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  • Will Never Claim Ignorance
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  • Driving Home Good Music

    | Bridgetown, ME, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Musical Mayhem

    (I’ve been pulled over, which I’m no stranger to, as I have a lead foot. However, this time I’m not speeding.)

    Officer: “Do you know why I pulled you over tonight, miss?”

    Me: “No. I’m sorry; I don’t.”

    Officer: “Well, your music was very loud when you drove past me. It’s loud enough that it shook my windows.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry. I’ll keep it down low. I didn’t realize how loud it was.”

    Officer: “I’m going to have to give you a written warning— Hey, I like this song. What is it?”

    Me: “It’s [Song] by [Artist].”

    Officer: “You know what? You have good taste in music. Forget the written warning. Have a great night, miss.”

    Policeless State Versus Stateless Police

    | NC, USA | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Top, Tourists & Travel

    (I am borrowing my mother’s boyfriend’s SUV. He is from New York and still has a New York license plate on the rear of the SUV. He has removed the front one, which is required by New York state law to be on there. I am driving in North Carolina, which does not have front license plate laws. I have just been pulled over.)

    Officer: “Can I see your license and registration, please?”

    (I hand them over.)

    Officer: “Okay. Who is the owner of this vehicle?”

    Me: “My mother’s boyfriend, [Name].”

    Officer: “Do you know why I stopped you?”

    Me: “I haven’t the slightest.”

    Officer: “When I passed you, I noticed that this vehicle is from New York. You do not have a front license plate.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay?”

    Officer: “You do know that is required by New York state, correct?”

    Me: “Yeah, I know. But we are in North Carolina.”

    (The officer looks dumbfounded. There is an awkward moment of silence.)

    Officer: “I’m going to run these. I’ll be right back.”

    (The officer leaves and returns a few minutes later. He hands me a piece of paper.)

    Officer: “I’m giving you a ticket for not having a front license plate on this vehicle. I have circled your fine for you at the top.”

    (I read over the ticket. It clearly says that I have willfully and unlawfully driven a New York registered vehicle without a front license plate.)

    Me: “Sir, I don’t think you understand. You do not have the authority to enforce New York state law.”

    Officer: “But I am from New York, and I know that it is illegal.”

    Me: “But you are a North Carolina police officer, correct?”

    Officer: “Yeah. What of it? Your ticket clearly states what you are accused of.”

    Me: “I don’t think yo—”

    Officer: “Sir, if you want to dispute the ticket, you can take it to the [County] courthouse.”

    Me: “So you ACTUALLY think you can cite me for this?”

    Officer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Call your sergeant down for me.”

    Officer: “He’s not going to drop this.”

    Me: “CALL. HIM.”

    (A few minutes later, another squad car pulls up. As the sergeant gets out, the officer bombards him with the situation. He finally hands the sergeant the ticket he wrote me.)

    Sergeant: *pointing to me* “So you wrote this for him?”

    Officer: “Correct, sir.”

    (The sergeant walks up to me. He says hi, and looks over the SUV.)

    Sergeant: “I’m guessing I’m here because the greenhorn over there somehow made it through the academy.”

    Me: “So, you see the problem with this, too?”

    Sergeant: “I’ve heard of the problems this particular officer has been making. We’ve had a few complaints, too.”

    Me: “Not surprising. But uh, can I leave? Or…”

    Sergeant: “How about we have fun with this? Take your ticket over to Officer [Name], and tear it up in his face. Try to do it right in front of the squad car.”

    Me: “I like you. A lot.”

    (I did it too, and right in his face! The officer exploded when I did it, screaming and cussing at me like I was a loose convict. The sergeant let me leave. As I was getting back in the SUV I heard the sergeant yelling at the officer about how he can’t enforce other states’ laws. Judging by the officer’s look, he still didn’t understand.)

    Letting Them Off With A Light Warning

    | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Transportation

    (It’s nighttime, and my boyfriend and I are in the car, with my boyfriend driving. My boyfriend notices a dark van driving around without any headlights on. He flashes his lights at them to signal that their lights are off, but the driver of the van continues to ignore him. My boyfriend flashes his lights a second time. Instead of turning on its headlights, the van pulls over and lets him pass, but then puts on its lights and sirens as it turns out to be an unmarked cop car, and pulls us over.)

    Officer: “What’s going on? What are you doing?”

    Boyfriend: “Your headlights weren’t on and I was trying to signal to you to turn them on. I just thought a dark van driving at night without its lights on was dangerous.”

    (The officer realizes his mistake.)

    Officer: “Oh. Uh, I see…”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to cause any alarm. I just wanted to signal your lights were off.”

    Officer: “Oh, okay, okay. Um, huh, I see. Well, I’ll let you go then.”

    Boyfriend: “Okay. Goodnight.”

    Should Have Stopped Himself

    | Helena, MT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Transportation

    (I’m out driving, and I see there’s been an accident up ahead. There is a police officer on the scene. I slow down, and drive past, careful not to crowd anyone, when the officer waves me over.)

    Me: *pulling over and rolling down my window* “Yes, officer?”

    Officer: “Afternoon, miss. You are aware that you are required to stop at stop signs, correct?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Officer: “So, do you want to tell me why you didn’t come to a complete stop when you were going through that intersection?”

    Me: “I didn’t see a stop sign, sir.”

    Officer: “Well, I think you’ll find, if you look right over there—”

    (The officer points back in the direction of the intersection. He stops short when he sees that the entire intersection is uncontrolled, with not a single stop sign in sight.)

    Officer: “—there are no stop signs. Good eye. But remember for future reference!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. For future reference, I will continue to stop at all stop signs! Thank you, officer.”

    Officer: *somewhat embarrassed* “You’re welcome. You can be on your way, now.”

    The Speediest Way To Get Fired

    | CO, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Money, Top

    (I’ve just received one of those automated speeding tickets that gets mailed to you at home. I’m about to pay online, when I notice a discrepancy. I call the number provided to ask about it.)

    Me: “Hi, I received an automated speeding ticket, and was wondering if I had to pay it since—”

    Helpdesk: “UGH! Yes you have to pay your tickets. That’s what you get for breaking the law.”

    Me: “Yes, I understand how the law works, but this tickets says—”

    Helpdesk: “LISTEN YOU LITTLE S***! YOU WERE SPEEDING SO PAY YOUR D*** TICKET!”

    Me: “How about you transfer me to your manager now?”

    Helpdesk: “FINE, BUT HE’S JUST GONNA TELL YOU THE SAME THING!”

    (After a bit, during which I can hear the helpdesk worker complaining about me to the manager, he comes on.)

    Manager: “Hello, I hear you are trying to rebuke a speeding ticket?”

    Me: “I was, but apparently I’m ‘a little s*** that needs to just pay it.’”

    Manager: *taken back* “Why on earth would you call yourself that?”

    Me: “I don’t. The lady on the phone told me that before listening to what my reason was.”

    Manager: “…you are not the first she’s said that to, and I promise that I will do what I can to help. What is the reason you are rebuking the ticket?”

    Me: “Because I don’t think my car can reach 240 miles per hour.”

    Manager: “Your car WHAT?!”

    (After verifying the ticket and pulling it up to view…)

    Manager: “No, there is no reason for you to pay this at all. Would you be willing to come in to sign a form? I can fax it to you if you can’t.”

    Me: “Oh no that’s fine; it’s easier for me to come in than to fax it.”

    (I go in and see a lady at the front desk.)

    Me: “Hi, I’m here about a speeding ticket.”

    Lady: “Oh, so you finally realized you’re being stupid and are going to pay?”

    Manager: *out of nowhere* “NO! You’re going to personally void this man’s ticket, and then you’re going to pack up and get the f*** out of here for being rude to people!”


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