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    They’re Not On The Same Page

    | Dusseldorf, Germany | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m working in the local IT department of an international law firm.)

    Me: “IT support. How may I help you?”

    Lawyer: “I can’t print.”

    (I see the lawyer’s name and room number on my display.)

    Me: “Hello, Mr. [Lawyer]. What do you mean, you can’t print? I don’t have reports of printer malfunctions, yet. Could you please describe your problem further? Do you get an error message?”

    Lawyer: “I can’t print! There is no error message; the d*** thing doesn’t react at all!”

    Me: “On which printer are you trying to print?”

    Lawyer: “Which printer? F****** all of them! I even installed a printer on a different floor!”

    (I connect remotely to his PC and see that he has a Word document open and every printer in the selection box gives the status ‘ready’. Additionally I check every printer on his floor via our Web Interface for error messages. No error comes up.)

    Lawyer: “I need the last page printed out ASAP. Every time I’m in a hurry these d*** PCs aren’t working. Why can’t you and your colleagues get these f****** things to work like they should?”

    Me: “Uhm… you need the last page printed? That would be page three of that document?”

    Lawyer: “No, godd*** it! Are you blind? Here, in the line ‘print page xx’ I typed in page four! I need page four! I have a meeting with a client in five minutes and I need this page for my notes! F***!”

    Me: “Is this the correct document? Because I see that this document only has three pages.”

    (I change the four into a three and click on ‘print,’ and sure enough the printer in his office starts printing.)

    Me: “The printer seems to be working fine. Is this the page you need?”

    Lawyer: “Uhm… this is the page… Yes… Well… I can handle it from here. Bye.” *click*

    Working Here Can Be Magical

    | SC, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Geeks Rule

    (At the call center where I work certain times of the year are known for being very slow, having long ready times between calls, and not much work to do. Additionally, my coworkers and I are all well established nerds. As a result, weekends during this time of year tend to be relaxed and some of us bring in games and things to play with while we’re waiting for calls.)

    Me: “So I tap three mountains and counter your move.”

    Coworker: “Fine. I tap an island, and play this. Discard three off the top of your deck.”

    Supervisor: *suddenly stands up and looks over at us wide eyed* “Are you two seriously playing Magic: The Gathering on the call floor?”

    Coworker: “Yep. You want in?  I got a green deck and a black deck left.”

    Supervisor: “You know you can’t… Wait, is that a new deck?”

    (He didn’t come play with us, but did stand around at our desks for almost an hour watching the game.)

    Double The Charge For Half The Effort

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

    (I am having trouble with a company’s website and absentmindedly place an order for “regular” shipping instead of expedited shipping. As it is for a product that I need the next day, I call the company’s tech support to see if they could upgrade the shipping. They cannot. I authorize them to cancel the order so that I can reorder. I am assured that my credit card will not be charged and the item will not be shipped. I then reorder the same item with expedited shipping and I receive it the next day. However, a week later, I receive the order I had placed originally and check my credit card to see that I have been charged for the ‘canceled’ order. I phone billing/shipping for that same company and explain the issue.)

    Agent #1: “Sorry, miss. You need to speak to tech support since it’s regarding a computer product. I will transfer your call.”

    Agent #2: “Hi. My name is [Agent #2]. Can you please provide me with the computer model?”

    Me: “Hi. The computer number doesn’t matter.” *explains issues*

    Agent #2: “Sorry, ma’am, but you need to speak with billing. Would you mind if I transfer your call?”

    Me: “… That’s fine.”

    Agent #3: “Hi. My name is [Agent #3]. How can I help you?”

    Me: *explains issue*

    Agent #3: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is no way we can refund the money since you received the product.”

    Me: “I called and was assured that I would not be charged for it.”

    Agent #3: “Well, looking at your order, it appears that your card was not charged.”

    Me: “That’s untrue. I’m sitting here with my credit card statement in front of me showing two charges. The first charge for [amount] that I was not supposed to be charged for and the second [much larger amount] that’s appropriate.”

    Agent #3: “I’m not sure what you would like me to do, ma’am.”

    Me: “Get me your supervisor, please.”

    Agent #3: “The supervisor is unavailable.”

    Me: “Then I will wait.”

    (Miraculously, he was suddenly able to find a supervisor.)

    Supervisor #1: “Hi. My name is [Supervisor #1]. How can I help?”

    Me: “By this point, I have been on the phone with your company for 30 minutes. I have been transferred several times. I am trying to get [smaller charge] refunded to me since I was ASSURED by your company that the charge was not going to occur. I want the charge reversed and instructions on how to send this product that I do not need back to your company!”

    Supervisor #1: “Ma’am, my records show that your credit card was never charged.”

    Me: “And yet somehow my credit card shows the charge? That’s not possible. I want the [smaller amount] refunded!”

    Supervisor #1: “Well, you need to speak with tech support. Let me transfer you to tech support.”

    (Realizing that I’m getting nowhere with this supervisor, I agree.)

    Agent #4: “Hi. My name is [Agent #4]. Can I get your computer model number?”

    Me: *explains the issue again*

    Agent #4: “I’m sorry, ,ma’am. That’s an issue for billing.” *transfers me to billing*

    Agent #5: “Hi. My name is [Agent #5]. How can I help you?”

    Me: “I need to speak with your supervisor.”

    Agent #5: “I’m sorry, ma’am. He’s unavailable. Perhaps I can help?”

    Me: “You’re the sixth person who I have spoken to. I’ve been on the phone for over an hour to fix a SIMPLE issue. Please. Just get me your supervisor. I’ll wait.”

    (I get transferred to the second supervisor and go through the same argument with him. He again informs me that my credit card was never billed.)

    Me: *trying my best to remain calm* Okay. Let me put this another way. At this point, you’ve wrongfully charged my credit card. I’m calling to dispute [smaller amount] not the [larger amount]. I fully intend on sending you these disks back, too. I’m trying to do the right thing here. I could have just called my credit card company and filed a report with them from the beginning. I’m trying to give [Company] the chance to remedy this. If you don’t refund the [smaller amount], then I’m left with no choice but to go to my credit card company. At this point, you’re the seventh person I’ve spoken to. I have a list of every last one of their names, if you don’t believe me. I also intend to use those names if I have to file a separate complaint with the Better Business Bureau. You call this customer service? I’ve been on the phone for over an hour over [smaller amount]!”

    Supervisor #2: “Ma’am, I’m sorry for all your troubles. I’ll reverse the charge for you and you will see the amount returned to your account within three business days.”

    Me: “Thank you.”

    (The amount was not refunded to my account within three days. I waited two weeks and the day before I was planning on going to bank to dispute the credit card charge, I received a survey from the company about my ‘recent customer service experience.’ I went into details, included names, order numbers, and a full explanation of the situation. Funny thing: I checked my credit card and the money was refunded the next day.)

    Having A Ball With It

    | Doylestown, PA, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    Coworker #1: “Hey, did anyone see my blue stress ball? It’s missing. Someone must have gone through my drawers and taken it.”

    Coworker #2: “Nobody should be going in your drawers except your wife.”

    Coworker #1: “That hasn’t happened for 16 years. Man, I can’t believe someone took that!”

    Me: “So what you’re saying is, when you find out who reached in your drawers and grabbed your blue ball you’re gonna be pretty upset?”

    Totally Lost It

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

    (The tech-lead and I are going out for lunch. I realise I forgot something so I go back to the office, leaving the tech-lead at the front door. When I’m coming back, he’s nowhere to be seen. Another well-known colleague of the same team passes by. I start ‘crying’ like a baby.)

    Colleague: *catching up* “Oooh. You lost your mummy?”

    Me: “Noooooo! I lost my tech-leaaaad!”

    (The tech-lead appears, coming out of the washroom.)

    Colleague & Me: *happy like two children who found their parent* “Tech-leaaaaaad!”

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