Featured:
  • Acting Totally Heartless
    (1,705 thumbs up)
  • June's Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Swinging Through Repeated History

    | Prestonpans, Scotland, UK | Family & Kids

    (I notice a little girl, about four to five years old swinging on a trolley.)

    Me: *to her mother* “You should be careful. We’ve got CCTV footage from a few months ago of a girl pulling a trolley over on herself doing that.”

    Mother: “Was that in the biscuit aisle?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Mother: “Yeah, that was her.”

    Spinning Out Of Control

    , | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (It’s only a recently-promoted courtesy clerk and myself closing the deli. He’s doing most of the counter work while I do the dishes and clean the ovens. I come out of the back to find all the guards off of one of the meat slicers and him holding a cloth to it while it spins. Any time the guards are off the machine is supposed to be unplugged.)

    Me: *without thinking* “[Coworker]! What do you think you’re doing?”

    Coworker: *luckily jumping back* “Oh, hi, [My Name]! Check this out! You don’t have to scrub at it if you do this!”

    Me: “Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?! Turn that off right now!” *he does* “That thing could take half your hand off before you’d even feel the first cut! The guards are there for a reason! Now, go find your mesh glove and clean it properly!”

    (Looking chastised, he goes looking for the glove he’s supposed to be wearing anytime he’s working around knives. Figuring he’s seen sense, I go back to my dishes. Five minutes later I come out and find him doing the exact same thing, this time wearing his mesh glove.)

    Trash-Talking Ponies

    , | FL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Movies & TV

    Manager: “[My Name], can you help that customer?”

    Assistant Manager: “[My Name], can you get those wings? Remember, make three kinds from two bags.”

    Me: “Yeah, yeah, I got it.”

    (The oven begins to buzz.)

    Assistant Manager: “[My Name], can you put price tags on these cups of chicken

    salad?”

    Me: “Hang on; I’m trying to do four things at once here.”

    Manager: “[My Name], can you take out the trash?”

    Me: “Make that five things.”

    Assistant Manager: “Heh heh.”

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Assistant Manager: “Yeah, I want a pony. No, wait, make that a unicorn!”

    Me: “Well, [Local University]’s mascot is the Pegasus. I don’t know about unicorns, but maybe they have one of those there.”

    Assistant Manager: “I don’t want a Pegasus; I want a unicorn! No, wait. I want Rainbow Brite’s horse! Ugh… that was one of my favorite cartoons and now I can’t remember its name!”

    Me: “Well, s***, don’t ask me what it is.”

    Manager: “…Starlite?”

    (Our manager is a 39-year-old man.)

    Me: “Ooookay, that’s it. I’m outta here. I’m outta here before I inhale some pixie dust or something.”

    (I grabbed the trash cart and headed out of the department as both managers began cracking up.)

    You Say Potato I Say Fail

    | Canada | Lazy/Unhelpful, New Hires, Technology

    (I am training a new hire to work as a cashier. She has been informed that in addition to completing several computer modules, she will need to memorize 50 PLU codes for fruits and vegetables and pass a test on them before she can complete her training.)

    Me: “So here’s the PLU list. You have a couple of weeks before your test; just learn a few new codes every day and you’ll ace it!

    Trainee: “Okay!”

    (A week passes.)

    Me: “So, how are you getting on with those codes?”

    Trainee: “Oh, really good! I know all the potatoes!” *looks at me for approval*

    Me: *nodding encouragingly* “Okay, that’s three, what else?”

    Trainee: “Well… that’s it right now, but… ALL the potatoes. That’s good, right?”

    Me: “…”

    Trainee: “I’ll keep working on it, I promise.”

    (At her next training session, I asked again about her progress on the codes. She avoided eye contact and gave a vague answer. I warned her that the test was coming up soon and reminded her she would need get at least 80% to pass. She said she would be fine and brushed me off. She didn’t pass.)

    Won’t Bi From Here Again

    | FL, USA | Bigotry, Employees, Love/Romance, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (I am 16 years old but look more like I am maybe 13 or 14. I am openly bisexual and wear a bracelet out of pride for my orientation. I am paying for some grocery items.)

    Cashier: “Hello, how ar—” *drops tone very low* “Sweetie, are you are aware of what that charm means?”

    (She is referring to the charm of the word ‘Pride’ in a rainbow color scheme on my bracelet.)

    Me: “Umm… yes, I’m well aware.”

    Cashier: “Honey, you’re much too young for that! Don’t let them brainwash you into thinking you’re gay! You’re still just a little girl!”

    Me: “Uhh, Ma’am… I’m not gay, I’m—”

    Cashier: “See! Told you so! You really shouldn’t be wearing such a horrid piece!”

    Me: “Ma’am… I’m not gay, but I am bisexual. See these colors?” *referring to the blue, purple and pink color scheme* “These are the colors of the Bisexual Pride Flag.”

    Cashier: “Don’t be silly! There’s no such thing as being bisexual! You’re just confused and brainwashed! You should come to our Sunday service; they’ll set you right!”

    (By now I have finished paying and I am gathering my bags.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I am far from confused. I know who I am and a Sunday service will do me no good since I’m an atheist. Have a good one!”

    (As I leave, she has the most shocked and flabbergasted face I’ve ever seen. As I exit, my boyfriend (who is now my husband) meets me with the car and I proceed to tell him what happened.)

    Boyfriend: “Why didn’t you play it up more?! That would have been gold!”


    Page 1/1612345...Last
    Next Page »