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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • Baptism By Fired

    , | USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

    (At my store, when someone makes a mistake we always jokingly fire them. We recently get a new general manager and we have all been very uptight and nervous around him.)

    Me: “I’m out of sweet tea for drive thru!”

    General Manager: “I’ll get it.”

    (He brings over the huge bucket and hoists it up to dump in the urn but his hand slips and he dumps the entire bucket on me and him.)

    Me: *deadpan* “You’re fired.”

    (A look of horror passes over my face and then the general manager bursts out laughing.)

    Coworker: “One of us! One of us!”

    Some Coworkers Are Just Suffocating

    , | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Health & Body, Physical

    (I am shift leader. A kitchen worker on evening shift is slightly autistic, and very claustrophobic. He is a really nice kid and a hard worker. I walk into the kitchen and see the line cooks laughing around the freezer. I go to see what’s going on.)

    Me: “Hey, what’s so funny?”

    Coworker: “Oh, we just put [Autistic Kid] in the freezer. He walked in to put the pickles up and we closed the door!”

    (Horrified I shove past them and yank the door open. He is curled up on the ground, hyperventilating.)

    Me: “[Autistic Kid], are you okay?!”

    (He just shakes his head and I take him to the front end and tell another coworker to make him a shake, and that I will pay for it. I then go back to chew out the line cooks. The manager hears me and comes around the corner.)

    Manager: “Oh, lighten up, [My Name]. It was just a harmless joke! He was fine.”

    Me: “Well, I didn’t find it funny and neither did he! He could have had a full panic attack and needed to go to the hospital! I hope you realise that he could sue you and the company for the ‘innocent joke’ you just pulled!”

    (He just scoffed and told me to go back to work. The kid quit after that day, after thanking me for saving him, and I left after another two months.)

    Fathered And Fired

    , | Vancouver Island, Canada | Coworkers, Family & Kids

    (It is my first shift working night shift, and not having adjusted yet I am quite tired. I am lying down in the break room when my coworker calls me up front to deal with a customer.)

    Me: “Hey.”

    Customer: “Hey, how are you?”

    Me: “TERRIBLE! I am EXHAUSTED and I was LYING DOWN and then I was forced to get up to wait on YOU, you B******!” *slams fist down on the counter*

    (At this, I see my coworker’s eyes bug out, and he turns around hoping to avoid the inevitable customer outburst.)

    Me: “Oh, [Coworker], this is my dad!”

    Coworker: “OH, THANK GOD! I was just thinking ‘aw, man. [My Name]‘s gonna get fired!’”

    Should Have Espresso’d It Clearer

    , | MA, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I get a pound of coffee from the display in front and take it up to the counter.)

    Me: “Good morning. May I have a bacon wrap and a medium cappuccino with an extra shot of espresso?”

    (Cappuccino is normally made with espresso, but I’m requesting extra.)

    Cashier: “Bacon wrap?”

    Me: “Yes, please.”

    Cashier: “Is that bacon, egg, and cheese?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Cashier: “Okay, and what else?”

    Me: “Medium cappuccino with an extra espresso shot.”

    Cashier: “Okay…” *looks at register for several seconds and doesn’t press anything* “I’ll make it.”

    (While the cashier tries to work out how to make my drink, another worker calls out to me.)

    Worker: “What kind of bagel was that, ma’am?”

    Me: “Oh,it was actually a bacon wrap.”

    (The worker nods, and then shows the cashier how to make a cappuccino.)

    Cashier: *rings up a medium coffee* “$5.39 please.”

    Me: “Oh you’ve actually charged me for—”

    Cashier: “Oh I know! The wrong coffee.” *very cheerful about it and apparently not going to correct it*

    Me: “And you’ve charged me for a bagel instead of a wrap.”

    Cashier: “Oh! Sorry. $3.47.”

    Me: “You know you didn’t charge me enough for the cappuccino?”

    Cashier: “Oh… [Coworker], how do you ring up a cappuccino?”

    Coworker: “There’s a cappuccino button.”

    Cashier: *rings it up* “Okay! $4.37.”

    Me: “And the espresso?”

    Cashier: “Oh right. I didn’t put it in yet. Coworker, she wanted a shot of espresso!”

    Coworker: “Another one?”

    Cashier: *to me* “We already put it in.”

    (I’m not sure if she means that she added an extra shot or just what normally comes in it, but I just nod. She rings up a 49-cent shot, although the menu says they are 99 cents. I don’t correct it because 50 cents isn’t worth any more confusion.)

    Cashier: “$4.89 please.”

    Me: “And the pound of coffee…”

    Con-Text

    , | SC, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Family & Kids, Liars/Scammers, Technology

    (Most of our younger employees work night shift because of school. We’ve had some inclement winter weather, but are still open. I am setting things up for shift change when my manager gets a call.)

    Coworker: “I can’t work tonight. I can’t get a ride there, especially with the roads like this!

    (The manager grudgingly accepts her calling out and is about to start trying to cover her shift, when he gets a text. He starts laughing hysterically and, at my look of confusion, shows me the screen.)

    Text From Coworker: “Hey, Dad, [Restaurant] doesn’t need me at work tonight. Can you give me a ride to [Friend's Place]?”


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