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  • For A Few Dollars More
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  • Will Gladly Pay For The Lip Toupee

    | Hampton, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Money, Movies & TV

    (I am working in the box office, sporting a nicely waxed handle-bar moustache. A couple of older ladies come to buy tickets to a movie.)

    Lady #1: *to me* “Do you have a senior discount?”

    Lady #2: *to Lady #1* “They don’t have a senior discount. [Other Theater] has a senior discount.”

    Me: But [Other Theater] doesn’t have me.”

    Lady #2: “Are you worth the extra $5?”

    Me: *pointing to my moustache* “The moustache alone is worth the extra $5.”

    (Both ladies walked into the show smiling.)

    Has More Luck Than Sense

    | NJ, USA | Employees, New Hires, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a 12-plex movie theater, but new employees become so flustered they forget this.)

    Supervisor: “You know, [Newbie], there are really 13 theaters.”

    Newbie: “What? No there isn’t.”

    Me: “Sure there is. It’s through the side doors down that hallway.”

    Supervisor: “The door to it is a bit hidden, but it’s for special events like employee shows.”

    Newbie: “Huh, okay. I have to see this.” *wanders off*

    (20 minutes later he came back, angry and embarrassed that he walked outside and around the building for no reason.)

    Sour Patch Orphans

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Food & Drink

    (I am putting away the bulk candy bins at our movie theater and one of my coworkers make an observation about one of the candies.)

    Coworker: “I can’t believe all the salt on these Sour Patch Kids.”

    Me: “What? Salt? That’s not salt. That’s sugar.”

    Coworker: “Then what makes them so bitter?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Loneliness, despair, general sadness…”

    Not A Disney Prince

    | Scotland, UK | Coworkers, Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

    (It’s a busy day at the cinema, and I am working at the concession stand. There are three primary school classes coming in today: one to watch ‘Thumbelina’ and another two to watch ‘Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs.’ My colleague has thoughtfully brought in a tape of Disney music to play over the tannoy and into the halls for the kids. One song is playing as I serve a customer.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a medium popcorn and a large coke, please.”

    (I turn to get the order when suddenly the music stops and is replaced with a throbbing drumbeat. The colleague who brought the tape in turns pale and runs towards the internal phone to the office.)

    Colleague: “Turn it off! Quick! Turn it off!”

    (Into three auditoriums packed with kids aged in ranges of 5 to 9 comes the strains of Prince singing ‘Sexy Motherf*****.’ The customer looks at me as I struggle valiantly not to burst out laughing.)

    Customer: “Ah, well.  I suppose it’s not something they haven’t heard before.”

    Not All The Cards Are Stacked Against You

    | Nottingham, England, UK | Awesome Workers, Employees, Holidays, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a member of a card scheme which gets me unlimited free entry to movies. A few weeks ago, I lost my card and had to order a replacement for £10. I then lost the new card. Since I wanted to go to the cinema that night, I have to contact customer services.)

    Customer Service: “Hello. [Cinema] customer service. How may I help?”

    Me: “I lost my card. I’m going to the cinema this evening so I need a temporary pass.”

    Customer Service: “Not to worry. I need your postal code and date of birth.”

    Me: *gives them*

    Customer Service: “Is your name [My Name]?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer Service: “Good gracious! Is this the card we sent you a couple of weeks ago?”

    Me: *embarrassed* “Yes. It is.”

    Customer Service: “All right. I’ll just send a temporary pass to your mobile.”

    Me: “Thanks. I’ll pay for the replacement on my next bill.”

    Customer Service: “Oh, no. Don’t worry about that. I’ve waived the fee.”

    Me: “What?!”

    Customer Service: “You don’t have to pay a thing.”

    Me: “Oh, my god! Thank you so much!”

    Customer Service: “No problem. Happy Christmas!”

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