(I am the corporate travel coordinator. I am trying to get a hotel prepaid for one of our employees. I have faxed a form over to the hotel about eight times, and have been on the phone with the same person for over 20 minutes.)

Front Desk Agent: “The ink on the authorization form is not coming through; could you re-fax it again?”

Me: “What do you mean the ink is not coming through?”

Front Desk Agent: “It prints half the page, then the ink is gone.”

Me: “I don’t understand how the ink is disappearing.”

Front Desk Agent: “Have you checked the ink levels on your fax machine? Maybe you are out of ink.”

Me: “Do you know how a fax machine works? Nothing is printed on our end!”

(I explain how a fax machine works. I can hear him talking to the other agent, explaining to him how it works.)

Front Desk Agent: “Okay, we’ll change the ink cartridges on our fax machine, then can you send it over again?”

Me: “Yes, I will.”

(I hang up.)

Coworker: “Did you just have to explain how a fax machine works?”

Me: “Yes I did, and in the process lost all faith in humanity.”

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 10
Taxing Faxing, Part 9
Taxing Faxing, Part 8
Taxing Faxing, Part 7
Taxing Faxing, Part 6
Taxing Faxing, Part 5
Taxing Faxing, Part 4
Taxing Faxing, Part 3
Taxing Faxing, Part 2
Taxing Faxing

Manager: “[My name], you haven’t highlighted these figures AGAIN!”

Me: “What? Really? Huh, I thought I did.”

Manager: “Well, you didn’t! I can’t stress about how important it is for me to know which figures are which, and you haven’t done them AGAIN!” *sighs theatrically*

Me: “Let me have a look…” *looks at report with highlighted figures* “Wait a minute, manager. These ARE highlighted!”

Manager: “Let me see.” *snatches report* “No, they aren’t!”

Me: “Yes they are. Put on your glasses!”

Manager: “No they aren’t! Wait…” *peers hard* “Oh wait, they are. I was lying, haha!”

Me: “Yeah, next time be sure!”

Manager: “Well, next time use a better highlighter color!” *stomps away*

(My dad is an IT guy for a large office. One evening, my mother comes in to pick him up.)

Dad: “Sorry, I can’t leave right now.”

Mom: “Oh?”

Dad: “The entire network in the building is down. There is a server in the basement which requires a keyboard, and it has mysteriously vanished.”

Mom: “Alright, I’ll find somewhere to sit down.”

(My mother finds one of my father’s coworkers. He says that since the network is down, he can’t get much work done, so she might as well sit down and have a chat. So she does. Then she notices a keyboard hanging in the open window.)

Mom: “Why do you have a keyboard there?”

Dad’s Coworker: “Oh, I spilled coffee on it. I just put it there to dry.”

Mom: “Then, where did that keyboard come from?”

(My mom points to the keyboard dad’s coworker is currently using.)

Dad’s Coworker: “Oh, I found it in the basement, by the server. Nobody was using it, so I figured I might as well grab it.”

Mom: “…”

(I’m running late due to the local bus breaking down in the middle of the highway. I call ahead to let the company know I’ll be late, but apparently the message never makes it to the manager. I arrive to find him upset.)

Manager: “I sincerely hope you have a good reason for taking your sweet time to get here. I was on the verge of calling you up and firing you!”

(I apologize and explain what happened.)

Manager: “Well, you should have anticipated that and left home earlier. Because you weren’t here at the right time, we don’t have anyone to train you, so you’re going to have to come back tomorrow and accept we’re docking your pay for today.”

Me: “Um… look again. I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure you can’t do that.”

Manager: “Excuse me? How do you imagine that?”

Me: “Because you haven’t hired me yet. I’m here for my initial interview so you can find out if I’m a good fit for your company.”

(The manager looks at me, then at my resume, and then at the receptionist.)

Manager: “Well, still, can you come back tomorrow? Everyone else is out on assignment now and I don’t feel like dealing with any more new recruits.”

(He tosses my resume back at the receptionist and walks away. I decided to seek employment elsewhere.)

(I am working as a security guard at a children’s facility. There is a lady waiting for an appointment in the lobby, but she goes out for a cigarette. While she’s outside, I get a call from the receptionist who is sitting behind an inch of bullet proof glass.)

Receptionist: “Hey, are you going to pick that up?”

Me: “Pick what up?”

Receptionist: “That stuff on the couch!”

(I checked out the couch; there are two bottles of nail polish and some cotton balls.)

Me: “It’s just some nail polish and cotton balls; nothing to worry about.”

Receptionist: “You should pick it up.”

(I grab the items and hold it for the lady who returns not a minute later. The next day I get a call from my manager…)

Manager: “Hey, you need to pay attention and notice dangerous weapons at your site.”

Me: “What weapons would those be?”

Manager: “The nail polish… you didn’t notice it. It is a solvent and it can be thrown into someone’s eyes!”

(Note: this lobby has several chairs, books, magazine racks, a fountain with rocks and glass vials, all not tied down.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but is this a joke?”

Manager: “Not at all. I have to write you up for incompetence.”

Me: *speechless*