Category: Pets & Animals

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Animal Retraction

| OR, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I work as a cashier in a grocery store. I’m always in check stand #1 so I have a particularly good view of the entrances. It is common for people to bring animals into the store (usually dogs, but occasionally cats or even a rat!) even though the store includes food preparation areas, and therefore non-service animals are not allowed by law. When I see someone with an animal that doesn’t look like a service animal, I page my manager to let her handle the situation. I’m known among my coworkers for my accuracy and observation skills. Until this happens…)

Me: “I just saw a woman come in and it looks like she had some sort of animal in her jacket.”

Manager: “Uh oh.”

Me: “It was all wrapped up and had some sort of yellow hat covering its head. I couldn’t tell what it was. Maybe a cat?”

Manager: “Okay, I’ll go check it out. Thanks.”

(Several minutes pass and then my manager comes back smiling.)

Manager: “Was the woman with the animal that you saw with another woman?”

Me:”Yes.”

Manager: “That was a baby in her jacket.”

Me: *blinks* “Well, in my defense it looked brown and furry.”

Manager: *laughs* “Okay, well, I won’t tell her what you said about her baby.”

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Payback Puns

| Little Rock, AK, USA | Coworkers, Pets & Animals, Pun

(I work in a large warehouse where the environment is pretty informal, as we don’t interact directly with customers. My supervisor and I are talking with a trainer who is checking up on a new hire when the subject of pets comes up.)

Trainer: “I have a new puppy. I named her Sonya.”

Supervisor & Me: “After Sonya Blade?”

Trainer: “Yeah. She’s tough and fit, just like Sonya Blade.”

Me: “You should have named her Payback. It’s the perfect name for a female dog.”

Trainer: “Really? And why is that?”

Me: “Because Payback’s a b****.”

Trainer: *facepalms* “I’m going to see how the new hire is doing.”

Supervisor: *after he stops laughing* “That was great!”

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Getting A Birds’ Eye View Of The Situation

| Harderwijk, The Netherlands | Pets & Animals

(While going home from church on a Sunday, my mom and I come across a little magpie sitting on the parking lot by a mall. He looks very young and quite pinched. Mom says she saw him earlier this week at the same place, and judging by how close we can get to it without it moving an inch, I make the conclusion it can’t fly. I call the local animal shelter.)

Me: “There’s a baby magpie here at [Mall], and I think it has fallen out of his nest or something. He doesn’t look that good.”

Animal Shelter: “A little magpie at [Mall], huh? Well, I can assure you, the little bugger is in no danger whatsoever! We’ve been there FOUR TIMES trying to catch that one! He’s just too darn stubborn to be caught! I swear, he even flies straight into [Supermarket] to shop for chips! That little criminal… Well, if you can catch him, be my guest and bring him over. I’m done with this one!”

Me: *cracking up* “Well, if he seems to manage himself there’s no harm in leaving him here I guess, but I think he doesn’t know how to fly yet…”

Animal Shelter: “Oh, yes, he does! He flies like a bullet! He’s just too lazy to show it off. Thinks he’s good at playing drama. They’re smart little buggers you know, magpies. Oh no, there’s nothing wrong with this birdie. Just has a hard head.”

(His tone indicates it’s been a slow day and he’s just looking for small talk. Also, the comical indifference in his voice is very amusing. We went back and forth over this ”little feathered criminal” for about ten minutes.)

Me: *hangs up the phone and turns to the magpie, sitting a couple of yards away* “Well, aren’t you a little troll!”

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Worming Their Way To A New Animal

| Hampshire, England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Pets & Animals

(I have two pet rabbits, neither particularly small. They’ve recently had trouble maintaining their weight but there’s no signs of illness and they’re eating well, so my guess is the newer rabbit brought worms with her and passed them to my buck. I pick up some worming medicine from the pet store which needs to be fed to them for a course of a few days, but they only have one pack; I return on their delivery day for more.)

Me: *to store manager* “Hi, I need some medicine from the cabinet.”

Manager: “Sure.” *he opens it* “What do you need?”

Me: “Three packs of [medicine], please.”

Manager: “What do you need it for?”

(I explain about the likelihood of worms and the fact that they’d only had one pack last time.)

Manager: “Oh, so you only need one pack, then.”

Me: “What? No, I need three more.”

Manager: “Once you’ve given them the tablets it covers them for a year.”

Me: “Uh, it’s not tablets. And it’s a course; if you look on the side of the box, it tells you how much you need to give the rabbit. One pack would be enough for a rabbit under 2.5kg; mine are 3kg and 6kg, so I need more.”

Manager: “That’s not right. It’s one tablet, and they’re fine for a year.”

Me: “But… no, that’s not what it says on the box at all. If you’d just look-”

Manager: “That’s how it is for dogs.”

Me: “I… what? I’m not trying to deworm a dog.”

Manager: “It works for dogs!”

Me: “I have RABBITS. Just- just look at the box!”

(He finally glanced at it, then grumpily gave me the medicine I wanted, all the while muttering about how it’s only once a year, how it is for dogs, etc. The manager of a pet store that actually sells rabbits and animal medicines could not comprehend that dogs and rabbits could possibly need different medical care. For the record, after the course of medicines their weight stabilised nicely!)

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Doesn’t Give A Shed

| USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I’m at the front desk to check out a regular customer who has a Kuvasz, a very large and furry white dog, of which I am very fond. The owner and I have spoken on several occasions. At the time it is changing from summer to fall and the dogs are shedding quite a bit. Keep in mind I have a pretty thick New England accent.)

Owner: “How did everything go today with Indigo?”

Me: “Oh, very well! Of course, she was shedding all over the place!”

Owner: *furrows brow* “She… she pooped all over?”

Me: *realizing my own accent* “SHED. SHED-DING. Like her hair’s coming out!”

(We shared a laugh about it, but I was so embarrassed!)

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