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    When Coworking Is Not Working

    , | OH, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (Our manager is in a fit because a coworker who is known to try to get out of working just called in to say that he needed a ride from the hospital. Both coworkers who can get him there can’t; one just clocked on and the other can’t clock off until he is at the store. My coworker who can’t clock off is panicking and crying because she needs to go to an event right at the time she is supposed to clock off.)

    Coworker: “I am so angry! Why did [Other Coworker] not get a ride from his friend?”

    Me: “He’s just stupid.”

    Coworker: “I know, but he makes me so mad!” *starts pacing* “I want to rip out my hair!”

    Me: *walks over to drink station* “[Beverage]?”

    Coworker: “I just— What?”

    Me: “Do you drink [Beverage]?”

    Coworker: “Yes.”

    Me: *fills up a kids cup with [Beverage] and hands it to coworker* “There, there, now, [Coworker]. Drink. Don’t pull your hair out. Drink and imagine pulling [Other Coworker]‘s hair out.”

    Coworker: *drinks slowly*

    Me: “Better?”

    Coworker: *throws cup away* “Much. Although, I’m scared now about how you knew that would work.”

    Me: “I’ve worked here six months longer than you. That’s six more months of [Other Coworker] than you…”

    Weak-Minded Customers

    , | Oakville, ON, Canada | Coworkers, Geeks Rule

    (We are at that point in the day where we’d prefer not to get customers, because we’re tired and don’t want to be interrupted while we do our pre-closing tasks. The manager on duty tells us something funny that had just happened.)

    Manager: “There was a customer coming up to the door, and I just focused really hard and thought, ‘GET OUT. GET OUT. GET OUT,’ and he turned around and left!”

    (We all start laughing.)

    Me: “You telepathically made him leave!”

    Manager: “Yeah! It was like a Jedi mind trick!”

    Me: “‘This is not the [Restaurant] you’re looking for!’”

    Totally Off Your Nut

    , | NE, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I have a coworker with a very bad nut allergy; bad enough that he carries an EpiPen with him in his car. I walk in on him having this conversation with the other cooks one day.)

    Coworker: “I almost died the other day. I ate an Almond Joy because I didn’t know there was coconut in it and had to go to the hospital.”

    Manager: “Aren’t you deathly allergic to almonds, too?”

    Coworker: “Yeah. Why… OH!  Wow, that was stupid of me.”

    Not Getting To The Meat Of The Problem, Part 4

    | Brighton, England, UK | Employees, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (We have a regular pizza place we order from, which offers a set vegetarian deal. We never had any problems with them before.)

    Delivery Guy: “Hi. I’ve got your order.”

    (He starts piling up boxes in my arms. I realise that there’s too many boxes for sides.)

    Me: “Hey… I don’t think these are ours. We had [set veggie deal]. It only had the two sides.”

    (The two of us open the boxes to check. It’s clearly not our order. There are several boxes of sides and two meat pizzas.)

    Me: “This definitely isn’t ours. We had the [set veggie deal]?”

    Delivery Guy: “Are you sure it isn’t yours?”

    Me: “Yeah. We had veggie pizzas, so it’s not just the wrong sides. This looks like it might be someone else’s order.”

    Delivery Guy: “Oh. Well, do you want this one?”

    Me: “Um, no thanks. We’d like to have what we ordered.”

    Delivery Guy: “But this one has more than you ordered! You’ll get more food!”

    Me: “We couldn’t have it even if we wanted. We’re vegetarian and those are meat pizzas.”

    Delivery Guy: “You’re sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Delivery Guy: “Ah. Okay, then.”

    (He turns to leave.)

    Delivery Guy: “I can’t believe you’re making me go all the way back to the restaurant, when you could have just had this!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Not Getting To The Meat Of The Problem, Part 3
    Not Getting To The Meat Of The Problem, Part 2
    Not Getting To The Meat Of The Problem

    A Lukewarm Service

    , | Bellingham, WA, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A friend and I are running errands and limited on time so we decide to pull through a drive through instead of having a sit-down lunch. My friend has sensitive teeth and often orders warm water when we eat out. We pull up to the menu and the employee working the drive through speaks to us through the box and asks us for our order. I order our food, and a warm water.)

    Employee: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t have warm water. We only have cold water and hot water.”

    Me: “Well, couldn’t you put some cold water and some hot water in the same cup to make warm water?”

    (Long pause.)

    Employee: “Yeah, I guess I could do that.”

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