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  • Baptism By Fired
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  • As Lazy As A-B-C

    | Ontario, Canada | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, New Hires, Themed Giveaway

    (I’m 20 at the time and training a temp worker who was in her 40s.)

    Me: “Okay, so all the claims are filed first by the year the loss occurred, then alphabetically by last name. Any questions?”

    New Hire: “Nope, it’s pretty standard.”

    (A few hours later…)

    Me: “[New Hire], can you please find these three files for me?”

    New Hire: “Okay, found them.”

    (I look at the new hire’s empty hands.)

    Me: “…Where are they?”

    New Hire: “Right where they should be: Smith is under ‘S’, Jones is under ‘J’, and Anderson is under ‘A’.”

    Dying To Insure You

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees

    Caller: “Hi, this is John from [insurance company]. I would like inform you of our current insurance rate and advantages.”

    Me: “That’s alright; I don’t need insurance at the moment, but thank you.”

    Caller: “But, if you would just let me tell you about the benefits we provide and low rates we are offering today…”

    Me: “No, thank you.”

    Caller: “Well, I hope you don’t die!” *hangs up*

    Process Of Elimination

    | Australia | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal, Money, Themed Giveaway, Top

    (I work for a particularly large financial company. On this particular day, I happen to be processing problem cases. This one has taken me all morning, and by lunch I realize that there had been a serious mistake made by another branch in the country. It’s probably going to require a compensation of at least $100,000 to the client, so I call my manager over.)

    Manager: “What is it?”

    Me: “Well, short version: someone at [branch] messed up really, really badly. This is going to be one huge escalation. Realistically, it’s probably going to cost someone their job.”

    Manager: “Oh wow… okay. Let’s see who messed up.”

    (He goes back to his workstation to check the history of the case. When he finds the person who had processed it, he goes pale and comes back to me.)

    Manager: “Um… so, you know that case?”

    Me: “Yep? Who do we need to speak to about it?”

    Manager: “Uh… is it possible for you to just let this one go?”

    Me: “Um, not legally, no. We messed up, and probably need to offer some serious compensation before the client goes to their lawyers. Protocol says the next step is to—”

    Manager: “I know protocol! Okay, this is what I need you to do. Can you change the name on the process to say that you processed it?”

    Me: “What? Why?!”

    Manager: “Um, yeah… just do it, okay?”

    (With that, he walks away looking very pale and immediately grabs his phone and walks out of the office. I sit in shock for a few moments then go and check for myself who had processed the case: it was his daughter. When he comes back, I refuse to take the fall for the serious error. He blows up at me and threatens to fire me on the spot. However, I report it all to the state manager. That’s not the end of the story, though: it was discovered that they had been stealing money from the company for the last six months! The daughter slipped up, causing the mistake that I had been working on fixing. They were both fired and were up on criminal charges. Last I heard, he was in jail. Apparently, it wasn’t the first job he had stolen from.)

    Circular Unreasoning

    | Bristol, UK | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Language & Words, Top

    (I’ve been trying to buy car insurance online for about an hour, but the website has a broken link which keeps sending me in circles. I decide to call the sales team instead.)

    Me: “Hi, I’ve been trying for about an hour on your website to take out car insurance but it doesn’t seem to be working, so I’d like to make the purchase over the phone, please.”

    Rep: “Ok, that’s fine.  Have you tried our website? It’s much quicker if you do it online”

    Me:  ”Yes, as I said I have tried, but I’m not happy with your website so I’d like to do it over the phone.”

    Rep:  ”No problem, sir. It’s just that if you go online you’ll save yourself some time.”

    Me:  ”Your website has already wasted an hour of my time. Please just take my details and start processing this purchase. I was also on hold for half an hour before you answered, so I really would like to hurry this up now.”

    Rep:  ”If you’d taken out the policy through our website, you wouldn’t have had to hold on the phone.”

    Me:  ”I’ve already told you three times that I couldn’t complete the purchase online and that I wish to do this over the phone now. I don’t mean to be rude, but if you mention your website one more time I will hang up and call a different company.”

    Rep:  ”Alright, sir, let me take your name and address…”

    Me:  *gives name and address*

    Rep:  ”You know, it really is so much easier to do this on our website.”

    Me: “Goodbye!” *click*

    (I phoned another company who gave me as good a deal as the first one was offering, and it only took 10 minutes on the phone.)

    Checks & Dalliances

    | UK | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (Two months after submitting an accident report form following a minor accident, my insurer starts sending me duplicate forms to fill in. After receiving a second group of forms, I call them.)

    Employee: “How can I help you?”

    Me: “Please stop sending me accident report forms.”

    Employee: “Oh, so you don’t like them?”

    Me: “I’ve already filled one in, and sent you supplementary evidence.”

    Employee: “The system says it’s not been received.”

    Me: “That’s certainly not the case.”

    Employee: “Just because you’ve sent it to us doesn’t mean we’ve received it.”

    Me: “I’ve already discussed the contents with one of your staff.”

    Employee: “Ah, in that case… yes, here it is, on the system! Definitely received. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

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