Category: Pets & Animals


Cat Should Have Caught Her Tongue

| Tampa, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Pets & Animals

(We have just had to put our cat to sleep after being diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer and having seizures as a result of being unable to breathe well. Months later, we have decided to adopt another cat who we see on an adoption site, and we take her to get a full exam and work-up to make sure she’s healthy. We’ve been going to this vet practice for years because the whole staff is amazing. Today we’re seeing the owner’s daughter, who is a recent graduate and addition to the practice. I’m waiting with my cat in the exam room when I suddenly hear her loud voice from the back room.)

Doctor: “Who’s in there? Oh, my God! You know they just had their cat put to sleep like THREE MONTHS AGO? Can you believe she already GOT A NEW ONE? It’s like, oh, wow, I loved that cat so much; can’t wait to replace it!”

Assistant: “Well, she and her husband have been coming here for years. They take such good care of their pets. That’s one lucky cat they’ve adopted. They fought heart failure for a year and a half with the cat before that last one with us. I wish everyone did as much for their pets as they do.”

Doctor: *in a flippant, mocking tone* “Apparently they mean SO MUCH to them they can’t wait to pick out a new one!”

(A minute later she comes in all smiles and friendliness, apparently completely unaware I’ve overheard.)

Doctor: “And how are WE today? And who is this you have?”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t want to do the exam in the hallway?”

Doctor: “I’m sorry?”

Me: “I mean, these walls are so thin, you could communicate everything to me just fine from back there and I’d hear every word. And yeah, you’re right, you ARE sorry.”

(I was fuming, but speaking in a low, hard voice. The doctor went white as a sheet and started stammering before saying she had to “go check on something.” Unsurprisingly, she never came back, and instead a different doctor we’d seen before came in. When I told her what happened, she was immediately horrified and apologetic, and said the owner had already had to reprimand his daughter before about her “bedside manner.” We still go every year to take my cat for checkups and shots, and surprisingly, that doctor is still there, but whenever I see her, she always turns bright red and ducks into the back room. Hopefully she’s learned to be a bit more empathetic in the future… or at least how to keep her opinions to herself.)


Cats Can’t Break The Script

| USA | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Pets & Animals, Technology

(I am using my laptop when my cat unexpectedly springs onto the keyboard, accidentally opening a chat box for computer repair.)

Representative: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Me: “Sorry, cat on keyboard.”

Representative: “What is the make and model of your laptop? Has this problem occurred before?”

(Yes. Constantly.)


Looks Like This Is Your Cat Calling

| TX, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(We’d just adopted two adult cats from our local shelter and took them into the closest vet’s office for a general checkup. The vet first looked at our quiet, black cat and quickly announced she was extremely sick. What we’d taken as quietness was actually her masking her illness. Ten minutes later he’s run a bunch of tests and determined that, with a course of strong antibiotics and rest and food, she’ll be fine (and she is!) but had she been in the shelter even a day longer, she probably would have died. After that panic he turned to our other cat, a huge 18lb sweetheart. He poked around for a while and then pressed and held his finger right at the cat’s stomach.)

Vet: “That’s weird.”

Me: *every worried thought running through my head*

Vet: “No, that’s really odd. I don’t know…”

Me: “He’s sick, too, isn’t he?”

Vet: “Sick? Oh, no, not at all. It’s just that most cats won’t let you prod them like that.”

(He’s still the chillest cat I’ve ever known. The other cat, the one we got because she was so quiet, turned out to be part Siamese and tells us so at one in the morning. At least she’s healthy now!)


Flying Like A Fat Cat

| San Diego, CA, USA | Pets & Animals, Transportation

(I’m going on a long trip and have to board my cat. He’s a sweetie, but he’s a huge grey tabby, nearly 20 pounds. Not fat, just gigantic. As such, his crate is one normally used for dogs.)

Me: “Hi, I’m here to have my cat boarded. I have a reservation.”

Receptionist: “Yes, I see. Is this your cat?”

Me: “Yes.”

Receptionist: *looking inside the crate* “Um, sir? We don’t take exotic animals.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Receptionist: “That’s some sort of bobcat or something. We can’t board exotic pets.”

Me: “No, he’s just a cat. He’s big, but he’s a cat.”

Receptionist: “Are you sure?”

(My cat at that point, since he doesn’t like being crated, had the decency to meow. I open the crate so they can see him fully.)

Receptionist: *still a little concerned* “My god, he’s huge!”

Me: “Yeah, but he’s the sweetest thing.”

(I pick him up and he holds onto me as he’s a bit nervous with the new place.)

Receptionist: “Okay…”

(When I came back from my trip, they all were gushing at how friendly my cat was… the Gentle Giant.)


Snaking Along To Its Inevitable Conclusion

| TX, USA | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Pets & Animals

(This story takes place in the 70s. My dad goes on road trips catching poisonous snakes for zoos, or for medical purposes (milking the venom for anti-venom, etc.). Seeing a trooper lighting up behind them, dad and his friend pull over. They’re in a desolate part of the country at night, prime snake hunting territory. The trooper and his partner swagger up to the truck, and Dad can see that he’s intending to be trouble.)

Trooper: “You boys are out late tonight. What are you doing way out in the middle of nowhere?”

Dad: “Catching poisonous snakes. I can show you my license if you—”

Trooper: “Right. Snakes. How about you open up the back of the truck and tell your little Mexican friends that the jig is up?”

Dad: “Mex–? Uh no, sir. I’m not transporting illegal—”

Trooper’s Partner: “Don’t argue with us, sir. Get out of the car and open the back.”

(Dad and the friend share a look, shrug and climb out. He opens the back to show several large buckets, each with a snake inside.)

Trooper: *peers around with his flashlight* “Looks like we caught ourselves some drug runners.”

Dad: “Sir, I can show you my license if you–”

Trooper: “Shut up and open that bucket. No sudden moves.”

(Dad and his friend share another look and shrug. He carefully picks up the indicated bucket, pops the top and tilts it so the trooper can look inside. A very grumpy looking, six-foot rattlesnake looks back and immediately starts to buzz its tail. The trooper leaps back about six feet and puts his hand on the butt of his gun. The partner dives headlong over the hood of his car.)


(Dad complies.)

Partner: “Do you have more snakes back there?!”

(Dad’s friend makes a fist and bangs on the side of the truck. The truck comes alive with the angry buzzing of rattlesnakes.)

Dad: *smiles sweetly* “As I was trying to tell you, I gather up poisonous snakes as part of my profession. I have rattlesnakes, several cottonmouths, and a copperhead or two. I have my license to prove that what I am doing is legal, but if you want, we can all take a ride back to your station and discuss this.”

(Both troopers seem to realize that taking a bunch of poisonous snakes back to headquarters would make for some very unhappy coworkers.)

Trooper’s Partner: “That won’t be necessary. You can go…”

(Dad said that from then on, he always had a big rattlesnake in the back of his truck. He had a few more encounters with the law, but never in the same place twice. He suspected that his license plate became a well-known “do not touch” in each county.)

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