Category: Bizarre/Silly

The Apple Fell Very Far From The Tree

| FL, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Food & Drink

(At the supermarket where I work, they set out daily fresh fruit in the break-room for the employees… usually just apples, bananas, and oranges, but occasionally other things like sliced watermelon and strawberries. This, along with free bottles of water and soda, is company policy, and a lot of us enjoy it. I walk in one morning to see a new guy, about my age (I’m in my early 30s), from another department sneering at it.)

Guy: “Can you believe this? What do they think we are… three?”

Me: “What?”

Guy: “Fruit! Like we’re freaking kids or something.”

Me: “Uh. Do you not… eat fruit?”

Guy: *gives me a scornful look* “No. Because I’m an ADULT.”

Me: “…okay, then.”

(I shrugged, grabbed an orange, then sat down and set about peeling it. Another coworker walked in and the guy gestured to me with a “Can you believe her? What, is she a toddler?” The other coworker was just as confused as I was. Maybe one day I’ll be cool as the other guy and only eat adult food like, I presume, steak and potatoes and tax forms, but until then, I’ll just enjoy my baby orange.)

Your Eyes Are Fine But The Hearing Is Another Matter

| WI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees

(The other day I went to a well-known eye care and glasses store to get a check-up and new prescription for my eyesight. Since I came in on a Saturday afternoon for my appointment, the person in charge of fitting the lenses into frames was already heading home for the day, and I had to wait until Monday to come in to pick it up. I was fine with this, and told them I’d wait for their call so I’d know when to pick it up. Mid-Monday afternoon, I receive a call from them. Note: I am a young adult.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hi, this is [Caller] from [Eye-Care Store]. Is your mom or dad there?”

Me: *confused, since my mobile phone was called* “…No?”

Caller: “Oh, well then, would you like me to call back and leave a message on the machine for them?”

Me: “Are you… calling about an eye doctor appointment?”

Caller: “No, I’m calling about a prescription pick-up for [My Name].”

Me: “That’s me.”

Caller: “Oh! Are you the mom?”

Me: *after a pause* “No, I am the twenty-year-old child.”

Caller: “Oh! I’m so sorry. When you first picked up, you sounded like a little girl!”

Me: “…”

(I ended up getting a good laugh about it and let them know I would pick up my prescription as soon as I could.)

Those Fish Are Wild, Make No Bones About It

| WI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Food & Drink

(Our server brings my partner and me our food.)

Server: “Oh, and just so you know, the salmon is wild caught, so you’ll have to be careful to avoid the bones.”

(After our server has left:)

Partner: “I like the implication that farm-raised fish wouldn’t have bones.”

Juices And Staplers And Moles… Oh My!

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Employees

(I’d made an appointment to meet with an investment specialist at my local bank.)

Me: “Hi, I’m here to meet with Mr. [Name]. Is he in?”

Employee: “Well, you’ve got me instead!” *laughs* “Do you mind if I drink my juice?”

Me: “No, go right ahead.”

Employee: “Thanks! I’m on a juice cleanse to lose weight. I miss eating.”

Me: “I bet…”

Employee: “Fruit and veggies are SO expensive! Can you believe how much apples are? They used to be $3/pound, now they’re $5/pound! That adds up, you know?”

Me: “Sure.”

Employee: “Anyway, let’s talk about your finances.”

Me: “Okay!” *thinking “Finally …”*

Employee: *suddenly stares at her arm* “Is that a new mole? Uh-oh!” *stares a bit longer* “Anyway, your finances. Sign here, please, and I’ll just staple the papers— OH, NO!”

Me: “What?”

Employee: “Argh! My coworkers think that it’s FUNNY to hide my stapler. I brought it from another branch, because it’s a great stapler. Technically I guess it was stealing, but I didn’t really TAKE it; I just MOVED it, see? But now I can’t find it and I have to use this crappy stapler.”

Me: “That’s too bad…”

Employee: “People tell me that I’m way too chirpy and friendly to work at a bank, but I just love people! Anyway, that’s all I need from you. Have a great day! Byeeee!”

(I was so glad to get out of there. I just hope that she was actually a bank employee and not some weirdo who wandered in off the street.)

Captcha’d Too Late

| UT, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Technology

(I work as a PCI compliance consultant-in-training. Essentially all I do is make phone calls to businesses; if anyone is interested in becoming PCI compliant, I have to transfer them to a more experienced coworker. Most of the calls I make typically end up being wrong or disconnected numbers, but in one case, this one happens when I make a call and reach a gatekeeper, or the person in charge of accepting phone calls for a business.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from [Company]. How are you doing today?”

Gatekeeper: “Are you a robot?”

Me: “What? No.”

Gatekeeper: “Are you sure? You sound like a robot.”

Me: “I assure you, I am not a robot.”

Gatekeeper: “How do I know you’re not one?”

(I pause for a moment to think.)

Me: “Okay, ask me something that only a human would know.”

Gatekeeper: “Okay, okay, you win.”

(The call continues, and it becomes obvious that they were just bored and joking, and they explain that their company tends to do that whenever someone they think is a telemarketer calls. I end up leaving a call back number, and we both hang up. A few minutes pass. My coworkers and I are sharing a laugh about it, when suddenly I remember something.)

Me: “Oh, no!”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “I should have told them that I could read Captchas, instead!”

(We all agreed that, indeed, that would have been funnier.)

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