| North Dakota, USA | Employees, Top

(I’ve recently purchased a new living room set. Since I have three young, active boys and four cats, I decide to purchase the protection plan. In addition, I also purchase the upgrade titled “Accidental Damage Coverage”. Sure enough, about 6 weeks later, one of the boys tears the back of the recliner and I call the customer service line.)

Me: “I purchased a recliner 6 weeks ago and purchased the accidental damage protection plan. There’s a rip in the back, and I’d like to make a claim.”

Employee: “Okay, I have your account pulled up. How did the damage occur?”

Me: “My boys were rough-housing in the living room and tore the fabric on the back of the chair.”

Employee: “I see. Unfortunately, since the damage was the result of an accident, and not a manufacturing defect, the plan does not cover repair or replacement.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand. What was the point of selling an accidental damage plan if it won’t cover accidental damage?”

Employee: “I do apologize, but the accidental damage plan does not cover accidental damage.”

Me: “Did you really just say that with a straight face?!”

Don’t Make Her Dairy, You Won’t Like Her When She’s Dairy

| USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Food & Drink

(At the cafe where I work we make burgers and garden burgers. A customer comes in and asks us many questions about the garden burger, even going so far as to ask for the box so she can check the ingredients and stating multiple times that she is vegan and gluten free. Our cook makes a big show of using clean new utensils and a pan instead of the grill we cook meat on to make her order.)

Me: “Dude… you put butter in the pan with her garden burger.”

Cook: “So? I always put butter in! It helps keep it from sticking and tastes nice!”

Me: “She just spent ten minutes making sure that the patty was vegan.”

Cook: “..So?”

Me: “Butter isn’t vegan! It’s a dairy product, made from milk! She won’t want it!”

Cook: “…”

(After a moment of silence he shrugs, flips the patty and nonchalantly replies.)

Cook: “F*** it. She won’t notice.”

(Five minutes later she got her garden burger, took a bite and threw a fit, throwing the burger back at our cook before storming off. Guess she could taste it, and he had to wear the greasy stain on his shirt from that burger all night long.)

Don’t Say What I Mean When I Clearly Don’t Mean What I Say

| Canada | Coworkers, Extra Stupid

Coworker: “Just a head’s up. [Manager] might not be here tomorrow.”

Me: “Oh, how come?”

Coworker: “Earlier, she looked at me and said ‘I’m not coming to work tomorrow.’ But that could mean anything.”

(She actually did show up to work the next day.)

Doesn’t Quite Get I.T.

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Technology

(The assistant manager at work is known for micromanaging. During my annual leave we get new computers, printers, operating systems, phones, etc.; however, the phone lines are accidentally cut by the phone company. We have temporary phones that can receive calls but can’t transfer or call out; we also have no Internet. On my first day back, I think I’ve solved a problem that the staff on a different floor has with the new operating system. I tell the assistant manager, who asks me to call IT to let them know. I am a bit confused about why I would be the one to call from a different floor to let IT know about a problem that we no longer have, and then quickly realise I couldn’t call out anyway so didn’t worry about it. I couldn’t tell them anything about how long we had the problem or which staff had spoken to whom; I’d literally be calling to tell them that once upon a time there was a problem but now there isn’t. The problem was solved and I have lots of other important work to catch up on, having been away. The following week, the assistant manager calls me into his office:)

Assistant Manager: “Why didn’t you call IT last week?”

Me: “We had no phones.”

Assistant Manager: “Oh, is that why? I was very disappointed when I realized you hadn’t done it. I told [Regional Manager] and he called them himself.”

Me: “Well, did you let [Regional Manager] know that I couldn’t do it because we had no phones?”

Assistant Manager: “No, but it’s okay. Next time just communicate better.”

Me: “With what? WE HAD NO PHONES!”

The Don’t Ask And Don’t Tell Of Reading Habits

| Springfield, MO, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners

(I often read while waiting to clock in at work, and eventually, a coworker or manager asks what I’m reading.)

Assistant Manager: “What are you reading?”

Me:Christopher and His Kind.”

Assistant Manager: “What’s it about?”

Me: “A guy who goes to Berlin in the late 20s and 30s and has a lot of gay sex.”

Assistant Manager: “…what?”

Me: “It’s about a guy who goes to Berlin in the late 20s and 30s and has a lot of gay sex.”

Assistant Manager: “Oh, sounds fun.”

Me: “It’s actually slow reading. I’m on in 10 minutes.”

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