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    No Sign That They Read The Sign

    | TX, USA | Employees, Food & Drink

    (There is a blanket-term for my local eateries’ signature dishes, named after the founder’s daughter. More than once, if we order exactly as it’s phrased on the menu, we’re given blank looks and told the item doesn’t exist.)

    Me: “I’d like a [Signature Dessert] Shake.”

    Employee: “We don’t have a [Signature Dessert] shake. We have [Signature Dessert], but no shake of it.”

    (The employee was standing under the sign that said “[Signature Dessert] shake,” and if you looked over at the end of the counter, there was a five-foot-tall advertising banner that used the exact same phrasing. This sadly happened with other menu items with regularity at this location.)

    His Hearing Is Week

    , | OR, USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words

    (I am a supervisor at a popular coffee chain. I had just started counting some product when I realized I had left my clipboard on the counter.)

    Me: *to manager nearby* “Hey could you grab me that thing?” *makes dramatic reaching motions towards the clipboard*

    Manager: “Um, sure.” *hands it to me with a look*

    Me: “Yeah, it’s been one of those weeks…”

    Manager: *mishears me* “Well, at least you’re honest about your choices…”

    Me: “Wait, what?”

    Manager: “You just said it was from all the weed.”

    Me: “…No.”

    My Number One Joke

    , | CT, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees

    (I’m stationed at the front door as a greeter, and I also answer questions about our deals and policies and such. Our bathroom is in an odd place, and a lot of people ask me where they are. Towards the middle of a nine-hour shift, I decide to have some fun with people.)

    Guest #1: “Excuse me, could you tell me where your bathroom is?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that information is confidential.”

    Guest #2: “Is there a bathroom I can use?”

    Me: “We do have a bathroom but you’re not allowed to use it. Everyone else can but not you, sorry.”

    (Everyone I did this to was amused, and I of course always directed them to the bathroom.)

    Barney Refuses To Dye

    | CT, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Health & Body

    Me: “Hey, [General Manager], can I dye my hair purple?”

    General Manager: “How purple?”

    Me: “Really purple.”

    General Manager: “Like the color of Barney?”

    Me: “No, not Barney colored!”

    General Manager: “I’ll let you dye your hair if everyone can call you Barney.”

    How To Cheese Someone Off

    , | Idaho Falls, ID, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (I am about six years old. My mom, brother, and I go to a popular fast food restaurant which is a big treat for us.)

    Mom: *to me* “Tell the lady what you would like to eat.”

    Me: “I’ll get a kids meal with a cheeseburger, please?”

    Employee: “I’m sorry; our kids meals don’t come with cheeseburgers.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll get a kids meal with chicken nugget, then.”

    Brother: *to employee* “I’ll get a kids meal with a hamburger?”

    Employee: “Would you like cheese on your hamburger?”

    Me: “…”

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