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    Bad Jokes Are No Laughing Matter

    | Albany, CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (I am a very short girl. I am breaking down boxes in the back room of the theatre, with a box cutter. I hear one of my coworkers talking to my manager behind the concessions stand and one of them makes a terrible joke.)

    Me: *stepping out from the back* “Who just made that joke?”

    Coworker: “It was me, I conf—” *he suddenly sees the box cutter* “I mean it was [Manager]! He just went upstairs. Go get him!”

    (I cackled and went into the back room to finish breaking down boxes.)

    A Discount Is On The Cards

    | Norway | Employees, Health & Body, Movies & TV

    (My friend has spent over a year battling cancer, and due to the effects of almost a year in bed and a severe reaction to chemotherapy, she has to learn to walk again. On one of her trips home, we decide to go see a movie. She’s in a wheelchair, and I’m pushing.)

    Friend: “Hello! We’d like two tickets to [Movie], please.”

    Cashier: “Of course! With the discount, that’ll be [price].”

    Me: “We get a discount? Awesome!” *I grin at my friend*

    Cashier: *to me* “Yes, but I need your card first.”

    Me: “Card? What card?”

    Friend: “We don’t have whatever card you’re talking about.”

    Cashier: “But you should bring your card for trips like this. It gets the companion a discount on their ticket.”

    (Suddenly, I understand what’s going on. She’s referring to a carer’s card.)

    Me: “Ah… I’m afraid you’re mistaken. I’m just here as a friend. We don’t have a card.”

    (I quickly explain what the cashier is talking about to my friend.)

    Cashier: “You can’t get the discount without the card.”

    Friend: “I don’t have one. Can we just buy the tickets, please?”

    Cashier: “Unless you can show me the card, I can’t give you the discount.”

    Me: “No, I’m not here to accompany her. I’m really her friend. We’re going together.”

    Friend: “Exactly what she says! I don’t have a card because I’m not disabled!”

    Cashier: “You really do need to show me the card for this.”

    (At this point, my friend is getting genuinely upset, and I’m not happy, either.)

    Me: “Listen to me. I am her friend. She’s been ill, but this is not permanent. She’s getting out of the chair again, and she does not have a card.”

    (You can see the cashier suddenly understand.)

    Cashier: “I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you!”

    Friend: “It’s okay. I’d just like our tickets.”

    Cashier: “Of course! I’ll get you a different discount as an apology. Feel free to sit anywhere in the theatre. There’s hardly any people.”

    Me: “Thank you. That’s very kind.”

    (We get our tickets, and because there’s still 30 minutes until the movie starts, we decide to head to a store down the street for snacks. Once we’re outside…)

    Friend: “Hey, did you see what kind of discount we got?” *shows me her ticket* “Look, apparently we’re retired!”

    (We had a good laugh about it, and enjoyed the movie as two ‘retirees’ in our early 20s!)

    Won’t Let You Live This Down For An Age

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I am 15, and have always looked younger than I am. My younger brother is 12. A lot of people think he is older than I am. We would commonly go to movies together, but since I babysat and he didn’t have much income source, I usually paid for the tickets. We are going to a PG-13 movie; my mother knew the movie and had approved it for my 12-year-old brother.)

    Me: “Two tickets for [Popular Fantasy Series].”

    Ticket Agent: “That’s rated PG-13.”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    Ticket Agent: “You have to be 13 to buy a ticket to that.”

    Me: “I’ve never heard of that. But, I’m actually 15.”

    Ticket Agent: “Do you have ID?”

    Me: “Not really. I’m 15, so, I don’t have a driver’s license or anything.”

    Ticket Agent: “You can’t buy the tickets without ID. How about a student ID?”

    Me: “I’m homeschooled. I have an expired ID from when I went to one class at the junior high. It’s two years old, though.”

    (I give him my expired id that happens to still be in my wallet.)

    Ticket Agent: “This just proves that you went to [junior high], two years ago.”

    Me: “Which would have meant that two years ago I was in seventh grade, at least, which means that I’m in ninth grade. Which would generally make me older than 13.”

    Ticket Agent: “You have to be older than 13.”

    Me: “I am.”

    Ticket Agent: “I can’t sell them to you.”

    (Dejectedly, I walk away from the counter and go tell my brother.)

    Brother: “Give me the money.”

    (I give him money for the tickets, telling him it won’t work, because he actually isn’t thirteen. After a few moments, he comes back, tickets in hand.)

    Me: “How did you convince him you were 13?”

    Brother: “He didn’t ask.”

    It’s The Small Things That Are Important

    | USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m ordering at the concessions stand at my favorite movie theater. Their popcorn sizes have always been small, regular, and large, exactly as indicated on the menu board. Popcorn buckets of all three sizes are stacked behind the counter.)

    Me: “I’d like a small popcorn and a small coke, please.”

    Cashier: “We don’t have small popcorn.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Cashier: “We don’t have small popcorn.”

    Me: *points at the smallest bucket* “This is small popcorn. I’d like popcorn from a bucket this size, please.”

    Cashier: “We don’t have small popcorn. This is regular popcorn. We don’t have small popcorn.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s always been small, regular, and large here. You should probably change the menu so people don’t get confused.”

    Cashier: *blank stare*

    Me: “Oh well. I’d like what used to be small popcorn. So, regular popcorn. From this bucket.” *points at the smallest bucket again*

    Cashier: “We don’t have small popcorn.”

    (This exchange goes on for a minute or two. I don’t know what to say anymore, so I reach over the counter, grab the bucket and hand it to the cashier.)

    Me: “Please fill this with popcorn and price me. I’d also like a small [Soda] with that.”

    Cashier: “But we don’t have small [Soda]…”

    Will Gladly Pay For The Lip Toupee

    | Hampton, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Money, Movies & TV

    (I am working in the box office, sporting a nicely waxed handle-bar moustache. A couple of older ladies come to buy tickets to a movie.)

    Lady #1: *to me* “Do you have a senior discount?”

    Lady #2: *to Lady #1* “They don’t have a senior discount. [Other Theater] has a senior discount.”

    Me: But [Other Theater] doesn’t have me.”

    Lady #2: “Are you worth the extra $5?”

    Me: *pointing to my moustache* “The moustache alone is worth the extra $5.”

    (Both ladies walked into the show smiling.)

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