Category: Bizarre/Silly

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Creating An Electric Working Environment

| IL, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Pranks

(I am a construction inspector. While working on a renovation of a building lit by dim, temporary lighting, I keep seeing flashes of light in another part of the building. Eventually a photographer comes in, taking progress photos.)

Me: *jokingly* “Cut that out! Those flashes are disconcerting!”

Photographer: *smiling back* “Yeah. The electricians hate me”.

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Wasn’t Born In The Pumpkin Patch

| MA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Food & Drink

(It’s fall, time for pumpkin and pumpkin spice everything. I run to the store to get canned pumpkin, and I’m having trouble finding it. I look in three aisles I think it might be in, as well as at the ends of some aisles in case it’s in a special pumpkin display. No luck, so I’m getting frustrated. This store always has excellent customer service, so an employee stops to help.)

Employee: “Can I help you find something?”

Me: *speaking very fast, I’m so frazzled by now* “Yes, please! I’m looking for canned pumpkin. I’ve looked with baking, canned vegetables, and canned fruit, but I can’t find it.”

Employee: “What is it you’re looking for?”

Me: *speaking at a normal pace* “Canned pumpkin.”

Employee: “Can… what?”

Me: “Pumpkin.”

Employee: “Can you spell that?” *he pulls out what looks like his phone, or a hand-held computer, to try to look it up*

(I spell it, he types in “pumping.”)

Employee: “I don’t know…”

Me: “Like just a can of pumpkin. For pumpkin pie.”

Employee: “I don’t know what that is.”

(All of a sudden, I see it up the top shelf.)

Me: “Oh! There it is! Thank god. Thanks for your help.”

(As I rush away, he goes over to look at this mystery item he’d never heard of. Not sure how he’s gotten through life never hearing about pumpkin, in this pumpkin/pumpkin-spiced obsessed society! I appreciate his efforts to try to help me!)

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How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 22

| Telford, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Family & Kids

(My dad and I are sitting at home while I’m visiting for the weekend. The phone rings and I answer out of habit.)

Scammer: “Hello, is this Mr. [My Last Name]?”

(Wary of scammers, but knowing how harsh my dad can be over the phone, I continue on.)

Me: “Yep, that’d be me.”

Scammer: “I have some questions about your wife’s finances.”

Me: “Okay, which one?”

(There is a silence on the other end as my dad smiles.)

Scammer: “Which… one?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m an active polygamist. Which wife are you talking about?”

(The scammer hangs up and my dad just smiles and nods in approval.)

Dad: “I have taught you well…”

Related:
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 21
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 20
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 19

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Big Mac Attack

| WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly

(This was within the first week of working as an events specialist; I’m supposed to draw customers’ attention to the product.)

Me: *grinning* “Welcome to McDonald’s!”

(Customer started staring and I realized what I said.)

Me: “No, wait. I mean [insert spiel]!”

(I have never worked at McDonald’s in my entire life.)

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Hamster Philosophy

| Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Bizarre/Silly

(I’m the employee in this story. I work in the floral department of a large grocery store. It’s closing time and the end of my shift, so I’m a little slap-happy. There’s a group of three customers browsing my department and one of them picks out some flowers and brings them to me to wrap. While I’m helping her, her friends are goofing around with various stuff around the department and generally being silly and trying to get a reaction out of her while she rolls her eyes and ignores them. One of them comes over with a tiny plush hamster and shoves it in her face.)

Friend #1: *in a squeaky voice* “Hi! How are you? What’s going on?”

Customer: “I don’t know these people.”

Friend #2: “Hey, do you have any tape so I can tape this balloon to my chest?”

Me: “You have to buy it if you want to wear it.”

Friend #1: *still messing with the hamster* “Hiii!”

(He gives up and sets it down on the counter. I finish wrapping the flowers and pick up the hamster.)

Me: *in the same squeaky voice* “Life is meaningless!”

(All three customers stare at me like I’ve grown a second head and then burst out laughing.)

Customer: “Oh, my god! You have to come with us. We’re going to get cocktails after this. You have to come. You’re getting off right now, right?”

Me: “I am, but I have to go home. I open tomorrow.”

Customer: “Just for a beer! Come on, giiiirl!”

(I laugh and refuse again, and they thank me for helping them and don’t press the matter, but thank you, awesome customers, for laughing at my weirdness instead of complaining to a manager!)

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