• Not Scripted For Success - 839 votes
  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Her Plan Bombed

    | Australia | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful, Liars/Scammers

    (It’s my birthday and I am working with a particularly lazy coworker. Our company has strict rules about leaving someone working alone in the store.)

    Coworker: “It’s my mother’s birthday today. We are taking her out so I have to leave right on time today.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s my birthday too; I’m with you. As soon as I finish the tills this afternoon I’m out of here.”

    Coworker: “Sucks having to work on your birthday. You should have called in sick.”

    Me: “Yeah, but it’s not what I do.”

    Coworker: “You know, my family and friends used to call in to my last job with fake excuses to get me out of work. One day they even called in with a bomb threat. Hahaha, the whole shopping centre got shut down just so I could go out clubbing”.

    Me: *shocked* “Really?!”

    (At three o’clock the phone rings; coworker answers it. I keep doing what I am doing elsewhere. A couple of minutes later she comes to find me.)

    Coworker: *dramatically* “OMG, my mother was taken to hospital; my sister just called.” *she doesn’t actually look upset, she looks more smug*

    Me: “Really? What was wrong?”

    Coworker: “They ran tests and now are sending her home. My sister said that I am the only one who can go to pick her up. I need to leave.”

    Me: “Sorry, it’s not my call; I’ll need to make a phone call.”

    (I call my manager to tell her what was going on and to relate the conversation from that morning. The manager speaks to her and tells her that she will have to stay until 5:30 as it’s not an emergency situation.)

    Coworker: “B**** won’t let me go.” *looking less smug but still not looking upset over her mother being taken to hospital*

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you’ve got to understand that right now I couldn’t even leave even if I got a call that someone had died.”

    (Probably would have worked better if her sister called in a bomb threat.)

    Deathly Absolute

    | Newark, DE, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

    (I’m calling myself out on this. The card readers at my store have a display where it asks for verification, just so the customers know exactly how much they’re spending. My customer is a very sweet little old lady, and I tend to be a socially awkward person.)

    Me: “And the reader just wants you to be absolutely sure on the total.”

    Customer: *chuckling lightly to herself* “Well, is anything absolute?”

    (There’s an awkward pause as she hits ‘yes’ and starts to sign her name.)

    Me: “Death.”

    (There’s another pause as we both realize what I just said, and she chuckles again.)

    Customer: “Well, that’s true.”

    Guilty By Association

    | Vestal, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Employees

    (I’m a 27-year-old male. I’ve just wandered into an extremely large nation-wide retail chain-store. I’m there specifically to grab cigarettes. On my way to the cigarette counter, I run into a work-friend of mine. We chat for a moment, and she and I part ways. I get into the line.)

    Me: “Can I have a pack of cigarettes, please?”

    Cashier: *somewhat snarky tone* “No, you may not. I just saw you talking to HER.”

    (She gestures to where I ran into my work-friend.)

    Cashier: *snobby* “You need to get her ID and the IDs of the people I saw her talking to.”

    Me: “Really? That’s just a work-friend of mine. I just ran into her. I’m not even with her shopping.”

    Cashier: “If you can’t get their IDs, you’re not getting cigarettes!”

    Me: “So… just because I chatted with someone, I can’t get cigarettes?”

    Cashier: “Yup.”

    Me: “That’s just stupid. So I can’t talk to anyone here unless they have IDs? You’re literally saying that socialization is frowned on here. That’s just stupid! I’ll just go to the gas-station down the street.”

    Cashier: “Fine.”

    (I walk away. On the way to the door, I bump into my work-friend again.)

    Me: “They wouldn’t sell me cigarettes because they saw me talking to you.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, they did the same thing to me because I ran into a friend here and was chatting with them. When I went up, they demanded to see his ID because we were talking, and I wasn’t able to find him to have him show them his ID. I wasn’t even here with him… I just bumped into him.”

    Me: “So, evidently, we’re not supposed to talk to ANYONE here, I guess, unless they have their IDs…”

    Coworker: “Yeah, it looks like they frown on socialization altogether.”

    (The next day at work, I see my work-friend again.)

    Coworker: “You won’t believe this. You know that woman who wouldn’t sell you cigarettes because she saw you talking to me?”

    Me: “Yeah?”

    Coworker: “She was actually making fun of me when I walked by again after you left, and was telling other people there that I was a criminal who was buying cigarettes for minors! I walked right by and heard her saying it.”

    Me: “Wow…”

    (I ended up writing in and complaining, and the corporate office basically told me that I was right: Socialization is basically viewed as a bad thing in the store. How insane is that? And this is a MAJOR store that is in most towns. So, I guess next time you go to the store, if you plan to buy anything requiring an ID, be sure not to talk to or make eye contact with anyone, otherwise you’ll be refused service.)

    Out Of State, Out Of Mind

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Geography

    (My husband and I are from Australia.)

    Cashier: “Where are you guys from?”

    Me: “Oh, we are from Australia!”

    Cashier: “Oh? Where is that?”

    My Husband: *a bit shocked* “It’s over near Asia, in the Pacific Ocean. It’s a country called Australia.”

    Cashier: “Oh, I’m not real familiar with my US states. What state is it next to?”

    Me: *gobsmacked* “Erm, it’s a country, not in the USA.”

    Cashier: “Oh, okay.”

    Smacking Some Sense Into You

    | MO, USA | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I’m trying to collect money to buy a coworker a wedding gift. So far, many people have said they’ll give me money, but no one actually has. Note that I’m pretty clean cut: it’s a known fact that I don’t drink and I’m usually in bed by nine pm.)

    Me: “I understand it. I am kinda shifty looking.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, they’re afraid that you’ll run off with the money.”

    Me: “Yeah, I might take it buy smack.”

    (Engaged coworker walks by.)

    Coworker #2: “What are you two talking about?”

    Me: “How I’m going to buy drugs with your wedding gift money.”

    Coworker #2: “Sounds like you.”

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