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    One Day Her Prints Will Come

    | MI, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A coworker of mine was recently promoted to replace her supervisor, who had left the company quickly and unexpectedly. Although the coworker is diligent and devoted, she lacks the background and training to be effective in her new role. In particular, she has no skill whatsoever with technology. I’m male and under the age of 50, so I’m her go-to person for tech questions.)

    Coworker: “[My Name], can you show me how to change the toner in the printer?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I show her how to change the toner cartridge, which is pretty easy given that there are instructions on the box and the printer, and the whole process has only four steps. Three days later:)

    Coworker: “[My Name], can you change the cartridge? It’s out again.”

    Me: “Okay… let me show you how.”

    (I show her again how to change the cartridge, explaining each step. A week after that:)

    Coworker: “[My Name], I’m gonna need help with that printer again.”

    (I sigh deeply, resigning myself to changing her printer cartridge every few days. A few more days pass:)

    Coworker: “[My Name]?”

    Me: “The printer?”

    Coworker: “Oh, no, I finally got that figured out.”

    Me: “Okay, great; what can I help with?”

    Coworker: “My stapler is jammed.”

    Me: *facepalm in despair*

    Totally Wigging Out

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Family & Kids, Holidays

    (It’s Halloween and I’m dressed up as Moss from ‘The IT Crowd,’ complete with the goofy afro parted to the side. One of my coworkers brings her daughter in.)

    Coworker’s Daughter: “I want your hair.”

    Me: “Oh, you do, huh?” *I yank off my wig and hand it to her* “Here you go.”

    Coworker’s Daughter: “YAAAAYY!” *grabs the wig and runs off with it*

    Me: “I’m gonna want that back in a bit…”

    Scrooge-Fest

    | MI, USA | Coworkers, Holidays

    (I’m a Scrooge about holidays, especially minor ones, but one coworker hasn’t got the hint.)

    Coworker: “So what are you doing for St. Patrick’s day?

    Me: “Nothing.”

    Coworker: “What? But you have to do something special! It’s such a fun holiday!”

    Me: “I’m neither Irish, Catholic, not an alcoholic, so I don’t think I have any reason to celebrate it.”

    Coworker: “You’re going to be just as much fun for Cinco de Mayo, aren’t you?”

    Me: “And Octoberfest.”

    Ended Up Being A Bad Experience

    | Ft. Worth, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Job Seekers

    (After a month of searching I finally snag an interview. It is a 40 minute drive to their offices, but hey, it is a potential job. I wait another 30 minutes before the interview, which lasts 10. It seemed to have gone well…)

    Me: “Thank you again for the interview. I really appreciate it. When should I expect a follow-up call?”

    Interviewer: “There won’t be one.”

    Me: “Oh. Did… I say something wrong? I thought we had a good rapport. I mean, even if we didn’t, I figured there would be a follow-up call to let me know that I wouldn’t fit the job position.”

    Interviewer: “No. No. You did just fine. But we filled the job two days ago.”

    Me: “Oh… then why did you interview me? Is there another position available?”

    Interviewer: “No, there isn’t. We felt that since you put in the time to apply that we should interview you.”

    Me: “Even when there isn’t a job available?”

    Interviewer: “It’s good experience to have interviews!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but just so I’m clear about all of this: I spent 40 minutes driving here, 30 minutes waiting in the lobby, roughly 10 minutes for the interview, and I anticipate another 40 minutes for a drive back home. Altogether I’ve had two hours of my time, that I could have spent applying for more jobs, and 80 miles worth of gas, wasted for a position that isn’t available?”

    Interviewer: “But interviewing is a good experience and will help you with future job hunts.”

    Me: “Yeah. Could you at least honor one request of mine and destroy my resume? I don’t want it in your files.”

    (As I leave the room, there are three more people sitting in the lobby, obviously dressed up for interviews.)

    Me: “Are you all here to interview for [Job] position?”

    (They all nod or mumble yes.)

    Me: “Don’t bother. They filled it two days ago and didn’t notify us.”

    (When the interviewer acknowledged this, everyone seated got up to leave, one gentleman ranting about the hour long drive it took for him to get there. All the while the interviewer was shouting behind us ‘It’s a good experience!’)

    More Trick Than Treat

    | USA | Coworkers, Holidays, Rude & Risque

    (Our front office has been decorated for Halloween, and I notice a plastic pumpkin that looks as though the lid is supposed to come off, but doesn’t. I turn it over to discover an ‘on’ switch. Without thinking much of it, I turn it on.)

    Coworker #1: “Uh, [My Name], that thing’s kind of… creepy. I mean, you can turn it on if you want, but…”

    (As if on cue, the pumpkin starts playing this weird snake charmer music as the top comes off. Out of it comes what was meant to be a ghost over a narrow frame that wiggles around a bit, then goes back down. Said ghost bears a horrifically unfortunate resemblance to something that is… well… decidedly not kid-friendly. This is right when the office manager and Coworker #2 walk in.)

    Coworker #2: “Oh, lord.”

    Manager: “Ah. You’ve found the dirty pumpkin.”

    (We all stared, wide-eyed, and I hurriedly switched it off. For the sake of everyone’s sanity, I renamed it ‘The Ugly Sock Ghost’ to try and make it a little less disturbing.)


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