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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • Web Of Lies

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Extra Stupid, Liars/Scammers, Technology

    (I work on a technical support help desk. One day, I get a call from a phone number that is all zeros (000-000-0000). Confused, I answer the phone.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling the [Company] help desk. This is [My Name].”

    Caller: *with heavy foreign accent* “Hello? Yes. I am with Microsoft and I am calling to tell you there is a problem with your computer.”

    (I think to myself, ‘did he not catch the part where he called a tech support center?’)

    Me: *deciding to mess with him* “I had no idea! What do you need me to do?”

    Caller: “I need you to go to your computer.”

    Me: “Okay, I’m there.”

    Caller: “Now please open a web browser.”

    Me: “A what?”

    Caller: “A web browser to go on the internet. Maybe you have Internet Explorer or Foxfire.”

    Me: “What’s the internet? I don’t think I have one of those.”

    Caller: *click*

    Me: *to my coworkers* “Guys, you’ll never believe who just called the help desk…”

    Listless Tech Support

    | USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology, Themed Giveaway

    (A system update has been pushed to my cell phone. After sorting out a minor issue with tech support, I ask if they have a list of changes between the previous and current system versions.)

    Tech Support: “I would like to inform you that we can change few limited settings.”

    Me: “I’m not asking about settings, I am asking for a run-down of what changed from previous versions to 4.3!”

    Tech Support: “I am sorry to inform you that there is no option to change the default features of the updated firmware.”

    Me: “Did you stop reading what I am typing?”

    Tech Support: “I do understand your concern. But there is no option to change from previous version.”

    Me: “I didn’t ask about changing anything! I want a LIST, of WHAT IS DIFFERENT, IN THE NEW VERSION!”

    Tech Support: “Let me provide you with the list.”

    Me: “These things are much clearer if you read ALL the words.”

    Literal Password

    | USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (Part of my role is tech support for our sales people and their clients. I get this over our internal instant messenger:)

    Sales Person: “Can I get [website] client password for [Client Name], please. He is not receiving any emails when he clicks on ‘forgot password’ and it is not going to junk.”

    Me: “The account with [ClientID] and email is [email]?”

    Sales Person: “Yes.”

    Me: “His password is… wait for it… ‘password.’ No joke.”

    Sales Person: “Oh my god!

    Me:And he forgot it.”

    Proving Call Center Staff Have A Sole

    | USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Technology

    (I am using an online chat for tech support. I usually try to make things interesting for the people helping me and get them to break script.)

    Me: “Just to confirm, this is the same kind of e-reader I have now?”

    Tech Support: “Yes. You will receive the same device.”

    Me: “Excellent.”

    Tech Support: “Thank you.”

    Me: “Thank you! Here’s a fish for you: >–))))>”

    Tech Support: “Thank you so much, [My Name].”

    Me: “You are welcome.”

    Setting A Promotion In Motion

    | Plano, TX, USA | Coworkers, Technology

    (I work in a call center for a CASE (Computer Aided Software Engineering) tool, helping clients get basic support in how to set up their tool and answer any technical questions.)

    Caller: “Hey, this is [Name] from [Company]. I need some help with the portion of your CASE tool about how to set up your database?”

    Me: “Sure. What sort of questions do you have?”

    ([Caller]’s questions aren’t about the tool itself, but are basic database questions which are well outside of our authority to answer, because it isn’t our tool. We are also not supposed to support customers outside of our CASE tool. In short, he is asking us to be their database administrator.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t answer the questions you have about this. You should have your database administrator call us and we can help them work through these items.”

    Caller: “Okay. We don’t have anyone here that does that. I’ll get with my bosses about it.”

    (Two hours later…)

    Caller: “Hey, this is [Name] from [Company]. Guess who was just promoted to be a database administrator?”

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