Category: Awesome Workers

Fantastic Tram Drivers And Where To Find Them

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Awesome Workers, Transportation

(I am part of a large crowd that has just finished watching a movie screened at an outdoor cinema in the city gardens. We all come piling out of the exits and about thirty of us head for the tram stop, my husband and I included. Shortly, the tram arrives, and somehow we all manage to squeeze on. The following are the tram driver’s announcements we then heard over the intercom, all delivered in a flat, deadpan voice.)

Tram Driver: “Those of you who are standing, please make sure you are grabbing on to something firm, so that you are not stumbling around grabbing on to something soft you didn’t mean to grab.”

(We get to the next stop. Cue some awkward shuffling around for new passengers.)

Tram Driver: *flatly* “There’s plenty of room.”

Tram Driver: “Although now would be a good time to exchange details with each other, to avoid future paternity tests.”

Tram Driver: “Those of you who are standing in the doorways, please do not get caught in the doors when they open or close. This tends to produce a loud screaming noise.”

Tram Driver: “Those of you who wanted a normal tram service should have gotten on any other tram but this one.”

(At one point, there is a lull and the passengers’ laughter dies down to usual quiet murmuring amongst themselves.)

Tram Driver: “You’ve all gone quiet.”

(Laughter again ensues.)

Tram Driver: “Those of you who need to get off at the Arts Precinct, or Southbank Promenade, next stop.”


Tram Driver: “Please note, passengers: key stops are announced for you; however, if you wish to leave the tram please pull the cord, press the button, ask the driver, or say a prayer.”

(Another pause.)

Tram Driver: “I have to ask, where have you lot just come from?”

Passenger #1: “Moonlight cinema!”

Passenger #2:Fantastic Beasts! In the Botanic Gardens.”

Tram Driver: *dryly* “Ohhhh, that.”

(Another pause.)

Tram Driver: “Flinders St Station, next stop.”

Tram Driver: “At least one person has pulled the cord or pressed the button for the next stop. Could you lot please pass that person overhead to the doors?”

(Most of us, including my husband and me, got off there, and there was a small applause and some shouting of thanks for the tram driver. His face was completely deadpan when I passed the front of the tram and waved at him, but he waved back at me all the same. I can’t help wondering if he loved his job or hated it.)

Sorry-Not-Sorry: Holiday Special

| CA, USA | Awesome Workers, Employees

(I am in a huge electronic store. It’s before a holiday and myself and five people are patiently waiting for help from the sales rep. A woman walks up with a smarmy smile on her face.)

Woman: “Oh, my husband is waiting for me in the parking lot. I’m sure you won’t mind if I go ahead… I need just one item.”

(We reluctantly let her go ahead. She gets the item from the rep and thanks us all with the same false smile. She passes me on the way to the check-out lines.)

Woman: *still smiling* “I’m really sorry.”

Me: *in a low voice only she can hear* “No, you’re not!”

(I turned away at that moment but my mother, who was standing behind me and hadn’t heard what I said, saw the woman turn white.)

Bugging Out About The Cologne

| West Lebanon, NH, USA | Awesome Workers, Bosses & Owners

(I’ve just gotten to work a bit early so I can get my ducks in a row, when I realize I’ve forgotten to put on my cologne. Luckily I carry a travel-sized version in my bag. It’s a solid cologne, so you rub it with your finger then put it on. The district manager is peeking in the window of the office where I’m standing giving me a quizzical look. I hold the tin of cologne to window for her to read. Apparently confused, she comes in and asks:)

District Manager: “What were you putting on your neck?”

Me: *can’t think of anything else to say* “Bug spray. I guess it’s not working.”

District Manager: *walks away smiling to herself*

A Troublemaking Transformation

| USA | Awesome Workers

(I am the ‘bad’ worker here. A young man approaches. He looks like he’s in his mid-20s, hair in thick disarray, facial hair everywhere, torn shirt, torn jeans, wrinkly clothes, red eyes, unwashed face, basically looked very unkempt. I figure he is a ‘punk’ and therefore a troublemaker, so I keep a close eye on him. After a bit he disappears. The next morning, a handsome young man in a very well-tailored suit comes down.)

Suited Man: “Hello, I’d like to check out.”

(After asking his room number, I checked the computer and realized that he was part of a group of lawyers that was staying with us! Moreover, he was the same ‘punk’ from before. I couldn’t believe the transformation, so I just stood there and gawked. It was like one of those makeover shows, before and after. ‘Never judge a book by its cover’ is true.)

Comeback Back At Ya

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Awesome Workers, Bosses & Owners

(My manager and I are having a disagreement on how to cook popcorn. He claims that if we prepared it the way I did, it would come out burnt. After some debate, we try both ways. We examine the batch after my method.)

Me: “It looks fine to me.”

Manager: “YOU look fine to me!”

Me: “Oh, well, thank you.”

Manager: “Wait… d*** it!”

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