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    A Howler Of A Caller

    | KY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Pets & Animals

    (I work as a receptionist at a hotel. A friend of mine was recently hired as a receptionist at the sister hotel across town, and I help train him. The first night my friend is working the night shift alone I decide to have some fun.)

    Receptionist: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. My name is [Receptionist]. How may I help you?”

    Me: *in a stereotypical redneck accent* “Hey, do y’all accept pets?”

    Receptionist: “Yes, we do, sir. We are a very pet-friendly hotel.”

    Me: “Well, that’s good. Now let me ask you something. Are there any pets you won’t accept?”

    Receptionist: “Uh… badgers?”

    Me: “Okay, okay. Now I have a little bit of a situation. Let me see if you can help me out. Me and the missus, see, we’re really into that Eastern mysticism stuff. Now we went on a vacation to India and… and well, my wife died.”

    Receptionist: “Oh, no! I am so sorry, sir.”

    Me: “Oh, well now, that’s okay. But I appreciate it. Now see, my situation is that my wife got herself reincarnated as one of those howler monkeys. And now we’re goin’ on vacation, me and my wife, and I was wonderin’ if you could accommodate us, seein’ as how she’s a howler monkey?”

    Receptionist: “…”

    Me: *normal voice* “Hey, [Receptionist], this is [My Name].”

    Receptionist: “Oh, thank goodness! All I could think was ‘I can’t wait to tell you about this!’”

    Giving You The Ringaround Runaround

    | TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Employees, Extra Stupid

    (I walk up to the front counter of a hotel which is hosting a convention I’m going to. They aren’t busy and there are multiple employees there.)

    Me: “Hi, I’d like to get a room for tonight, please.”

    Employee: “Do you have a reservation?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Employee: “Okay, we can’t get you a room here. Walk further into the lobby, turn down that hall, and at the end there is a red phone. You have to pick up the phone and call us from that.”

    Me: “What?”

    Employee: “You have to call us on the phone. We can’t give you a room at the desk.”

    Me: “So, I have to walk away from you, use your hotel’s phone to call you, who is currently standing right in front of me, to get a room.”

    Employee: “Yup!”

    (They really made me walk around the corner to call them to get a room. Most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Haven’t been back.)

    Failed The Phone Interview

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Job Seekers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (Each department in the hotel where I work offers a temporary management training position that, once you complete it, lets you transfer to a management position in any hotel in the chain with openings. One of my coworkers, who is known for being very childlike and constantly using his cell phone — which is not allowed — applied for the position.)

    Coworker: “I didn’t get the management job.”

    Me: *inaudibly* “I didn’t think you would.”

    Coworker: “They should have given it to me! They gave it to somebody who doesn’t even work here! I already know this job! I told the general manager of the hotel in my interview that I could do my whole job while having a conversation on my phone at the same time!”

    Me: “Wait a minute. You told the general manager that you’re on your phone while you’re supposed to be working?”

    Coworker: *nodding enthusiastically and grinning* “Yeah!”

    Me: “And you don’t know why you didn’t get the job?!”

    The Job Is Not So Secure

    | USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (Our hotel is near a stadium, so a lot of the guests become unruly especially after an event there. Because of this, the manager just hired a security guard to control them when they’re being too loud and noisy.)

    Guests: *causing a ruckus*

    Me: “[Security], go and make those guests calm down. Other guests will complain.”

    Security: “Why?”

    Me: “Because… it’s your job?”

    Security: “Fine.”

    (He goes but instead of telling the guests to settle down, he brings them to me.)

    Security: “Here.”

    Me: *sighs* “Dear guests, we ask that you please keep it down since other are trying to sleep.”

    Guests: “Okay.”

    (All night long, I’m trying to calm the guests down and instead of helping, the security guard just stares and doesn’t do anything. One guest that the guard brings even tries to grab me, and he still does and says nothing. Finally…)

    Me: *to security guard* “Okay, you DO know that your job is to help me with these out of control guests, right?”

    Security: “Yeah… I am.”

    Me: “No, you’re not. You’re just bringing them to me and not telling them yourself at all.”

    Security: “That’s what I’m supposed to do.”

    Me: “No, you’re supposed to help control them.”

    Security: “I AM!”

    (Suffice to say, he didn’t last a week.)

    Make Room For A Close Working Relationship

    | USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Tourists & Travel

    (My father is a doctor, and is going out of town to a meeting along with two other doctors, one male and one female, from the hospital where he works. They arrive at the hotel where they are going to stay and the other male doctor checks in without a problem. He leaves to go to his room, and the female doctor checks in. My dad then goes up to check in, at which point its discovered that because of a technical error, my dad’s reservation was cancelled.)

    Employee: *with a worried look at the computer, then at the female doctor, then at my dad* “So, how well do you two know each other…?”

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