Category: Awesome Workers

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On The Train To Hooky Street

| London, England, UK | Awesome Workers, Transportation

(I board a train at Clapham Junction going out of London.)

Conductor: “Hello, lovely people joining us at Clapham Junction. Just to let you know, there is no first class on this train. No income tax. No VAT.”

Conductor: “We are now approaching Wimbledon. Can I ask that you take all of you rubbish with you? Unfortunately, there are no Wombles to clean up after you.”

Conductor: *in the voice of The Professor from ‘Futurama’* “Good news, everyone! We’ve now passed the late running train ahead of us so should be able to make up some time. Once again, apologies for the late running of this service.”

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This Counsellor Has Balls

| USA | Awesome Workers, Health & Body

(I go to counseling for personal issues. My counselor is an older man who speaks in a monotone voice that gives one the impression that he has a dry sense of humor. After a few months of therapy, I am beginning to feel really comfortable around him and open up a bit more.)

Me: “I don’t know. I sometimes feel like because I made that mistake, that I am not worthy of love.”

Counselor: “[My Name], it really pains me to hear you be so negative about yourself all of the time. You have a lot of great qualities, but you seem to focus only on the things that went wrong. I have an idea…”

(He opens a drawer in his desk, revealing a plethora of foam stress balls. He takes one out and throws it at me, hitting me in the shoulder. My jaw drops.)

Counselor: “Any time you say something negative about yourself, I am going to throw one of these at you… and I have about twenty or thirty in this drawer.

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Three Times A Shouting Lady

| UT, USA | Awesome Workers, Employees

(I work for an inbound call center, taking orders for a wide variety of products advertised on TV and radio. Callers order the advertised item, and then I have several screens of up-sells and add-ons that I have to offer to them. I am required to offer every additional item unless the customer states he or she is not interested in any extras three times, which hardly ever happens, no matter how mad they sometimes become. This call is for a product with eight add-ons. After completing the order information for the main item…)

Caller: “Now, I know you have, like, a dozen other things to sell me. Thanks to problems with my phone and my credit card, this is the fourth time I’ve called and gone through this ordeal this morning. I’ve heard it all before. I’m tired, and I’m frustrated, and I’m really trying not to get angry at you because you’re just doing your job, but I need to get this thing for my daughter. Do we really have to go through all the other stuff?”

(I could hear the exhaustion in her voice and wanted to help her out, but if I didn’t offer the extras, I could face disciplinary action. Then I had an idea.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, I do have a few additional offers for products that complement [Item] very well, and I would like to tell you about them. I think there’s a problem with my headset, though, because I’m having a bit of trouble hearing you.”

Caller: “I said I’m not interested in any additional items.”

Me: “What was that?”

Caller: “I SAID I’m NOT INTERESTED in buying ANYTHING ELSE!”

Me: “One more time, please?”

Caller: “I ONLY WANT [ITEM]! Nothing else!”

Me: “Thank you. Because you have stated you only want [Item] three times, I can now skip all the additional offers. Page forward one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and eight. There. Standard shipping or express, ma’am?”

Caller: “You heard me just fine, didn’t you?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

Caller: “Well played, young man. Very well played. Express shipping, please.”

Me: “Express shipping it is. The total that will be charged to your credit card is [Price], and your package is expected to arrive within 3-5 business days. Thank you for ordering [Item]. I hope the rest of your day is better that it has been so far.”

Caller: “I think it will be.”

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Won’t Give You A Break About Lunch Break

| Pueblo, CO, USA | Awesome Workers, Bosses & Owners

(An emergency happens with a coworker, so I end up having to work eight hours instead of four. My closing manager is very much a motherly type.)

Manager: “Now, will you be okay for lunch?”

Me: “I’ll figure out something.”

Manager: “Because I know you usually bring one but didn’t this time.”

Me: “I’ll be fine.”

Manager: “You’re sure? Because I don’t want you to starve.”

Me: “[Manager], we work at a grocery store! I’m sure I’ll find something to eat!”

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On The House, By And Large

| Newark, DE, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers

(It’s chilly so I’ve decided to get a cup of cocoa on my way home and stop at a VERY well known coffee shop. It’s my first time going to this shop seeing as I don’t drink coffee.)

Barista: “Hi there! What’re you interested in today?”

Me: “Uhm, can I just get a medium hot chocolate with whipped cream?”

Barista: “Are you sure you don’t want a large? They’re free today!”

Me: *looking around for any promotional banners* “Are you sure? Is there some kinda promotion going on?”

Barista: “Nope. Register’s broken so the drinks are on the house today!”

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