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    H2-Slow To Your Tricks

    , | IL, USA | Employees, Food & Drink

    Me: “I’d like a [breakfast meal] with a water, please.”

    Employee: “I can’t do that. Water isn’t included in our breakfast meals.”

    Me: “Fine, then I’ll have a coffee with my meal, and I would also like a water on the side, please.”

    Employee: “Coming right up!”

    (It’s cheaper to get the meal than the items separately without the drink, and the water was free!)

    Don’t Ever Want To Visit The Farm Those Came From

    , | Portland, OR, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (This happens about 10 years ago when I am working my first job at a fast food restaurant. We have recently gotten comment cards that are placed at each table for customers to fill out and place in a box in our lobby. I have a friend who always puts an obvious joke card in every time she comes. I’m training with my manager to be shift lead and we’re looking through the comment cards with another employee standing around.)

    Manager: “I think I found your friend’s card. It says her burger tasted like fear and shame and that we’re deplorable people for killing cows and that we should be skinned alive for coats.”

    Me: *laughs*

    Coworker: “We kill cows?” *the cogs turn in her head for a few moments* “Beef comes from cows?”

    Me & Manager: *laughing*

    Coworker: “No, really? Beef comes from cows?”

    Manager: “Where did you think it came from?”

    Coworker: “I don’t know? From pigs?”

    Me: “Well, where does bacon, ham, and sausage come from?”

    Coworker: “Umm… turkeys?”

    (We spent the rest of the day asking her where various meats came from. I’m not sure how she got to 18 thinking that turkey and beef came from pigs!)

    Causing Dis-Scent

    , | OH, USA | Coworkers, Holidays, New Hires, Theme Of The Month

    (I am asexual, and my coworkers have been extremely respectful of it. Several seasonal workers have been hired. During Christmas, I get a new scent lotion that I am wearing.)

    Me: *walks to the back to get sauces*

    New Hire: *sniffs* “You stink.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    New Hire:  “You stink.”

    (I briskly walk up to the front, where a coworker I am very close to is.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker #1], do I smell bad?”

    Coworker #1: *sniffs* “No? Are you wearing [Scent Name]?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Coworker #1: “Smells good.”

    (The new hire from the back comes up to the front, where Coworker #2 is. Coworker #2 relates the rest of this to me later.)

    New Hire:  “Hey, [Coworker 2]? I need some help.”

    Coworker #2: “Sure, kid.” *goes to the back* “What is it?”

    New Hire: “I tried to hit on [My Name], but she seemed disgusted.”

    Coworker #2: “What’d you say?”

    New Hire: “I said she stinks, you know, like good perfume.”

    Coworker #2: “…kid, that’s the wrong way of doing it. And [My Name] is asexual.”

    New Hire: “So she goes both ways?”

    The Great Mushroom Slaughter

    , | WV, USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre/Silly, Food & Drink

    (I’ve ordered a chicken meal with a side of breaded mushrooms.)

    Server: *at drive through* “Sorry for your wait. We kill our own mushrooms.”

    They’re Driving You To (The Wrong) Drink

    , | Portland, OR, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (My boyfriend and I are in a packed drive-thru to get dinner for ourselves and his mother. When we pull up to the speaker, I order each of us meals with medium fries and three drinks: a rootbeer with no ice, a rootbeer with ice, and a Sprite. We pull up to the pay window:)

    Cashier: “So you ordered the [five meals with popular energy drink].”

    Me: “Erm, no…”

    Cashier: “Okay, [children’s meal]?”

    Me: *lists of a few menu items we ordered*

    (The cashier calls over a manager since she cannot seem to find our order. My boyfriend and I are mildly bemused but shrug it off as first-day flustered-ness. We finally get our food.)

    Boyfriend: “Oh wow, they really skimped us on fries.” *holds up a half-full, small container of fries*

    Me: “Yeah, and I think we’re gonna have to split your root beer.” *takes sip* “Scratch that. This is Coke.”

    Boyfriend: “At least our food turned out okay… Is [Mom]’s sprite supposed to be blue?!”

    (It was, in fact, the energy drink from the first order. And since we were already on the freeway and the line had been so packed, we couldn’t go back and fix any of it.)

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