• Very Genderal Humor
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    Salsa Burn Return

    | OH, USA | Coworkers, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My coworker handles defective merchandise claims in the back of our store. I am walking past her area and see a cart with a box for a rocking chair and ottoman (unassembled) that is quite heavy.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker], do you need help lifting that box out of the cart? I can get one of the un-loaders and we can get it for you.”

    Coworker: “Oh, no, I can get it. It’s actually not that heavy.”

    Me: “Really? I helped someone put one of these on a flat cart the other day and it was really heavy.”

    Coworker: *walks to the cart and picks up the box with one hand* “See! It’s like it’s … Oh, no!”

    (We put the box on the ground and cut the tape sealing the top of the box to open it, finding that the box was empty except for a trash bag full of smashed salsa bottles.)

    Coworker: “I thought I smelled salsa. This is ridiculous.”

    Me: *looking at the front of the box where the slip from the Customer Service Desk was taped on* “I’m calling the front.”

    Front Desk Worker: “This is [Front Desk Worker]. How can I help?”

    Me: “Hey, it’s [My Name] and [Coworker] back in claims. Did you guys just return a rocking chair and ottoman?”

    Front Desk Worker: “Yes, I did. They said it was broken.”

    Me: “Did you look at it or take it out of the cart to make sure the chair was actually there?”

    Front Desk Worker: “No. I couldn’t lift the box if I tried. You know how heavy they are.”

    Me: “Well, you wouldn’t have had a problem lifting this one…”

    Their Sanity Dangling By A Thread

    | Dover, DE, USA | Coworkers, Overtime

    (I’m part of a temporary crew remodeling a store during night shifts, getting on at 9 pm and not leaving until 5:30 the next morning. This happens during break at 4 am, after a long night of stocking various products.)

    Coworker #1: *pulls up a large bag full of spools of thread, seemingly from nowhere* “I am so tired. Do you know what I thought this was?”

    Coworker #2: *stares at the bag for a long moment* “Marshmallows?”

    Coworker #1: “I thought these were K-cups, like, for the coffee thing.”

    Coworker #2: “I thought those were marshmallows.”

    Me: “You both need some sleep, if you’re thinking thread is K-cups or marshmallows.”

    A Sudden Shift In Shifts

    | WI, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful, Time

    (My coworker is the owner’s mother. She likes working one day a week to stay active. Her shift is one day a week and starts at 4. At 4:11 the phone rings.)

    Coworker: “I’m gonna be running a little late. I’ll see ya soon.”

    (At 5:11 when she shows up an hour and 11 minutes after she was supposed to start and 11 minutes after my shift ends.)

    Coworker: “Why are you still here?!”

    A Damning Account Of History

    | Bremerton, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, History

    (I’m a female in the Navy, wearing a t-shirt with a classy ‘Sailor Jerry’ style sailor pin-up girl and a banner that reads ‘D*** the Torpedoes’.)

    Me: “Oh, you guys have a military discount, right?”

    (The cashier reads my military ID, then rolls her eyes as she punches in the discount code.)

    Cashier: “You’d think a troop would dress more appropriately.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Cashier: *gestures at my shirt* “You’re supposed to represent the armed forces at all times, right? So why are you wearing clothes with smutty girls and filthy language on it?”

    Me: “Lady, ‘D*** the Topedoes’ is a famous quote by Admiral Farragut from a battle in the 1800s. And I’m pretty sure sailors have been getting this exact girl tattooed on themselves since before either of us were born. This IS the Navy.”

    (She refused to say a word for the rest of the transaction.)

    Not Going According To Protection Plan

    | Poughkeepsie, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (I am ringing up Customer #1 for a pack of travel toiletry bottles that costs about $5.59. Customer #2 and Customer #3 are waiting patiently for their turn.)

    Me: “Do you want to purchase a two-year protection plan for another $4.99?”

    Customer #1: “Seriously?”

    Me: “I know it’s ridiculous. I had to ask though.”

    Customer #1: “Really. The protection plan costs almost as much as the item itself.”

    Me: “I know. But when the system prompts me to ask, I have to ask.”

    (Customer #1 pays for his order as Customer #2 and Customer #3 watch. Next, it’s Customer #2’s turn and he is buying a nose hair trimmer. Again, a prompt pops up telling me to ask about the plan.)

    Me: “Would you like to buy a two-year protection plan for $4.99?”

    Customer #2: “And I thought nothing could top the last protection plan in absurdity.”

    Me: “I know. I had to ask.”

    (Customer #2 pays. Customer #3, having witnessed the entire thing, comes to buy some paper.)

    Customer #3: *jokingly* “Can I get a protection plan with this?”

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