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    The Sum Of What’s Wrong With Humanity

    | Brighton, England, UK | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    Me: “How much are these CD cases, please?”

    Shop Assistant: “40 pence each.”

    Me: “I’ll take ten, please.”

    (The shop assistant pulls out calculator. I stand there in disbelief with £4 ready in my hand.)

    Shop Assistant: “That will be £4, please.”

    (I hand over £4, thank him, and turn to go.)

    Shop Assistant: “Hang on, I may have got that wrong…”

    (I turn around in utter disbelief, shake my head once, and leave. My friend is waiting outside.)

    Friend: “What happened? You look weird.”

    (I explain.)

    Friend: “We need a coffee to restore our faith in humanity.”

    Me: “Should we order separately… just in case they need a calculator for two coffees?”

    Service Is Not Up To Scratch

    , | Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    (In this record shop, they put empty CD boxes on the shelves and store the CDs in cardboard wallets behind the till. I took a box to the counter, and told the assistant how happy I was to have found it, a rare CD that I’d wanted for a while. She rang up my purchase, found the cardboard wallet, SHOOK OUT MY NEW CD ONTO THE COUNTER, PRINTED SIDE UP, AND SLID IT OFF THE EDGE TO PICK IT UP. When she gave it to me, I opened the box, looked at the disc, and sure enough, it had several deep, parallel scratches.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but… I don’t want this now that you’ve scratched it.”

    Assistant: *looks at disc* “Oh, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

    Me: “…”

    (Her manager refunded my money, but I never did get a copy of that CD.)

    Blow Them Away

    | Houston, TX, USA | Bosses & Owners, Liars/Scammers

    Caller: “May I speak to Joe Blow?”

    Me: “Joe Blow is a pseudonym that my boss uses to confuse telemarketers.”

    Caller: “Well, I’m calling to talk to Mr. Blow about accounting services.”

    Me: “…and clearly it’s working.”

    She Is Never Ever Getting That CD

    | Miami, FL, USA | Musical Mayhem

    (I’m Asian, but I have blonde hair. I’m also wearing red lipstick.)

    Employee: “The Taylor Swift CDs are over there.”

    Me: “I’m not looking for Taylor Swift CDs. What makes you think so?”

    Employee: “Well… you kind of look like her, for starters.”

    Got A Whole Lotta Love For This Manager

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Employees, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I’m a 14-year-old girl. I’ve just selected three Led Zeppelin CDs, and head to the counter to make my purchase. The cashier is a middle-aged man.)

    Cashier: “Are these for your dad?”

    Me: “Actually, no, they’re for me.”

    Cashier: “Uh, the One Direction CDs are over there.” *points*

    Me: “Yeah, well, I hate One Direction. I much prefer Led Zeppelin.”

    Cashier: “But girls your age are supposed to like One Direction!”

    Me: “Yeah, well, I don’t! I like Led Zeppelin.”

    Cashier: “It’s obvious that you have some sort of mental problem. It’s not normal for girls your age to like classic rock.”

    (The manager has now approached the counter.)

    Manager: *to cashier* “You! To my office now!” *to me* “I’m so sorry about that. He shouldn’t be talking to you that way. Personally, it’s great to see kids your age that appreciate great music.”

    (He gave me 50% off for my troubles.)


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