(I work at a call center offering white papers to IT people at other companies. Most of the time a secretary will answer the phone and transfer the call to the right person, and sometimes the person we’re looking for doesn’t work at the company, in which case we take their name out of our system of numbers.)
Me: “Good morning! I was looking to speak with [First Name, Last Name]?”
Secretary: “Which one do you want?”
Me: “Oh, no, ma’am, it was first name [First Name], last name [Last Name].”
Secretary: “Well I have a [First Name] person and a [Last Name] person. Which one do you want?”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I must have some out of date information here; I’ll update our systems.”
Secretary: “Well, which one do you want to talk to?!”
(A customer had called our store about a discrepancy with a price from her insurance. The pharmacist thinks he found the issue and is relaying the information to the customer.)
Pharmacist: “All right, cross your fingers and toes and hope that this works!”
(I didn’t think much of it and went back to my work. When he hangs up, he starts laughing.)
Me: “What’s up?”
Pharmacist: “You know the customer I was on the phone with? Mrs. [Name]?”
Pharmacist: “I told her to cross her fingers and toes that her insurance would work.”
Me: “What about it?”
Pharmacist: “I just remembered she doesn’t have legs!”
(My husband and I go out to eat on a Friday night that has indoor and outdoor seating. My husband goes to the restroom while I get a table.)
Hostess: “For how many?”
Hostess: “Inside or outside?”
(I would like to sit outside but being pregnant and starving I may consider inside.)
Me: “Which is faster?”
Hostess: “Honestly, to go.”
Me: *I’m confused and stunned, maybe I heard wrong when she asked me inside or outside* “How long is the wait outside?”
Hostess: “If you can find a table someone is sitting at now and sit at the end where it’s empty you could sit now.”
(I’m still very confused as she is not really answering my questions, I take a look outside and see the tables aren’t big enough to share as it’s the size of a standard picnic table.)
Me: “No, I’ll just sit inside, I guess.”
Hostess: “Okay it will be a 20-30 minute wait.”
Me: “That’s fine…”
(I sat down to wait and was called in three minutes. I told my husband the story and he laughed but was also confused. Maybe it was pregnancy hormones that got me slightly upset, but it was a very strange encounter.)
(I work in a law office that I love, but where the employees are by and large not very good at technology. To remedy this, our office has started doing monthly optional tech lunches. This is the email announcement for one of them.)
Announcement: “Just a reminder for the next Brown Bag Tech Lunch, next Friday at noon. The title is: ‘Why you should not ask “Why?” when your computer or file won’t work.’ Some of the subjects to be covered:
Why did [Coworker #1]’s PC lose its ‘Trust Relationship’ with our network?
Why did [Coworker #2]’s password change not stick?
Why did almost every PC in the Milwaukee office refuse to install updates?
Why does almost everyone’s Citrix session crash occasionally?
Why did the printer print out gobbledy-gook?
Why did [Coworker #3]’s scanner refuse to scan a document?
Is there a God?
Plus, some things you can do that might keep things like that from happening.
No need to RSVP. Will be available by video conference. See you there!”
(My boyfriend answers a phone call at work but nobody has heard of the person the caller is looking for. He tells her she must have a wrong number.)
Caller: “Oh, well, is this [phone number]?”
Boyfriend: “Yes, it is.”
Caller: “Well, I get the impression I have reached a business?”
Caller: “Would you mind if I asked what business I have reached?”
Boyfriend: “Would you mind if I asked who is calling first?”
Caller: “Oh, yes, of course. I am calling with the Canadian Revenue Service.”
Boyfriend: “Well, you have reached the United States Navy.”
Caller: “OH, MY GOODNESS!”