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  • Have Other Duties To Perform

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Health & Body

    (It’s late in the evening and I’m the only cashier supervisor in the building. Therefore when I go for break I keep my wireless phone with me in case anyone in the store needs me. I am in the bathroom and it rings. I see the store manager’s office on the call display so I decide I better answer it.)

    Me: “Hi, it’s [My Name].”

    Manager: “Hey, can you meet me in my office? I want to talk to you about one of your cashiers.’

    Me: “Sure, give me five minutes. I’m just tied up with something right now.”

    (I lean a little too far forward and the auto-flush goes off. Naturally the phone picks up the sound.)

    Manager: “When you say ‘tied up with something’…”

    Me: “I guess you could say that I’m taking care of business.”

    Gunning For A Promotion

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid

    (I work in the garden center of a large department store and am covering a lunch break in sporting goods. A manager who is notorious for being controlling and generally incompetent happens to come by and notices the gun cabinet is unlocked.)

    Me: “Oh, yeah. A customer wanted to look at a gun. He just left. I was just about to lock it back up.”

    Manager: “I don’t want you letting people look at guns. You aren’t trained to sell guns.”

    Me: “I know that. I wasn’t going to sell it; he just wanted to look at it. That doesn’t require any training. They have a safety clip only we can take off and there’s obviously no ammo in them.”

    Manager: “I don’t want you letting people looking at guns. What if they hit you over the head with it, knocked you out, and ran out of the store? They would have just stolen the gun.”

    (I was looking for a promotion, so I just smile and nod. Later, I am talking to the sporting goods associate.)

    Me: “[Manager] told me not to let people look at guns because they could be used as a club. I wonder if she realizes that less than a hundred feet away we have completely unsecured and uncovered axes and machetes in the garden center, along with enough pool chemicals and fertilizers to make a crude bomb without anyone noticing.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, I’ve never heard of that policy. She’s an idiot.”

    Don’t Be A Queen About It

    | Newark, DE, USA | Bosses & Owners, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (It’s nearing the end of the night and there’s the usual rush of customers trying to pay for their purchases before the store closes. One of my managers has yet to learn my name, Kathryn.)

    Manager: “Kathy, can you go help [Coworker] on registers?”

    (There’s a long pause because I initially don’t realize he’s talking to me.)

    Me: “Hey, [Manager], do you mean Kathryn?”

    Manager: “Queen of England, can you go help on registers?”

    Me: “Not a problem, [Manager].”

    (About twenty minutes later, once the store has closed, I approach the returns area to begin after-hours recovery only to find my manager’s there.)

    Manager: “Hey there, Kathleen, you wanna start with that pillow filler?”

    Me: “My name’s Kathryn. Would it make it easier if you used my middle name?”

    Manager: “What’s your middle name?”

    Me: “[My Middle Name].”

    Manager: “Okay, whenever we’re on at the same time I’ll just call you [Middle Name].”

    (Not even a half-hour later he is calling for me by saying ‘Queen of England’ over the store walkie-talkies.)

    I Will Reschedule You In For Never

    | South Tampa, FL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Ignoring/Inattentive, New Hires

    (I’ve recently graduated from college and am in desperate need of a job so I can start paying my student loans. I go in for an interview at a local boutique and am hired on the spot for a part-time position. The owner says she’ll call me within 48 hours to let me know when to start. Four days later, I haven’t heard anything, so I call the store…)

    Me: “Hi, this is [My Name], and I was wondering if you had a start date for me?”

    Owner: “Of course! I’m sorry I didn’t call you sooner; it just slipped my mind. You’ll be starting this Saturday.”

    Me: “Great! What is the dress code?”

    Owner: “Whatever you are comfortable in! You can wear a dress and heels; you can wear jeans and flip-flops. We’re pretty relaxed around here.”

    Me: “That sounds awesome. I’ll see y’all Saturday, then.”

    (I take the owner literally and decide to wear my favorite jeans, a cute top, and some fun flip-flops on my first day. I show up and am surprised to see that both the owner and the other employee are wearing nice sundresses and high heels.)

    Me: *jokingly* “I feel a little underdressed today!”

    Owner: “Oh, no, you look just fine! Now, let me show you what you’ll be doing today…”

    (I spend most of the day in the stock room, pricing new items and steaming clothes. Despite my extensive retail and cash handling experience, I am not allowed to use the register. At the end of my shift, I notice that I’m not on the schedule for the next week.)

    Me: “Hey, [Owner], I was wondering when I’ll be working next? I am not on the schedule.”

    Owner: “Oh, I made that up two weeks ago. Let me see. I am sure we’ll need you next weekend.” *pulls up the schedule* “Oh, no… not next week. We have more than enough staff working… Not the week after either… Hmm, let me pull up July’s schedule.”

    Me: “Uh…July?!”

    Owner: “Oh darn, I’m not seeing any needs then either!! How about this: I’ll tinker with my schedules this week and I’ll give you a call to let you know when you’ll be working again?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Owner: “Great! Well, you were a great help today, and I’ll see you soon, I’m sure!”

    (I give it a week. When I don’t hear anything, I decide to start applying for other jobs. I am hired almost immediately for a part-time position that is actually related to my degree. A couple months pass and I don’t hear anything from the boutique, but am doing so well at my other job that I am promoted to a full-time position. I get home the day after and see an email from the boutique owner. Please note: it is now September.)

    Owner: “Hey, [My Name], I just wanted to let you know that we haven’t forgotten about you! I know it’s been a while since you’ve worked here, but I’m sure I will need you very soon!”

    Me: “Actually, I just got offered a full time position at another company. Please consider this my resignation, even though I only worked 1 shift back in June.”

    (I never heard anything back. I’m not sure if the owner just forgot she hired me or if not scheduling me was their way of firing me…)

    An Acrimonious Acronym

    | USA | Coworkers, Ignoring/Inattentive, Language & Words

    (I manage a retail boutique. I have been looking to hire a replacement for a keyholder who is leaving, and I have to be fairly picky about who I hire in those positions, as they’re responsible for opening and closing the store by themselves when my assistant or I are off, as well as handling deposits, taking $1000 custom orders, etc. Meanwhile, I have a seasonal associate who has no interest in talking with customers and has difficulty following instructions on tasks.)

    Seasonal Associate: “What’s a [acronym for sales performance goals]?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Seasonal Associate: “A [acronym for sales performance goals]. What is that?”

    Me: “You’re joking, right?”

    Seasonal Associate: “…no? [District manager] just sent an email about that and I didn’t know what it meant.”

    Me: “[Seasonal Associate], I know for a fact that [Assistant Manager] and I both explained it to you when we interviewed you for the job, as well as during it your first couple shifts. It was explained in the orientation video that I witnessed you watch and take a quiz on. We’ve used that term every single day, multiple times a day, since you started five months ago. There’s a huge chart, at eye level, on the door to the sales floor that tracks everyone’s [acronym for sales performance goals] each week. How do you not know this?”

    Seasonal Associate: *shrug*

    Me: “You do realize that [acronym for sales performance goals] is literally the only way the company judges how our store is performing, right?”

    Seasonal Associate: “I didn’t realize that. By the way, if you can’t find another key-holder, I can do it!”

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