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    Use The Malt Wine

    | Malta | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink

    (My mother and I are in Malta to scatter my Maltese father’s ashes. We ask the hotel restaurant’s manager to arrange a buffet after the scattering for my father’s Maltese friends and relatives.)

    Manager: “And the guests, will they be Maltese or British?”

    My Mother: “Maltese.”

    Manager: “Right, I’ll use the good wine.”

    On The Other Side Of The Coin, No Tip For You

    , | LA, USA | Employees, Money

    (I used to tend bar and wait tables, so I usually overtip for decent service. While on vacation, I visit a hotel bar for a bottle of something. I receive the drink and hand the bartender the money. She gives me the appropriate bills back but not the coins.)

    Me: “This change isn’t correct.”

    Bartender: “Oh, did you want your coin change, too?”

    Me: “…Well, yes.”

    Bartender: *gives me the coins*

    (Instead of my usual generous tip, I left her nothing.)

    They’re All Dog-Gone Crazy

    | GA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, New Hires, Pets & Animals

    (I’ve worked night audit at a hotel for several years, and enjoy my job, but put in my notice because my family is relocating. The application/interview/hiring/training people experience two hires who don’t bother calling in or showing up for their first night of training, and one hire who actually shows up, but only for the first night. Finally, we find someone who shows up and seems trainable. One night we have a lull, and are chit-chatting about our pets.)

    Me: “The boss is awesome. After a nearby property had been robbed, he allowed me to bring my husband’s police K9 with me to work for a few nights.”

    Trainee: “I always bring my dog to work.”

    Me: “Uh… such a thing would have to be cleared by the manager.”

    Trainee: “But my dog is in my purse right now!”

    (I am a little shocked, thinking that eight hours inside a purse isn’t really ideal! Turned out that the dog in question had been dead for some time, and that the trainee carried his ashes everywhere, because she ‘just knew’ someone would break into her house and steal her precious puppy! By this point, there was no time to hire anyone else, so I finished the training I could do, and moves away. A couple of weeks later, the new employee quit, because ‘no one had told her that the job would be overnight, and no one had trained her to do the audit.’)

    The Hot Tub Is Alive!

    | CA, USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre/Silly

    (It is early morning when a guest calls the front desk.)

    Guest: “Hey there. I was wondering if I could use the hot tub?”

    Me: “Well, it’s on a timer. I’ll have to get it started manually… IGOR!!”

    ‘Igor': “Yesh, marshter?”

    Me: “Activate… the steam converter!”

    ‘Igor': “Ooh… Yesh… right away! Hee hee hee…”

    Me: “Okay, sir, just give it a minute or two to warm up, and it’ll be ready.”

    Guest: “Great! Just so we’re clear… that was you doing both voices, right?”

    Me: “Yeah, I try to make things a little more fun around here.”

    Guest: “Awesome! Thank you!”

    Guest Employee Of The Month

    | England, UK | Awesome Customers, Coworkers, Technology

    (My place of work hires a new assistant manager. Only recently, my manager has asked him to take over doing the employee rotas, as part of his job description. For ease, these are emailed to us so we know what we’re working ASAP.)

    Coworker: “[My Name], have you seen this?”

    Me: “Seen what?”

    (My coworker points to an email he’s printed out for us. I go to read.)

    Email: “Hi, [Workplace]. Sorry to bother you, but as I live elsewhere, I’m afraid I won’t be able to work your hotel rota over these two weeks. However, I am staying with you guys shortly!”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Coworker: “Look at the name.”

    (I do, only to discover that the email detailing our rotas for the next two weeks was sent not to me, but to a prospective guest with a similar name. Seriously!)



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