• Very Genderal Humor
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    Weight Gain Equals Job Loss

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I have always been on the small side. At this time I had just gotten over the flu, and so I was a bit skinnier than I normally am. I was really craving a chicken sandwich, so I decided to get one.)

    Me: “Can I get a chicken sandwich with no lettuce and no mayo, but add tomatoes? And a small diet coke.”

    Worker: “No.”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Worker: “I’ll get you a large regular coke and a cheeseburger, because you need to gain weight, anorexic freak.”

    How To Cheese Off The Cashier

    , | Los Angeles, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink

    (The restaurant normally sells hamburgers for $.89, but they are having a special where two cheeseburgers for $1.00. I don’t eat cheese.)

    Me: “I’d like two cheeseburgers, no cheese, please.”

    Employee: “So, two hamburgers?”

    Me: “Yes, but since cheeseburgers are cheaper now, I want the cheeseburger special. So, cheeseburgers, but no cheese.”

    Employee: “We can’t do that.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Employee: “It’s not a cheeseburger.”

    Me: “Can I get it without pickle?”

    Employee: “Sure, how ever you want it.”

    Me: “Without ketchup?”

    Employee: “Yes.”

    Me: “No mustard?”

    Employee: “Yes.”

    Me: “But not without cheese?”

    Employee: “No, then it’s not a cheeseburger.”

    Me: “But you realize, you have to pay for cheese, so you make more money this way.”

    Employee: “But we can’t do that.”

    Me: “Can I get the cheese on the side?”

    Employee: “Sure.”

    (The employee then took my order, and gave me two hamburgers with a French fry package with two slices of cheese in it. I took the cheese and tossed it in the trash can and walked out.)

    Not Quite Tagged As Competent

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My mother-in-law is visiting a local fast food restaurant that sells key tags for $1 during the summer and in exchange you get a free small frozen treat with any purchase. This happens in late April. The cashier is an older gentleman in his late 60s.)

    Mother-In-Law: *after giving an order at the counter* “We would like to also purchase two key tags.”

    Cashier: “We don’t have them.”

    Mother-In-Law: “Oh, we will just have to get them next time.”

    Cashier: “We won’t have them then, either.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay, I guess we missed buying one? When did you stop selling them?”

    Cashier: “We don’t have anymore. We don’t have any in the back either.”

    Me: “That’s fine but when did you stop selling them? We didn’t see them advertised this year so we didn’t know.”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, I don’t know what to tell you. We don’t have anymore.”

    Me: “I see this is going nowhere. If I could just have our total I’ll go ahead and pay for her and me.”

    Cashier: “Would you like your total with or without the tags?”

    Me: “…Without.”

    (We never did figure out when they stopped selling them!)

    Jetting Home

    , | PA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

    (I am working a closing shift on a Sunday night. Normally this is a very slow shift at our restaurant, but for some reason we are experiencing a rush of customers. After talking to a few of them, my manager deduces that these customers are all coming from a specific location.)

    Manager: “These people are all coming home from the New York Jets game.”

    (I find this incredible, since the Jets’ stadium is a 2.5-hour drive from our location. However, I decide to get a bit creative in expressing my shock.)

    Me: *apparently loud enough for customers to hear* “Are you kidding me?! There are people that LIKE the Jets?!”

    Failed Question Number One

    | IN, USA | Food & Drink, Job Seekers

    (My restaurant’s policy is to give everyone who comes in for a job interview empty cup for a complimentary drink while they wait.)

    Interviewee: “Hi, I’m here for an interview at [time]?”

    Me: “All right. Here, I think I’m supposed to give you this.” *hands her a drink cup* “Sit down somewhere over there and I’ll tell a manager you’re here.”

    Interviewee: *standing there awkwardly holding the cup* “Is this for a drink or do I need to pee in it?”

    Me: “Uh, it’s for a drink.”

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