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  • Don’t Lose Your Head(phones) Over It
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    Won’t Land Him A Job

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Ignoring/Inattentive, Job Seekers

    (I answer the phones for an oilfield service company in an area that has seen a boom in a particular area. There have been many news stories about how many workers are needed, for companies, for this particularly fruitful land formation.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Oilfield Company]. How can I help you?”

    Guy: “Are you hiring?”

    Me: “Well, this location is not hiring but other locations may be. You need to go online to [Website] and click on careers.”

    Guy: “Is this how you get a job at [land formation]?”

    Me: “Well, our company does have people at that location, but this branch does not. You really will need to go online to [Website] to see which branches are hiring.”

    Guy: “What is [land formation] hiring for?”

    Me: “[Land formation] is not a company, sir. It’s a physical location where companies put their rigs. You have reached [Oilfield Company Branch] and so I really can’t speak for the other [Oilfield Company]’s branches or the other companies doing work out there.”

    Guy: “The paper told me that [land formation] has a lot of jobs and I need to know where to apply.”

    Me: “Well, our company does have a presence at the [land formation] so you can go to our website.”

    Guy: “But you’re not [land formation], right?”

    Me: “Right. We’re an oilfield company, not a land mass.”

    Guy: “But the paper said that [land formation] was hiring. Can you tell me where to call?”

    Me: “There is no particular place to call. Many companies have wells at that location.”

    Guy: *getting frustrated* “I can’t understand why you won’t give me the number for [land formation]. I need a job. I’ve been out of work a while and I don’t understand why everyone is so unhelpful.”

    Me: “[Land formation] doesn’t have a number, sir. It’s a physical place, like a mountain or a lake, not a corporation. You cannot get a job with [land formation]. It doesn’t have management. You need to apply to companies in order to work there.”

    Guy: “Well, I’m going to get a job with [land formation]. If you’re not going to help me I will find someone who will!” *hangs up*

    Don’t Lose Your Head(phones) Over It

    | Croatia | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a programmer, but I work on the floor with finance people. Since there’s a lot of noise in the office I work with my headphones on to drown out the noise since I don’t do anything connected with them. We’re currently in a staff meeting.)

    Boss: “So, that takes care of it. Does anyone have any suggestions or complaints?”

    New Coworker: “YES! I wish [My Name] to stop wearing headphones!”

    Boss: “Why? He asked to use them so he can concentrate better on what he does.”

    New Coworker: “It’s anti-social and I can’t communicate with him if I need him for something! It’s ruining the workflow!”

    Me: “Well, if you have anything to ask you could, you know, walk up to me and tap me on the shoulder? And even then, it can’t be work related since we don’t work on anything together.”

    New Coworker: “Well, I can hear his music and it’s bothering me!”

    Coworker #1: “No, you can’t. I’m sitting next to him and I can’t hear anything.”

    Boss: “Unless it’s bothering the whole office, I don’t intend to force the only programmer in the company to listen to all of you yelling to each other. If that’s it, we’re done.”

    (Next day when I came to work I realise I forgot my thumb drive on which I keep my music. I still keep my headphones on, since they provide some noise isolation, but I’m not listening to music. Boss is passing by New Coworker’s desk when the latter practically jumps at him.)

    New Coworker: “LISTEN! Can’t you hear that music of his! I can’t even concentrate on job I’m doing!”

    Me: “You might want to visit a shrink, Miss [New Coworker].”

    New Coworker: “NOW HE’S EVEN INSULTING ME!”

    Me: “I’m not.” *I unplug the headphones from speakers on my table* “I’m not listening to music, because I forgot the drive with my music at home. If you think you’re hearing music, I would really recommend you to visit a professional.”

    Boss: “[New Coworker], stop being disruptive and leave [My Name] alone. He’s not bothering you.”

    New Coworker: “IF HE DOESN’T HAVE HIS DRIVE HE IS JUST LISTENING TO MUSIC ONLINE!”

    Boss: “[New Coworker] -”

    New Coworker: “YES! HE’S EVEN WASTING COMPANY INTERNET AND KEEPING ME FROM WORKING! YOU MUST STOP HIM!”

    Coworker #1: “He’s not listening to music online, you idiot!”

    New Coworker: “OH, REALLY?!”

    Boss: “Yes, really, because the Internet has been down for two hours. Which also means he can’t be disrupting you since all of your work is done online. Now, why don’t you step into my office for a nice conversation about the way we should act in a workplace, okay?”

    (New Coworker never bothered me about listening to music after that.)

    Yakking On About It

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

    (I see a note on the break room fridge:)

    Note #1: “I took a [Brand] strawberry yogurt out of the fridge and realized it wasn’t mine after I opened it. I will be happy to pay you back.”

    (The next day, this note has been put up just below the first one:)

    Note #2: “Dang it! That was high-end [Brand] yogurt made from the RARE Himalayan Mountain Yak, a majestic creature that produces milk only ONCE during its lifetime and must be cared for by specially-trained monks who have reached ENLIGHTENMENT. Needless to say, it won’t be a cheap replacement…”

    I’m Going To File This Under ‘Useless’

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests

    (I work for a small law firm helping people who are in financial trouble. My boss is not the greatest communicator in the world.)

    Boss: “What about that one lady who married the guy and has the kid?”

    Me: “You mean [Client]?”

    Boss: “No, the other one.”

    Me: “….you have given me nothing to go on.”

    Boss: “She lives in that place with the trees.”

    Me: “…”

    Boss: “Just go find the file.”

    Pranks For The Heart Attack

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (A girl from another department comes to my desk and hands me a slip of paper with an odd-looking phone number on it.)

    Coworker: “I don’t know how this man got put through to me, but he wanted to speak to you.”

    (After she leaves I dial the number, only to be pranked by one of those recorded abusive joke lines where the ‘person’ on the other end hurls insults and ‘won’t listen’ to anything you say. I figured out what it was soon enough, hung up and had a giggle. My coworker came around to my desk later that day:)

    Coworker: “Did you phone that man back? He said it was urgent!”

    Me: “No, it’s okay. I think I recognized the number and I think he actually wanted to talk to my boss, so I gave him the number to call instead.”

    (She turned pale, and then red, and I couldn’t stop laughing so I ended up confessing to her. Pranking the prankster!)


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