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    Fifty Shades Of Grey

    | FL, USA | Coworkers, Rude & Risque

    (A coworker and I are working on stocking makeup. We are discussing the strange names shades of nail polish have like ‘back to the fuchsia’ and ‘sugar daddy.’)

    Me: “Let’s get naked!”

    (My coworker’s eyes go wide.)

    Me: “No no no, that’s the name of this color!”

    Coworker: “Oh, thank god!”

    Take A Chill Pill

    | West Orange, NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body

    (My 14-year-old sister’s doctor has prescribed her birth control pills for the terrible cramps she gets during menstruation. She’s a little embarrassed about it and asks me to go with her instead of our parents.)

    Pharmacist: “Here you are, ma’am.”

    Me: “Thanks.” *to my sister* “Here, sweetie.”

    Pharmacist: “Wait, she’s [sister's name]?”

    Me: “Yes. These pills are for her.”

    Pharmacist: “She’s too young for those! She shouldn’t be having sex! Why would you let her? Are you her sister? You probably set a bad example for her! Shame on both of you!”

    Me: “My sister is not sexually active. She was prescribed these pills because she gets terrible cramps that sometimes make it hard for her to even sit up. Even if that was the case, what business is it of yours? At least, she would’ve been taking precautions.”

    (My sister mumbles something and we leave. Outside, I hug her and ask her what she said.)

    My Sister: “I was going to say I have a girlfriend anyway, but I changed my mind since you said it wasn’t his business.”

    (A month later, we returned to the pharmacy to buy tampons. Fortunately, we learned we weren’t the first customers to be treated that way and the pharmacist had been fired.)

    Laid (Time) Off

    | Florida, USA | Coworkers, Holidays, Time

    (This takes place on Christmas Eve at a 24 hour store. It’s around ten in the morning. The coworker I’m talking to is rather childish and no one really enjoys working with him. This takes place as we’re stocking some stocking stuffer items.)

    Coworker: “Man, this sucks.”

    Me: “Eh, it’s not so bad. Tomorrow is probably going to be a nightmare during the evening, but it’s not so bad right now. Aren’t you only working till noon anyhow?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, but I shouldn’t be here at all.”

    Me: “Some people are working tomorrow. Working a few hours on Christmas Eve isn’t so bad.

    Coworker: “Says you! You get to be off for a week after today!”

    Me: “Yes, that’s because I didn’t wait until three days ago to put in for time. You’re lucky you got tomorrow off at all.”

    Coworker:I shouldn’t be forced to work any holiday!”

    Me: “Why not? The first year I worked here I worked every single holiday. It sucked, but you do what’s required of you. I put in for time. That’s why I got it for this year.”

    Coworker: “I put in for time! I should get it! What makes you so special that you get time off around the holidays!? You put in for time, same as me, so why did YOU get it and I didn’t?!”

    Me: “I put in for it in January.”

    Coworker: “Oh…”

    (The assistant Manager has overheard our conversation and comes over.)

    Assistant Manager: *to me* “I think we got this if you wanna take off early.”

    Coworker: ‘But I’m scheduled to leave before her today. You should send me home!”

    Assistant Manager: “As much as I would love to send you home, we actually have to have a little talk.” *to me* “Have a great Christmas and I’ll see you when you get back!”

    (When I got back my coworker had been fired for not showing up for his shift the two days after Christmas. He claimed it was because he put in for time, so he was going to take it, approved or not!)

    Customers Have To Bag To Be Heard

    | Houston, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My roommate and I have dropped by a store to pick up a few small things. At checkout, the cashier rings up our first item and drops it in a plastic bag.)

    Roommate: “Oh, actually, I don’t need a bag.”

    (The cashier stares blankly for a second, removes the first item from the bag, places it on the counter, rings up the next item and drops it in the bag.)

    Roommate: “I really don’t need a bag.”

    (The cashier removes the second item from the bag, rings up our third item and drops it in the bag.)

    Roommate: “No bag, please.”

    (The cashier adds the other two items to the bag and hands it to my roommate.)

    Roommate: “Um, thanks for the bag…”

    The Only Thing He Should Be Running Is Scared

    | Georgia, USA | Bosses & Owners, Lazy/Unhelpful, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (This takes place at a 24-hour drugstore on Thanksgiving. We’re having a big toy sale and are very busy. I’m on the top rung of a ladder pulling items for customers below me when this takes place.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry for your wait, you guys. If you give me just one more moment, I’ll get everything you’ve asked for!”

    Customer #1: “Oh honey, it’s okay. You guys are so busy!”

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. I don’t think we truly anticipated how busy we’d be. You wanted one Cars fishing game and a Tinkerbell flowers fishing game, correct?”

    Customer #1: “That’s right.”

    Customer #2: “Well, with a sale like this!”

    Me: “Can’t argue with that, sir! You wanted the flying fairy princess doll, is that right?”

    Customer #2: *laughing* “Well, I don’t, but my niece will love it.”

    Me: *to Customer #3* “…and ma’am, you wanted the Disney Princess tea set. Is that right?”

    Customer #3: “That’s right! Wow, you’ve got a good memory!”

    Me: “Thank you! ”

    (At this point, my boss, who has barely exited his office all day, walks up.)

    Boss: *to me* “Hey, someone is waiting to use the bathroom. Go let them in.”

    Me: “Okay, it’ll be just a moment. Where’s [coworker]?”

    Boss: “On break.”

    Me: “But they’ve only been here 45 minutes.”

    Boss: “So?”

    Me: “I’ve been here six hours, and you haven’t let me take a break yet. Also, more importantly, I’m busy right now.”

    Boss: “Well, that person needs to use the restroom. Go do your job.”

    Customer #3: “Sir, I mean no disrespect, but clearly she’s doing her job. Do you not see her on top of the ladder? Why don’t you just let them in yourself?”

    Boss: “That’s not my job. It’s my employees’ jobs…” *snidely to me* “…even if they’re trying to be lazy.”

    Customer #2: *to my boss* “What is your job?”

    Boss: “To make sure the store runs smoothly.”

    Customer #1: “You’re doing a poor job of it.”

    Boss: *turns bright red and grits his teeth* “…and just who are you to judge?”

    Customer #1: “A customer.”

    Boss: *waves her off*

    Customer #2: *very serious* “You are NOT too good to help your employees. Just because you are in a management position does not exempt you from helping. You should go let that customer into the restroom. And after this young lady is done helping us, you should make sure she takes her lunch.”

    Boss: “I make the store run! You can’t tell me how to run my store!”

    Customer #2: “No, you don’t ‘make the store run’. Your employees do. And this young lady has been running her tail off since I’ve been here. You have no idea who I am, do you?”

    Boss: “Someone who has no idea how the store works?”

    Customer #2: *laughs* “No, I’m [name].”

    Me: *startled* “From district?!”

    Customer #2: “That’s right, and I think…” *to my boss* “…you and I need to have a LONG talk.”

    (At this point, I finally get to the bottom of the ladder and start handing out the items.)

    Me: “Here you go everyone. Thank you so much for your patience and have a Happy Thanksgiving!”

    Boss: *to me* “Just go get coworker and take your lunch!”

    (Customers #1 & #3 wish me the same, while Customer #2—who is in fact from corporate—drags my boss into the office for that “talk”.)