’t get in trouble for sexual discrimination.”

Coworker: “It’s really sexual discrimination? It’s not against women; it’s for women!”

Me: “Dude, sexual discrimination laws go both ways.”

Coworker: “Really?”

Me: *facepalm*