Category: Pets & Animals

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Easily A-Mew-sed

| France | Employees, Pets & Animals

(My hot water tank is leaking and I call a plumber. He’s in his fifties and his assistant, who might be his son, is a big, burly man in his mid-twenties. The plumber starts examining my tank.)

Plumber: “For how long have you been using this water tank?”

Me: “I’ve been living here for only three years, so it’s been used for more than three years, I guess.”

Assistant: “Awww… what a cute little thing!”

(He kneels and starts cuddling my eight-month-old kitten, which was watching them intently. She purrs and obviously enjoys the contact. I can’t help smiling.)

Me: “Her name’s Toffee!” *I turn to the plumber* “I suppose it’s a wear and tear problem.”

Plumber: “Definitely.”

Assistant: “You’re cute! Oh, you’re so cuuuute!”

Plumber: “I’m afraid we’ll have to replace the whole tank.”

Me: “I see. How much is this going to cost?”

Assistant: “You’re cute!”

Plumber: “I’m going to make you a detailed estimate…”

Assistant: “Cuuute!”

Plumber: “He loves animals.”

Me: “I noticed.”

Plumber: “So, I’ll send you the estimate tomorrow.”

Me: “Thank you very much. Toffee, say goodbye!”

(I nearly said: “say goodbye to your boyfriend.” I would have never guessed that that huge guy would go silly about a kitten!)

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The Purr-fect Diet

| ON, Canada | Employees, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

Cashier: *rings me through* “We’re actually having a giveaway today on a new human-grade cat food!” *turns around to load me up with some cans*

Me: “Are those paté?”

Cashier: *turns around with a can in her hand* “No.”

Me: “Then I can’t take them.”

Cashier: *visibly upset for no reason* “What?! Why?!”

Me: “None of my cats would eat it.”

Cashier: “What are you talking about?” *goes into sales pitch about how it uses ingredients so even humans can eat it*

Me: “I still can’t take it.”

Cashier: “Well why not!”

Me: “Because I have one cat that’s on a strict hypoallergenic diet, one cat that just licks all the liquid from the wet food and leaves the rest, one cat that refuses to eat anything that isn’t duck flavored, and one cat that had to have her teeth removed so she can only have paté cat food.”

Cashier: *stares and blinks a little bit* “Oh. Well, this cat food uses ingredients that humans can eat. If we opened up this can we could both eat it.”

Me: *very uninterested* “Cool…”

Cashier: *triumphantly* “Well, your cats don’t know what they’re missing!”

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Keeping You In For Longer Than A Dog-Day Afternoon

| USA | Pets & Animals

(It’s the week leading up to Thanksgiving, and a few part-time employees have been called in to handle the expected increase in boarders and last-minute pet care. This conversation occurs at the end of the day, about 20 minutes until six, when the office closes, and most of our kennels are either full or booked for tomorrow. I’m in the kitchen with two fellow part-timers, who are much newer than me and don’t usually work full weekdays. We’re tidying up, waiting to leave, when another kennel worker rushes in.)

Coworker #1: “Oh, my God, Mrs. [Dog Rescue] is here!”

Me: “Oh, no.”

Coworkers #2 & #3: “Who?”

Coworker #1: “I hope she’s just dropping by; I want to go home!”

Me: “Did she have the van?”

Coworker #1: “I couldn’t see.”

Coworker #2: “So, what’s the big deal?”

Coworker #1: “She shows up right at closing and keeps us here for AGES!”

Coworker #3: “Why don’t they just tell her to f*** off, then?”

Me & Coworker #1: “She’s our biggest customer!”

Coworker #2: “I don’t get it. What’s so bad about being a little late?”

(The first coworker gives me a look that says “where do I even start?”)

Me: “Let’s put it this way: If Mrs. [Dog Rescue] calls and says she’s bringing in a litter of puppies at five, she’s going to show up at 6:30 with TWELVE puppies.”

Coworkers #2 and #3: “WHAT?! WHY?!”

(We had a good laugh at the looks on the new guys’ faces, and it turned out that Mrs. [Dog Rescue] was only in to buy a whole bunch of dog food and flea drops, so we all went home on-time.)

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