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    The Baby Name Dilemma

    | Incirlik, AB, Turkey | Employees, Family & Kids

    (I married late, so I kept my name. I have been married twice, so with my daughter having her father’s last name, my son having his father’s last name, and me having my own name, there are three surnames for four people. It causes a lot of problems for the hospital when they try to group medical records by family. I have just straightened it out again, and the clerk asks me:)

    Clerk: “And who’s Jennifer?”

    Me: “I give up; who’s Jennifer?”

    Clerk: “I have a Jennifer [Last Name] listed here; who is she?”

    Me: “I don’t know. She’s not part of our family.”

    Clerk: “Her birth date is listed as ’99, and that’s the default entry.”

    Me: “That’s interesting, but there’s still no Jennifer in my family.”

    Clerk: “A lot of times, the birth year doesn’t get corrected in the system for a few months. Ma’am, are you sure you didn’t have a baby in the last year?”

    Me: “No; I am pretty sure I would have noticed that.”

    Clerk: *laughing* “Oh, I guess that’s the dumbest thing I’ve said all day!”

    (I resisted the urge to say it was probably the dumbest thing she’s said, ever.)

    Managed To Find The Perfect Fix

    | USA | Coworkers, Technology

    (I am a lab scientist. Our hospital stocks small hand-held analyzers that can run some tests. Laws say that to calibrate or do anything with altering the analyzer’s technical or clinical functions, a certified lab scientist has to do it. I am running quality control and making adjustments to the hand-held analyzers when it gives me an error that I’ve never seen before. I walk to where our phlebotomists hang out when they aren’t doing anything, to ask if any of them have seen the error before. As I walk, I continue messing with the analyzer, trying to get it to work.)

    Me: “Hey, guys have any of you… Nevermind. I fixed it.”

    Phlebotomist #1: “What?”

    Me: “Oh, it was just giving me an error I’d never seen before. But I fixed it.”

    Phlebotomist #2: “If there’s an interface error, they reset automatically and fix themselves. You didn’t do anything.”

    Me: *Shush. I am certified. And I pressed a button. I fixed it!”

    An Operating Theater Without An a Operating System

    | Memphis, TN, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Language & Words, Technology

    (I have to go for a diagnostic mammogram to follow up on an anomaly that showed up on my screening mammogram. Understandably, I am a bit nervous that I may have cancer. I have the new imaging done and I am called back into the examining room for my results. The tech pulls up my images on the computer and began to click on certain areas of the image.)

    Tech: “Wow, that’s odd.” *silence* “Huh, that is really strange.” *more silence then exclaims* “Oh, my God!”

    (The tech runs out of the room. Needless to say I am feeling very scared. Another lady comes and starts clicking on the images.)

    Woman: “Wow, that is odd. I have never seen anything like this before, I hope this isn’t fatal.”

    (At this point I am fighting back tears and am shaking like a leaf.)

    Woman: “Well, I guess we will have to shut it down and reboot.”

    Me: “Are you kidding me?! I was terrified!”

    (I never get an apology for scaring me. To add insult to injury, the original tech asks me:)

    Tech: “Have you had any trauma to the chest, as we can’t find the anomaly that sent you here originally.”

    Me: “The only chest trauma I experienced was from the second mammogram!”

    Tech: “Well, you don’t have to be so snarky.”

    They Can Take A Hike!

    | TX, USA | Employees, Health & Body

    (I’ve just had major surgery to correct my scoliosis. I have rods and screws from the top of my back to the bottom. Because of complications, I’m in ICU during the first few days of recovery. The day after my surgery, a pair of physical therapists come in.)

    Physical Therapist #1: “Well, sir, we see you had a pretty big surgery. We’re here to help with your recovery. Our goal is to get you walking again.”

    Physical Therapist #2: “We’re gonna see if we can get you from your bed to this chair over here.” *she sets up a walker for me as I carefully sit up*

    Physical Therapist #1: “Carefully now, just do your best. Tell us if you need assistance.”

    (I slowly stand up and carefully walk the roughly 10 feet from the bed to the aforementioned chair. I get to the chair and carefully sit down. I look at the therapists to ask if I did okay and their jaws are dropped.)

    Me: “What? Did I do something wrong?”

    Physical Therapist #1: “We said… we said our GOAL was to get you walking again. We didn’t mean TODAY!”

    (I went on to walk every opportunity at the hospital and am making a very rapid recovery.)

    Needs A Self-Administered Dose Of Reality

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Employees, Health & Body, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I have just given birth, and have been transferred from the labor ward to the maternity ward. A nurse is going over my medications. I take an individualized thyroid medication, only available from a compounding pharmacy. My doctor has directed this medication is not to be stopped under any circumstances.)

    Nurse: “I don’t recognize this thyroid medication.”

    Me: “It’s compounded.”

    Nurse: “You won’t be able take this while you’re staying at the hospital because we don’t have it in our supplies.”

    Me: “That’s why my obstetrician has noted on the chart that I will bring my own supply.”

    Nurse: “You can’t do that. We have to manage all your medications while you are here. And it will take three days for us to get it from a compounding pharmacy. I don’t want to deal with the paperwork. Do you think you can just not take this medication while you are here?”

    (I’m stunned, but within a split second I decide how I want to respond.)

    Me: “Sure.”

    (The nurse left the room. I got out my supply of pills and took my usual dose. The next time I gave birth at that hospital, I made sure I took two separate bottles of my pills, paranoid that they’d try to forcibly make me hand them over to stop me from taking them. They did a little better that time. They took my bottle of pills and dispensed the daily dose to me each day – and billed my insurance under the line item of ‘Self-Administered Medication!’)


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