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    | PA, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    (I’m calling my husband’s new doctor’s office to confirm that they received his records from the previous doctor’s office.)

    Me: “Hi. This [My Name]. I’m calling to see if you received my husband’s medical records.”

    (I tell them my husband’s info.)

    Receptionist: “No, they have not faxed his records over.”

    (I call the other doctor’s office and ask why they have not sent his records over. They tell me that they have and I ask how long ago. The receptionist there tells me it was over a week and a half ago. I ask if they were faxed and she tells me that they don’t do that; they put his records on a CD and mailed them.)

    Me: “I called a little while ago about my husband’s records and you told you did not get them. Well, I spoke to the other doctor’s office and they did send them via mail over a week and a half ago. They sent a CD.”

    Receptionist: “Well, why wouldn’t they just fax them?!”

    Me: “I don’t know. Apparently they don’t do that there.”

    Receptionist: “Why not?!”

    Me: “Again, you would have to ask them that since I don’t work there.”

    Receptionist: “Well, what are we supposed to do with a CD?!”

    Me: “Um… put it in the computer and read it?”

    Receptionist: “Hmph!” *grumbling*

    Me: “Can you please just check to see if it was received?”

    Receptionist: “One moment.” *pause* “I checked with the doctor. It was already on her desk and she’ll take care of it.”

    Me: *head-desk*

    Needs To Go Off-Script

    | NC, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m back at Student Health with my second miserable sinus infection of the semester.)

    Nurse: “Well, it sounds like you’ve just got something in your sinuses. I’ll go have them write a prescription and fix you right up!”

    Me: “What exactly are they prescribing?”

    Nurse: “Oh, just [antibiotic] and a decongestant.”

    Me: “I literally finished a course of that three days ago, for the same problem. It should be in my file.”

    (The nurse just stares at me like she’s waiting for me to say I’m joking, and then whips around and walks out of the room. Twenty minutes later, she comes back and presses a prescription paper into my hand and hurries me out of the building. I drive to the little pharmacy closer to campus.)

    Pharmacist #1: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

    Me: “I need this filled.”

    (We do the routine confirming my insurance, and I sit and wait for a few minutes before being called to the pick-up counter.)

    Pharmacist #2: “I’m sorry, but where in the world did you get this script?”

    Me: “From Student Health, less than an hour ago. Why?”

    Pharmacist #2: “We’re pretty small; we don’t carry as much as [Chain Pharmacy] does. Sorry, but you need to take this to them.”

    (I drive across town to the [Chain Pharmacy], explain what the first pharmacy had told me, repeat the insurance checking and settle down to wait, but I’m almost immediately called up.)

    Pharmacist #3: “Okay, so I’ve never had this problem before. The medicine they prescribed could only be referring to [Well-Known Brand], which hasn’t been available for nearly a decade and there’s no way your insurance will cover it. I can try to find all the different things that are in it, but they might not be in the right proportions and could get expensive.”

    Me: “Sorry, I’ve been sick for a while. Let’s see what it all adds up to, and then see what I should pay for?”

    (A minute later, she returns looking triumphant, holding a bottle.)

    Pharmacist #3: “We had some of the [Well-Known Brand] in the back, and it looks to have one full dose left. I’ll just charge it as [Other Well-Known Brand]. That’ll be $12.”

    (After all that fuss, turned out I had mono and the prescription was useless!)

    I Heard What You NSAID

    | NY, USA | Employees, Health & Body

    Doctor: “And what about allergies?”

    Me: “I’m allergic to ASA and NSAIDs, as well as—”

    Doctor: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Me: *slowing down* “Oh, sorry. ASA and all NSAIDs, and—”

    Doctor: “I heard you. What do you mean by that?”

    Me: “Uh… ASA is aspirin. I’m allergic to aspirin as well as all related non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, or NSAIDs. I’m sorry, is that not correct? I’ve been saying it that way for years.”

    Doctor: “Oh yes, that’s correct. But you shouldn’t use the medical terms. Regular people get it wrong. Only doctors should use the medical terms.”

    Me: “But I didn’t get it wrong.”

    Doctor: “No, but it’s confusing.”

    Physician, Rebook Thyself

    | USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I am feeling very ill and have called the medical facility to make an appointment. The following morning I show up.)

    Me: “I’m here for my appointment.” *gives name*

    Reception:  “Oh. Your appointment was canceled. The doctor you had isn’t coming in today.”

    Me: “…I’m still sick. I need to see someone.”

    Reception:  “Um… I’ll see if we can find you something…”

    (I think it was at least a half hour before they finally got someone to take my vitals. At least my temperature of 104.2 convinced them that, yes, I really did need to see a doctor!)

    Bidding Adieu, Adieu To All Of You

    | SC, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Movies & TV, New Hires, Theme Of The Month

    (One of our three physicians has just announced his impending retirement.)

    Whole Office: “Noooo!”

    Doctor: “It’s not until summer! I can’t leave until I find a replacement anyway. There’s a nice young man who’s looking at coming here. He’ll be visiting on Monday.”

    Coworker #1: “No! We’ll be on our worst behavior! ”

    Me: “Like the Von Trapp kids!”

    Coworker #2: “And we’ll scare him away so you can’t leave!”

    Doctor: “Now, now, it’ll be all right! He’s young, but train up a doctor in the way he should go…”

    (It’s kind of a joke in the office that the nurses used to ‘train’ the doctor by using chocolate as a reward for getting appointments done on time.)

    Coworker #3: “So we leave chocolate on his desk until he figures out our schedules?”

    Me: “But what if he doesn’t like chocolate?”

    Coworker #3: *horrified expression* “Then he doesn’t belong.”

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