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    That’s Some Real Broken Spanish

    | Washington, DC, USA | Employees, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (This area has a big Hispanic population. I speak a tiny bit of Spanish but I’m terrible at it and forget words all the time. The following takes place in Spanish.)

    Customer: *in Spanish* “Are you showing ‘Planet of the Apes’ at 1:30 pm? It said it was, online.”

    Me: *crappy Spanish* “Yes, we have that movie. It is first movie at 1:30 pm and second movie at 3:30 pm.”

    Customer: “Oh! Okay. It isn’t on your sign.”

    Me: “I am sorry. It is a problem this week. The computers are… are…” *realizing I can’t remember the word for ‘broken’ in Spanish* “…s***. The computers are s***.”

    Customer: “S***?”

    Me: “…Yes.”


    Me: “I do not remember the Spanish word for…” *in English* “Broken.”

    Customer: “It’s ‘roto’, but ‘s***’ is a good word, too.”

    Voicing The Concerns Of The Sick

    | Surrey, England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body

    (I’ve lost my voice. The plans for shifts are done the next day. My sister and I work for the same site so my sister calls in on my behalf.)

    Sister: “Hi, this is [Sister].”

    Manager: “Hey, is everything okay?”

    Sister: “I’m fine but [My Name] has lost her voice. She wanted you to know because it may affect her at work tomorrow.”

    Manager: “Get [My Name] to call tomorrow if she still feels bad.”

    Sister: “Uh… how is she supposed to call in if she has lost her voice?”

    Verbal Butterfingers

    | WA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Food & Drink

    (I work at a movie theater. It’s a lot of late nights, so sometimes I am pretty tired at work.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Guest: “Er, yeah, I would like a medium [soda].”

    Me: *out of habit* “Would you like to add butter?”

    Guest: “YEAH!”

    Me: “Wait. No, I cannot offer butter in your drink. I am really tired, sorry. I can put butter in a small cup, if you like.”

    Guest: “I thought it was weird, but I remembered that trend with butter in coffee so I thought this was something new and cool. But no butter, thanks.”

    Family Business Is None Of Yours

    | Sandy Springs, GA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests

    (One of our coworkers pulled a no call/no show on a Saturday, leaving just the three of us on duty for the afternoon. The manager for the day is busy handling the projection booth, and I’m working as an usher, when I notice that the line at the number seven concession stand is growing way too long for the one coworker back there to handle by himself, so I leave my post and go to help. About fifteen minutes later, the owner of the theater and his wife, who is generally the bossier of the two, come in.)

    Owner’s Wife: “What the h*** is this?! Where is our usher?!”

    Me: “We’re shorthanded and the line at concessions was almost out the door.”

    Owner’s Wife: “Well, where’s [Manager]? He should be down here!”

    Me: “He’s busy getting the movies started up.”

    Owner’s Wife: “Well, then, [General Manager] should be in to help!”

    (She proceeds to call the general manager, who is off for the weekend because he has custody of his son.)

    Owner’s Wife: *practically shouting over the phone* “[General Manager], there is no one here to usher. You need to come and take care of this. I don’t care! This is no excuse! Somebody needs to be here. You have one of two choices: your family or your job!”

    (The general manager did come in, but only to turn in his keys and leave. The owner chased him down in the parking lot and talked him out of quitting. He later had a talk with his wife, who has since become a little less demanding… a little.)

    The Great Gummi Massacre

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Movies & TV

    Me: “Looks like another movie let out. Want me to go in and clean it?”

    Manager: “Dunno. There weren’t a lot of customers in there.”

    Me: “Yeah, but sometimes just a handful of people will leave a big mess.”

    Manager: “True. Go in there and check, and if there is a mess, go and clean it.”

    (I go in and come back out about a minute later.)

    Manager: “How was it?”

    Me: *as I grab a broom and dustpan* “Gummi bears… lying here and there and everywhere…”

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