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    Joke Is Older Than He Is

    | Birmingham, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

    (I’m a woman in her mid-forties, proud to look my age.)

    Me: “Just this bottle of wine, thanks.”

    Cashier: *looking at me quizzically* “Can I see some ID, please?”

    Me: *flattered and smiling* “Here you go!”

    Cashier: “Just kidding! You’re old!”

    Almost Reached My Limit With You

    | Belmont, CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Technology

    (I enter the local cell phone store to change from a family plan to an individual plan. It is only my sister, my cousin, and I on the plan and my cousin has left many months ago. I take a number and wait my turn. Finally a young guy comes over, mumbles something, and walks away. I don’t hear what he said so I kind of follow him. He looks up my account on his computer.)

    Worker: “Wow, you have a lot of people on this family plan.”

    (He says this as though I should be ashamed for scamming this conglomerate by starting a family plan with a bunch of friends or something.)

    Me: “Oh, really? There should only be two, or three at most.”

    (I figured my cousin’s name might be showing up, too, but am still not sure why three people is a lot for a family plan?!)

    Worker: “Well, the limit is four.”

    Doesn’t Get The Warning Signs

    | USA | Coworkers, New Hires, Rude & Risque

    (I’m mute, and usually try to shop at places where an employee knows sign language. I’m also a lesbian, and though my girlfriend often goes out with me, this time she stays home. I go to a clothing store where I’m friends with one of the cashiers. I walk in, and a new hire is greeting people.)

    New Hire: “Welcome to [Store]! Can I help you find something?”

    Me: *shakes head*

    New Hire: “Oh, okay.”

    (I wander off to look at shirts. I notice him follow me, while trying to stay out of sight. He eventually comes over.)

    New Hire: “So, do you come here often?”

    Me: *signs that I’m mute*

    New Hire: “Geez, chicky, I don’t speak that. But I know you’re pretty d*** hot. Wanna go out?”

    (I quickly leave, and head straight to the checkout counter. My friend is there, and I quickly tell her what happened. She tells me to wait, and she leaves. A minute later, she comes back with the new hire.)

    Friend: “Is this the guy?”

    Me: *signs yes*

    New Hire: “What, is she giving me her number?”

    Friend: “Dude, don’t hit on her.”

    New Hire: “Why not? She’s a hot piece of a**!”

    Friend: “One, that’s harassment. Two, she’s taken. Three—”

    New Hire: “Well, I can easily steal her away? Who wouldn’t want me?”

    Friend: “A lesbian.”

    New Hire: “… She wasn’t that hot, anyway.”

    (He walked off, glaring at me. My friend got a manager, who wrote the new hire up for sexual harassment. He also gave me a gift card, and I taught him ‘thank you’ in sign language.)

    Hasn’t Found His Calling Of Duty

    | OH, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (I have this one coworker that I always knew was going to be interesting. On his first day I had to explain to him THREE TIMES how to use a step ladder. One day, as I am getting my things to leave for the day, he strikes up a conversation. His conversational skills are nil and usually result in massive face-palming and slightly less hope for humanity.)

    Coworker: “So, did I tell you I’m on a diet?”

    Me: “No, you didn’t…”

    Coworker: “Yeah, I gotta lose like at least 150 pounds because I decided to enlist in the army.”

    (This guy is 6’3” and easily 350 pounds.)

    Me: “Really? Are you serious?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, it’s time I actually DID something with myself. I bet it’ll really help me out with stuff like responsibility, decision making, and following directions, you know? I need to lose a lot of weight first, though.”

    Me: *amazed at both his decision and the sheer normalcy of the conversation* “Oh, wow. Well ,good luck to you! I hope everything goes okay.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, I should kick a** at, like, army stuff and blowing stuff up and shooting bad dudes, because I’m pretty good at Call Of Duty. Except when I play online; I get ganked a lot online.”

    (Aaaand there it is.)

    Wasn’t In The Top Percentile Of His Class

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I work in a large import store that sold things like furniture and dishes. Most of these things are handmade, and so each is a little different. A customer has been in the store for a while, buying a variety of things but demanding discounts on everything for every ‘flaw.’ He is finally done, has paid and is leaving but spotted one last thing, a $90 wicker chair. I have to go ask my manager, yet again, if I can give him a discount.)

    Me: *to my manager* “He doesn’t like the weave and wants a discount.”

    Manager: “Fine! If it will get him out of here, you can give him ten bucks off.”

    (I return and tell him I can give him ten dollars off the price.)

    Customer: “Ten dollars? NO, I want ten PERCENT!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, whatever you say.”

    (I ring up the $90 chair, with his 10% discount, nine dollars off. He left happy, smug in his victory.)

    Wasn’t In The Top Percentile Of Her Class

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