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    You Have Failed For The Last Time

    | Italy | Bosses & Owners, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (We are a team of about 40 people. We have four supervisors, one of which is very nasty to us and the occasional customer who asks for escalation to managers. I have music on in my unit room. The playlist moves to the Star Wars Imperial march.)

    Coworker #1: “You’re so tempting fate.”

    (As if on cue, the nasty supervisor enters the room.)

    Supervisor: “[Coworker #2], next time you escalate such a dumb b**** to me, I’m going to strangle you!”

    (The supervisor made a pretend strangle motion and exited, oblivious to the background music. We all cracked up, and nicknamed her Darth henceforth.)

    This Is My Last Report

    | Lake Forest, IL, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am talking to our school’s new IT helpline that is handled by people in New York.)

    Me: “Emails from my address are not reaching outside the school. I can receive them but mine are not reaching them. I can send and receive emails from the school just fine.”

    Tech Support: “There is nothing wrong with network or server.”

    Me: “And you know this how?”

    Tech Support: “There have been no reports of trouble.”

    Me: “So the first report doesn’t count?”

    Tech Support: “There have BEEN no reports.”

    Me: “What about mine?”

    Tech Support:  “Huh?”

    Me: “I’m making a report of trouble?”

    Tech Support: “What’s the problem you’re having?”

    Me: “…”

    Made A Good Call

    | NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

    (I have been on the phone for about 45 minutes with a customer that is very upset.)

    Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, that the store did not check to make sure [Product] would work in your area. I can look into it and see why not.”

    Customer: “You know that it was [Store] that sold it to me. Is there any way you can contact them?

    Me: “Ma’am, I can give them a call and if you wish I can call you back afterwards.”

    Customer: “That would be great. Talk to you in a few minutes.” *click*

    (I am about to call the other store when my coworker, who has been listening in, interjects:)

    Coworker: “You’re not allowed to call the stores, you know.”

    Me: “What? I have done it before.”

    Coworker: “Nope, it’s not allowed.”

    Me: “Well, I guess I’m in trouble then; I have done it every time a customer says something happened at a store.” *picks up phone to make call*

    Coworker: “If you call I’m going to report you to the manager.”

    Me: “Go for it.”

    (I then call the store and inquire why they did not check to make sure the product did not work. It seems it was a trainee that had filled the order and failed to see that they needed to make sure there was even coverage before completing the order. I hang up just as my coworker and manager come over.)

    Coworker: “Go ahead and tell [Manager] what you told the customer.”

    Me: “That I would be giving her a call back after I called the store to find out why they sold her a product without checking the coverage.”

    Manager: “Have you called the store?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Manager: “Good. After you call the customer back take an extra 15-minute break.”

    (She then walked back to her desk. After work she said I was one of the most dedicated employees she had. Made my day.)

    There’s A Crack In Their Window

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Liars/Scammers, Technology

    Scammer: “Hello Ma’am. This is Microsoft Tech Support. We have a report from your internet service provider that your computer has been hacked and is sending out viruses.”

    Me: “Oh really?”

    Scammer: “Yes, Ma’am. Your ISP is giving this tech support assistance absolutely free to all their customers. I just need you to sit down at your computer and I’ll give you directions so on how to fix the problem.”

    Me: “And who did you say is calling?”

    Scammer: “This is Microsoft Tech Support. And the call is absolutely free. If you will just turn on your computer, I’ll walk you through fixing the problem so that we can stop the hackers from using your machine.”

    Me: “No, you’re not.”

    Scammer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “You aren’t Microsoft Tech Support. This is a scam.”

    Scammer: “No, Ma’am. Windows is from Microsoft, and I’m calling because your Internet Service Provider contacted Microsoft about your computer being hacked. Your ISP is paying for this call; therefore, we here at Microsoft can help you fix your computer free of charge.”

    Me: “I don’t think so. You’re hacker and you’re trying to get access to my computer. And it won’t work because I already know it’s a scam. I use Linux.”

    (Very long silence… *click*)

    They’re Not On The Same Page

    | Dusseldorf, Germany | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m working in the local IT department of an international law firm.)

    Me: “IT support. How may I help you?”

    Lawyer: “I can’t print.”

    (I see the lawyer’s name and room number on my display.)

    Me: “Hello, Mr. [Lawyer]. What do you mean, you can’t print? I don’t have reports of printer malfunctions, yet. Could you please describe your problem further? Do you get an error message?”

    Lawyer: “I can’t print! There is no error message; the d*** thing doesn’t react at all!”

    Me: “On which printer are you trying to print?”

    Lawyer: “Which printer? F****** all of them! I even installed a printer on a different floor!”

    (I connect remotely to his PC and see that he has a Word document open and every printer in the selection box gives the status ‘ready’. Additionally I check every printer on his floor via our Web Interface for error messages. No error comes up.)

    Lawyer: “I need the last page printed out ASAP. Every time I’m in a hurry these d*** PCs aren’t working. Why can’t you and your colleagues get these f****** things to work like they should?”

    Me: “Uhm… you need the last page printed? That would be page three of that document?”

    Lawyer: “No, godd*** it! Are you blind? Here, in the line ‘print page xx’ I typed in page four! I need page four! I have a meeting with a client in five minutes and I need this page for my notes! F***!”

    Me: “Is this the correct document? Because I see that this document only has three pages.”

    (I change the four into a three and click on ‘print,’ and sure enough the printer in his office starts printing.)

    Me: “The printer seems to be working fine. Is this the page you need?”

    Lawyer: “Uhm… this is the page… Yes… Well… I can handle it from here. Bye.” *click*


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