(Note: A telemarketer is trying to get me to switch internet providers.)

Telemarketer: “…Yes, sir, but our internet’s speed is far higher.”

Me: “Your speed is 10 Mbps.”

Telemarketer: “10 Mbps, but it isn’t the same 10 Mbps of [competitor]!”

Me: “10 Mbps is 10 Mbps. Let’s say I’m in my car, and I drive at 100 km/h. My brother is in his own car, also driving at 100 km/h, and you’re telling me it’s not the same speed?”

Telemarketer: “But, um… let’s say you have an… I don’t know, um… a Toyota… and he has a BMW.”

Me: “Right, I have a Toyota, and he has a BMW, we both are driving at 100 km/h. Isn’t that the same 100 km/h?”

Telemarketer: “But who will arrive home faster?”

Me: “I promise you that if we both travel at 100 km/h, we’ll arrive at exactly the same time.”

Telemarketer: “I’m sure you would not!”

Me: “What? How are you sure we won’t?”

Telemarketer: “Won’t the BMW arrive before the Toyota?”

Me: “Not if we both travel at 100 km/h!”

Telemarketer: “Isn’t the BMW’s speed higher than the Toyota’s because the vehicle is better?”

Me: “Speed? The speed is 100 km/h. 100 km/h is 100 km/h.”

Telemarketer: “I give up. Just contact us when you get your math straight!”