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    Only Gets Mean For Caffeine

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal

    (Our office is used by the night shift to print documents. Unfortunately, some have taken to eating their lunch in there and generally mistreating the space.)

    Me: “I’m not happy about the office on nights.”

    Boss: “What, why?”

    Me: “Not only are they leaving half eaten food around but things are going missing.”

    (Already I can tell that he isn’t listening, His office has a locked door joining ours.)

    Boss: “Hmm, what’s been going missing?”

    Me: “Sometimes just pens and safety glasses, but often it’s food and money.”

    Boss: “Well, you shouldn’t leave money on the table.”

    Me: “Yes, but people do occasionally forget. I don’t think it’s fair to have to be on high alert in your own office.”

    Boss: “Well, there is nothing we can do about that.”

    (I just about give up. There are several simple things that could have been done, but he couldn’t be bothered. A few weeks later this changes.)

    Boss: “Why is there no coffee?” *to me* “I thought you managed this?”

    Me: “I do, but someone came in last night and took it all.”

    Boss: *almost pleading* “So there is no coffee at all?”

    Me: “Not until I can get out at lunch and buy some.”

    (Two weeks later we had a card reader on the office door. All thefts stopped shortly after. I overheard my boss tell someone how important it was for his team to feel safe. The whole team knew that he was only concerned about getting his morning cup of coffee.)

    The Long And Short Of It

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Time

    (I work for a large computer company. I have a manager who puts a summary of everyone’s activities for the previous day up on the wall. If you log in late, leave early, or take too long a lunch, she will highlight your name and the offending numbers. I always prided myself on never having my name highlighted. Then one day I walk by and notice my name is highlighted.)

    Me: *to manager* “Why is my name highlighted?”

    Manager: “Because of this.”

    (My manager showed me that the previous day I had taken a lunch of 1 hour, 0 minutes, and 1 second. To this day, I still hold the record for the shortest long lunch in the company’s history.)

    What Ales You?

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink

    (I’m an administrative assistant in an accounting firm, operated by two co-partners. I’m a self-admitted beer snob, and one of the partners is too, so we often joke together about drinking. The following takes place at about 4:45 pm.)

    Partner: *standing in the middle of the office and shouting* “Ugh, is it beer o’clock yet?!”

    Me: *looks at clock* “Sorry, boss. Fifteen sober-minutes left until beer o’clock.”

    Partner: “Oh, God, I’m dying!”

    (He goes back into his office, and fifteen minutes later, at 5:00 pm on the dot, he emerges carrying a six-pack in each hand.)

    Partner: “HAPPY END OF SOBRIETY, EVERYONE!”

    Failed The Name Game

    | NC, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (This is the reason I prefer to fill out my own info instead of the having receptionist write down what I say. Happens pretty frequently, both over the phone and in person.)

    Receptionist: “Okay, and what name should I put down?”

    Me: “Sarah James.”

    Receptionist: *condescending* “Okay Miss Sarah-Jane, I’m gonna need your last name, too, sweetie.”

    (The worst was when I requested my medical records and they arrived in the mail addressed to James Darrah!)

    Laughing When It All Goes To Hell

    | UK | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners

    (I’m a trainee. I share an office with my boss but can be given work by any associate. I’m in the toilets when I run into a friendly associate from my department. We spot a bug in the sink and decide to save it by releasing it outside. As we’re heading out, we have this conversation.)

    Associate: “You sure you have time for this actually? I mean, won’t [Boss] wonder where you are?”

    Me: “Nope, he went for a call I think. But if I get back and he’s there and wonders where I went, I’ll tell him I was being briefed on something… nah, actually, I’ll just tell him I was saving a bug.”

    Associate: “You’d actually say that?”

    Me: “Yeah. [Boss] is used to me coming out with weird statements – like whenever someone asks me to go out the office to deliver something, I just tell him I’m off on a field trip and then wander out.”

    Associate: *laughing* “See, this is why you’re my favourite trainee to give work to. You make everything sound funny.”

    Me: “…as opposed to my actual ability to do my job?”

    Associate: *realising what she’s said* “No, wait, I mean—”

    Me: “No, no, it’s fine. Every time you want the job done well, you can get another trainee. When it’s all going to Hell, you can call me in and at least we’ll be laughing when it happens.”


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