Category: Pets & Animals

He’s A Scuffy-Looking Nerf-Herder

, | NC, USA | Pets & Animals

(I work as a kennel assistant at an animal hospital. On this particular day, a stray kitten had been brought in for a health assessment. Vet #1 and one of the vet techs are examining the kitten while I stand by in case they need me to fetch anything else, since it’s been a slow day. Vet #2 enters the treatment room.)

Kitten: *squeaks indignantly*

Vet #1: “Oh, you’re just so cute!”

Vet #2: “Did you just call that thing ‘cute’?”

Vet #1: “He’s very cute!”

Vet Tech: “Eh, he’s a little scruffy-looking.”

Me: “He looks like somebody used him to scrub a toilet.”

Vet #2: “Exactly! That’s exactly what he looks like!”

Vet #1: *leans in and stage-whispers to kitten* “Don’t worry, I think you’re cute.”

(We gave the kitten some food, a flea pill, and a clean bill of health; the person who found the kitten came back later that day, having decided to keep him.)

Doesn’t Have A Ducking Clue

| USA | Holidays, Pets & Animals

(My sister and I are grocery shopping, and pick up some Easter chocolate for us and our mom. Sister picks up two chocolate eggs, and I grab a chocolate duck. The following transpires at the checkout:)

Cashier: *who has to be in his twenties* “Okay, I’m gonna put the duckie here with the eggs, even though ducks don’t lay eggs.” *laughs*

(I, my sister, and the bagger all stare back in bemused silence.)

Three Of Us: *all together* “Um, yes, they do.”

Cashier: *somewhat taken aback* “Er, I’ll finish ringing you up, then.”

(How anyone can not know something so basic such as ALL BIRDS DO LAY EGGS, I’ll never know!)

Equine Isn’t Fine

| USA | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Pets & Animals

(It’s my first time riding a horse, and I’m more excited than nervous. The instructor makes me fill out a sheet.)

Instructor: *glancing at my sheet* “So, this is your first time?”

Me: “Absolutely! You take beginners?”

Instructor: “We take beginners.”

Me: “Great!”

(We go into the paddock and she helps me get on to a horse. It’s bigger than I thought, and I’m very nervous. The horse looks nervous, too. It keeps sideways glancing at me as though unsure.)

Instructor: “Well, there you go! Pull on the reins to steer. Dig your heels to stop.”

(At this point, she moves away to help someone else.)

Me: “But? Uh?”

(I do my best, but the horse takes off, heading straight for the low wall as if trying to jump it. I pull and dig my heels, but it does not stop. I scream, and some people look over. They leap in front of the horse to stop it.)

Instructor: “What’re you doing?! You were about to go through that wall!”

Me: “I told you, I’ve never ever ridden! I tried with this horse, but it didn’t listen!”

Instructor: *rolls eyes and sighs* “That’s the tamest horse we have. Fine, you’ve better get down, then.”

(I’m more than happy to, but when I try to throw my leg over, it somehow gets stuck.)

Instructor: *impatiently* “You HAVE to get off. What goes up must come down. So. Get. Down!”

(I managed it after a few more tries. I handed over the reins and helmet, than walked away to my car and sped out of there! I’ll never be back. Later, I heard on the news that a lady got thrown off one of her “tame” horses and broke her leg.)

Neither Snow Nor Rain Nor Heat, But Dogs

| IL, USA | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Liars/Scammers, Pets & Animals

(We are watching my friend’s dog while she is on vacation. Our house sits on two acres of property and our mailbox is in front of our house. The lead for the dog and the mailbox has about 200 feet of yard in between plus two separate wooden fences. Furthermore she is only out when we are out as she has a habit of digging in the yard. This takes place about two or three days after we start watching her.)

Me: *calls mailman* “Hello, my name is [My Name] and I live at [Address], and I got a message in my mailbox asking me to set up a time to pick up my mail? I am not sure why I need to pick it up as we didn’t request it to be held.”

Postmaster: “Yes, we have received notification that you have a dog and it tried to bite our mailman so he will not be delivering your mail due to safety concerns. Unfortunately we have to consider our employees well being and therefore we must fix the issue for your mail to be delivered again.”

Me: “ Ok, I understand that that may be an issue with some people but I can guarantee that [Dog] did not try to bite our mailman as she isn’t allowed outside alone, plus she only taken out on the opposite side of the yard within our fence. There must be some mistake with the address.”

Postmaster: “Well, I am very sorry about that. I will look into it and we will get your mail going again if that is the case. Have a nice day, ma’am.”

Me: “You, too.”

(A few more days go by and I still do not receive mail. Then one day I get a message that I have a package at the post office that could not be delivered as my house was “unreachable due to dog.” I physically go up to the post office to collect my parcel and to talk to them because I am getting irritated at this time.)

Me: ”Hi, I called the other day. I live at [Address] and my mail is still being held.”

Postmaster: “Yes, I am the one you talked to, and our mail carrier is adamant that your dog is posing a threat to his safety. We take pride in our work here and will not force our carriers into unsafe conditions, ma’am. Unfortunately we will not be able to deliver anything to your house until the situation is resolved.”

Me: “But there is no situation! The dog has no way to get to him. I don’t understand how an elderly dog, almost an acre away, with two fences in between them, AND under constant supervision outside can pose a threat to your mailman.”

Postmaster: “We can’t send our people into unsafe environments.”

Me: ”Fine. How do you suppose we ‘fix’ this?”

Postmaster: “Well, would it be possible to bring the dog into the house at the time of delivery every day?”

Me: “…and how would that solve anything? She is already inside, usually and if she isn’t I am right with her. Besides, the mail comes at a different time each day.”

Postmaster: ”Well, the only other option would be to purchase a new mailbox and place it at the end of the road so the carrier is able to avoid the property altogether.”

(I am very upset that I have to spend my own money to fix a pretend problem but I am willing to do it in order to get my mail without having to drive all the way to the post office. I place the box in the exact spot suggested and wait. A few days later I receive another note in my new mailbox stating that I would have to once again begin picking up my mail at the post office due to “undeliverable due to dog.” I take pictures of my property showing exactly how far away our backyard is from our new mailbox, take them up to the post office, and show the postmaster.)

Me: *handing him pictures* “Can you please tell me why your employee is still refusing to deliver my mail even though the mailbox is literally two fences, two acres of land, and a house away from where we occasionally supervise our dog going to the bathroom?”

Post Master: “Yes, your dog is continually trying to bite and intimidate our mailman and we will not force him into a dangerous situation. You must fix the problem before we will deliver your mail.”

Me: ”But I FIXED the problem.”

Postmaster: “Not according to our mailman.”

(Realizing that I am getting nowhere I decide just to pick up my mail for the next week-and-a-half that we will be watching the dog. On the day that her owner picks her up I call and inform the postmaster that she is gone and request that our mail be delivered again. The next day I receive to my surprise a note that says that once again my mail is being held due to the dog. I understandably am in shock. I take the note to the post office to complain.)

Me: “Ok, this has gone on long enough. I called you yesterday and told you that the dog is gone. Plus, if he is so terrified of our dog, why can he muster the courage to place these notes in our mailbox everyday? Why can’t he just put the mail in with the note?”

Postmaster: “We will not force our carrier into a dangerous situation. Dogs are a hazard to us and it’s his right to refuse to deliver the mail if there is a dangerous dog posing a threat to him.”

Me: “I understand that. But there is no dog. She’s gone. We aren’t watching her anymore.”

Postmaster: ”I understand that, but we won’t make him deliver mail with a dangerous dog on the property.”

Me: “There IS NO DOG on the property!!

Postmaster: “Okay, ma’am, I’ll have a talk with him, but I won’t make him deliver to you if you can’t get your dog under control.”

Me: “You mean the dog that we don’t have anymore?”

Postmaster: “Yes.”

(I left but I didn’t feel too hopeful about my mail being delivered. I tried to wait for the mailman each day to call him out on his laziness and blatant lies but he came at a different time each day and I couldn’t seem to catch him. I finally had to contact the home office for my district; however, it’s been a month and it is still under investigation. Until then I am forced to drive to the post office before work each morning to pick up my mail that has “dog” written on it and to remind them that there is no dog. Through wind and snow, my a**.)

Your Knowledge Of English Is Ballin’

| SD, USA | Health & Body, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I own two horses, one of whom just turned a year old. He has been having some problems with his hoof so we had the vet out to look at it. The vet works with his wife, who is a very nice Asian lady who doesn’t have very good English. A couple months earlier we had the baby horse gelded, which is the horse equivalent of being neutered. This exchange happened while the vet’s wife and I are petting the year-old horse.)

Vet’s Wife: “What’s his name?”

Me: “[Horse].”


Me: *trying not to die of laughter*

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