• Not Scripted For Success - 835 votes
  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Spinning Out Of Control

    , | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (It’s only a recently-promoted courtesy clerk and myself closing the deli. He’s doing most of the counter work while I do the dishes and clean the ovens. I come out of the back to find all the guards off of one of the meat slicers and him holding a cloth to it while it spins. Any time the guards are off the machine is supposed to be unplugged.)

    Me: *without thinking* “[Coworker]! What do you think you’re doing?”

    Coworker: *luckily jumping back* “Oh, hi, [My Name]! Check this out! You don’t have to scrub at it if you do this!”

    Me: “Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?! Turn that off right now!” *he does* “That thing could take half your hand off before you’d even feel the first cut! The guards are there for a reason! Now, go find your mesh glove and clean it properly!”

    (Looking chastised, he goes looking for the glove he’s supposed to be wearing anytime he’s working around knives. Figuring he’s seen sense, I go back to my dishes. Five minutes later I come out and find him doing the exact same thing, this time wearing his mesh glove.)

    It’s All In The Flawless Delivery

    | NJ, USA | Awesome Workers

    (A local Italian deli our office sometimes gets lunch from does *really* good food, both their sandwiches as well as staples like penne vodka, chicken parm, etc. The only thing nobody likes from there are the delivery drivers, who are always rude and act like it’s the largest inconvenience in the world to even walk in the front doors. However, a new guy shows up today.)

    Delivery Guy: “Hey, I’ve got a big order for [Company]?”

    Receptionist: “That’s us!”

    Delivery Guy: “Cool, where do you want it?”

    Receptionist: “Oh, right here’s just fine. We’ll set it up.”

    Delivery Guy: *looks around; the reception desk has about enough free space for one tray* “No way, there’s not enough space here! Where are you serving it out?”

    Receptionist: “Um… right along that wall, there’s a batch of cubicles under the windows with a big table in the middle? No one from your place EVER offers to take it past here!”

    Delivery Guy: “Well, that’s why those guys aren’t driving any more, and I am!”

    (He flashed the receptionist a huge smile, actually WINKED, and not only refused help bringing in the six trays of food and multiple bags of bottles of soda, but also got one tray of each kind undone and took the trash out. He was officially crowned by our office Best Delivery Guy Ever and gets a huge tip each time he comes around!)

    Has A Hand In Bad Management

    , | FL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body

    (A coworker has turned the temperature dial in my hot case all the way up to 10, when it’s supposed to be at 4.5. When I reach in to grab the metal tongs to serve a customer, my hand gets burned badly and I end up with blisters on my fingers. I go to a manager to find out where the first aid kit is.)

    Me: “Look at this. I got blisters all over my hand.”

    Manager: “Next time, use your other hand.”

    Trash-Talking Ponies

    , | FL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Movies & TV

    Manager: “[My Name], can you help that customer?”

    Assistant Manager: “[My Name], can you get those wings? Remember, make three kinds from two bags.”

    Me: “Yeah, yeah, I got it.”

    (The oven begins to buzz.)

    Assistant Manager: “[My Name], can you put price tags on these cups of chicken


    Me: “Hang on; I’m trying to do four things at once here.”

    Manager: “[My Name], can you take out the trash?”

    Me: “Make that five things.”

    Assistant Manager: “Heh heh.”

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Assistant Manager: “Yeah, I want a pony. No, wait, make that a unicorn!”

    Me: “Well, [Local University]’s mascot is the Pegasus. I don’t know about unicorns, but maybe they have one of those there.”

    Assistant Manager: “I don’t want a Pegasus; I want a unicorn! No, wait. I want Rainbow Brite’s horse! Ugh… that was one of my favorite cartoons and now I can’t remember its name!”

    Me: “Well, s***, don’t ask me what it is.”

    Manager: “…Starlite?”

    (Our manager is a 39-year-old man.)

    Me: “Ooookay, that’s it. I’m outta here. I’m outta here before I inhale some pixie dust or something.”

    (I grabbed the trash cart and headed out of the department as both managers began cracking up.)

    Great Feats Of Meats

    , | Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Food & Drink

    (I’ve recently started working the opening shift once a week, which involves arriving at six am to organise and fill the shaved meats. By the time backup arrives at eight am, I’ve made everything look perfect. Note that I require a LOT of coffee that early in the morning.)

    Coworker: “Good morning, dear!”

    Me: “Good morning! Look! Did I do a good job?”

    Coworker: “Oh, hey, it looks incredible! Did you colour code the meats?”

    Me: “I may have.”

    (The next week:)

    Coworker: “Good morning!”

    Me: “Hello!” *long pause* “Hey, tell me again how good I did.”

    Coworker: “It looks amazing; they should have you on every morning!”

    Me: “Aw, shucks.”

    (The week after that:)

    Coworker: “Good morning! Don’t worry, I know the drill. Oh, my goodness, the meats look just so good!”

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