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  • Almost Spilled Out Of Control

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Employees, Food & Drink

    (I am in a convenience store, and a young girl walks in with two of her friends. The young girl goes over to the counter and orders a frozen drink. After she has filled her cup, I see her walking back to the middle of the store to her friends, and a large bit of ice that was standing on her drink falls over. She looks up somewhat amused, and we both smile at each other, because it is rather funny. She then walks over to the register again.)

    Young Girl: “Excuse me, do you have any napkins?”

    Employee: “No, sorry.”

    Young Girl: “Oh, well, I’m sorry but I’ve just spilt some of my drink on your floor.”

    Employee: “DON’T DO THAT NEXT TIME!”

    Young Girl: *slightly irritated at the employee’s rudeness* “Well, look, it’s not like I did it on purpose, okay? It was an accident. I came over here and asked for something to clean it up with so I could clean it myself, but you don’t have anything, and that’s not my fault.”

    Employee: *embarrassed* “I’m… sorry…”

    The Blessing Becomes A Curse

    | ME, USA | Bigotry, Coworkers, Religion

    (A couple with a very pronounced Southern accent come in and purchase a few things. They’re very polite and the transaction goes far more smoothly than most.)

    Me: “And here is your change. Thank you, sir!”

    Customer: “Nah, thank you darlin’! Y’all have a blessed day now!”

    (After they leave, my coworker turns to me with a look of disgust.)

    Coworker: “Can you believe that?”

    Me: “What?”

    Coworker: “I can’t believe you didn’t say anything!”

    Me: “About what?”

    Coworker: “About what he said to you!” *mockingly imitating the customer’s accent* “‘Y’all have a blessed day;’ that’s so offensive! I mean, you’re atheist! He was imposing his beliefs on you!”

    Me: “Not really. I mean, I appreciate what you’re saying, but there was no way for him to know I’m an atheist. Besides, he was just trying to spread good will and kindness in wishing me a day with blessings from what he believes is the highest authority. He was just being a good Christian. It’s not like he lectured me.”

    Coworker: “He didn’t have to force it on you like that though! We have freedom of religion in this country for a reason! And if he really was a good Christian, he’d have a beard to go with that mustache. It’s in Leviathan.”

    Me: “I think you should probably just kind of stop. Go clean the soda fountain or something.”

    Coworker: “But the First Amendment—”

    Me: “—has nothing to do with soda. Now, scoot.”

    Don’t Quit Your Daedric Job

    | LA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Geeks Rule

    (It’s a slow day, so I start doodling on our notepad. A customer walks in as I’m drawing.)

    Customer: “What are you doing?” frowns at the doodle* “Is he supposed to be jumping rope?”

    Me: “Intestines, actually.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Have you ever played any of the Elder Scrolls games?”

    Customer: “Oh! It’s going to be Sheogorath!”

    Me: *nod* “He’s my favorite NPC.”

    Customer: “Yeah, he says the most random things.”

    Me: “Yes and my favorite is—” *I throw my hands in the air and then shout* “—CHEESE FOR EVERYONE!”

    (At that exact moment, another customer walks in. She stares at me a moment and the other customer laughs.)

    Me: “Er, I promise I’m not crazy. We were talking about a game character and he shouts that. He’s the god of madness and he loves cheese!”

    Words Escape Me

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Crazy Requests

    (My manager’s boss is currently supervising everything. I have just started my shift, with only a single customer in the place and myself. The customer and a coworker who has just finished their shift are talking.)

    Me: “I haven’t seen [friendly old customer's name] in a while. Is he okay ?”

    Customer: “Yeah he’s doing okay, but you know at 86 years old—”

    Me: “He’s not running a marathon, ha ha.”

    (We all start laughing and we keep talking.)

    Manager’s Boss: *at the other side of the shop* “STOP TALKING!”

    All Three Of Us: “What?”

    Manager’s Boss: “You’re allowed to talk ONLY when the customer has left!”

    Coworker: “But we’re talking WITH HIM!”

    Manager’s Boss: “STOP!”

    (We see the customer’s face change from friendly to REALLY annoyed.)

    Customer: “The customer is not happy.”

    Manager’s Boss: “I DON’T CARE! NOW STOP OR IT’S A DISCIPLINARY ACTION!”

    Customer: “Wow, and I thought the priority was customer service.”

    Manager’s Boss: “WHAT DID I SAY?!”

    (All three of us look at each other in an awkward silence. My coworker suddenly shows us a sheet of paper where he has written ‘Have a good day!’ and runs out while we are trying to stop laughing since we were not allowed to speak.)

    Manager’s Boss: “OKAY, THAT’S IT!”

    (I get a disciplinary action, and later that day the same customer comes back to complain to the manager about the manager’s boss. The next day the customer calls corporate to make a real complaint. The manager’s boss says that it is my fault, since I didn’t explain it to her on that day. Now everyone who knows the story—and that’s a lot since the customer has got a lot of friends around—keeps asking if she’s ‘The Evil Queen’ who will stop them from speaking.)

    A Capital Mistake

    | Ohio, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Extra Stupid, Geography

    (I’m visiting my family in Ohio. I have lived in Washington, DC for years, so I therefore have a DC driver’s license. Note: I am WELL over 21.)

    Cashier: “I need to see your ID for this beer.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    (I hand the cashier my DC driver’s license.)

    Cashier: “This is fake. No one lives in Washington, DC. It’s all government buildings and monuments.”

    Me: “I assure you, over 600,000 people live in Washington, DC, and that license is real.”

    Cashier: “Yeah, you think you’re smart, but I know no one lives in Washington, DC. I’ve been there several times. You need to leave.”

    Me: “Seriously? If I were going to get a fake ID, why would I get one that says I’m in my mid-30′s? I know I look kind of young, but could someone under 21 even come close to passing for my age?”

    Cashier: “Get out or I’ll call the police.”

    Me: “Okay… I still assure you that lots of people live in DC, but I have my passport here.

    (Unfortunately, this is my “official” government employee passport, and looks slightly different than regular passports.)

    Cashier: “Now you’re just being stupid. This isn’t a real passport.”

    Me: “You think I faked a PASSPORT, as well as all the visas and entry stamps in it?  I know it looks a little different, but flip through; it’s well-used.”

    (The cashier flips through passport and sighs.)

    Cashier: “I’m just going to keep this and your other fake and let you go. I should call the police, but I don’t want the hassle. Now get out.”

    Me: “Alright, no. I don’t even want the beer at this point, but both of those ARE MY REAL IDs!  My boss would KILL me if I had to get a new passport because of an ignorant cashier. I need those back. I have a whole wallet full of credit cards with the name on those IDs on them.”

    (I attempt to show her my credit cards, but she’s not responding.)

    Cashier: “No way, this is for your own good. You’re going to get arrested using these.  You’re better off if I shred them for you.”

    Me: “Please give them back. I have to fly home in two days and I need ID to get on the plane. Keep the license if you want; at least that’s easier to replace than the passport!”

    Cashier: “No, get out. You’ll thank me when you grow up.”

    Me: “Give them back or I will call the police!”

    Cashier: “Go ahead, you’ll just get arrested. I’m keeping these and shredding them. You’ll thank me when you grow up and realize how bad your childish ways are.”

    (I proceed to dial 911 RIGHT IN FRONT OF the cashier, who just watches me smugly and says, “You’ll be sorry!” as I explain to the 911 operator what is going on. The police eventually show up.)

    Police Officer: *to the cashier* “Let me see the IDs, ma’am.”

    Cashier: “See, officer? They’re fake. No one lives in Washington, and that passport is all wrong. I told her she’d get arrested but she just wouldn’t listen.”

    Police Officer: “As far as I can tell, this driver’s license is real. It has holograms and other security features, and only an idiot would get a fake that says they’re this old…” *looks at me* “…and it looks like her. I’ll admit that I’ve never seen a Washington driver’s license before, but nothing seems wrong with this one.”

    (The police officer hands my driver’s license back to me.)

    Cashier: “BUT NO ONE LIVES IN WASHINGTON, DC!  It’s just government buildings and monuments!”

    Police Officer: “Uh, yes, people do live in Washington. Where do you think all the people who work in those buildings in Washington live?”

    Cashier: “NO ONE LIVES IN WASHINGTON, DC!”

    Police Officer: “We’ll agree to disagree.”

    (The police officer looks at the passport, and turns to me.)

    Police Officer: “I’ve never seen a passport like this before.”

    Me: “Yes, I understand that you probably don’t run across a lot of these here, but it has all the security features, many visas and entry stamps in it, and there’s an explanation that it’s a passport for government employees in the back. May I show you?”

    (He hands me the passport and I show him the message, visas, and entry stamps).

    Police Officer: “Well, this has to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever been called for. A third-grader could figure out that these are real. Here’s your passport, ma’am. Sorry for the inconvenience. The grocery store up the street is still open. You’ll probably find a more intelligent staff member there to sell you your beer.Your job seems cool, by the way! I’d love to travel like that!”

    (I went to the grocery store and bought my beer with my license without comment or hassle. And, yes, my job is cool. :) )


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