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  • May's Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Not As Clear As A Belle

    | Waterbury, CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

    Me: “Hello. May I have two tickets to Belle, please?”

    Attendant: “Um, I think you mean the new Disney movie?”

    Me:Belle isn’t a Disney movie. It’s about a bi-racial women who works towards ending slavery in 18th century England.”

    Attendant: “Um, we don’t have anything like that…”

    Me: *sighs* “Can I get two tickets to that movie?” *points to ‘Belle’ movie poster*

    Attendant: “Ugh! That’s ‘Bee-Elle!’ It’s basically Cinderella. God, why is everyone so stupid…”

    Keep Hush About The Slush

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Food & Drink, Technology

    (We just had a slushy machine installed, but have been having problems with it from day one.)

    Coworker: “Uh-oh. Looks like the machine’s acting up again.”

    Me: “Great, what’s it doing this time?”

    Coworker: “Nothing’s coming out. It looks like it’s backed up.”

    Me: “Let me try.”

    (I pull the handle a few times, and like he said, nothing is coming out. It’s at that moment that I have an epiphany.)

    Me: “I think I know what to do. Hold on.”

    (I grab a straw and jam it into the spout. Sure enough, the slushy starts gushing out.)

    Coworker: “Wow, that was amazing!”

    Me: “Yeah. Just please never ask me how I knew that would work.”

    A Popcorn Float

    | NJ, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Food & Drink

    (My friends and I are going to see a new movie, and are waiting to buy some snacks. An employee calls over from another register and I go up to order.)

    Me: “Hi. One medium popcorn and a small soft drink.”

    Employee #1: “All righty.”

    (Another employee comes over and hands me my popcorn and drink.)

    Employee #2: *to first employee* “You know you’ve been working here too long when you try to put ice in a popcorn…”

    (I chuckle as I open the lid to add my protein supplement, then stop and look up at the employee.)

    Employee #1: “Anything wrong, sir?”

    Me: “There’s popcorn in my drink.”

    A Thick Slice Of Bribery

    | Sandy Springs, GA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (My shift is about to end when my manager comes up.)

    Manager: “Hey, do you want to stay till close.”

    Me: “No.”

    Manager: “C’mon.”

    Me: “No.”

    Manager: “I’ll pay you extra.”

    Me: “No.”

    Manager: “I’ll buy you some pizza.”

    Me: “No… Wait, what kind?”

    Manager: “[Popular local chain].”

    Me: “D*** it! All right.”

    The Cold Hard Truth About Cold Hard Cash

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I am sweeping up in the lobby when I come across a $50 bill on the floor. It is very near a customer, but he is honest and says it isn’t his. I decide to take it to the lost and found in case someone claims it.)

    Me: *to my manager* “I found this on the floor. I’m sure someone will be looking for it soon.”

    Manager: “Awesome! Thanks.” *he pockets the cash*

    Me: “What? That’s for the lost and found! What if someone comes to claim it?”

    Manager: “You should’ve kept it yourself! Unless they keep track of their money’s serial numbers, they can’t prove that it’s theirs. Take it as a lesson learned!”

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