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    Her Brain Is Flat

    | Humboldt, IA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Being early for my lunch shift at a ’50s diner, I have a seat with our retired cook who still does some grocery shopping for us. She’s a bit of a grouch, but I enjoy her company.)

    Coworker: *to cook*  “Would you like some more to drink?”

    Cook: “No, thanks, didn’t taste quite right today.”

    Me: *thinking she had her diet soda* “Is our machine losing carbonation again?”

    Cook: “No, I had a [cold tea drink] and it tasted like it wasn’t shook up or something.”

    (During this time my coworker, who likes to sound smart but is really a ditz, has taken a glass and tried some of the cold tea drink.)

    Coworker: “I don’t think it’s hooked up right. There’s no carbonation.”

    Me: “That’s fine. There shouldn’t be.”

    Coworker: “But it’s from a fountain. It should be carbonated.”

    Cook: “It’s tea. It shouldn’t be carbonated.”

    Coworker: “But it’s flat…”

    (At this point the phone rings and she leaves to take an order.)

    Me: “Can I kill her? She’s already brain dead.”

    Cook: “I’ll hide the body.”

    An Order That’s All Gravy

    , | AB, Canada | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (Poutine is a very popular fast food item in Canada. It’s French fries covered in gravy and cheese curds. This happened at a world-famous fast food chain shortly after they added poutine to their menu.)

    Me: “Oh, and could I get gravy on my French fries?”

    Clerk: “We don’t sell French fries with gravy.”

    Me: “Uh… could I get poutine without the cheese?”

    Clerk: “No problem!”

    Too Chicken To Order The Veggies

    | Houghton, NY, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My college fast food joint recently had a change in management. I am a vegetarian.)

    Cashier: “What can I get you?”

    Me: “Hi, can I have the veggie wrap?”

    Cashier: “Uh… I don’t think we have those.”

    Me: *surprised* “I’ve ordered them here before with no problem.”

    Cashier: “One moment.” *yells back to manager* “Can we make a veggie wrap?”

    Manager: *from back* “No! We only have a chicken wrap!”

    Cashier: *turns back to me* “Sorry, we don’t have those. I’m not sure why the previous owners were able to make one for you. We only have chicken wraps.”

    Me: “…Well, could I have a chicken wrap without the chicken?”

    Cashier: *wheels turning* “…Hey, [Manager], can we just do a chicken wrap without the chicken?”

    Manager: *silence* “Yeah, I guess we could do that!”

    Cashier: “Okay! What would you like on that?”

    (Every time I went there from then on, I had to specifically order ‘the chicken wrap without the chicken.’ Only ONE cashier in the next two years of me going to college there asked why I hadn’t just asked for a vegetable wrap.)

    Lacking Some Nuggets Of Understanding

    , | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (Every Saturday my mom takes me, my grandma, and my sister to the mall for lunch. When we get lunch, my sister wants the same thing at the same fast food restaurant every time. Usually the workers there are plenty polite and we get our food relatively fast, except for this one time…)

    Mom: “Hello, we’d like a six-piece nugget meal, some orange juice, and some ketchup.”

    Employee: “Hi, what would you like to order?”

    Mom: “We’d like a six-piece-nugget meal, some orange juice, and some ketchup.”

    Employee: “A six-piece nugget meal?”

    Mom: “I’d like a six-piece nugget meal, some orange juice, and some ketchup, please.”

    Employee: “What drink?”

    Mom: *in a slightly exasperated voice* “Orange juice. I’d also like some ketchup.”

    Employee: “Would you like any sauce?”

    Mom: *sighs* “Ketchup.”

    Employee: “So you want a six-piece nugget meal, orange juice, and ketchup?”

    Mom: “Yes!”

    Employee: “Your total is [amount].”

    Mom: *pays*

    (We leave with our food and join our grandma, who has the rest of our food. That never happened to us again. I guess the guy was either new or really zoned out that day!)

    Didn’t Notice About The Notice

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Ignoring/Inattentive, New Hires

    (I am being interviewed for a job. It is about an hour away from my current job.)

    Hiring Manager: “So, you currently work at [Other Restaurant]… I see it’s quite far away.”

    Me: “It’s close to my mom’s place. My dad’s place is close to here.”

    Hiring Manager: “Ah. So, are you planning on working both jobs, then?”

    Me: “No. I’m planning on leaving my current job.”

    Hiring Manager: “Ah, okay. So, you’re going to move in with your dad, then.”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (I’m later accepted for the job. He tells me to meet him and sign the paperwork, so I do that. At this point, I still don’t know when I’m starting. Finally, he calls me a few days after we filled out the paperwork.)

    Hiring Manager: “Hello, [My Name]. So, can you start tomorrow?”

    Me: “Um, no. I still need to give my two-week’s notice for my current job.”

    Hiring Manager: “But I thought you were going to work both jobs at once?”

    Me: “No… I told you before that I was planning on leaving my current job.”

    Hiring Manager: “Well, why didn’t you give your notice before?”

    Me: “Because I still don’t know when I’m starting. How about I start on [date two weeks from now]? Would that work?”

    Hiring Manager: “Look, call me back when you get out of your current job.” *click*

    (I call back. He doesn’t answer, so I leave a voicemail.)

    Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. You just basically asked me to first quit my job before getting my schedule. That’s no good. I want to know that I’m going to still have a job, and I can’t just quit my current job without notice; that would be unprofessional. So please, send me when I’m going to start in writing, and give me two-week’s notice so I can give my two-week’s notice. If you can’t do that, then this isn’t going to work.”

    (I get a call back a couple minutes later.)

    Hiring Manager: “Well, we need people who are ready to start right now, so we’re just going to have to not hire you.”

    (I don’t know what thoughts went through this man’s head to make him think that I could work two jobs that are an hour away from each other at once, or why he thought it reasonable to ask me to just up and leave my current job whenever he needed me to without giving notice.)

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