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  • Good To Sell Until Hell Freezes Over
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  • Making A Fractionally Better Coffee

    , | BC, Canada | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (I work at a popular fast food chain that is known for their coffee. In order to make a drink that is part one drink, and part another, we have modifiers that come up as 1/2, 1/3, and 1/4. I’m making the coffees at the drive thru when I see and order for a French Vanilla come up, but the person taking the order hit the 1/3 coffee modifier three times.)

    Me: “Uh, so, what am I making here?”

    Coworker: “A medium French vanilla with three-thirds coffee.”

    Me: “So… a coffee?”

    Coworker: “No. French vanilla, with three-thirds coffee.”

    Me: “But that’s just 100% coffee.”

    Coworker: “No, it isn’t. It’s three-thirds coffee.”

    Me: “Three-thirds is one whole. Three over three is one. It would be completely coffee.”

    Coworker: “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about.”

    Me: “I’m an engineering student. Math is kinda my thing.”

    Coworker: “I still think you’re wrong.”

    (By now it’s taken long enough so that the customer has made it to the window.)

    Me: “So sorry. What was in your drink?”

    Customer: “It’s a medium French vanilla with one-third coffee.”

    Me: “Ah, gotcha! The person taking the order put three-thirds coffee!”

    Customer: *laughing* “But that would just be a coffee!”

    Me: “See?”

    Doesn’t Know Beans About The Menu, Part 3

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (My husband and I are meat eaters, but we occasionally like to have veggie burgers. This place has a veggie burger that isn’t bad, so we decide to stop there one night after the movies.)

    Me: “We’d like two Veggies, please.”

    Employee: “You’d like what?”

    Me: “Veggies. You know… the veggie burgers?”

    Employee: “…”

    Me: “You know? The ones without meat?”

    Employee: “Oh. Gotcha.”

    (When we got home, we found that our ‘burgers’ consisted of buns, lettuce, tomatoes, and condiments. That’s it. Technically, they did indeed contain no meat.)

    Related:
    Doesn’t Know Beans About The Menu, Part 2
    Doesn’t Know Beans About The Menu

    Brit Brat

    , | Germany | Bigotry, Coworkers

    (We have a bus full of Brits come in.)

    Coworker: “Nope. Not gonna serve them if they don’t speak German.”

    Me: “What! Why?”

    Coworker: “I don’t speak English. They’re in Germany. They can f****** speak German.”

    Me: *out loud to all customers* “Would everyone who doesn’t speak German please come into my line? Thank you!”

    Coworker: *looks at me as if I have killed someone* “That’s so rude of you!”

    Me: “Not worse than denying them service. Go and take care of the other customers, please. The ones who speak German.”

    (I spend the next half hour serving only Brits while she was done after only five minutes.)

    Me: “Can you at least help me prepare all the food?”

    Coworker: “No. I’m gonna go for a smoke.”

    (Apparently, some of the guests do understand German because as soon as my coworker is gone they start moaning about her. I am left speechless while this group of people start telling me how nice I am, how great my English is, and that I should keep my chin up and not despair.)

    Me: “Thank you, but it’s okay. Really.”

    (After all the customers are done and served, the oldest of them comes up to me and hands me €10!)

    Oldest Customer: “Here you go. I know you don’t usually get tips, so this is from us to you because you’re awesome. Treat yourself.”

    (I tried to decline but then just thanked him. That’s when my coworker came back; she took a 20-minute smoking break while I worked. I was thinking about complaining to our supervisor for a while but then just thought it was not worth the hassle. The kitchen crew had noticed the whole thing. An hour later our supervisor came and asked me what had happened (my coworker was smoking again) and I told him the truth. She got a very strict warning from him – apparently not her first!)

    It’s An Ill Bird That Fouls Its Own Nest

    | England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m working alone with my manager one night about 10 minutes before we close. I hear the fryers react as though something’s been dropped in. It’s summer, so we have all the doors and windows open, but the kitchen has none so I am confused. I go to check, and find a bird seems to have fallen in.)

    Me: “[Manager], are you free? Can you come here a second?”

    Manager: *walking in* “What is it?”

    Me: *I point out the bird* “We need to change the oil.”

    Manager: “Seriously? It’s 10 minutes before close. We’ll be here an extra half hour if we do it now!”

    Me: “It has to be done.”

    (The manager huffs, then fishes the deep-fried bird out with a pair of tongs and throws it in the bin.)

    Manager: “Sorted. You can clean it out tomorrow.”

    Me: “I’m off until Thursday.” *it’s currently Monday*

    Manager: *getting annoyed* “Do it Thursday, then!”

    Me: “You want to leave the fryers for three days with oil that bird has been in?”

    Manager: “The heat will kill off the germs. Don’t worry about it.”

    (And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of how I quit my first job.)

    In Real Hot Sauce Now

    | Washington, DC, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I stop by a popular sub shop before a meeting one night. All goes well until we get to the condiments. The girl helping me has been working here a while, so I know she’s familiar with how it all works.)

    Worker: “And what else would you like on that?”

    Me: “Ranch, please.”

    Worker: *slowly reaches for the sriracha sauce, which is a hot sauce: very much the opposite of ranch*

    Me: “No. The ranch, please.”

    Worker: *looks at me and then keeps going for the sriracha*

    Me: “I said ranch, please!”

    Worker: *picks up the sriracha and looks at me again before covering the sub in sriracha sauce*

    Me: “Uh, I said ranch several times.”

    Worker: *looks down at the sub* “Oh… I don’t know why I did that.”

    Me: “Me, neither.”


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