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    More Than Meets The Black Eye

    , | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Health & Body

    (One my good friends has a very energetic dog that is lacking in discipline, to put it politely. The last time I went over to his place, as I bent over to take off my shoes the dog jumped up into my face, snout first, giving me a black eye. The next day I stop by a fast food place with one of my friends and we are laughing and joking around as we set up to order. The cashier sees me…)

    Cashier: “Ooooh, baby! What happened?”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Cashier: “Is someone hurting you?”

    (Realizing she is referring to my eye I respond but since I’m a little startled by her concern I trip over my words.)

    Me: “Oh… um… my eye? Yeah, my friend’s dog did this. He jumped… into my face.”

    Cashier: “Mmmm-hmmm. Is THAT what REALLY happened?”

    Me: “Well, yeah. It was a big dog. Thanks for worrying, though. Can I just get an order of [order]?”

    Cashier: “Sure, that will be [amount].” *under her breath* “Man shouldn’t be hitting on no young girls like that.”

    That Training Went Right Down The Toilet

    , | MD, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, New Hires

    (I have recently started working at a fast food restaurant and am still being trained to do various tasks. The coffee makers for both regular and decaf use pre-measured packets of coffee.)

    Manager: “Customers have been complaining that the decaf is too strong. Who made it?”

    Me: “I did. I put in two packets of coffee like [Coworker] taught me to.”

    Coworker: “I never told you to do that! The coffee is pre-measured. You just pour one packet into the filter.”

    Me:” No, I’m pretty sure you said two…. Oh, wait, I think I’m confusing coffee with toilet cleaner.”

    (They still let me work there, and I eventually got pretty good at my job!)

    Their Humor Is Handicapped

    , | OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

    (I am working the closing shift by doing dishes. All night when there is no customer at the drive through, my coworker on the grill yells what he thinks are funny impersonations of people with mental handicaps.)

    Coworker: “[Manager]! It’s impossible to make [My Name] laugh!”

    Manager: “What? No it isn’t.”

    (I am so focused on doing the dishes that I don’t notice her coming up behind me.)

    Manager: “Hey, [My Name], look.” *pulls out her phone, showing a funny animated GIF involving two cats*

    Me: *bursts out laughing*

    Manager: “See? I told you it is possible to make her laugh!”

    Coworker: “But she doesn’t laugh at me!”

    Me: “Because you’re not funny. And you do realize that my little brother has a disability, right?”

    (My coworker left me alone for the rest of the night!)

    Some People Are Unable To Change

    , | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I am going through the drive-thru of a burger place. The total comes to $7.20, I hand the cashier $10.20.)

    Cashier: “Here’s your change” *hands me $5 note*

    Me: “No, that’s not right” *hands back note* “I gave you $10.20 and the change is $3.”

    Cashier: *looking confused at the note* “Um, but you gave me…”

    Me: “$10.20, I get $3 change.”

    Cashier: *hands me three coins snootily* “There you are, then.”

    Me: “You gave me three $2 coins…”

    Your Voice Croaked

    , | MI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Health & Body, Technology, Top

    (I began losing my voice during my shift and got sent home early when I started to run a fever. The next day I call out of work, but I have no voice and my work doesn’t have email.)

    Manager: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Place]. How can I help you?”

    Me: *tries to speak*

    Manager: “…Hello?”

    Me: *croaking noises*

    Manager: “I’m sorry, I can’t— Wait, [My Name]? Is this you?”

    Me: *coughing fit*

    Manager: “Press a button if this is [My Name].”

    Me: *beeeep*

    Manager: “Press two buttons if you can’t come in to work tonight.”

    Me: *beeeep beeeep*

    Manager: *laughing* “Okay, we’ll figure it out. Feel better.”

    (Two days later I’m well enough to go back to work.)

    Manager: “Hey, [My Name]!

    Me: “Hey, boss!”

    Manager: “…beep!”

    (From then on, whenever someone called out of work, my manager would beep at them before she hung up.)


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