Category: Pets & Animals

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Defeated The Bonus Boss

, | USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I’m in the midst of fighting the final boss in a video game notorious amongst its fandom for potentially being the most difficult in its franchise. It’s taken me 13 years to get to this point since I tried again and gave up several times over the years since its release. I have currently spent several hours on the fight. I am a flaming ball of anger and hate-fire by the time my phone starts to ring, distracting me and getting me killed once again. It turns out to be a scammer that has been harassing me for over a month that I normally ignore.)

Me: “Who is this?”

Scammer: “This is [Fictional Electric Company], looking for [Person Who Isn’t Me] about their electric bill…”

Me: *screaming into the phone* “Are you [expletive] serious?! [Person Who Isn’t Me] hasn’t owned this number for several years and yet you people keep harassing me! You woke me this morning, you woke my baby yesterday afternoon, and you’ve disturbed me when I was in the middle of something now! Never call me again or I’ll trace your number, find out where you live, and ship you a box of Brazilian wandering spiders!”

(I slam the phone down and go back to my game when I notice both my sisters staring at me in fear.)

Sister: “Would you seriously ship a box of spiders to a telemarketer?”

Me: “If he calls me again in the middle of this fight? I’ll send him bark scorpions, too!”

(Thankfully they never called me again. I quickly beat the game soon after that call too. It turns out that screaming at people who have been harassing me is oddly therapeutic.)

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Preparing Meals That Are Works Of Art

| Wales, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Pets & Animals

(I and two other keepers are in our keeper kitchen preparing feeds ready to go, and get started on our morning routines. I’m chopping some vegetables quickly and a piece of cabbage falls on the floor. Keeper #1 walks passed me.)

Keeper #1: “There’s cabbage on the floor.”

Keeper #2: “A poem, by [Keeper #1].”

(At this point, we all start laughing. Keeper #1 is laughing so hard that she’s just standing there in tears, unable to do anything except hold a pot of mealworms she’d made up earlier. After a few minutes we manage to stop, but Keeper #1 is still laughing.)

Me: “I think this is still part of the poem.”

Keeper #2: “It’s performance art. I don’t know what the mealworms are meant to represent though.”

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Arachnoergophobia: The Fear Of Spiders At Work

| NM, USA | Coworkers, Pets & Animals

(I am very easily startled, and tend to shriek when startled. My coworkers are well-aware of this, and well-amused by it. One day, when I am in the bathroom, the toilet paper runs out, so I grab the new roll sitting on the toilet, behind me, only to realize as soon as I look at it that there’s a spider sitting on it. Naturally, I drop the roll and shriek.)

Coworker: *from outside the bathroom* “Where’s [My Name]? That’s her scream.”

Me: “THERE WAS A F***ING SPIDER ON THE TOILET PAPER ROLL!”

Everyone: *laughing*

Me: *exits bathroom* “I don’t want to deal with spiders when I have my pants down! I’m fine with spiders any other time, but not when I’m practically half naked!”

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Praying For Good Service

| Georgetown, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Pets & Animals

(I have just finished a short consultation with an employee, right next to the door to what I assume is the back area. I am wearing a T-shirt with a stylized praying mantis on it, and the mantis looks vaguely like it is about to hug someone and then eat their face.)

Employee #1: “…so I’d definitely recommend this or this food for your fish.”

Employee #2: *walks out of back area and sees me* “Dude, your shirt is scary.”

Employee #1: *shooing motion* “Dude! Be polite to the customers!”

Me: “Sure is! Thanks!”

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