Category: Pets & Animals

That Manager Is A Good Egg

| CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Pets & Animals

(About a dozen of us are in a meeting, video conferencing in from multiple locations, to check in on status of projects. The manager in charge of the meeting opens the conversation a little differently to usual.)

Manager: “Are raw eggs bad for dogs?”

(We all pause, and then start laughing.)

Coworker: “Only if they have salmonella. Otherwise, I think it’s fine.”

Manager: “I left an egg on the counter, and the dog ate it, shell and all!”

(More laughter from everyone. Finally we got the meeting started.)

Your Cat Is Heartless

| NC, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(I work part-time at a vet’s office. On this particular day, I’ve brought my extremely friendly cat in for his annual check-up after I get done with classes. The doctor is, of course, my boss, and he has quite a sense of humor.)

Doctor: *puts on stethoscope, holds it to my cat’s chest*

Doctor: *frowns and gives my cat a few firm finger-pokes to the shoulder*

Doctor: *raps the table sharply with his knuckles*

Me: “Trying to get him to stop purring?”

Doctor: “Yeah.” *takes off stethoscope* “Well, I’m just going to assume there’s a heart in there somewhere.”

All Other Mammals Get Boned

| Lincoln, NE, USA | Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

(My mum and I have been wandering through our favourite antique store. I’ve found some things of interest, and join my mum at a case where she’s looking at some jewelry. I realize there’s a bone in the display case that I hadn’t seen before, and as my mum’s looking at a brooch, this occurs.)

Me: “Can I see the walrus tusk?”

Associate #1: “Uh… sure!” *there’s a pause as she reaches in* “Hey, uh, [Associate #2], is this the uh… is the walrus thing-thing thing?”

Associate #2: *from about fifteen feet away* “Huh?”

Associate #1: “The walrus… y’know… thing!”

Associate #2: “Hold on,” *she approaches and glances into the case, then looks back up at her coworker* “Yeah, that’s it.”

Me: “I feel like I should be a bit worried.”

Associate #1: “Well, it’s, uh… it’s a walrus’s penis.”

Me: *I realize I misidentified the object* “Oh, a baculum!”

Associate #2: “Huh?”

Me: “A baculum – a ‘penis bone.’ It’s found in mammals, but not in humans.” *laughing* “Sorry, I’m a biologist, so this stuff doesn’t really bother me.”

Associate #1: “Wait, it’s THAT long?!”

Associate #2: “Well, I mean, you know how big walruses can get.”

(I didn’t have the heart to tell them that a blue whale’s baculum could get up to eight feet in length…)

Those Are Some Pretty Smart Guinea Pigs

| SK, Canada | Employees, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I’m nine years old. I’m about to get my first pets — guinea pigs. My mom made me research them before we got them, and my research said it was best to get two guinea pigs who were sisters. I call my chosen pet store to see if they have guinea pigs.)

Me: “Hi, do you have guinea pigs?”

Clerk: “We sure do! We’ve got quite a variety right now!”

Me: “That’s great! Do you have any sisters?”

Clerk: *without a pause* “I do have sisters. One’s a nurse and one’s a teacher.”

Me: “I meant… do you have guinea pigs who are sisters?”

Clerk: “…Oh. Yes, we do.”

Some Dogs Like To Schnapp

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Pets & Animals, Popular, Trending

(I am at the pet store to buy some more pet food for my dog.)

Me: “I would like to get [Dog Food Brand], please.”

Worker: “Sure, may I see your ID?”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Worker: “I need to see your ID before you can continue with your purchase.”

Me: “Why?”

Worker: “Because it would be illegal for me to serve you if you are under 18.”

Me: “And buying dog food is illegal because?”

Worker: “That would be $7.50…”

(Later, she explains that she used to work at a liquor shop…)

Page 1/1912345...Last