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  • Putting The Fired Into Hired
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    Serve As I Say, Not As I Do

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners

    (I’ve just finished dealing with a very difficult customer.)

    Me: “Oh, my god, what a jack-a**.”

    (Although I said this very quietly after the customer in question had left, my manager still somehow heard me.)

    Manager: “Come see me in my office.”

    (In the office, I get reprimanded for my behavior and threatened with immediate termination if it were to happen again. I took some time to reflect on my actions, and instead of talking about people behind their backs, I decide to spend my energy on improving my customer service. Eventually, I get a customer who has a rather tall order, but isn’t as difficult as the customer I got in trouble for. My manager sees me helping this customer, and takes me aside to tell me something:)

    Manager: “Don’t bother helping that lazy son of a b****. He just wants you to do everything without lifting a d*** finger of his own.”

    (After the threat he made, he goes ahead and says that about a customer within earshot. What a shining example of good behavior!)

    Putting The Fired Into Hired

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | New Hires, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m the manager and have just hired a new cashier. This is his first day, getting things ready to start his very first shift. It’s the day before Super Bowl Sunday.)

    New Hire: “Do you think I could have tomorrow off? I didn’t think you would hire me so quickly and I was going to watch the game.”

    Me: “Sorry, we require at least a week’s notice for time off unless it’s an emergency.”

    New Hire: “Then could I leave early today?”

    Me: “…You know what? Why don’t you just go home now and maybe we’ll call you the next time we have another opening.”

    Other Cashier: “That was the quickest I’ve ever seen someone get fired.”

    Needs To Get A Stronger Backbone

    | Pasadena, MD, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body, Lazy/Unhelpful, Liars/Scammers

    (I work at a car parts store. One of my coworkers is not that bright, but also very lazy. He tries to get out of work whenever he can.)

    Coworker: “Aw, man, my back is killing me. Can I go home early?”

    Me: “No, you went home early yesterday.”

    Coworker: “But my back is killing me today and it just gets worse.”

    Me: “How can your back get worse? You haven’t done anything over then deliver parts all day.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, but sitting makes it worse.”

    (The next day.)

    Coworker: *calls in* “I’m going to be late. I hurt my back this morning.”

    (The next day.)

    Coworker: “I need to leave early. I hurt my back.”

    Me: “No. My back hurts, too. You have to stay as long as I do.”

    Coworker: “But no one in this store has worse back issues than me!”

    Me: “Incorrect. I have had issue with my back since puberty, having constant muscle spasms. [Coworker #2] has a terrible knee, but can still stand and deliver parts without issue. [Coworker #3] has had lordosis, causing her back to form the wrong way. If they can drive and stand then so can you.”

    (45 minutes later.)

    Coworker: “I can’t wait to ride my motorcycle later.”

    Me: “I thought you said your back hurt?”

    Coworker: “It does, but I don’t need that to ride a motorcycle.”

    Me: “Then how do you balance on it without using your back?”

    (He stopped talking to me after that.)

    The Next Ladder Of Your Career

    | London, England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body

    (I am quite short. I have been asked to hang up some sale signs, but the ladder provided to do so is too short. I have to reach dangerously on tip-toe to get the job done, so I don’t finish the job. The next day:)

    Manager: “Why didn’t you hang the signs last night? I had to do them this morning!”

    Me: “The ladder was way too short for me to finish the job. I almost fell a few times. I refuse to put myself at risk because the ladder is too short.”

    Manager: “Fine, whatever!”

    (A few months later, we finally get a new, taller ladder.)

    Me: “Maybe I might be able to start hanging signs.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, they sent one to every store. The horrible thing is knowing that someone would have actually fallen off a ladder for them to finally acknowledge that the other ladders were too short.”

    That Should Shut Him Up For A Period

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

    (I work at a major retail store and often buy items there when I get off. In order to go out the employee entrance with my shopping, I have to show my receipt to the door lady. A manager walks up as I’m giving her my receipt.)

    Manager: “Did you buy anything for me?”

    Me: “Not unless you need tampons…”

    Manager: “Oh, uh…”

    Door Lady: “Maybe he could put ‘em in his mouth.”

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