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    The Hot Tub Is Alive!

    | CA, USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre/Silly

    (It is early morning when a guest calls the front desk.)

    Guest: “Hey there. I was wondering if I could use the hot tub?”

    Me: “Well, it’s on a timer. I’ll have to get it started manually… IGOR!!”

    ‘Igor': “Yesh, marshter?”

    Me: “Activate… the steam converter!”

    ‘Igor': “Ooh… Yesh… right away! Hee hee hee…”

    Me: “Okay, sir, just give it a minute or two to warm up, and it’ll be ready.”

    Guest: “Great! Just so we’re clear… that was you doing both voices, right?”

    Me: “Yeah, I try to make things a little more fun around here.”

    Guest: “Awesome! Thank you!”

    Guest Employee Of The Month

    | England, UK | Awesome Customers, Coworkers, Technology

    (My place of work hires a new assistant manager. Only recently, my manager has asked him to take over doing the employee rotas, as part of his job description. For ease, these are emailed to us so we know what we’re working ASAP.)

    Coworker: “[My Name], have you seen this?”

    Me: “Seen what?”

    (My coworker points to an email he’s printed out for us. I go to read.)

    Email: “Hi, [Workplace]. Sorry to bother you, but as I live elsewhere, I’m afraid I won’t be able to work your hotel rota over these two weeks. However, I am staying with you guys shortly!”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Coworker: “Look at the name.”

    (I do, only to discover that the email detailing our rotas for the next two weeks was sent not to me, but to a prospective guest with a similar name. Seriously!)



    That’s What You Get For Russian

    | Perthshire, Scotland, UK | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink

    (I am working in the hotel bar one of the supervisors comes through from the restaurant.)

    Supervisor: “Okay, Black Russian for table six. I’ll make it.” *starts putting ingredients in cocktail shaker*

    Me: “Um, you don’t shake a Black Russian.”

    Supervisor: “When I want your advice I’ll ask for it.”

    Me: *walking to the other end of the bar* “Sure.”

    (My supervisor starts shaking, and the shaker explodes apart, spraying all over her and the floor.)

    Me: *deadpan* “And that’s why you don’t shake a Black Russian.”

    Updates Berates

    | Johannesburg, South Africa | Ignoring/Inattentive, Liars/Scammers, Technology

    (My husband and I own and live at a guesthouse, which he runs as I have my own job. However, I work from home so I answer the guesthouse phone if he’s not there. We get a lot of telemarketers calling, but their products or services are aimed at big businesses, which we’re not.)

    Me: “Good morning, [Guesthouse]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, can I please speak to [Husband]?”

    Me: “Sorry, he’s not in at the moment. Can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, please. I’m looking for the person who’s in charge of buying hardware.”

    Me: “That would be me, but we’re a small company so we’re not interested in what you’re selling.”

    Caller: “I’m not selling anything. But even as a small company, you must have a fax machine, laptops, etc…”

    Me: “We have some equipment obviously, but I’m still not sure what it is you want.”

    Caller: “Well, we help you replace anything that’s broken with regards to your hardware.”

    Me: “No, thanks. We’re a two-man business, so if something breaks, we just go to [Major Electronics Store] and replace it ourselves.”

    Caller: “Well, can I get your name and email address so I can send you updates?”

    Me: “Updates on what? I’ve just said we’re not interested in what you’re selling.”

    Caller: “I’m not selling anything! We just need your email address to send you updates.”

    Me: *getting frustrated now* “No, thanks. I don’t want to be spammed.”

    Caller: “We do not spam! We’ve been around for two decades so we don’t need to spam!”

    Me: “I’m still not sure what you need our email address for. What are these ‘updates’ you keep mentioning? I’m not giving you our email address and we’re not interested in whatever it is you’re offering.”

    Caller: “Never mind, I’ll just speak to [Husband].”

    Me: “It’s not going to help you. I’m his wife, and he’s going to tell you exactly the same thing.”

    Caller: “Well, I’ve done my job!” *click*

    (Very) Bad Translation

    | Singapore | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I have a new colleague who can only speak English and Korean. She wants, very much, to get along with everyone at the front office, including the chief concierge, who is a middle-aged, very proper Malay gentleman. She enlists the bellhops to teach her greetings in Malay. They oblige, not knowing that she was going to use what she would learn on their boss, the chief concierge. Unbeknownst to her, all they taught her were curse words. This happens one morning when she is assured that she is fluent in the language.)

    Colleague: “Mr [Chief Concierge], [swear word]!”

    Chief Concierge: *shocked* “Who taught you that?!”

    Colleague: *innocently* “[Bellhop #1] and [Bellhop #2]. I asked them to teach me how to say ‘Good Morning’ in Malay. Did I pronounce it wrongly?”

    Chief Concierge: *angrily* “What else did they teach you?”

    Colleague: *taken aback by his reaction* “Well, some other greetings, like [lots of foul language].”

    Chief Concierge: “Nice girls like you shouldn’t know such bad words! How dare [Bellhop #1] and [Bellhop #2] teach you such nasty stuff? Don’t ever say all that again!”

    Colleague: “What?! They taught me bad words?! I might have said it to a guest!”

    (The two bellhops were standing nearby, horrified, when this incident happened. They were reprimanded severely by the chief concierge.)

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