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    Trying To Get You Into A Sticky Situation

    | England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Technology

    (I have a few of those free Apple stickers left over and stick one on my work laptop. It is very clear that it’s not an Apple product. You can even see the original manufacturing sticker through the apple.)

    Coworker: *joking* “Hey, nice laptop.”

    Me: “Thanks, top of the line in budget essentials.”

    (We are both still laughing about it when Coworker #2 comes over.)

    Coworker #2: “How come you get a new laptop?”

    Me: “Huh, what?”

    Coworker #2: *irate* “I have been asking for months and you just get one?!”

    Coworker: *winding him up* “Well, he is the boss’ favourite.”

    Coworker #2: “I can’t believe this! I’m speaking with [Boss]!” *storms off*

    (We both crack up and forget about it, until later in the day.)

    Boss: “[My Name], what’s this about a new…” *spots my old laptop sticker still in place* “Oh. Err. ”

    (Coworker #2 is straining to see what is going on.)

    Boss: “Keep up the good work, and maybe we can sort out some more new equipment for you.”

    Me: “Like an Apple coffee cup?”

    Boss: *winking* “Maybe even an Apple stapler.”

    (Coworker #2 sulked for the rest of the week, until one morning ‘someone’ ripped off the sticker.  By that point I had loads more so everything on my desk is covered with them, much to Coworker #2’s annoyance!)

    Time Off For Being A Leader

    | England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m a team leader of four guys, all working different shifts. Late one afternoon I get a phone call.)

    Worker: “Hi, [My Name]. Sorry, I know I am suppose to be in tonight, but we have just been broken in to.”

    Me: “Wow, I’m sorry to hear that. Do you think you will be able to cover any of your shift?”

    Worker: “I don’t think so, but I will try.”

    (I am in a bad position; with such short notice and no-one to cover we risk tens if not hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of stock.)

    Me: *on phone* “Hi boss, just a quick update, [Worker] won’t be in as he having personal issues at home.”

    Boss: “Unacceptable! Tell him he has to work or be fired!”

    Me: “You can’t do that.. He is entitled to time off.”

    Boss: “No, he isn’t! Call around and get someone in!” *hangs up*

    (I ring around and can’t get cover. Thankfully, despite the issues at home, the worker comes in for some of his shift. The next day…)

    Boss: “I found out that you didn’t get cover last night, I am incredibly disappointed. I think you are not cut out for this job.”

    Me: “I figured you would say this, so here.”

    Boss: “What is this?”

    Me: “It is the legal pages for time off. As you can see I acted totally appropriately in this instance.”

    Boss: “I, err…”

    Me: “And by the way, you don’t pay me to be a team leader, so, yes, if you want to take it off me, please do.”

    Boss: “I, I, err. Okay, well, okay then. Get back to your desk.”

    (This wasn’t the first or last time it happened. He would constantly be ignorant of the law to try to get his way. I eventually told him one too many times to take my position off me, and he did. Then asked me to do it again two weeks later!)

    Can’t Think Outside The Smoking Box

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working for a lab company in IT. The nurses and phlebotomists we work with tend to be technology phobic. This day, I get a call and the caller is surprisingly low key considering the commotion I hear in the background.)

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Caller: *someone yelling in the background* “Hi, I’m at the blood draw station on [Street Name].”

    Me: “Okay, what can I do for you?”

    Caller: “Yeah. Well. You see, there’s smoke coming out of the box.”

    Me: “What box?”

    Caller: “The box under the computer.”

    Me: “Do you mean the computer?”

    Caller: “Nah, the computer looks funny, but the box under it is smoking.”

    (From long practice, I pretty much know the “computer” is the monitor, and the “box” is the actual computer.)

    Me: *getting a little frantic* “Can you unplug it right away?”

    Caller: “Oh, yeah, sure. I can do that. Hold on.”

    (Several minutes later…)

    Caller: “Hey, that stopped the smoke. Thanks!” *click*

    (I sent a service tech out immediately. The case was even charred!)

    Engineered A Solution

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Coworkers

    (We have a worker who is constantly causing an issue wherever he works: making idiotic demands, threatening to take the company to court, going to HR over matters that were clearly stated in his contract, generally being poison that people were afraid to speak to him. He gets passed around each of the departments as he made working with him very difficult, but never crossing the line to getting fired.)

    Me: “Look, [Worker], it’s simple. Just because you helped out an engineer a few times doesn’t mean that you can expect to be paid the same.”

    Worker: “I looked up the rates online. They make [a value at least twice the reality]. Why shouldn’t I get the same?”

    Me: “Because you’re not an engineer! You only helped!”

    Worker: “I demand three weeks pay, at engineer rate.”

    Me: “No. We all have to help out time to time; it’s stated in your contract.”

    Worker: “If i don’t get it, I quit, then.”

    HR: *quickly* “Okay, then, I’m sorry to hear that. I will raise the paperwork and put you on garden leave before the end of the week.”

    Worker: “What?”

    HR: “You said you quit. That’s what I heard. Did you hear that, [My Name]?”

    Me: “Well, yes, I–”

    Worker: “No, no, I have to put it in writing.”

    HR: *calmly* “No, you don’t. Not in this country. Your resignation is accepted. Now, if you don’t mind, I do have another meeting to get to that it I’m already late for,. You can make another appointment if you need to later in the week.”

    (Dumbfounded, the worker walked out and we never saw him again.)

    A Yippee-Kay-Aye Work Day

    | Washington, DC, USA | Employees, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (I press the button for the elevator and wait to go down to lunch. A couple seconds later the doors of the far elevator start to open, but awkwardly. I look and notice there are two workmen on top of the elevator car, which is about halfway down the opening, as they try to fix something. One workman is mostly hidden from view, but the second sees me looking at them.)

    Workman #1: “Don’t mind us. We’re just filming Die Hard 10.”

    Workman #2: *to Workman #1* “You’re an idiot.”

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