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    BLT, Better Luck Tomorrow, Part 3

    , | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (There’s a cafeteria located on our college campus. Most of the employees, but not all, tend to be enrolled in the culinary school.)

    Employee: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

    Me: “I think I’ll have a BLT on sourdough, please.”

    (The employee gets a baffled look and turns to whisper something to the manager.)

    Manager: “Really?! It’s bacon, lettuce, tomato!”

    Related:
    BLT, Better Luck Tomorrow, Part 2
    BLT, Better Luck Tomorrow

    Having A Bad Time Over The Good Food

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Food & Drink

    (I just got off work and I am at my cousin’s basketball tournament as her parents are out of town. I am hungry so I go get some food from the concession stand. When I go there is only a cooler full of drinks and a girl about sixteen standing there.)

    Me: “Do you guys have any food?”

    Girl: “We make it in the back. Everything on the menu!”

    Me: “Okay!” * looks at menu* “I will have a pulled pork sandwich, please.”

    Girl: “Sorry, we are all out.”

    Me: “That’s fine. I’ll take a Brat.”

    Girl: “Sorry, we are all out of that, too.”

    Me: “Hot dog?”

    Girl: “No, sorry.”

    Me: “Okay, how about a piece of pizza?”

    Girl: “No, sorry.”

    Me: “That’s fine, I will just have a [soda] and some popcorn, then.”

    Girl: *nods and gets me a [soda] and popcorn*

    Me: “Thank you.”

    (I start to walk when a another woman comes up and orders.)

    Woman: “I will have a pulled pork sandwich.”

    Girl: “Yeah, sure!” *goes and brings one out*

    Me: “Hey, I thought you didn’t have any!”

    Girl: “Oh, I am saving the good food for my home team.”

    (Just then, a man walks from the back.)

    Man: “No wonder we been so slow! That’s really stupid, [Girl]!” *to me* “Miss, I will get you one now.”

    (He gets me my sandwich and comes back.)

    Me: “How much?”

    Man: “It’s on the house.” *turns to girl* “You are grounded, young lady, and tonight we are going have a talk about how real life works.”

    And After They Labored Over The Schedule

    | Japan | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I am an American living in small town in Japan working as an English language assistant teacher. In one of the schools I work at a Filipino family has moved into town within the past year with three kids in the school system. The mother is currently seven months pregnant. They are fluent in English, but sometimes require a bit of translation for Japanese. I’m often called in to help explain paperwork, school procedure, or to be a go between the parents and the Japanese teachers. They have one child with special needs and the school has organized to have them tour a special needs school nearby. The day they are scheduled to visit the pregnant mother calls the school. They hand me the phone.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Mother: “Hello. This is [Mother]. I’m calling to say we won’t be able to make it to the meeting today. I’ve gone into early labor.”

    (Concerned as the baby is so early and trying to get her off the phone as quickly as I can so she can get back to it.)

    Me: “Oh! I’m sure it will be fine. I will explain everything to them. Just focus on yourself and the baby and I hope it all goes well!”

    Mother: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

    Administration: *in Japanese* “Well? What did she say?”

    Me: “It looks like she has gone into early labor and they will not be able to make it to the school tour today. I hope everything goes well. She’s not due for another two months.”

    Administration: “WHAT?! She’s not going to make the tour?”

    Me: *thinking maybe my translation was off, I try explaining again* “No, she’s in labor… The baby is coming… right now!”

    Administration: “They can’t do this! We made arrangements! There was a schedule!”

    Me: *one last ditch attempt* “She’s in the hospital. She can’t come. Her family is with her.”

    Administration: “They can’t do this!”

    Me: *walks away*

    Out Of Control Birth Control

    , | MI, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (The health center at my school is notorious for being birth control pushers. I go in to get my sore throat checked out, since I am worried it might be strep.)

    Me: “Hi. I’m [Name] and I’m here for a 1 pm appointment with [Nurse].”

    Receptionist: “Oh, you must be here for birth control!”

    Me: “No, actually—”

    Receptionist: “The pill? Yeah, they can hook you up after a quick exam.”

    Me: “No. I’m here for—”

    Receptionist: “Or the nurse can teach you about spermicide! Or diaphragms!”

    Me: “Actually I’m already on—”

    Receptionist: “I think your best bet is the pill though. It’s the most effective and can be paired up with condoms!”

    Me: *hoarse yelling* “STOP. AS IT SAYS IN MY CHART, I’M ALREADY ON THE PILL. I’m here for a sore throat!”

    Receptionist: “Oh. OH. You’re [Name]! It’s my 1:30 who is here for birth control!”

    (They examined me and told me I had mono, which ended up being wrong. On my way out, I saw a very uncomfortable-looking girl.)

    Me: “Good luck.”

    Girl: “Umm… thanks.”

    Receptionist: “WAIT, [My Name]! DON’T FORGET A BAGGIE OF CONDOMS!”

    Killed By A Freudian Slip

    | Schenectady, NY, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Language & Words

    (I am on the phone with my supervisor.)

    Supervisor: “[New Employee I haven’t met] won’t be in today. She was in a fatal car accident.”

    (My heart almost stops.)

    Me: “WHAT?!?”

    Supervisor: “Yeah, she’ll be starting in a few days.”

    Me: “[Supervisor], you scared me. I think someone needs to tell you what ‘fatal’ means!”


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