Category: Pets & Animals

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Pest Control In Gotham City

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Pets & Animals

(I have just bought an old piece of furniture and set it up in my house. It hits me an hour or so later that I didn’t check it for anything except dents/scratches, and as I rent, I’m very paranoid about pests. I decide to call a 24-hour pest control center to see if someone could come out and give it a look. I get the answering service as it is after hours. This call ensues:)

Operator: “Hello, which company were you looking for?”

Me: “Pest control.”

Operator: “Oh, another one! Please do NOT tell me you have bats.”

Me: “…”

(I wondered how many calls she got that night asking for bat removal that prompted THAT response! I had bats in my place before, but not that night, and I was happy to tell her that wasn’t my problem.)

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Defeated The Bonus Boss

, | USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I’m in the midst of fighting the final boss in a video game notorious amongst its fandom for potentially being the most difficult in its franchise. It’s taken me 13 years to get to this point since I tried again and gave up several times over the years since its release. I have currently spent several hours on the fight. I am a flaming ball of anger and hate-fire by the time my phone starts to ring, distracting me and getting me killed once again. It turns out to be a scammer that has been harassing me for over a month that I normally ignore.)

Me: “Who is this?”

Scammer: “This is [Fictional Electric Company], looking for [Person Who Isn’t Me] about their electric bill…”

Me: *screaming into the phone* “Are you [expletive] serious?! [Person Who Isn’t Me] hasn’t owned this number for several years and yet you people keep harassing me! You woke me this morning, you woke my baby yesterday afternoon, and you’ve disturbed me when I was in the middle of something now! Never call me again or I’ll trace your number, find out where you live, and ship you a box of Brazilian wandering spiders!”

(I slam the phone down and go back to my game when I notice both my sisters staring at me in fear.)

Sister: “Would you seriously ship a box of spiders to a telemarketer?”

Me: “If he calls me again in the middle of this fight? I’ll send him bark scorpions, too!”

(Thankfully they never called me again. I quickly beat the game soon after that call too. It turns out that screaming at people who have been harassing me is oddly therapeutic.)

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Preparing Meals That Are Works Of Art

| Wales, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Pets & Animals

(I and two other keepers are in our keeper kitchen preparing feeds ready to go, and get started on our morning routines. I’m chopping some vegetables quickly and a piece of cabbage falls on the floor. Keeper #1 walks passed me.)

Keeper #1: “There’s cabbage on the floor.”

Keeper #2: “A poem, by [Keeper #1].”

(At this point, we all start laughing. Keeper #1 is laughing so hard that she’s just standing there in tears, unable to do anything except hold a pot of mealworms she’d made up earlier. After a few minutes we manage to stop, but Keeper #1 is still laughing.)

Me: “I think this is still part of the poem.”

Keeper #2: “It’s performance art. I don’t know what the mealworms are meant to represent though.”

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