(My brother works at a gas station in the next town over, and his boss is always asking him to come in for extra hours at the most unreasonable times. In this story, Superstorm Nemo has just hit, and we live on a dead-end street which hasn’t been plowed yet. My brother gets a phone call from his boss.)

My Brother: “Hello?”

Boss: “Can you come in?”

My Brother: “There’s three feet of snow outside and most of the roads are closed. My car is completely buried.”

Boss: “Well, can you have your father bring you in?”

(Our father works with the state Department of Transportation, and as such has been out since last night on the highway.)

My Brother: “So…you want me to call my dad at work and have him come all the way back down here, plow our street, then drive me up there?”

Boss: “Yes! What’s so hard about that?”

(The worst part? The boss and several other employees all live practically within walking distance of the place!)

(I’m training a new cashier.)

Me: “He has 84 cents in change.”

New Cashier: “What do I do?”

Me: “Count out his change.”

New Cashier: *begins counting change* “This is making me so nervous! You do it!”

(I am training a new coworker to be a cashier.)

Me: “Okay, he prepaid for his gas and he has $13.99 coming back for his change. Also, he’s giving you a penny.”

Coworker: “Okay.”

(They starts counting out the 99 cents.)

Me: “You don’t have to count out the 99 cents since he is giving you the penny.”

Coworker: “What? This is so confusing.” *hands customer 13 dollars*

Me: “…”

Related:
A Chai Late And A Dollar Short

(It’s a slow evening, and my coworker and I are bored. Somehow, we ended up singing ‘Hakuna Matata.’ On the the second or third repetition, a customer walks in on us.)

My Coworker & I: “Ain’t no passing craze. It’s our—”

Me: *to the customer* “Oh, hi!”

Customer: *looks at us strangely*

Coworker: “We were just singing ‘Hakuna Matata.’”

Customer: “Oh, no worries.”

Coworker: “Exactly!”

(I usually work late nights, but this day I am covering an early morning shift for my manager. So, my sleep schedule is a little mixed up, leaving me feel tired.)

Owner: “I’m going back to bed.”

Me: “Take me with you!”

(There’s a pause as I realize exactly what I said.)

Me: “Oh, God! Not like that!”

Owner: *laughs* “I was about to say, that’s one way to get a raise.”