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    Queens Of The Wrong Age

    | USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    (It’s the end of the day and I have ‘Get Lucky’ by Daft Punk playing on my MP3 player loud enough to be heard by my coworker.)

    Coworker: *gets all excited hearing the music* “I love Queen!”

    Me: *face-palm*

    Expecting A Uniform Response

    | KS, USA | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body

    Boss: “Can you text [Coworker] about [earlier incident]?”

    (I pull my phone from my bra.)

    Boss: *awkwardly* “You really should keep your phone in a pocket instead.”

    Me: “I’d love to, but someone decided that women’s slacks are only allowed to have pockets if they are a pleated size sixteen, with a sky high elastic waist-band.”

    Boss: “…”

    Me: *shrug* “Hey, I don’t make the rules.”

    Deaf-Defying Behavior

    | Port Aransas, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Family & Kids

    (I was born deaf. The hotel we are staying for our annual family reunion at the beach has a ‘no running’ rule, and the front desk woman comes out and yells at me, even though I wasn’t running. My dad is also at the pool, resting.)

    Me: *jumps into pool*

    Woman: *walks out to pool* “YOU! How DARE you do that! We have rules. We could kick you out! In fact, I see the manager coming over right now!”

    Dad: “Hey, knock it off! She wasn’t running, and she’s deaf. So quit being so rude and get the stick outta your a**.”

    Woman: *shocked and outraged face* “You liar! You should pay attention to your kid, and be an actual PARENT.” *walks off angrily*

    Me: *in sign* “What just happened?”

    Dad: “Not really sure. I’ll tell you later.”

    (Later that night.)

    Me: *walks past front desk with sister and cousins, talking with them*

    Woman: “I knew it! You’re not deaf. I can hear you talking. I know for a fact deaf people can’t talk!”

    Me: *rolls eyes* “Just because I can talk doesn’t mean I’m not deaf. And just because you can talk doesn’t mean you can say stupid things.” *takes off my cochlear implant, shows her*

    Woman: *gives me a glare full of hatred*

    Me: *smiles sweetly, put implant back on, calls her bitch in sign language, and turns to relatives*

    Woman: “WHAT DID YOU SAY?”

    Me: “Have a good night! Or is that what you’re supposed to say to your guests?” *walks away*

    Saved By The Bell

    | USA | Employees, Top

    (I am working the front desk at a hotel.)

    Me: “Front desk. How can I help you?”

    Guest: *speaking quickly* “Need a bellman, please.”

    Me: “Certainly, what room?”

    Guest: “…I don’t know.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I need a room number to send him to.”

    Guest: “No, no. I need a bellman, please.”

    Me: “Yes, but where are you? What room are you staying in?”

    Guest: “What? No, I’m not staying in the hotel. I just need you to transfer me. I need a bellman.”

    Me: “Transfer you? I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand. You want me to put a bellman on the phone?”

    Guest: *enunciating clearly* “Please transfer me to Doctor Anita Bellman’s room.”

    Me: “OH! Oh, my god! I’m sorry! Right away!”

    Under The Table Remarks

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Employees, Rude & Risque

    (My fiancé and I are checking into a room. While we share a bed, we are abstinent for personal reasons, and generally do not share those reasons with anyone else.)

    Me: “Hi. Do you have any rooms available tonight?”

    Clerk: “All we have left is [Suite]. Is that okay?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s fine. We’ll take that.”

    Clerk: “Cool. Are you guys married? What are you in town for?”

    Fiancé: “Not married, but was looking for a tux.”

    Clerk: “Oh really? Are you okay with just the one bed?”

    Me: *getting uncomfortable* “Yes, we’re fine with that.”

    Clerk: “Okay, that’s cool. When’s the wedding?”

    Me: “It’s [date].”

    Clerk: “Oh awesome! Coming up. So, am I invited?”

    Me: “Ummm…”

    Clerk: “Oh, just kidding. Just kidding. So, you’re in room 108, and just so you know, the coffee table totally holds up if you want to have extra fun.”

    Me: “EXCUSE ME?!”

    Clerk: “Oh, not like that? Totally cool. Enjoy your stay!”

    Me: *to fiancé* “Did he actually say all that to me?”

    (The weirdest thing is, the clerk never seemed to get how uncomfortable he made us!)

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