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  • Will Never Claim Ignorance
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  • How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 5

    | Madison, WI, USA | Coworkers, Employees, Liars/Scammers, New Hires

    (I’m the general manager at a gas station. We’ve always had problems with scammers trying to activate gift cards over the phone, but lately they’ve gotten a lot more annoying. I’m working with a new hire when I answer the phone. We’re both fluent in sign language.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Store]. How can I help you today?”

    Caller: “Hi, I’m from [Company] customer support. We’ve received an automatic error report from your location, and I’m calling to confirm. Did you recently have trouble activating a gift card?”

    Me: *signs* “It’s a scammer.” *out loud* “No, not that I’ve been aware of.”

    Caller: “Hmm, that’s odd. Can you please ring up a gift card and check the activation code?”

    New Hire: *signs* “Can I mess with him? Pretty please?”

    Me: *signs* “Sure.” *out loud* “Here, let me get my manager.” *passes the phone*

    New Hire: “‘Dirty Dan’s House of Hookers,’ you got the dough and we got the blow! How can I help you today?

    Caller: *hangs up*

    (He’s a keeper!)

    Related:
    How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 4
    How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 3
    How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 2
    From Not Always Related:
    How To Win The War Against Telemarketers

    His IQ Is Under 18

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid

    (It is 2013. I am 20 years old and I stop buy the gas station store on my way back from a walk.)

    Me: “Can I get a $2 scratcher ticket, please.”

    Cashier: “Can I see ID?”

    Me: “Sure!” *shows ID that clearly states my birthday and in big letters: ’18 in 2011′*

    Cashier: *stares blankly* “You are over 18?”

    Me: “Yes. I was born in 1993.”

    Cashier: *looks down at ID again* “So you are over 18?”

    Me: “Yes. I am 20. I turned 18 two years ago.”

    Cashier: *looks at me really confused and back down at my ID*

    Me: *slightly frustrated* “I was born in 1993, it is 2013. It has been 20 years.”

    (By this point another customer has gotten behind me in line and witnessed the exchange.)

    Cashier: *blankly* “So you are over 18?”

    Next Customer Behind Me: “Dude, she is clearly over 18! Just give her the d*** ticket already!”

    (After looking at my ID again and handing back my ID really tentatively, the cashier finally sells me the ticket. I grab it and as I rush out. I mutter thanks to the other customer. I am guessing the cashier was either having a long day, or was just really bad at simple math.)

    Reinvent The Simple Comment

    | OK, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (A few weeks earlier I refilled a propane tank at a branch of a huge, multi-national oil/gas corporation. The clerk was a pleasant older gentleman whose demeanor totally cheered me up. I thought I would put in a good word so I asked for a comment form. I filled it out and mailed it. I get a phone call.)

    Representative: “Hi. I’m [Name] with [Oil Company].”

    Me: “Hi. Anything I can do for you?”

    Representative: “We’re just trying to figure out your complaint.”

    Me: “What complaint?”

    Representative: “You sent us a complaint.”

    Me: “I sent a comment card. The clerk that day was very nice and helpful.”

    Representative: “…”

    Me: “It wasn’t a complaint.”

    Representative: “I’m not sure how to file this.”

    Getting Carded Is A Lottery

    | KS, USA | At The Checkout, Employees

    (I’m at the gas station late at night with my sister. I decide to buy a lottery ticket.)

    Me: “Hi. I’d like [lottery ticket].”

    Employee: “Here you go!”

    Sister: *teasing* “Aren’t you going to card her?”

    Employee: *looks at me* “Do you want me to card you?”

    Me: “No. I don’t have my I.D.”

    Employee: “Alright! Enjoy your ticket!”

    Pumping For Gas And Information

    | Naugatuck, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Themed Giveaway

    (I go to a specific gas station almost every day because I like their prices, coffee, and staff. Today, five of their gas pumps are all down at once, causing a huge line of cars.)

    Me: “Is everything okay? I noticed a lot of gas pumps with the ‘out of order’ bag over them.”

    Cashier #1: “Gee, I don’t know. There’s a HUGE gas truck out in the parking lot, and several pumps are down. Hmmm…”

    (I notice she’s being overly sarcastic, as if the answer is obvious.)

    Cashier #1: “Maybe it’s because we’re low on gas and people swarm here and guzzle it all down? Did you ever think of that?! UGH!”

    (She leaves to go have a cigarette, and I turn to the other cashier.)

    Me: “Long morning?”

    Cashier #2: “You have NO idea!”


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