(I’m at the movie theater with my parents. Before the previews start, an employee comes to the front of the theater to make a customary speech.)

Employee: “…and please turn off all cell phones and vibrators.”

(There’s a pause before a few chuckles from the audience break out.)

Employee: *laughs* “I know what I said! Enjoy your movie!”

Me: *to my parents* “I didn’t realize this was that kind of theater!”

(My husband and I are at the local theater. I grab a bag of pre-boxed popcorn from the display case, take a bite, and realize I’ve grabbed the wrong kind. Note: an employee is working the popcorn concession and watches me the whole time, as we’re the only customers there.)

Me: “I’m so sorry but I grabbed the wrong popcorn. I didn’t want the sweet kind. Unfortunately I’ve ready eaten some. Can you please throw it away for me? I’ll pay for it, of course, but I’d like to order the regular popcorn.”

Employee #1: “No problem! Here’s your regular popcorn. And there’s no charge for the other one. It was a mistake. Don’t worry about it.”

(She takes my already-eaten popcorn and sets it on the counter behind her. At this point, her coworker sees the eaten popcorn sitting on the counter.)

Employee #2: “Did the customer not want this? Should I put it back in the display?”

Employee #1: “Oh yeah, put it back.”

(They put my old popcorn—the one with my mouth germs on it—back in the display case for sale!)

(I am the ONLY person seated in a movie theater showing a horror film when the usher enters.)

Me: “Since I am the only person in here, will I still be arrested if I run around screaming ‘fire’?”

(Surprisingly, the usher is grinning from ear to ear after I say this.)

Usher: “No, but if you do it, can I join in?”

(Note: This is the second theater where I have asked this question under the same circumstances. I was granted permission to run around screaming ‘fire’ both times!)

(I’m scheduled for the matinee shift; however, I’ve overslept and am going to be a half-hour late. I call in to let them know I’m running late. Note that I’ve been working at this theater for a year at this time and know every person on the staff.)

Coworker: “Good morning, this is [name]. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi, this is . Could you do me a favor and tell the manager on concessions I’m going to be a half hour late?”

Coworker: “Um, okay. A half hour, you said?”

Me: “Yes, I just overslept, but I’ll be there in a half hour.”

Coworker: “Okay. And you work here?”

Me: “…Yes. Yes, I work here.”

My Dad: “Two tickets for the Hobbit at 2:00.”

Cashier: “Twilight doesn’t start until 7:45.”

My Dad: “…What?”

Cashier: “Twilight doesn’t start until 7:45.”

(There is a brief pause where we look at her in confusion before she seems to clue in.)

Cashier: “…What movie did you want to see?”

My Dad: “The Hobbit.”

Cashier: “…And at what time?”

My Dad: “2:00.”

(We pay for our tickets and head towards the concession counter.)

My Dad: “And they wonder why machines are taking their jobs!”