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    Stuck In A Silly Land(line)

    | UK | Bizarre/Silly, Employees

    (My friend works in his family’s computing business, and sometimes they allow him and his friends to hang out in the office outside of business hours. However, he still has to answer the phone in case there’s a problem. It’s a Saturday, and we’re all chatting when the office phone rings.)

    Employee: “Hello? Yes? What would this be regarding, please?”

    (He listens for a while, as the rest of us sit there confused. He starts smirking.)

    Employee: “Oh. My landline service provider? Yeah, he’s really nice. Tastes like oranges.”

    (Catching on, we’re starting to giggle. He keeps going, sounding as professional and well-spoken as he possibly can.)

    Employee: “Yeah, yeah. We pay him in strawberries. It’s really the best way to do it.”

    (We have no idea what’s happening on the other end, but we’re all quietly cracking up as he comes out with the most ridiculous things he can. I have to go and sit at the other end of the room to calm down, but I can still hear him.)

    Employee: “… and anyway, we don’t have a landline. Yes, I’ll stop wasting your time now. Bye!”

    (I’m still not sure what they were trying to sell, but apparently the telemarketer was laughing as hard as we were!)

    Internal Affairs

    | Paris, France | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I don’t get along with my boss and so I leave an (unpaid) internship. About two months later, I get a call.)

    Ex-Boss: “YOU! You better give me my money back or I’ll go to the police!”

    Me: “Wait, what? What are you talking about?”

    Ex-Boss: “Don’t play innocent! You know what you did!”

    Me: “On my mother’s life, on both my parents’ life, I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about!”

    Ex-Boss: “You used my home phone to call Southeast Asia for hours! It’s going to cost me hundreds in phone bills!”

    Me: “WHAT?! WHY on Earth would I call Southeast Asia? I know no one there!”

    Ex-Boss: “Just to spite me, of course! You didn’t like it here!”

    Me: “Doesn’t mea— Wait, wasn’t your cleaning lady on vacation at that time?”

    Ex-Boss: “Yeah, so?”

    Me: “And wasn’t she replaced by a woman from Southeast Asia, with a phone that could receive calls, but not make them?”

    Ex-Boss: “Well, I know it’s you!”

    (Eventually, it all died down. However, about two years later, she emailed me about a new (unpaid) position she had, saying that she remembered ‘how cordial our relationships were and how well we work together!’)

    Caught With Their Pants Down

    | TX, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (Company policy requires us to lock our computers when we walk away from them. Thanks to our office prankster, if someone leaves a computer unlocked, we have a running joke of sending an email from their computer to the rest of the IT staff along the lines of, ‘I seem to have lost my pants.’ One morning, we receive such a message from the prankster’s computer.)

    Prankster’s Computer: “Has anybody seen my pants? I had them on this morning, but now I can’t find them anywhere. If you find them, please let me know where they are!”

    Coworker #1: “Have you checked in the fridge?”

    Coworker #2: “You should really be more careful with your pants. I think they were in the training room.”

    Me: “I saw some guys walking by wearing pants earlier. Maybe they took them?”

    (Everyone gets a chuckle, and we get on with our work. Half an hour later, the employee in question walks out of his cube wearing only his shirt, socks, and boxers.)

    Prankster: “Seriously, has anyone seen them? Anyone?”

    (It’s a good thing we have such a laid-back boss, and no female coworkers…)

    Tiring Hitting The Books And The Bookstores

    | KY, USA | Employees, Language & Words

    (I’m a student, and to put myself through college I work two jobs: one at a popular local bookstore, and the other for the university opera department as a receptionist, usually answering questions about upcoming productions and taking messages for faculty who are either teaching or giving private lessons. One day I’m at the opera office, after working a closing shift at the bookstore the previous night. The phone rings.)

    Me: “Thanks you for calling [Bookstore]. How can I help you?”

    (Long pause.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [University opera department]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “It’s been a long day for you, hasn’t it?”

    Your Job Here Is Done For

    | CA, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m a receptionist in a county office, and I deal with a lot of calls from providers in our network. There are specific coworkers that are the go-to person of the day. Any problem calls go to them. On this particular day Coworker #1 is the go-to person. I get a call that would normally go to Coworker #2.)

    Me: “[Coworker #1], I got a call regarding this client and since [Coworker #2] isn’t here, you get it.”

    Coworker #1: “What’s the problem?”

    Me: “Treatment and coverage issues.”

    Coworker #1: “I don’t think I want that.”

    Me: “What? But you’re the go-to guy today, and this is actually your specialty. I thought you knew how to do this?”

    Coworker #1: *smiling* “I try to be as uninformed and as useless as possible.”

    Me: *speechless at first* “And you have succeeded beyond my wildest expectations.”

    Coworker #1: *laughing* “Then my job is done here.”

    Me: *ignoring his side stepping out of this* “No, it’s not. I’ll put this in your pending and when [Coworker #2] returns tomorrow, you can wrestle with it in her office.”

    Coworker #1: “You’re no fun.”

    Me: “Then my job here is done.”

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