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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • And A Fish (Out Of Water) Burger

    , | USA | Employees, Language & Words

    (I am English, but live in the USA. While driving one day I get thirsty, and go through the drive-thru of a popular burger chain.)

    Worker: *through the speaker* “Welcome to [Fast Food Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

    Me: “Can I get a bottle of water, please?”

    Worker: “Could you repeat that, ma’am?”

    Me: “Water. A bottle of water.”

    Worker: “What was that?”

    Me: “Water. Bottled water. Uh, to drink? Water?”

    Worker: “Sorry, ma’am. Can you repeat that?”

    (I figure the worker can’t understand my English accent, and try to (badly) imitate the local American accent.)

    Me: “Can aaah get some waaah-trrrrr?”

    Worker: “Sure! One water, that’ll be $1.10, first window!”

    Letting Off Steam Over Ice

    , | USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful, Top

    (Though I usually get along well with my coworkers, there is one who rubs me the wrong way.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker]. Could you dump this in the machine please?”

    Coworker: “Why?”

    Me: “Because I hurt my shoulder and can’t pick up the bucket with one hand. If you don’t want to do it I’ll ask someone else—”

    Coworker: “Well, when did you hurt it? I saw you pick up a bucket of ice yesterday.”

    Me: “Three days ago, and that bucket was empty. This one is full to the top with ice. Just forget it. I’ll ask someone else.”

    Coworker: “No. I’ll do it after you admit you’re just being lazy.”

    (I decide to ignore her and turn to ask someone else for help when another coworker stomps up and throws the ice in the machine.)

    Other Coworker: “THERE! Was that so d*** hard? Next time someone asks you for help either do what they ask or tell them no. Don’t waste everyone’s time by trying to pick a fight. Nobody cares!”

    Out Of Control On Animal Control

    , | Newark, NJ, USA | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I’m waiting to order when I hear a scream from a few tables over.)

    Customer: “Aaah! Rat! No… raccoon!”

    (Sure enough, there’s a small but well-fed raccoon sitting calmly on an empty table and eating crumbs.)

    Customer: “Careful! It could be rabid!”

    (A waiter and waitress come over, not looking overly concerned.)

    Waiter: “Naw, that’s Jerry. He’s usually out back getting into the dumpster, but he’s friendly.”

    (The waiter flaps his hands at the raccoon.)

    Waiter: “Hey, Jerry, f*** off! You live outside!”

    Waitress: “He ain’t leaving. Want me to call animal control?”

    Waiter: “Yeah, better call. I don’t want to get bit. I think we have the number written down.”

    Waitress: “Don’t worry! I got it on speed dial!”

    Owner: *shouting from the kitchen* “What did I say about saying that near customers?!”

    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 4

    , | USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Top

    (The head manager comes in on his day off to eat lunch. I’m about to serve a customer.)

    Me: “Hi, and welcome to [Fast Food Place]. What can I get you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll have the—”

    (Suddenly, my manager decides to cut the entire line and steps in front.)

    Manager: “Yes. I’ll have a number 1 and 3 to go.”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir, but I was assisting this customer before you.”

    Customer: “Yeah. You also skipped the entire line, buddy.”

    Manager: *to customer* “Buddy? Do you know who I am? I’m the head manager here and I can do whatever the h*** I want! And if you don’t like it you can get the h*** out!”

    (I have no clue what to do, when the following happens.)

    Customer: “So you’re the head manager? Huh. Well, I’m that guy.

    (The customer points to a portrait on the wall next to the counter. It is the portrait of the CEO of the company. The customer proved his identity with his ID, and he pulled the head manager into his office for a talk.)

    From NotAlwaysRight
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 3
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 2
    Getting Owned By The Owner

    Late Night Burgers Come From Cash Cows

    , | Alexandria, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Employees, Food & Drink, Money

    (It’s about 2 am. I pull up to a surprisingly busy drive through and place my order.)

    Employee: “Cash or Credit?”

    Me: “Credit.”

    Employee: “Okay. Please drive through.”

    (At the next window I hand the employee my credit card. He takes it from me.)

    Employee: “Sorry, the machine is turned off for the night. You have to pay cash.”

    Me: “I don’t have any cash on me. Why did you ask ‘cash or credit’ if the machine is turned off?”

    Employee: “We just turned it off a couple of minutes ago. It must have still been on when they asked.”

    Me: “But why turn it off at all?”

    Employee: “That’s our policy. We turn it off at this time every night. It can’t be turned back on until morning.”

    Me: *giving up* “Well, okay. Just give me my card back so I can leave.”

    Employee: “But you need to pay for your food!”

    Me: “You haven’t given me any food and I don’t have cash. What do you want me to do?”

    Employee: “I already processed your order. You have to pay for it!”

    Me: “I can’t magically make cash appear. You can either turn the machine back on and use my card, or you can cancel my order and give me my card back. There’s no third option.”

    Employee: “What if I gave you your card and you went to an ATM and got cash?”

    Me: “Sure, that’s a great idea. Just give me my card.”

    (He finally gives me my card back. I never went back to that restaurant.)

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