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    They Don’t Need To Come With Dips

    | IN, USA | Employees, Rude & Risque

    (Friend #1 works at a well known supermarket as a cart pusher. He is a hard worker, but he lacks any sense of professionalism. Friend #2 has stopped by and this transpired.)

    Friend #1: “Hey, ask me if we have Doritos flavored condoms.”

    (Friend #2 adopts a theatrical pose.)

    Friend #2: “Sir! Do you have Doritos flavored condoms?”

    (Friend #1 grabs his store radio and calls over it.)

    Friend #1: *over the radio* “Management, a customer wishes to know if we have Doritos flavored condoms.”

    (Several seconds of silence pass by on an otherwise busy line.)

    Friend #1: *over radio* “Do you copy?”

    Supervisor: “No, we do not have… THAT, and do not say that over the walkie!”

    He’ll Have The Obnoxiously Sweet Ham

    , | Australia | Awesome Customers, Coworkers

    (I am working with one coworker who is in a horrible mood and refusing to serve customers unless she absolutely has to. She was wiping a bench and I am carefully washing raw chicken juice off my arms to serve a man who is standing right in front of my coworker, patiently waiting as she ignores him. A loud, slightly deranged regular comes in and, assuming the other customer is being served, approaches me.)

    Loud Customer: *cheerful* “Hey love! How are ya?”

    Me: “I’m good. I hope you’re well! Sorry, but I have to take care of this gentleman here first. You’re next, though. I promise.”

    Loud Customer: “S’fine, what about the other lady? Lady! Hey, heeey! I need some brawn! Pork brawn, thank you, love!”

    Coworker: *defeated sigh*

    (She serves the loud customer and I serve the other man. The loud customer is VERY loudly chattering away about some conspiracy theory and why he doesn’t eat certain hams. My coworker and I both wind up at the wrapping station for our orders at the same time.)

    Coworker: *mutters darkly, so only I can hear* “Holy f****ing h***.”

    Me: “Ha. I love him! He actually made you do your job.”

    Coworker: *cracks her first smile of the day* “I know; I hate it.”

    (As the loud customer left, he practically yelled at my coworker to feel better. Apparently being obnoxious isn’t so bad, as long as you’re sweet at the same time!)

    Common Sense Takes A Holiday

    , | Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Holidays

    (Due to it being Easter Sunday, management has wrongly predicted a quiet day and we are severely understaffed. I am getting a little frustrated, especially with people making comments about our store being open.)

    Customer: “Why are you even open? You should be at home with your family!”

    Me: *deadpan* “Why are you even shopping? You should be at home with your family.”

    (The customer’s eyes go wide for a split second before he chuckles.)

    Customer: “Touché… I am seriously SO sorry.” *walks away*

    It’s A Slippery Oily Slope

    | WA, USA | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’m an events specialist, and for this demo I have to go the back area of the deli in a very busy store I don’t usually work in. I notice both how oily the area smells and how quickly the employees forget I’m there and overhear the following:)

    Employee #1: “So, about the oil in this fryer – how often should we filter it?”

    Employee #2: “Oh, I guess we’re supposed to do it every night, but I just use the basket to kind of it stir it so it doesn’t look too bad. Manager makes us do too many things to worry about it. I maybe do it, like, once a week.”

    Employee #1: “Does that work?”

    Employee #2: “Yeah, the oil’s so hot it should kill anything bad.”

    You Either Fail Or Parsley

    | Belgium | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, New Hires, Theme Of The Month

    (My coworker has been with us just over a week. Almost every fruit or vegetable at our store can be typed in with a short code at the register.)

    Coworker: “Hey, do know the code for this big bushel of parsley? I can’t find it.”

    (We were all amazed because we don’t sell parsley. We turned around and saw she was holding… broccoli! She left quite soon after.)


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