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    A Non-Dairy Date For Your Diary

    | WA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (We’re having a little party at work because a few of my coworkers are leaving at the same time while some of my other coworkers are being promoted. One of my coworkers is vegan so we bought vegan cupcakes for everyone.)

    Coworker #1: “Man, I’ve never had vegan cupcakes before. They’re pretty good.”

    (Coworkers #2 and #3 nod in agreement.)

    Coworker #1: “Its almost like, I don’t know, weird knowing that was my first time. It’s like they—”

    Coworker #2: “THEY TOOK YOUR VEGINITY!”

    Coworker #1: “…I was going to say ‘they popped my vegan cherry’ but that works, too.”

    Coworker #3: “Well, cherries are vegan, so popping it wouldn’t work in this context.”

    Instructions Aren’t So Clear

    | Chattanooga, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (While we’re being checked out, an item buzzes. The register clearly displays the error, ‘BUFFER FULL – PRESS CLEAR.’)

    Cashier: “Huh. This isn’t working.”

    (She slowly reads the message, then ignores it and tries again without pressing clear. Same buzz, same error. So she tries again. And again. And again.)

    Wife: “It’s saying, ‘Buffer full – press clear.’”

    Cashier: “Yeah, that happens sometimes. Don’t worry, it’ll take.”

    (She tries it again. And again. And again.)

    Me: “You know, maybe just in case it helps, try pressing clear?”

    (She does. The error message goes away. The item rings up just fine.)

    Cashier: “Huh. He’s pretty bright, for a gentleman.”

    Wife: *under her breath* “Yeah, he’s been reading for years now…”

    Don’t Take Out Thanksgiving Without Getting Takeout

    | NJ, USA | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Holidays, Overtime

    (I’m currently doing inventory at my second job and end up in an aisle where our sales manager and our general manager are chatting about Thanksgiving and what they’ll do with the free time since nobody comes in. This is only the second year that our store is open on Thanksgiving and we get maybe three customers in the store.)

    Me: “Oh, I’ll be working. Who is closing on Thanksgiving?”

    Sales Manager: “[General Manager] and [Other Sales Manager] is. [General Manager]‘s going to order you guys Chinese food.”

    General Manager: *rolling his eyes but grinning nonetheless* “We’re not ordering Chinese food.”

    (They go back to chatting about Thanksgiving, commenting how it sucks that we have to be open when nobody even comes into the store. I’ve been half paying attention and adding to the conversation when prompted as they know I also work in a grocery store.)

    Me: “Yeah, I’m working my other job, too. It’ll be nice to have some calm here after the chaos, at least. I’ve got bets on how many people are going to yell at us for running out of shallots again this year.”

    General Manager: *looking at me confused* “But… you said you could work on Thanksgiving.”

    Me: *blinking* “I can. I’m only at my other job 7 am until 3 pm. I’m scheduled here at 5:30 pm.”

    General Manager: “Oh, okay!” *looks confused again* “But… when are you getting to eat Thanksgiving dinner?”

    Me: “Um… I’m not.”

    Sales Manager: *turns and looks pointedly at General Manager* “Order Chinese food.”

    General Manager: *nods*

    Price War Stories

    | USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Money

    (I recently went into a shop to exchange a bag I bought for a similar, but larger one. I’ve chosen my replacement bag and get to the customer service till.)

    Clerk: “If there is a price difference between these products, are you willing to pay it?”

    Me: “Is there a story behind this question?”

    Clerk: “Several.”

    A Lack Of Help And Supervision

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests

    (It is my very first day at my very first job. I am a teenager. I was hired by the manager, and set to work as a cashier by the supervisor. Since it’s my first day, I make a lot of mistakes and my nervousness gets worse and worse.)

    Supervisor: “No! Your bank is short, [My Name]! That’s it! Go around the store and ask the customers if they need help.”

    Me: “O-okay.”

    (The store is pretty empty, with just a few customers shopping. I go up to one.)

    Me: “Hi, did you need any help?”

    Customer: “No!”

    (I ask the other customers, but get the same response. Bored, scared, I start straightening up a shelf and my supervisor comes over.)

    Supervisor: “[My Name]! What are you doing?! I told you to help the customers, not dawdle!”

    (The manager that hired me comes over.)

    Manager: “What’s going on here? Why are you yelling?”

    Supervisor: “This girl is not doing as I say! I told her to go help the customers, and she’s hiding!”

    Me: “I- I wasn’t hiding. I was straightening a shelf—”

    Manager: “[My Name] we don’t pay you to straighten shelves. We pay you to help the customers!”

    Me: “But- But I asked them all if they needed help and they said all said no.”

    Manager & Supervisor: “ALL?!”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    (They tell me they doubt it, and go around the store asking all the customers if I asked them if they needed help. Most say yes, except the last one, who says no.)

    Me: “I didn’t see her. She… must’ve just come in.”

    Last Customer: “I did. I need help with…”

    (The manager beckoned me to his office and told me that I was going to be written up for ignoring my supervisor’s demands and ‘being belligerent.’ It was not long after that that I didn’t work there anymore… but at least now I’m much happier at another job.)

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