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    There Is No Spoon

    | Greenbelt, MD, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I had just bought chili, and was gathering my utensils to sit down and eat.)

    Me: “Can you refill the spoons, please?”

    Cashier: “We’re out of spoons.”

    Me: “So, how am I supposed to eat my chili?”

    Cashier: *blank stare, then points at manager*

    Manager: “What’s up?”

    Me: “How am I supposed to eat my chili if you don’t have any spoons?”

    Manager: *blank stare*

    Me: “Maybe you shouldn’t sell chili if people can’t eat it.”

    Manager: <blank stare>

    Me: “Never mind. Give me my money back. I don’t want to eat here anymore.”

    Vegetarians Often Go Without

    , | Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am a vegetarian, and often order my meals without meat. I go through a popular fast food drive through to order one of their popular breakfast sandwiches and specify what needs altered.)

    Me: “Hey there! I’d like a [popular breakfast sandwich] without meat, and a large orange juice, please.”

    Worker: “A [popular breakfast sandwich]?”

    Me: “Yep! Without meat.”

    Worker: “Do you want it without Canadian bacon or without sausage?”

    Me: “… Whatever’s cheaper?”

    Making A Fractionally Better Coffee

    , | BC, Canada | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Top

    (I work at a popular fast food chain that is known for their coffee. In order to make a drink that is part one drink, and part another, we have modifiers that come up as 1/2, 1/3, and 1/4. I’m making the coffees at the drive thru when I see and order for a French Vanilla come up, but the person taking the order hit the 1/3 coffee modifier three times.)

    Me: “Uh, so, what am I making here?”

    Coworker: “A medium French vanilla with three-thirds coffee.”

    Me: “So… a coffee?”

    Coworker: “No. French vanilla, with three-thirds coffee.”

    Me: “But that’s just 100% coffee.”

    Coworker: “No, it isn’t. It’s three-thirds coffee.”

    Me: “Three-thirds is one whole. Three over three is one. It would be completely coffee.”

    Coworker: “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about.”

    Me: “I’m an engineering student. Math is kinda my thing.”

    Coworker: “I still think you’re wrong.”

    (By now it’s taken long enough so that the customer has made it to the window.)

    Me: “So sorry. What was in your drink?”

    Customer: “It’s a medium French vanilla with one-third coffee.”

    Me: “Ah, gotcha! The person taking the order put three-thirds coffee!”

    Customer: *laughing* “But that would just be a coffee!”

    Me: “See?”

    Brit Brat

    , | Germany | Bigotry, Coworkers

    (We have a bus full of Brits come in.)

    Coworker: “Nope. Not gonna serve them if they don’t speak German.”

    Me: “What! Why?”

    Coworker: “I don’t speak English. They’re in Germany. They can f****** speak German.”

    Me: *out loud to all customers* “Would everyone who doesn’t speak German please come into my line? Thank you!”

    Coworker: *looks at me as if I have killed someone* “That’s so rude of you!”

    Me: “Not worse than denying them service. Go and take care of the other customers, please. The ones who speak German.”

    (I spend the next half hour serving only Brits while she was done after only five minutes.)

    Me: “Can you at least help me prepare all the food?”

    Coworker: “No. I’m gonna go for a smoke.”

    (Apparently, some of the guests do understand German because as soon as my coworker is gone they start moaning about her. I am left speechless while this group of people start telling me how nice I am, how great my English is, and that I should keep my chin up and not despair.)

    Me: “Thank you, but it’s okay. Really.”

    (After all the customers are done and served, the oldest of them comes up to me and hands me €10!)

    Oldest Customer: “Here you go. I know you don’t usually get tips, so this is from us to you because you’re awesome. Treat yourself.”

    (I tried to decline but then just thanked him. That’s when my coworker came back; she took a 20-minute smoking break while I worked. I was thinking about complaining to our supervisor for a while but then just thought it was not worth the hassle. The kitchen crew had noticed the whole thing. An hour later our supervisor came and asked me what had happened (my coworker was smoking again) and I told him the truth. She got a very strict warning from him – apparently not her first!)

    This Conversation Died A Premature Death

    , | NSW, Australia | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body, Money

    (I work as a delivery driver for a well-known pizza franchise in Australia. It is currently after hours, so the manager and I are cleaning up the store before we leave. Having already counted out my tips, I throw a few coins into a donation box we have set up on the counter.)

    Manager: *poking his head out* “What was that?”

    Me: “I was just putting some of my tips into the donation box here.”

    Manager: *with a strange look on his face* “I see…”

    Me: “Is something wrong?”

    Manager: “Well, it’s just that I don’t believe in supporting that sort of thing.”

    Me: *looking at the box* “Cancer research?”

    Manager: “Yeah. You see, people are living longer than ever now, so I think we need diseases like cancer to function as population control.”

    (I’m pretty dumbfounded by this explanation, because normally this manager is a very reasonable guy. Not wanting to be rude, I decide to discuss the topic rationally.)

    Me: “Okay. But what would happen if you or someone you cared about got sick from one of these diseases? Would you still feel the same way then?”

    Manager: *almost proudly* “Yeah!”

    (That was pretty much the end of that conversation.)


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