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  • A Few Holes In His Knowledge

    , | ON, Canada | Food & Drink, New Hires

    (I stop in a popular doughnut and coffee chain for some doughnut holes, which they sell in the same variety of flavours as their doughnuts. The very young man behind the counter has a badge that says ‘TRAINEE’ and his trainer behind him can’t be much older.)

    Trainee: “Can I help you?”

    Me: “I would like a box of 20 doughnut holes please. Assorted.”

    (The trainee takes a box, opens it, and takes a piece of parchment paper to the display case. He looks at the top shelf, the middle shelf, and the bottom, several times, before turning to his trainer.)

    Trainee: “What flavour is ‘sorted’?”

    Trainer: “‘Assorted.’ It means he wants two of each.”

    Trainee: “Oh, yeah.”

    Me: *laughing* “Young man, you just made my day!”

    Two Of A Kind

    , | IA, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (We are at the drive thru.)

    Employee: “Can I take your order, sir?”

    Me: “Do you have sliders?”

    Employee: “Yes, we do. How many would you like?”

    Me: “I really don’t feel like six and two isn’t enough. Can I buy four?”

    Employee: “No, sir. We only sell siders in six packs or two packs.”

    Me: “Okay. Please get me four burgers.”

    Employee: “Sir, would you like the two-pack or six-pack?”

    Me: “I’d like four sliders please.”

    Employee: “We only sell sliders in two packs or six packs.”

    Me: “Okay. No problem. Just give me four sliders.”

    Employee: “You don’t understand, sir. You get two burgers with the two pack and six burgers with the six pack. You can’t order four.”

    Me: “Okay, well can you order me two two-packs?”

    (There is a long pause.)

    Employee: “Oh!”

    Me: “Thank you.”

    Employee: “That will be two, two-pack sliders. Correct?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (After picking up the order and pulling away from the ‘pick-up’ window, I quickly realize the bag is light. Looking inside, I see only two burgers. I go back to the window)

    Employee: “Sir, can I help you?”

    Me: “Yes. There’s only two sliders in my bag. I ordered four.”

    Employee: “Let me check the screen. Your order only says ‘two.’”

    Me: “That means two, two-packs of sliders.”

    (There is a long pause.)

    Employee: “Oh!”

    Can’t Be Any Clearer Than Black And White

    , | Warrington, England, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “White coffee, please.”

    Server: “We haven’t got any white coffee. I do have some black coffee and some milk if that is okay?”

    Doesn’t Know Beans About The Menu, Part 2

    , | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’ve placed a lunch order online to pick up at a popular chain fast food Mexican restaurant.)

    Me: “Hi. I’m here to pick up my order. It’s under [My Name]. I placed it online.”

    Employee: “Oh, yeah. We couldn’t make it because you didn’t say what kind of meat you wanted.”

    Me: “Um, I ordered vegetarian tacos.”

    Employee: *blank stare*

    Me: “Vegetarian? As in no meat?”

    Employee: “Oh! So did you not want rice or beans either, then?”

    Me: *forehead slap*

    Related:
    Doesn’t Know Beans About The Menu

    Baptism By Fired

    , | USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

    (At my store, when someone makes a mistake we always jokingly fire them. We recently get a new general manager and we have all been very uptight and nervous around him.)

    Me: “I’m out of sweet tea for drive thru!”

    General Manager: “I’ll get it.”

    (He brings over the huge bucket and hoists it up to dump in the urn but his hand slips and he dumps the entire bucket on me and him.)

    Me: *deadpan* “You’re fired.”

    (A look of horror passes over my face and then the general manager bursts out laughing.)

    Coworker: “One of us! One of us!”


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