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    You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, History

    (It is a quiet evening and all of us who are on shift are good friends, so we are chatting. Someone mentions having read something weird online, and I laugh.)

    Me: “Makes me think of that quote that goes something like, ’75% of what you read online is made up. Abraham Lincoln.’”

    Coworker #1: “…but, they didn’t have the Internet when Abraham Lincoln was around.”

    Me: “Exactly!”

    Coworker #1: “So how could he have said it?”

    (Everyone else had immediately understood the joke, and several try to get him to understand it.)

    Coworker #2: “That’s why it’s funny! Abraham Lincoln couldn’t/ have said it, so it’s pointing out that stuff online isn’t always believable.”

    Coworker #1: “But… why would it say Abraham Lincoln said it? He wasn’t around!”

    (We all finally give up and continue on with what we were doing. About an hour later, the penny finally drops.)

    Coworker #1: “Oh! It means the Internet isn’t reliable because Abraham Lincoln could never have known about the Internet so someone obviously made up that he said it!”

    (He proceeded to laugh at the joke. We all couldn’t help but join in.)

    Needs A Change Of Job

    , | Clearwater, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Math & Science, Money

    (I go through the drive-thru for a burrito and my total cost is $1.06.I hand the cashier $10.10. After about 30 seconds of staring at the money in the drawer…)

    Cashier: “How much did you give me?”

    Me: “Ten dollars and ten cents.”

    (She hands me back $9.)

    Cashier: “Is that right?”

    Me: “Close enough.”

    Trying Not To Promote Favoritism

    , | MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Employees

    (I don’t have a car but I live within walking distance of my job, so it’s not an issue. One day it’s raining pretty hard and one of my managers calls to ask if I’d like a ride to work.)

    Me: “Thank you so much for the lift. It’s pouring out there.”

    Manager #1: “Yeah, I couldn’t in good conscious let you walk in this, even for ten minutes. It’s actually flooded in some areas. One of the bridges in my neighborhood is out.”

    (We walk into work together.)

    Manager #1: “So you get off at what, six? If you want I can drop you off too, but I get off at six thirty—”

    Manager #2: “You’re not supposed to show favoritism to employees!”

    Manager #1: “Uh, how is making sure she gets to work safely showing favoritism? It’s flooding and there are lightning strikes. If I hadn’t picked her up I would have told her to stay home.”

    Manager #2: “I’ll tell the boss! You know she’s up for a promotion and now you’re showing favoritism!”

    Me: “… I’m up for a promotion?”

    (Apparently I wasn’t supposed to know that, but the district manager had no issue with me getting a ride to and from work from a manager – she was just glad I’d shown up for my shift because a lot of people called out that day due to the flooding!)

    There Is No Spoon

    | Greenbelt, MD, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I had just bought chili, and was gathering my utensils to sit down and eat.)

    Me: “Can you refill the spoons, please?”

    Cashier: “We’re out of spoons.”

    Me: “So, how am I supposed to eat my chili?”

    Cashier: *blank stare, then points at manager*

    Manager: “What’s up?”

    Me: “How am I supposed to eat my chili if you don’t have any spoons?”

    Manager: *blank stare*

    Me: “Maybe you shouldn’t sell chili if people can’t eat it.”

    Manager: <blank stare>

    Me: “Never mind. Give me my money back. I don’t want to eat here anymore.”

    Vegetarians Often Go Without

    , | Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am a vegetarian, and often order my meals without meat. I go through a popular fast food drive through to order one of their popular breakfast sandwiches and specify what needs altered.)

    Me: “Hey there! I’d like a [popular breakfast sandwich] without meat, and a large orange juice, please.”

    Worker: “A [popular breakfast sandwich]?”

    Me: “Yep! Without meat.”

    Worker: “Do you want it without Canadian bacon or without sausage?”

    Me: “… Whatever’s cheaper?”


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