• Very Genderal Humor
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    Knows Zip About The Post Code

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Geography, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    (As a Canadian, a lot of our channels come from the US and, consequently, we are frequently shown commercials for things we can’t actually get without leaving the country. I am trying to find an Internet provider that doesn’t charge extortionate ($60+) prices for the most basic service, and decide to check out the website of a company I see advertised. Before I have a chance to find where they list the areas they serve, a live chat pops up, so I decide to ask the customer service rep instead, figuring a quick yes/no question would be quicker than searching the site.)

    Me: “I was wondering if you provide service in Canada, or if you are US-only?”

    Customer Service Rep: “Please provide your address, as our services vary according to location.”

    Me: *lists address complete with postal code*

    Customer Service Rep: “Thank you for your address. Please provide your zip code.”

    Me: “I don’t have a zip code. My postal code is XXX XXX.”

    Customer Service Rep: “I understand.” *long pause* “If you will not provide your zip code, I will have to refer you to [different level customer service].”

    Me: “I am not providing a zip code because I do not have a zip code. I am Canadian. I have a postal code. That is why I asked if you provide service in Canada.”

    Customer Service Rep: “I understand.” *another long pause* “We do not offer coverage in Canada.” *another pause* “Is there anything else I could help you with?”

    Me: “No, but maybe next time you could read the first question before asking for irrelevant information and wasting both our time?”

    Customer Service Rep: “I understand.”

    (Somehow, I sincerely doubt that!)

    Finally Getting Closure

    | England, UK | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I’ve been a customer with the major phone, Internet, and TV suppliers for five years, and had all sorts of issues over the time. With prices going up every year I’ve had enough and phone to cancel.)

    Me: “I would like to cancel my subscription.”

    Agent #1: “Oh, okay. Would that be to your phone, Internet, or TV package?”

    Me: “All of them.”

    Agent #1: *surprised* “What, everything?”

    Me: “Yes, I just don’t see the benefit. Prices keep going up, yet you offer nothing new.”

    Agent #1: “I, err, one moment, please.”

    (She puts me on hold.)

    Agent #1: “Okay, so, I have talked to my manager, and he has told me that if you cancel your HD package but keep the rest, you can save £15 a month. Should I make those changes?”

    Me: “Oh, no, thank you. Please cancel my account.”

    Agent #1: “But you will be missing out on all your favourite shows?!”

    Me: “I know, please cancel my account.”

    Agent #1: “I, err, can I put you on hold again?”

    Me: “Okay, sure.”

    (I wait even longer, when:)

    Agent #1: “Okay, so, my manager has offered to reduce the amount even more. I can give you a saving of £20 a month.”

    Me: “No, thank you. Please cancel my account.”

    Agent #1: “But you will lose everything.”

    Me: “I know. As I said, I am fine with this.”

    Agent #1: “Well, let me transfer you.”

    (I wait again.)

    Manager: “I understand that you are having trouble paying your bill.”

    Me: “What? No. I just don’t want my subscription anymore.”

    Manager: “If you do, you will miss out on all our quality programming.”

    Me: “Look, to be honest, everything I watch is free to air. I get no benefit from you, and the issues I have had over the last five years are too much.”

    Manager:  “Let me bring up your account.”

    (I again have to wait on hold. I am getting a little fed up of all this. but remain positive.)

    Manager: “Okay. I have seen your records and can see all the issues that you have had. I have a great deal not normally offered to customer—”

    Me: *interrupting* “Well, that’s very nice but I just don’t—”

    Manager: *interrupting me* “If you take the movies packages, and cancel your HD package I can reduce your bill by £10. How does that sound?”

    Me: “No, not interested. Please cancel my account.”

    Manager: “Look, you have been with us for many years, and you are a valued customer. What can I offer you to stay?”

    Me: “Nothing. Please cancel my account.”

    Manager: “Okay, fine.”

    (He puts me on hold. I am getting fed up.)

    Agent #2: “Cancellation department.”

    Me: “Yes, I would like to cancel my account.”

    Agent #2: “Okay, we can offer you several different packages not previously available to you. Let me just put you on hold.”

    (I have now had enough, I have lost count how many times I have told them I am not interested and asked to cancel my account. when I finally get of hold I don’t let the agent speak.)

    Me: “Look, whatever you have to offer, I’m not interested. Please just cancel my account.”

    Agent #2: “Okay, but first what shows do you watch?”

    Me: “I, er, well, [List of shows all free to watch].”

    Agent #2: “Okay, and how would your family feel if you cancelled your account without asking them?”

    Me: “I am the decision maker and I am telling you to cancel my account. Please do so now before I raise a complaint.”

    Agent #2: “Well, fine, but you will regret it.”

    (I eventually cancel but not before having to ring again to confirm. I never sign up with them again.)

    We’re In Flori-duh!

    , | MI, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    Telemarketer: “We’re calling to make sure that you’re receiving the best value for your money.”

    Me: “Thanks, but someone already called last week. We put our Internet service on hold until we return from Florida in the spring, and we don’t have cable TV. So, I don’t want you to waste your time.”

    Telemarketer: “Uh, okay, well, who is your cable provider?”

    Me: “[Your Company] is our provider, but like I said, we don’t have cable TV. We only have your Internet service, and that is on hold until spring.”

    Telemarketer: “Well, we just want to make sure that you’re receiving the best value for your money—”

    Me: “Yes, I know, but like I said, we’re in a whole ‘nother state; we’re not in our house so obviously we don’t want cable right now. Maybe in the future.”

    Telemarketer: “How many TVs do you have in your home?”

    Me: *sighing inwardly* “One.”

    Telemarketer: “Is it high definition?”

    Me: “Yes, but as I mentioned, we don’t want cable TV so you’re wasting your time.”

    Telemarketer: “Uh, okay, well, we just want to make sure—”

    Me: “Thanks, but no thanks. Goodbye!”

    Troubleshooting Has Bad Aim

    | VA, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I call my Internet provider because my service is off-line. I navigate through an automated menu that has me confirm my service is totally dead and I am unable to get online. I’m put on hold to wait for a technician.)

    Recorded Message: “While you wait, you may review our troubleshooting tips online at www. …”

    Me: *to myself* “WHY did I just spend two minutes confirming my Internet was off-line?”

    Advertise Despise

    | England, UK | Employees, Transportation

    (I’ve bought my daughter a gift online. As it gets closer and closer to her birthday I get more and more impatient that it hasn’t turned up. The estimated delivery date has long passed, the company has told me that it has shipped, but still no parcel. One day a slip comes through the door; I’ve missed a delivery! I drive clear across town and get to the depot just before closing.)

    Checking Clerk: “ID, please.”

    (I hand over my license.)

    Checking Clerk: “Hmm, what were you expecting?”

    Me: “A parcel… A gift, actually.”

    Checking Clerk: “Hmm. I think you might be out of luck.”

    (She disappears into another room, and I wonder what she meant, fearing briefly that they had somehow lost my parcel.)

    Checking Clerk: “Here you are. Sorry.”

    (She hands me a tube. I stand there for a moment. It wasn’t what I was expecting.)

    Checking Clerk: *sympathetically* “We’ve had loads of them; there’s a pile of them in the next room.”

    (I left and tore off the tape. Sitting inside was a leaflet: a small leaflet put inside a much larger box. Apparently my Internet service provider thought it would be a great advertising campaign to send out a load of leaflets that don’t fit through a letter box. Needless to say I had a few strongly worded sentiments and had myself removed from their advertising system.)

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