(I am 23. I walk to a store near where I live to get some things, including a bottle of wine.)

Cashier: “Can I see some ID, please?”

(I search for my driver’s license, but can’t find it.)

Me: “Hm, I guess I must have left it at home. Just take off the wine, then.”

Cashier: “If you don’t show me some ID, I can’t sell this to you.”

Me: “I know. Just take it off, please. I’ll just get the rest of the stuff.”

Cashier: “Look, what don’t you understand? I can’t sell you alcohol if you don’t show me some ID. It’s a felony.”

Me: “What I don’t understand is on what planet bread has alcohol in it.”

(The cashier looks at my other items for a moment, and then blushes.)

Cashier: “Oh! You wanted to just buy the rest of the stuff!”

Me: “Yeah… that would be great.”

(It’s early morning before the store opens. I am finishing up the daily portion of the inventory, when my boss comes, looking haggard and harried.)

Store Manager: “Our sales are down, labor hours are cut, and I’m having problems with a couple of the department managers. I don’t know how I can get through this.”

Me: “Cheer up. It could be worse.”

Store Manager: “How? How could it be worse?”

Me: *deadpan* “[President of the company] is standing right behind you.”

(The store manager whips around, but sees no one there.)

Store Manager: “Don’t do that! You almost gave me a heart attack!”

Me: “What?! You asked me a question, and I answered it!”

(I’m waiting at a store’s photo counter to make some corrections. After a few minutes nobody shows up, so I speak to an employee stocking shelves in another department.)

Me: “Excuse me, do you know if there’s anyone who can help me at the photo desk?”

Employee: “I think [name] just went on break. Let me see if there’s anyone else who is photo trained.”

(He makes a call on his radio, and I go back to the photo counter to wait. Ten minutes later, I approach the same employee…)

Me: “Hi, I’m still waiting at the photo desk and nobody’s come to help me. Do you think you could call again?”

Employee: “Yeah, sorry about that. I called [name] to come help, and she said she was on her way.”

(He makes another radio call and I go back to wait at the photo desk. Ten minutes later, I still haven’t seen anyone. I find another employee and ask to speak to a manager. Ten minutes later, a very aggravated manager comes over to me.)

Manager: “Are you the one who demanded to speak to me?”

Me:  ”Well, ‘demanded’ is kind of a strong word, but yeah, I did ask to talk to a manager.”

Manager: “What do you want?”

Me: “Well, I’ve been waiting over half an hour to correct an error I had made previously.”

Manager: “What do you want me to do? I can’t do photos.”

Me: “Well, at this point I was just hoping that you, as a manager, could track down one of your employees who’s trained on the photo desk to take care of this for me.”

Manager: *rolls her eyes* “If you just go to the photo desk, somebody should be there.”

Me: “I’ve tried that already. I’ve spent half an hour just trying to get someone to help me.”

Manager: “Fine. You don’t need to be so mouthy with me, young lady.”

Me: “Wha—?”

(She picks up a phone and tells the photo employee to get off of his lunch break.)

Manager: “[Name] will be at the photo desk to help you when you go back there.” *very sarcastically* “Is there anything else I can help you with today, ma’am?”

Me: “Isn’t it legally required for your employees to have certain amounts of time for their lunch breaks?”

Manager: *rolls her eyes and walks away*

(I go back to the photo desk and find an elderly man waiting for me. He couldn’t have been sweeter and I apologized for causing him to get his lunch break shorted.)

Related:
Mismanaged Expectations, Part 8
Mismanaged Expectations, Part 7
Mismanaged Expectations, Part 6
Mismanaged Expectations, Part 5
Mismanaged Expectations, Part 4
Mismanaged Expectations, Part 3
Mismanaged Expectations, Part 2
Mismanaged Expectations (Not Always Right)

(This happens right after my aunt had died unexpectedly at age 62. I have taken the week off to be with my family.)

Manager: “Hey, [my name], can you cover my shift tomorrow night?”

Me: “No, I’m off the rest of the week. Remember?”

Manager: “Yeah, I know, but I really need you to come in tomorrow night and cover the store.”

Me: “I can’t. Tomorrow is my aunt’s funeral.”

Manager: “Yeah, I know, but that’s in the morning, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, but I really don’t think I’ll be in any shape to work after my aunt’s funeral.”

Manager: “Well look, I have a date tomorrow night with this really hot guy, but I’m supposed to be here to cover the store and process shipment and no one else can cover, so I really need you to come in from 4 until close. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t an emergency ’cause no one else can come in!”

Me: “Wait, you want me to come in, process the entire shipment, and cover the store by myself after my aunt’s funeral so you can go on a date?!”

Manager: “Yeah, what’s the big deal? They’ll have buried her by then anyway, so it’s not like you’ll miss anything.”

Me: “Seriously?! Okay, tell you what: I’ll come in tomorrow, but only to turn in my keys and name tag. Good luck on your date.”

(I ended up getting a work study job through school that paid much better and even helped me earned credit towards my major. My manager was fired a few months after I quit for drinking in the store and sexually harassing an employee.)

Me: “There’s a boy in the noodle aisle purposely throwing everything on the floor. He’s not responding to anyone.”

Employee: “Ugh. Not again. All we can do is pick up after him and put things back.”

Me: “Why can’t someone get his parents and make him stop?”

Employee: “He’s the manager’s kid…”