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    Should Have A Backed Up Plan

    , | Glendale, AZ, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (While I am usually a nice person I am notorious for my short fuse with telemarketers and pushy salesmen. A friend and I are walking around a mall when a kiosk salesman darts in front of us. Note: We are only about fifteen years old.)

    Salesman: “Hello, ladies, can I interest you in our low cost cell-phone plan today? Only 20 dollars a mon—”

    Me: “No, thanks; not interested.”

    (My friend and I walk around him when we hear him from behind us.)

    Salesman: *very condescendingly* “Whoa, ladies. Back it up, back it up, back it up!”

    (I whirl around and give him such a stone faced glare that he takes a step back. My friend also takes a step back from me, knowing what’s coming.)

    Me: “One, that is NO way to speak to potential customers. Two, we are both quite happy with the phone plans we have now. Three, we are both clearly underage and have no authority to do anything you’d need us to do to sign up. And four, I hope you realize that everyone just heard how you talked to us, and how you’d treat them.”

    (True enough, all the people that had been browsing his kiosk had all turned away or disappeared, leaving it completely deserted. The salesman turned red and turned away from me but the damage was done.)

    Sell It To Me Straight

    , | Detroit, MI, USA | Employees, Holidays, Ignoring/Inattentive, Theme Of The Month

    (For the record, my hair is as straight as can possibly come and past my waist, and so is my sister’s. We are currently wandering the local mall trying desperately to finish Christmas shopping amid throngs of insane Christmas shoppers. Also of note, we have dodged this guy’s over aggressive sales pitch at least three times before this happens…)

    Kiosk Guy: *literally LEAPS in front of us brandishing a straightening iron* “LADIES! I have exactly what you need!” *waves the straightening iron like a wand*

    Me: “Uh… no.” *attempts to keep walking*

    Kiosk Guy: “No seriously.” *steps in the way again* “This [Model] is exactly what you need to tame curls and get the sleek, smooth, straightness you’ve been looking for.” *grabs my sister’s arm and attempts to drag her to his makeover chair* “You’ll see, once I’ve shown you what it can do.”

    Me: *grabs his wrist to stop him and in a very loud voice I say* “LOOK at her hair!”

    Kiosk Guy: *doesn’t look at her hair* “But once you see what this does to unruly curls with little to no damage!”

    Sister: *looks at him like he’s insane and tries to dislodge him*

    Me: “No, really, look at her hair.”

    Kiosk Guy: *turns very slowly toward her as I flip my hair over my shoulder to emphasize my point* “But once I show you what it can do, you’ll know you need…”

    Me: “What can this thing possibly do for us?”

    Kiosk Guy: “But it could be straighter!”

    Me: “Seriously, dude, get help.”

    Kiosk Guy: *jumps in front of us again and tries to get back into his spiel*

    Me: *as loud as I possibly can without screaming* “I DON’T WANT YOUR MAGIC HAIR STRAIGHTENER! NOW, BACK OFF!”

    (He finally did back off, staring at us like we might bite him as he noticed a crowd of Christmas shoppers had formed. They applauded wildly as we made our escape. Evidently we weren’t the only ones that had had enough of the guy.)

    Prejudice Can Be A Handicap

    | MI, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I have a seizure disorder. I have a service dog and wear a medical alert bracelet. When I use public restrooms, I tend to use the handicapped stalls. After doing some shopping I walk into busy bathroom. I start walking to the stall, when a janitor emptying the trash steps in front of me.)

    Janitor: “Where do you think you’re going? That stall is for handicapped people only.”

    Me: “Oh, I have a seizure disorder. Here’s my medical bracelet, see?”

    (The janitor looks less than impressed.)

    Me: “And this is my service dog.”

    Janitor: “You can walk just fine. You can use a regular stall.”

    Me: “‘Handicapped’ doesn’t just mean an inability to walk.”

    Janitor: “You are not allowed to use this stall. It’s the law.”

    Me: “Seriously? There’s no such law. I have a legitimate reason to use this stall.”

    Janitor: “Listen. You are not going to steal this stall from these ladies! So pipe down your attitude! You aren’t anything special! You and that ridiculous mohawk of yours can go in that smaller stall, missy!”

    Me: “The last time I was in a regular stall, I had a seizure. I fell and hurt myself. The stall was so constricted that I hit my head on the walls and toilet. My doctor wants me to be safe.”

    Janitor: “You expect me to believe that?”

    Me: *turning my head, revealing a long, thick purple scar running under my spiked hair* “This stupid mohawk is a result of the 70 stitches I had to get after cracking my skull open on the side of a toilet! I had no way of avoiding everything in that constricted space when I fell so I hurt myself and a janitor had to pull me out, unconscious. Now if you could let me access the stall with more floor space and more room for me to avoid head injuries and a lawsuit, I’d appreciate it!”

    (The janitor turned pale while the line behind me erupted in a chorus of “Ooooohhhhh”s. Apparently a woman at the end of the line alerted another nearby janitor to the incident, so when I left the bathroom, I was told to wait by the employee main office. The head janitor offered his apology, and granted me a gift card to the mall and a treat for my service dog!)

    A Vacuum Of Sales

    , | Austin, TX, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    (My husband and I stop at the local mall where we pass a vacuum demonstration at one of the kiosks. We walk by just as the demonstration ends and one of the demonstrators stops us.)

    Demonstrator: “So, what do you think?”

    Me: “It’s very nice, but we actually don’t need a vacuum.”

    Demonstrator: “You already have one?”

    Me: “Well, we have a stick vacuum, but we don’t have carpeting.”

    Demonstrator: “You don’t have floors?!”

    Me: “Oh, no. We have hardwood and marble in the bathroom.”

    Demonstrator: “So, you don’t have any carpeting?”

    Me: “No, just hardwood and marble.”

    Demonstrator: “Do you have dirt floors?!”

    Me: “No… we have hardwood floors.”

    Demonstrator: “… Your floors are made of wood?!”

    Husband: “We already have a vacuum.”

    Demonstrator: “Ooooh, I see. Have a good day!”

    Random With Abandon

    | Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees

    (I am visiting my long-distance boyfriend. I have been telling him stories about how often complete strangers start bizarre conversations with me, and he’s joking about how this only happens to me. We stop by one of the mall vendors to buy some nuts.)

    Cashier: “That’ll be [price].”

    Me: “Thanks.”

    (I take the snacks and we’re about to go, when…)

    Cashier: “They’re playing The Dark Knight Rises at the theater.”

    Me: “Yeah? I’ve heard it’s good.”

    Cashier: “Yeah. But it was delayed for awhile, because of the shooting.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. That was sad.”

    (We’re about to go again, when…)

    Cashier: “So how do you feel about gun control?”

    (My boyfriend looks at me, startled.)

    Me: “Oh, it’s a controversial subject.”

    Cashier: “Oh, I know! I think sometimes we should have more laws, but then I think, well, I want to protect my freedom!”

    Me: “Well, I think we’re going to get going. Thanks for the snacks.”

    (We finally manage to leave. Boyfriend looks at me in confusion when we get outside.)

    Me: “And that is the kind of thing happens to me ALL THE TIME!”


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