Category: Pets & Animals


Pest Control In Gotham City

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Pets & Animals

(I have just bought an old piece of furniture and set it up in my house. It hits me an hour or so later that I didn’t check it for anything except dents/scratches, and as I rent, I’m very paranoid about pests. I decide to call a 24-hour pest control center to see if someone could come out and give it a look. I get the answering service as it is after hours. This call ensues:)

Operator: “Hello, which company were you looking for?”

Me: “Pest control.”

Operator: “Oh, another one! Please do NOT tell me you have bats.”

Me: “…”

(I wondered how many calls she got that night asking for bat removal that prompted THAT response! I had bats in my place before, but not that night, and I was happy to tell her that wasn’t my problem.)


Defeated The Bonus Boss

, | USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I’m in the midst of fighting the final boss in a video game notorious amongst its fandom for potentially being the most difficult in its franchise. It’s taken me 13 years to get to this point since I tried again and gave up several times over the years since its release. I have currently spent several hours on the fight. I am a flaming ball of anger and hate-fire by the time my phone starts to ring, distracting me and getting me killed once again. It turns out to be a scammer that has been harassing me for over a month that I normally ignore.)

Me: “Who is this?”

Scammer: “This is [Fictional Electric Company], looking for [Person Who Isn’t Me] about their electric bill…”

Me: *screaming into the phone* “Are you [expletive] serious?! [Person Who Isn’t Me] hasn’t owned this number for several years and yet you people keep harassing me! You woke me this morning, you woke my baby yesterday afternoon, and you’ve disturbed me when I was in the middle of something now! Never call me again or I’ll trace your number, find out where you live, and ship you a box of Brazilian wandering spiders!”

(I slam the phone down and go back to my game when I notice both my sisters staring at me in fear.)

Sister: “Would you seriously ship a box of spiders to a telemarketer?”

Me: “If he calls me again in the middle of this fight? I’ll send him bark scorpions, too!”

(Thankfully they never called me again. I quickly beat the game soon after that call too. It turns out that screaming at people who have been harassing me is oddly therapeutic.)


Preparing Meals That Are Works Of Art

| Wales, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Pets & Animals

(I and two other keepers are in our keeper kitchen preparing feeds ready to go, and get started on our morning routines. I’m chopping some vegetables quickly and a piece of cabbage falls on the floor. Keeper #1 walks passed me.)

Keeper #1: “There’s cabbage on the floor.”

Keeper #2: “A poem, by [Keeper #1].”

(At this point, we all start laughing. Keeper #1 is laughing so hard that she’s just standing there in tears, unable to do anything except hold a pot of mealworms she’d made up earlier. After a few minutes we manage to stop, but Keeper #1 is still laughing.)

Me: “I think this is still part of the poem.”

Keeper #2: “It’s performance art. I don’t know what the mealworms are meant to represent though.”

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