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    Good Management Has Logged Out

    | East Sussex, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners

    (I’ve just transferred to a supermarket from a convenience-format branch of the same company. Whilst about 80% of the procedures are the same, there are a number of key differences in how I’ve been trained due to the difference in shop-floor and warehouse size across formats. I’m busy stacking shelves when my new manager approaches.)

    Manager: “[My Name], do you know how to do waste scans?”

    Me: “Yep, but I’ve not done it here yet. Could you give me the store login?”

    Manager: “Oh! We have individual logins here.”

    Me: “Okay. So, could you set me up with the privileges to do that?”

    Manager: “Um, no. I’m a bit busy right now. Tell you what, you do the wastage and then come find me to help you afterward.”

    Me: “How am I do to the waste scan without a login?”

    Manager: “Erm… Find somebody else and borrow their card. Tell them I sent you.”

    (I go and do this, I’ve just finished scanning waste and I’m getting on to reducing the damaged goods that are salvageable when my manager approaches me again.)

    Manager: “[My name]! Stop! What are you doing?!”

    Me: “Well, I finished the wastage. I’m on reductions now.”

    Manager: “How did you log in?!”

    Me: “With [Colleague]’s card, like you suggested.”

    Manager: “I can’t believe you’d borrow somebody else’s card! That is not allowed!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Attractive In Many Ways

    , | Australia | At The Checkout, Coworkers

    (At our deli we serve customers on a “whoever is closest and available” basis. An attractive man has just walked up to exactly where I’m filling. I’ve just finished taking off my chicken-soaked gloves and have opened my mouth to greet him when my female coworker appears next to me with a wide smile, seemingly out of nowhere.)

    Coworker: *to me* “Shoo.”

    (The customer just chuckles and rolls his eyes at me.)

    Need To Keep Your Mouth Shut Too

    | UK | At The Checkout, Employees, Health & Body

    (I’m 15. My mum has just had another baby and I’m buying some more nappies (diapers) because we’ve run out.)

    Cashier: “You know these are for babies, love?”

    Me: “Yes, I know.”

    Cashier: “How old are you?”

    Me: “15.”

    Cashier: “Have you told your mum, love? When are you due?”

    Me: “These are for my mum… for my sister.”

    Cashier: “Teenagers these days need to keep their legs shut!”

    Me: “I’m not a bloody mum!”

    Cashier: “No need for that abuse now, dear. How is your schoolwork doing? How are you coping with the baby?”

    Me: “If you need to know, I’m a straight-A student, planning to applying to both Oxford and Yale.”

    Cashier: “And leaving your baby at home? Keep your legs shut, child!”

    Me: “You know what? I think I’ll just pop to [Competitor] for these instead, so that my Mum can change my sister.”

    Cashier: *as I walk away* “You need to keep your legs shut, girl!”

    Not A Morning Era Person

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (I’m working an early morning shift at the checkout. It is not my regular shift and I am not a morning person so I’m not very clear headed. My register is next to the door that leads into the mall. I’m ringing up a customer when there is a really loud high-pitched shriek from outside.)

    Me: “Pterodactyl!”

    (I then realise its just one of the small children outside.)

    Customer: “I’m sure that’s what their parents think sometimes.”

    Me: “No, no. I actually thought it was a pterodactyl. That was the first thing that came into my head.”

    (The customer looked at me funny for the rest of the transaction.)

    Unable To Manage The Situation

    | Australia | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Rude & Risque

    (My coworkers and I all have a very open and relaxed attitude, and when there are no customers around we sometimes act quite immature. For example, sometimes one of us will point out an attractive person so we can all take a look.)

    Coworker #1: *points out an attractive mother* “Not bad for having had three kids… Very nice!”

    Coworker #2: *appreciative nod* “Nice indeed.”

    Coworker #1: “I’m not sure whether I’d rather BE her or…”

    (As she’s finishing her rather crude remark, the STORE MANAGER walks up to one of the woman’s daughters, picks her up, and kisses her on the head. Coworker #1′s jaw hits the floor, and Coworker #2 and I burst out laughing.)

    Coworker #1: “I just perved on the manager’s wife, didn’t I? I JUST SAID THAT ABOUT THE MANAGER’S WIFE!”

    Coworker #2: *crying with laughter* “Stop talking!”

    Me: “Good job! Let’s file this under ‘things you shouldn’t tell your coworkers!’”


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