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    Great Feats Of Meats

    , | Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Food & Drink

    (I’ve recently started working the opening shift once a week, which involves arriving at six am to organise and fill the shaved meats. By the time backup arrives at eight am, I’ve made everything look perfect. Note that I require a LOT of coffee that early in the morning.)

    Coworker: “Good morning, dear!”

    Me: “Good morning! Look! Did I do a good job?”

    Coworker: “Oh, hey, it looks incredible! Did you colour code the meats?”

    Me: “I may have.”

    (The next week:)

    Coworker: “Good morning!”

    Me: “Hello!” *long pause* “Hey, tell me again how good I did.”

    Coworker: “It looks amazing; they should have you on every morning!”

    Me: “Aw, shucks.”

    (The week after that:)

    Coworker: “Good morning! Don’t worry, I know the drill. Oh, my goodness, the meats look just so good!”

    Newborn Into Service

    , | Australia | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Bosses & Owners, Family & Kids

    (Today I’m working with two female coworkers; I’m also female. During a quiet part of the day, one of our managers comes in with her newborn. None of us have seen her since she went on maternity leave a month ago, so we’re all thrilled to see her and her son. My coworkers are so busy cooing over the child that they don’t notice a customer standing quietly at the counter. I go to serve her.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “What are they doing over there?”

    Me: “Our manager is here with her newborn. Really, you’re lucky you’re getting served at all!”

    (The customer laughed before wandering over to join the group. She did eventually get her items, when they all resurfaced ten minutes later!)

    Taking Shots At Your Salad

    | USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m at a deli that seems pretty upscale and neat.)

    Me: “Can I have a ham sub with mayo and lettuce on whole wheat? Also, a chicken salad.”

    Worker: “Okay.”

    (The worker processes my order, and puts something on the counter. It looks like some kind of sauce in one of those condiment cups.)

    Worker: “Okay, here is your order. Enjoy!”

    Me: “Okay, I see my sub, but where’s my chicken salad?”

    Worker: “Here it is!”

    Me: “That’s… a salad? It’s in a condiment cup!”

    (The condiment cup is no bigger than a shot glass, so it was really tiny!)

    Worker: “It IS your salad, ma’am. Look, see? The label.”

    (There’s a label underneath the cup, with ‘chicken salad’ printed there.)

    Me: “Um, never mind, then. Two dollars, really?” *walks away*

    (My husband laughed when I told him about my tiny chicken salad. A few years later after that, that place belly-flopped and is now a parking lot.)

    He’ll Have The Obnoxiously Sweet Ham

    , | Australia | Awesome Customers, Coworkers

    (I am working with one coworker who is in a horrible mood and refusing to serve customers unless she absolutely has to. She was wiping a bench and I am carefully washing raw chicken juice off my arms to serve a man who is standing right in front of my coworker, patiently waiting as she ignores him. A loud, slightly deranged regular comes in and, assuming the other customer is being served, approaches me.)

    Loud Customer: *cheerful* “Hey love! How are ya?”

    Me: “I’m good. I hope you’re well! Sorry, but I have to take care of this gentleman here first. You’re next, though. I promise.”

    Loud Customer: “S’fine, what about the other lady? Lady! Hey, heeey! I need some brawn! Pork brawn, thank you, love!”

    Coworker: *defeated sigh*

    (She serves the loud customer and I serve the other man. The loud customer is VERY loudly chattering away about some conspiracy theory and why he doesn’t eat certain hams. My coworker and I both wind up at the wrapping station for our orders at the same time.)

    Coworker: *mutters darkly, so only I can hear* “Holy f****ing h***.”

    Me: “Ha. I love him! He actually made you do your job.”

    Coworker: *cracks her first smile of the day* “I know; I hate it.”

    (As the loud customer left, he practically yelled at my coworker to feel better. Apparently being obnoxious isn’t so bad, as long as you’re sweet at the same time!)

    Common Sense Takes A Holiday

    , | Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Holidays

    (Due to it being Easter Sunday, management has wrongly predicted a quiet day and we are severely understaffed. I am getting a little frustrated, especially with people making comments about our store being open.)

    Customer: “Why are you even open? You should be at home with your family!”

    Me: *deadpan* “Why are you even shopping? You should be at home with your family.”

    (The customer’s eyes go wide for a split second before he chuckles.)

    Customer: “Touché… I am seriously SO sorry.” *walks away*


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