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  • Putting The Brakes On This Scam
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  • This Call Will Make A Man Out Of You

    | UK | Coworkers, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem

    (I am listening to Disney music with the same headphones the company uses to talk to clients.)

    Me: *singing softly* “You are a spineless, pale, pathetic lot, and you haven’t got a clueee…”

    Colleague: *shocked* “Please tell me you are not on the phone right now”

    Questionnaire Despair

    , | England, UK | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Job Seekers, Technology

    (I’m applying for a position online. The first part is an automated multi-choice questionnaire. The questions are overly specific, failing me every time. I ring to see if there is some room to maneuver.)

    Me: “Hi. I’m trying to apply for a position on your site, but it won’t let me continue.”

    Recruitment Agent: “How so?”

    Me: “Basically, because I have worked in similar roles, not exactly what is on the question. So ,I keep failing.”

    (I quickly explain my experience, which is already doing the job advertised.)

    Recruitment Agent: “Wow, okay. It sounds like you would be perfect for the role. Let me pass your details on to my colleague.”

    (A couple of days pass when I get this email:)

    Email: “Thank you for your information. You do seem very well equipped for this role. Please apply using the online application form.”

    Me: “Hi. I can’t use the form because my experience isn’t exactly in the field you are looking for.”

    Email: “Please use the form, as it gives everyone the same chance.”

    Me: “Sorry if i wasn’t clear. I spoke to your colleague about this. This is why she passed on my information. I already perform this role in a slightly different industry. I fill all the boxes but do not pass the test,. Can my information be looked at, please?”

    Email: “Yes, I understand. I would strongly urge you to apply for this position. Please use the online form.”

    (So, forever going round in circles, I never even got an interview for the job I already perform in a far more demanding industry.)

    Blazing A Trail For Alternative Lunch

    | CA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink

    (It’s getting close to lunch time in the office that I’m working at and our manager is trying to decide where he should go to eat. I have become known for always having a bag of trail mix that I snack on while I’m working.)

    Manager: *after hearing a suggestion from a coworker* “Hmm, maybe. I’m not sure what I’d want from there though.”

    Me: “Well, maybe you could—”

    Manager: “Not you. Never you. All you do is walk outside and hold your arms out so the little critters can bring you nuts and berries!”

    Delta Uniform Mike Bravo

    | Kent, England, UK | Coworkers, Language & Words

    (Two of my coworkers have decided to learn the phonetic alphabet and are looking at a website with a list on it.)

    Coworker #1: “Why is Z ‘zulu’? It doesn’t make sense!”

    Coworker #2: “Yeah, it would be better if it was zebra.”

    Coworker #1: “Or xylophone!”

    Me: “… Xylophone starts with an ‘X.’”

    Coworker #1: “Oh, yeah…”

    The New White-Bread America

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I like to bake and I often make home-made bread. I like to make a loaf or two on the weekends and then I have bread for toast all week. I’ve done it for years. But at one office where I worked, I’d come in early and eat my toast in the employee lunch room and one coworker would force me into this conversation almost daily.)

    Coworker: “Where did you get that bread?”

    Me: “I made it.”

    Coworker: “Oh, do you have a bread machine?”

    Me: “Nope, made it without one.”

    Coworker: “That’s not possible. You HAVE TO have a bread machine to make bread.”

    Me: “How do you think your grandmother made bread before they invented bread machines?”

    Coworker: *deer in headlights look*

    (This went on over and over because she simply refused to believe it was possible for someone to make bread without using a bread machine.)

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