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  • The Customer Is Not Always Bright

    | GA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid

    (I am a clerk at a convenience store. The district manager just happens to be at the store today. We have had a lot of stupid customers. During a slow period I turn to him.)

    Me: “We need to install devices on the perimeter of the property that doesn’t allow people in unless they have an IQ of at least 70.”

    District Manager: “We can’t afford to lose all the business.”

    Taking The Free Shipping Option

    | OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Employees, Top

    (I’m purchasing coffee and a snack at a convenience store close to my house.)

    Clerk: “Was there anything else you wanted?”

    Me: “Some warmer weather would be nice.”

    Clerk: “We were told it is currently on backorder. We should be getting it in about three or four months.”

    Booze, You Lose

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees

    (I’m at a convenience store, down an aisle that has chips and beef jerky along one side and wine along the other. I’m debating over chips. I am very obviously no longer a teenager.)

    Cashier: “Hey!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Cashier: “Hey! You! Get the f*** out of that aisle!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Cashier: “Don’t you know it’s illegal for kids to go down the booze aisle?”

    Me: “One: no, it’s not. Two: I’m not a kid. I’m almost 30.”

    Cashier: “It’s illegal! I’m not losing my f****** job if some cop sees you.”

    Manager: *who has been right behind the cashier the whole time* “Actually, she’s right, and you’re right to worry about your job, but not because of her. Let’s go talk in the back.”

    (He still works there, but he gives me a death glare every time he sees me.)

    Security Insecurity

    | TN, USA | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid

    (I work at a rural convenience store. Several other stores in a nearby town had been robbed during the overnight shift, and a new policy has been instituted in order to help identify thieves when they are caught. However, this will only work if the thieves don’t know about it, so we’re forbidden to tell the customers. I usually work third shift, but on this occasion I am covering second for a vacationing coworker.)

    Coworker: *to a customer* “…so, see, that way we’ll know they’re the ones who robbed us.”

    (The customer leaves.)

    Me: “Hey, dude, you’re not supposed to tell people that!”

    Coworker: “So? It’s not like I’m going to get robbed. They only rob the overnight.”

    Me: “[Coworker]! I might get robbed!”

    Coworker: “Oh, yeah…”

    You’ll Have The Devil To Pay

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Religion, Themed Giveaway

    (I decide to stop at a convenience store for some snacks.)

    Cashier: “So, how has your day been?”

    Me: “It’s been alright. I just worked a six-hour shift and I’m about to head back. I just got these snacks for my break. I have another seven-hour shift ahead of me! I’m just so glad these [sports drinks] are on sale!”

    Cashier: “Ugh, good luck! Okay, your total will be… $6.66. Do you want to buy something else so that’s not your total?”

    Me: “No, thanks. I don’t really mind, and I only have $7 anyway.”

    Cashier: “Please buy a pack of gum or something!”

    Me: “I really don’t have enough money for that.”

    Cashier: “Then I’ll remove one of these drinks from your purchases! It will be fine!”

    Me: “But I need those for myself, my coworker, and my boss! They’ll be pissed if I don’t bring them! Just ring me up for $6.66! I really don’t care!”

    Cashier: *takes my $7* “OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN, HALLOWED BE THY NAME…”

    (She shouts the whole prayer incredibly dramatically while counting out my change.)

    Me: *takes change silently*

    Cashier: “DON’T RETURN, DEVIL CHILD!”

    Me: “No problem, lady!”


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