(One evening, we arrive home to find out we’ve lost internet access; the same has happened to our neighbors as well. We call support and a tech arrives a few days later.)

Dad: “What caused this? It’s affected more than just our house.”

Tech: “Well, periodically Comcast sends trucks out to check how much static is recorded in the lines. If the static is over a certain amount, they disconnect all the lines and go on to the next area.”

Dad: “They disconnect ALL of them? Why would they do that?”

Tech: “It’s easier and faster to disconnect them all, then wait to see who calls in to complain their service is out. Instead of trying to figure out which lines are live and in use by people still using the service, they just pull the plug on them all.”

(So, next time you’re told your outage must be an internal problem with your modem or wiring, remember this: it could just be lazy companies/employees.)

(I called my internet service provider about my DSL account, which I had opened more than ten years ago.)

Me: “I’d like to make a change to my DSL account.”

Employee: “Certainly. You have a security question on file. Can you please tell me your father’s middle name?”

Me: “Um… my father didn’t have a middle name.”

Employee: “Well, you have an answer on file, sir.”

Me: “I don’t know what to say. He didn’t have a middle name!”

(I eventually am able to prove my identity by providing a credit card number. Afterwards, the employee tells me…)

Employee: “For future reference, sir. The middle name we have on file for your father is N-O-N-E. None!”

Me: “…”

(For a few days, I have been receiving text messages mistakenly informing me that my phone line has not been connected because I missed a visit by an engineer.)

Employee: “I understand your problem, sir, but I will have to transfer you through to another department and inform them of your situation. Are you alright to hold?”

Me: “Yes, that’s fine.”

Employee: “Okay, I am putting you on hold now.”

Me: “No problem.”

(At this point I expect some sort of hold music. However, the same employee remains on the line.)

Employee: “…So how’s the weather?”

Me: “Pardon, sorry?”

Employee: “The weather… how’s the weather where you are?”

Me: “Um… it’s fine. A bit cloudy but nothing too bad. Erm… how’s the weather where you are?”

Employee: “I am in India, sir. We don’t have weather here.”