• Very Genderal Humor
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    Mis-sold On The Resume

    | Maritimes, Canada | Employees, Extra Stupid, New Hires

    (I am the front desk manager at a hotel. We have just hired a new girl who is really not working out. Despite having several years experience at a hotel, she seems completely clueless as to how the hotel industry operates. She also has zero computer skills and as such her training has taken at least twice as long as it normally should. After more than 3 weeks, we decide she is ready for her first shift alone. It’s a quiet night and I make sure she has all her notes as well as my cell number in case she needs to call me for help with anything. Before leaving we have the following discussion:)

    Me: “So, we are currently at 75% occupancy. We need to get that up to 100% tonight, so make sure you rent out all the rooms. I don’t want to see any vacant rooms when I come in tomorrow morning. It shouldn’t be too hard; we get a lot of walk-ins this time of year. Just make sure you do whatever you have to in order to sell those rooms. Anybody who walks in looking for a rooms doesn’t leave without renting one. Got it?”

    Employee: “Yup, no problem. I can guarantee with almost 100% certainty that every room will be sold tonight.”

    Me: “Okay, great. Make sure you call me if there’s anything.”

    (Later that evening, around midnight, I get a call from the night auditor who is normally very calm and subdued. Right now, though, he is frantic.)

    Me: “What’s going on over there?”

    Employee #2: “That idiot is going to run us out of business.”

    Me: “Why? What happened?”

    Employee #2: “You told her she had to do everything in her power to rent all the rooms so she did…to her family at $1 per room.”

    Me: “What?! Are you f****** kidding me? How many rooms did she rent?”

    Employee #2: “12 total. She’s got her entire family and all her friends here as we speak. She called them in right after you left and so we had, like, no rooms left to rent to walk-ins. She’s been turning customers away all night. They all paid a discounted rate of $1 because she said she had to get the rooms rented. Some of them are even occupying suites. She’s actually proud of herself for selling out the hotel tonight. She genuinely believes she is going to be praised and rewarded for this tomorrow.”

    Me: “I can’t believe this. Do me a favor. Get the applications file from the cabinet and put it on my desk. I’m going to start looking for someone new first thing tomorrow.”

    (Since the rooms went to her friends and family without proper authorization it was considered stealing. I confronted her the next day and informed her that her services were no longer needed and that she could come by for her pay check later that week. She genuinely could not understand why it wasn’t ok to rent those rooms at that price; I told her to sell them and she sold them. Lesson learned: always check references and never hire based solely on the resume.)

    Not Very Timeshare Aware

    | MN, USA | Employees

    (I have just started my shift and the phone rings.)

    Me: “[Hotel], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    (There is no answer right away, and I repeat my greeting.)

    Caller: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello? Can you hear me?”

    Caller: “Hello! How are you today?”

    Me: “Fine.” *pause* “How are you?”

    Caller: “I am fine!”

    (He then says something about timeshare properties that I do not completely catch.)

    Me: “…Okay.”

    Caller: “Are you interested in a vacation home?”

    Me: “We’re a hotel.”

    Caller: “I’m sorry?”

    Me: “This is a hotel. I think you called a wrong number.”

    Caller: “Oh.”

    (I hung up at that point and relayed the gist of the conversation to my manager, who laughed.)

    Manager: “We’re already a vacation property!”

    A Significant Room For Error

    | Honolulu, HI, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    (I’m on a business trip to Hawaii and somehow we’ve managed to book a really nice hotel that meets our budget restrictions. When I go to registration to check in:)

    Registrar: “Okay, I see we’ve got you upgraded to our business tower.”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Registrar: “Yes, let me check to confirm…” *typing* “Yes. We had our computers go down earlier today, but I’m seeing you are on the 18th floor, ocean view.”

    (She then gives me my keys, tells me of the amenities in the business tower, and explains how to get there from the front desk. I follow the instructions, head up to the 18th floor, put my key in the door… and walk in on someone who was clearly not expecting to have anybody walk in on him right at that moment.)

    Other Guest: “Whoa!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry!” *turning aside* “They told me this was my room.”

    Other Guest: *covering himself up* “No, I’m still booked here through the end of the week.”

    Me: “Again, I’m so sorry… I’ll go back down and see what’s going on.”

    (I head down to the front desk again.)

    Me: “Yes, I just checked in and was given [Room], but it appears there’s somebody already in that room. He says he’s booked to the end of the week.”

    Registrar: “I’m so sorry! Let me see what I can do…” *typing* “It seems there was an error.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah.”

    Registrar: “Unfortunately, I can’t keep the upgrade for you. We’re going to have to put you back on your original booking. It’s still in the business tower, but you’re on the sixth floor with a courtyard view.”

    Me: “Oh.”

    (They didn’t offer me anything for the inconvenience and while I certainly didn’t need anything, it just seemed odd that such a prestigious hotel would leave it at that. The room that they put me in had a broken air conditioner that needed to be fixed. And on top of that, given the way electronic keys in hotels work, when I put my key in the other guest’s door, it canceled his keys. I would hate to be the concierge having to deal with him when he tried to get back into his room.)

    Graduate To A Better Hotel

    | PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Employees, Money

    (In about a year my son is graduating from a large university with over 10,000 graduates. We have to make our hotel reservation really early to guarantee a room. I am calling the front desk of a particular hotel back about a room on the date they told me they’d start taking reservations.)

    Employee: “Hello, this is [Hotel] in [Town]. How may I help you?”

    Me: “Yes I’d like two rooms for this time next year for the college graduation. I need the room from [date] to [date].”

    (I am requesting a room for three days and two nights. It will be from a Thursday to Saturday.)

    Employee: “I am sorry but due to the fact that it is graduation weekend your reservation needs to be for at least two nights.”

    Me: “It is.”

    Employee: “How?”

    Me: “Thursday night and Friday night.”

    Employee: “Oh! That doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Employee: “Because it needs to be two weekend nights.”

    Me: “So you’re going to make me stay an extra night even though the ceremonies end on Friday and I have no reason to stay an extra night?”

    Employee: “Yes.”

    (This goes back and forth for a couple of minutes with me trying to convince her that I should be able to get the room for the dates I want. I don’t have any luck.)

    Me: “Okay? So how much are rooms anyways?”

    Employee: “$600 per room per night.”

    (Note that this three-star hotel usually charges no more than $200 per night per room.)

    Me: “So, you want me to pay an extra $1200 for two rooms I don’t need.”

    Employee: “I guess.”

    Me: “Well, I am sorry but not only is that a lot for a room I don’t have the extra money to spend on a room I don’t want. Nor do I want to. I will be booking somewhere else.”

    Employee: “Fine then! We don’t want customers like you anyway. Someone else will gladly take this room. Good luck finding a better deal.”

    Me: “Good-bye.”

    (I did find a room at a different hotel for closer to $250 per night per room who treated me a lot nicer and thanked me for my service. They also didn’t make me charge for a night I didn’t want.)

    Use The Malt Wine

    | Malta | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink

    (My mother and I are in Malta to scatter my Maltese father’s ashes. We ask the hotel restaurant’s manager to arrange a buffet after the scattering for my father’s Maltese friends and relatives.)

    Manager: “And the guests, will they be Maltese or British?”

    My Mother: “Maltese.”

    Manager: “Right, I’ll use the good wine.”

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