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    Service Is Not Up To Scratch

    , | Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    (In this record shop, they put empty CD boxes on the shelves and store the CDs in cardboard wallets behind the till. I took a box to the counter, and told the assistant how happy I was to have found it, a rare CD that I’d wanted for a while. She rang up my purchase, found the cardboard wallet, SHOOK OUT MY NEW CD ONTO THE COUNTER, PRINTED SIDE UP, AND SLID IT OFF THE EDGE TO PICK IT UP. When she gave it to me, I opened the box, looked at the disc, and sure enough, it had several deep, parallel scratches.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but… I don’t want this now that you’ve scratched it.”

    Assistant: *looks at disc* “Oh, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

    Me: “…”

    (Her manager refunded my money, but I never did get a copy of that CD.)

    Blow Them Away

    | Houston, TX, USA | Bosses & Owners, Liars/Scammers

    Caller: “May I speak to Joe Blow?”

    Me: “Joe Blow is a pseudonym that my boss uses to confuse telemarketers.”

    Caller: “Well, I’m calling to talk to Mr. Blow about accounting services.”

    Me: “…and clearly it’s working.”

    She Is Never Ever Getting That CD

    | Miami, FL, USA | Musical Mayhem

    (I’m Asian, but I have blonde hair. I’m also wearing red lipstick.)

    Employee: “The Taylor Swift CDs are over there.”

    Me: “I’m not looking for Taylor Swift CDs. What makes you think so?”

    Employee: “Well… you kind of look like her, for starters.”

    Got A Whole Lotta Love For This Manager

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Employees, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I’m a 14-year-old girl. I’ve just selected three Led Zeppelin CDs, and head to the counter to make my purchase. The cashier is a middle-aged man.)

    Cashier: “Are these for your dad?”

    Me: “Actually, no, they’re for me.”

    Cashier: “Uh, the One Direction CDs are over there.” *points*

    Me: “Yeah, well, I hate One Direction. I much prefer Led Zeppelin.”

    Cashier: “But girls your age are supposed to like One Direction!”

    Me: “Yeah, well, I don’t! I like Led Zeppelin.”

    Cashier: “It’s obvious that you have some sort of mental problem. It’s not normal for girls your age to like classic rock.”

    (The manager has now approached the counter.)

    Manager: *to cashier* “You! To my office now!” *to me* “I’m so sorry about that. He shouldn’t be talking to you that way. Personally, it’s great to see kids your age that appreciate great music.”

    (He gave me 50% off for my troubles.)

    Misogynists Can Make You Fret

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Bigotry, Employees, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m a female musician and own most of my own equipment. While I can’t fix things myself, I do usually know what’s wrong, though most people assume I don’t. In this case, I am 18 and need to get the pickups in my vintage electric guitar rewired. I’ve taken it to a local shop that also does repairs.)

    Clerk: “Can I help you?”

    Me: “Yeah, I called earlier about my ’72 SG. There’s a faulty connection and the pickups need to be rewired to the toggle switch.”

    Clerk: “Are you sure? You probably just had it turned up too loud.”

    Me: “No, I’m sure. Can you fix it?”

    Clerk: “…Probably. I’ll give you a call when I’ve looked at it…”

    (Three days later, they call me back.)

    Clerk: “Hey, I looked at the pickups and there’s nothing wrong. You just need to keep the volume down.”

    Me: “That shouldn’t matter. Are you sure?”

    Clerk: “Yeah. Just come get it.”

    (This isn’t the first time I’ve been dismissed at this shop, so I decided to bring my 6’2″ father.)

    Clerk: “So you’re here for the guitar?”

    Me: “Yeah. Can you explain again what’s wrong?”

    (I’m expecting the same simple explanation about the volume, but instead the clerk launches into complex explanation of the problem.)

    Clerk: “…and so the pickups were originally wired backwards. I’ll need to take them apart and redo it.”

    My Dad: “Then why did you say there was nothing wrong?”

    Clerk: “Well, it’s vintage. The parts are hard to replace.”

    My Dad: “…But can you do it?”

    Clerk: “…Yeah.”

    My Dad: “Then why aren’t you?!”

    (That was six years ago, and the wiring is still faulty!)